Talks about home-life

Preface

The following pages were written with an earnest desire to increase the happiness, and advance the spiritual welfare of our Christian households. Published originally in another form, I trust they may be still more useful in a permanent shape. I have endeavored to aid each member of the home. There is a word for the children, the young people, and those more advanced in life. I have endeavored to point out special dangers and temptations, and also to suggest from God's Word the means by which they may be overcome.

The incidents and illustrations employed have mostly been drawn from twenty-five years' experience in the ministry, and may make it still more profitable to guide the faithful and true-hearted servant who wishes to do his Lord's will.

4 PREFACE.

I commend the book to Him who alone can build up our families in faith and goodness, and keep them from snares on the right hand and on the left.

" Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. ,, g. e.

Wolverhampton, England.

Chapter I. The Family Link

God taketh delight in the happiness of his creatures. " The Lord is loving unto every man, and his tender mercies are over all his works." He himself is the great Fountain-head of true joy, and he loves to dispense this joy far and wide.

In nothing do we see this more than in his appointment of the Family. He knoweth our frame. He remembers that we are but dust. He thinks upon us in our solitude and loneliness. He marks our yearnings after kindly affection. He sees that in our happiest times we want some one to share our joys, and in our sorrowful hours that we want some one to help us to bear our burdens. There may be some few hard, tough natures who seem as if they could best pass through life alone, but with most of us it is far otherwise; and our Father in heaven, who formed us, knoweth well what things we have need of. So he ordains blessed links of union and fellowship. He links together husband and wife, when they pledge themselves before him to love and to cherish each other until death do part them. He links together parent and child by a deep unselfish love on the one side, and by a sense of helplessness and dependence on the other. He links together brothers and sisters, as being sharers in one common home. " God setteth the solitary in families," and "maketh men to be of one mind in a house. ,, It is all of his tender care and compassion towards those whom he hath first made in his own likeness, and afterwards redeemed by the blood of his Son.

Go to the very first family. Adam has been created, but he is alone. He can enjoy from time to time communion with his God ; he is gifted with many wonderful faculties ; he can delight himself in the glorious works of his Father's hand ; but still there is a want. He needs a companion. So the great Father looks upon him in pity, and will add to his happiness by supplying this want. He said, " It is not good for man to be alone ; I will

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make him a help meet for him." So He formed Eve, and gave her as a new and precious gift to Adam — a gift more precious than all the fair creation He had before committed to his charge.

And how mercifully do we see the Lord's goodness in the woman being so suited for the man ! The wisdom of God is manifested in the difference between the two. There was likeness, yet variety. Had both natures been precisely alike, there could never have been the same closeness of union. But while the one was strong and firm and self-reliant, the other was gentle, more needing help and support, and more capable of warm and self-sacrificing affection ; and, in creating them thus, the great Father tenderly provided for the happiness of both.

God himself thus instituted the ordinance of marriage. It is not a mere human institution, but it is of God. He made both one. " And why ? That he might seek a godly seed."

And if this be so, it teaches us a great lesson. How sacred a thing should we ever reckon marriage to be ! How careful should persons be in the choice of one who may be to them so great a help, or may prove so great a hindrance !

The Israelites were forbidden to make mar-

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i o TALKS AB O UT HOME-LIFE.

riages with the Canaanites, because they would lead them to the worship of their gods. When Ahab broke this command and married Jezebel, it led to a train of wickedness and misery which involved the whole kingdom, and lasted for centuries. Their son, Ahaziah, walked in the ways of his father and mother, and judgment came upon him, according to God's word, as upon Ahab and Jezebel some years before. Their daughter brought judgment down on her husband, the king of Judah, and afterwards was her son's counsellor to do wickedly. Her other sons did wickedly also, and broke up the house of God. Two hundred and fifty years after, the curse was still spreading and bringing misery ; for we are told all the works of the household of Ahab were still being done to make Israel a desolation and a hissing.

We have, moreover, a distinct command to Christians that they marry " only in the Lord ;" that is, whatever their choice may be, it ought to be of one who fears and loves God. They may not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers ; for what communion hath light with darkness, and what concord hath Christ with Belial ?

The story of Isaac's marriage is a very instructive one, and the chapter in which it is given to us

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(Gen. 24) I would especially commend to young persons.

Isaac was feeling deeply his mother's death, and his father Abraham sent his steward Eliezer to seek him a wife among his kindred, for he would not that Isaac should marry one of the Canaanites, in whose land they were dwelling. So Eliezer goes his way into the far-off country. When he reaches Mesopotamia, he seeks counsel of God. He pours out his heart, and entreats that God would mark plainly whom he had chosen for Isaac. And very soon is the prayer answered. Rebekah comes to the well, and she proves to be the one whom God had chosen to comfort Isaac after his mothers death.

As it was in this case, so must there ever be a blessing in seeking counsel and help from above. If you yourself are walking in God's fear and love, and you seek one who shall be your companion for life, let it be your desire and prayer to find one who will strengthen you in walking along the narrow way.

While I write I think of two families in humble life, and the rich blessing that has rested on them and their children, and, as I believe, from this very cause.

More than sixty years did husband and wife, in one case, walk happily together as fellow-pilgrims

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to Zion. They saw their children grow up and take their place as useful members in the church of God ; and those that died gave clear evidence that they were indeed the true followers of Christ. And what was the secret of this happy, useful course ? God had been consulted. His counsel had been sought. And in his fear and love had these truly Christian people spent their days.

The other case is equally interesting. Many years ago two young persons were engaged to be married, neither of them professing any serious views of religion. But the young man went one Sunday morning to a village church, where he heard a very faithful servant of Christ. The message of God's love reached his heart. He left the church determining henceforth to be the Lord's, Then he thought of his engagement. He felt he never could be really happy now with one who was living only for the world. So he was very plain-spoken, and said to the young woman that he intended living a new life, and he feared thev would never suit each other. God blessed his faithful dealing to her conversion. She said to him, " If it would be good for you, why not for me ?" And so they began to seek the Lord together, and after a while were married, and the blessing of the Lord rested on their home.

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I might give a contrast. An officer who loved the Saviour was married to one who was not likeminded with himself. For twenty years she was a thorn in his side, continually distressing him by many a word she spoke, and by a life very different from his own. By the death-bed of an only son, and by his earnest exhortations, she was awakened to see her sin, and was led to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

But where the link has been formed, and a family is perhaps growing up, what can be done to promote the happiness of the home ? Let any one who bears the name of Christ, and professes to serve him, endeavor by all means to influence the others for good. And this can be done best by quiet home influence. A holy, consistent life is a great element of good, and may leaven a whole household. The apostle Peter tells us that a husband may without the word be " won by the conversation (or life) of the wife."

I was sitting one day on one of the seats in Hyde Park, by the side of a respectable-looking man. I offered him a little book, which he very gladly accepted. In the conversation which followed he told me that when first he was married he never went to the house of God, and did all he could to prevent i4 TALKS ABOUT HOME-LIFE.

his wife from going. But he added, " She was such a good wife, she kept my house so clean, she was always so kind and hard-working, that I thought her religion must be a good thing, and so I began to go with her to Gods house."

Who shall tell the blessed fruit of a life like that of this Christian woman?

Dear reader, strive in every way to cultivate the spirit of true religion in your home. It will be a foundation for that sound principle which alone brings permanent comfort. It will shut out those deadly sins of intemperance, profligacy, rash and angry tempers, which bring misery wherever they are found. It will cherish an unselfish love and kindness and forbearance, which will bring Paradise down to earth again. Oh, strive then to make your home a little plot of heaven, a nursery for the Great Home above. Let your walls be built of salvation, your floors carpeted with meekness and humility ; let your light be the lamp of God's Word ; let the fire burning on the hearth be love to God and love to one another, shed abroad in the heart by the Holy Spirit ; let your furniture be made of the fragrant wood of genuine sincerity and holy living ; let your gates and doors be fervent prayers to shut out all that is evil, and to guard and cherish all

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that is pure and good ; let the windows be minds enlightened by divine grace, to learn the secrets of heavenly wisdom ; let the motto engraven on your house be something of this kind : " Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it ;" " God's Providence our Inheritance ;" " He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep."

Some few years ago there fell asleep in Jesus one whose home had been something of this kind. Fliedner had for many years walked with God, and left to Germany a legacy of many valuable Christian institutions. Before his death, his wife and his ten sons and daughters stood around his bed, and he told them of his hope :

" Here comes a poor sinner, Lord, whose ransom thou hast paid, and who longs to be admitted on high. It is the last time I shall see you all around me," he added, " and we will not conceal from ourselves that I must very shortly enter eternity. It is a solemn and important step, when I look back on my past life. My one feeling is, Oh, that each pulse were thankfulness, each breath a song to him who keeps me even in death ! How can I praise him enough ? How blessed to serve such a Master — one who will forgive all faults, and will bounteously pardon my many sins ! The blood of Jesus

Christ is what I cling to. One thing is needful — - that you should be saved, that you should strive to enter in at the strait gate, and then we shall meet again above, and rejoice for ever and ever."

He blessed his wife, children, and grandchildren by name, and then added,

" The Great Jehovah is with us. Oh, how sweet it is to serve the Lord who has redeemed us from all evil ! What were we without him ?"

Then over the head of each of his sons he said, " Peace, peace !" and was at rest in the bosom of the Saviour.

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Chapter II. A Family Without Pra Yer Is Like A House Without A Roof

It is now many years ago since a young lady at a boarding-school in London was laid low by a dangerous disease. Her father was summoned to her bedside, as it was evident that her end was near. She was very dear to him, and the sorrow thus coming upon him was a burden almost too heavy for him to bear. But the young lady knew the comfort of a Saviour's love, and she asked her father to kneel down and ask his presence and help in this her time of need. But this he could not do. Anything else in the world he could have done for her, but he had never learned to pray. Then she asked him to make her a promise, that after her death he would begin to seek the Lord. The promise was made and faithfully kept. The thought of his daughter safely shielded in the Saviour's bosom, while he was yet a stranger to God, led him in true humiliation to seek that Friend who will in no wise cast out any who come to him. And then he went back to his

Home Life.

home in the country determined to live a new life. He gathered his servants together, and told them that he had done them a great wrong, for he had never asked them to kneel down in prayer or to hear God's Word. But from that day he proposed that all this should be changed. So from that time, morning and evening, the Word of God was read, and the whole family knelt down together at the mercy- seat.

I know few things in family life that exercise so great an influence for good on home happiness as the meeting together day by day at the family altar. " A family without prayer is like a house without a roof." The late Bishop of Rochester so deeply felt this, that he exhorted his clergy to speak to their flocks at least once every year on this duty. It is the thermometer of home piety ; it tells what is the spiritual condition of a family. If family prayer is either omitted, or neglected, for any slight cause, or if it be a form quickly hurried over, and no deep interest be felt in it, we may be sure that religion in such a household is at a very low ebb. While on the other hand, if it is regarded as a sweet and blessed privilege, if there is heartiness and reality about it, if the members of the family feel that something is lost when for any urgent

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*9 cause it has been on some occasion omitted, then it is a testimony that the grace of God is there.

I have always regarded the household of Joshua as a pattern for Christian families. Joshua was faithful and whole-hearted in the service of God. He made a firm resolve, resting on the sure promises of God, that, whatever others might do, he would serve and obey and worship Jehovah. And he made this determination for his household as well as for himself. He regarded himself as their representative; and that which he knew to be good for himself he knew also to be good for them. Hence he exercised a wholesome discipline in the ordering of his family. He restrained them from evil, and did his utmost to direct them in God's fear and love. " As for me and my house," he declares, " we will serve the Lord." And could we have passed a day with him, can we doubt that we should have seen him worshipping at God's altar with all those belonging to him, and telling them of all the wondrous works of the Lord on behalf of his people in the days gone by, and urging them by every'possible motive to remain steadfast in their allegiance to his laws ?

In every family there ought to be the same recognition of God. Those that honor him, he will

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honor ; and those that despise him shall be lightly esteemed. In every relationship of life, our safety, our comfort, our strength, is in having God for us and God with us. In family life very especially is this the case. It is so blessed when the link of God's fear and love binds together the household in hearty dependence on his help, and in a desire to yield up their own will to that which they believe to be his.

" O happy house ! O home supremely blest,

Where, thou, Lord Jesus Christ, art entertained As the most welcome and beloved Guest,

With true devotion and with love unfeigned ; Where all hearts beat in unison with thine ;

Where eyes grow brighter as they look on thee : Where all are ready at the slightest sign

To do thy will, and do it heartily."

And what can strengthen this bond more than the constant meeting together in the presence of a common Father, in the name of our great Advocate, to hear his Word speaking to us, and fervently to seek his help and grace ?

Everything also in home life seems to set before us the advantage and comfort of a season of united prayer.

There are family wants which concern all alike. Perhaps means of subsistence are small, and there

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is clanger of health failing the one whose earnings support the rest.

There are family sorrows which all alike feel # Perhaps one in the circle is taken away, and each heart in the home is burdened and oppressed with the blank that is made.

There are family sins which are preventing the happiness that might exist. Perhaps a spirit of envy or discontent or irritability has crept in, and spreads from one to another, and all real kindness and love is fast disappearing.

There are family mercies day by day received : protection in danger, deliverance from some threatening ill, an increase of home comforts, or the like.

Surely all these should bring a family together to the mercy-seat. There they may bring their wants, knowing that a Father in heaven will deny no good thing to them that call upon him. They may bring their sorrows, knowing that he will assuredly bind up every broken, troubled heart. They may bring their sins, knowing that he is ready to forgive all that is past, through the atoning blood of Christ, and to give his Spirit to subdue the evil that cleaves to them. They may bring their mercies before him in the spirit of true thankfulness, knowing that each mercy will be doubly

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sweet when the heart realizes the goodness of the great Giver of all.

Family worship is also a very choice means of securing an unbroken home circle in a better world.

Our daily life by our own firesides should be fitting us for the higher and nobler life of the Father's house. Some may be called early and unexpectedly away. Little did I think, a few months before writing these words, that two of my awn dear ones would now be lying in one grave, having followed each other after an interval of only some twenty-four hours, and followed a fortnight afterwards by the faithful and godly nurse who had so carefully watched over them. But when deep, heavy sorrows like these come to our homes, it is a comfort to look back and think of day after day having knelt together in a Father's presence, and of having read together the Word that tells of a land where partings are unknown. But whether called sooner or later, if heaven be our home, all is well, and we shall meet again, and shall know, as we cannot now, the way by which our Father led us. That meeting will indeed be a joyful one, if all in the family, without one single exception, are found safe in Christ.

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When, a few years ago, in Edinburgh, an old house suddenly fell, giving but ten minutes' warning, one of those within hastily awoke his family — for it was at midnight — and called to them at once to escape. And so they did. Great was that father's joy to find every one of his nine children safe on the outside, while many had perished in the ruins. And what a joyful scene will that be when Christian parents on another shore meet again the children so dearly loved on earth !

But with some families may it not be far otherwise ? There are families where God is not known or loved, where his day is but little regarded, where the Bible is never read, where a Saviour is never sought, and where no family altar has ever been set up. And if this continue, the children growing up in carelessness and sin, and the parents going down the hill of life without thought of the eternity at hand — what will be — what must be the awful issue ? What if the whole family be reunited on the left hand of the . Judge ? Ah ! whom will you then blame? Will it not be yourself? And especially will you remember at that awful moment your neglect of this blessed means of grace, and how you never bent the knee with your little ones, or invited them to hear the word of God ?

Oh that I could earnestly plead with you to stop and consider this matter ! There are no doubt many homes where years and years have rolled by, and yet family prayer is unknown. It may be so in your house, dear reader. But why should this continue ? Why refuse to enjoy so great a privilege ?

Perhaps you see great difficulties in the way. You think it quite impossible in your circumstances. You say — you have no time. You go out early in the morning, at five or six or seven o'clock, and you return at night, wearied and tired, and you think it better not to attempt it. But, friend, in spite of hard work and long hours, you make time for food and sleep, for five minutes' talk with a friend, and for buying necessaries for your home ; and do n't you think, if you really wished it, you could get a few minutes to feed upon the manna of God's word, and to rest in the Saviour's love, and to talk with your Father above, and to obtain from him things necessary for the soul as well as for the body ? A little system and management, with persevering effort and a sense of its unspeakable value, would overcome many obstacles. And if in some cases it is impossible to have family prayer in the morning, might you not have it in the evening ?

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And if now and then one member should be absent, is it not better to have it with the rest than to omit it altogether ?

It may often require self-denial. It may require a few minutes' earlier rising in the morning. It may require a little effort to prepare the home for the prayer in the evening, but surely it is worth while to give this to secure the blessing it will bring.

Perhaps you are afraid of beginning. You have never Had family prayer, and you are ashamed of kneeling down for the first time before children or servants, or brothers and sisters. But do not let this hinder you. Take up the cross, and bear it manfully for Christ's sake. He was not ashamed to bear his heavy cross for you. Will you shrink from bearing this lighter one for him ?

A few hints may be useful to such as purpose to begin, or desire to make prayer in the family more profitable than it has hitherto been.

Let there be true genuine piety in those who conduct it.

If you wish to make family prayer a power for good in your home, seek that your own heart first may be filled with humility and faith and love and prayer. If your own cistern is full to overflowing, those around you will be able to drink of the living water which Christ has given you. " The mouth of the righteous is a well of life." His words, his prayers, the very tone of his voice, will testify of the grace dwelling within. And this because the water which Christ gives is in his heart " a well of water springing up to everlasting life;" and "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh."

Be sure of this : nothing so surely tends to make this ordinance profitable as true spiritual life ; and nothing so hinders the blessing as a dead formal spirit in him who leads the devotions of the rest.

Study continually to make family prayer a reality y and watch above all things against mere lipworship.

Do not make it wearisome by too great length. A few verses of Scripture — not more than twenty or five and twenty ; the prayer earnest and hearty, whether it be extempore or a written form ; if possible let a hymn be sung — at least occasionally. If anything particular has occurred in the home, let notice be taken of it, either by the selection of the Scripture which is read, or in the prayer offered, or in both. Great also will be the advantage if you are able to make a few short comments on the pas-

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sage read, so as to bring home the lesson taught to the hearts of those around you.

Variety in the prayers offered is also very useful in keeping up the reality of worship.

If a manual of prayers is used, yet it is well sometimes to lay it aside. You might occasionally, if not regularly, utter in your own words your desires to God on behalf of your family. The words * may be very simple and few, nay, even lacking in good grammar, but they will reach the heart of God and the hearts of those who hear them, if only they be dictated by a longing after God and his righteousness.

Strive to be very punctual.

If possible, have a set time, and keep to it. Let the young people know the time, and be always ready for it. Very sad it is to see, often in the homes of truly godly people, a son or a daughter coming in when prayers are half over.

Above all other directions, I would say, Honor the Holy Spirit.

It is he alone who can give the desire or the power to pray. It is he alone who reveals our need of grace and help. It is he alone who can show the conscience-stricken soul that the veil is rent in twain, that by the death of Jesus the barrier which our sins had raised is broken down, and we have the right of access with boldness to the mercy-seat. It is he alone who can fix the eye on our faithful and merciful High Priest pleading before the throne his all-sufficient merit. And this gift our Father has promised to bestow: "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him V

Depend on the Spirit's help. Entreat the Spirit's grace. And the Comforter shall come, and make your worship here a foretaste of heaven's own joy.

Chapter III. A Talk With Fathers And Mothers

There is great advantage in speaking from experience. A sailor can give a better opinion as to seafaring life than a landsman. A farmer can give a better opinion with respect to the cultivation of land than one engaged in merchandise. And so a parent can speak better to fathers and mothers than those can who have never known the comfort and the anxiety that belong to a flock of little ones around the fireside.