Following after Jesus

Contents

CHAPTER PAGE

I. Early Life 5

II. Becomes a Teacher in Roxbury 11

Chapter I. Eauly Life

The early home of Susan Maria Underwood was in Andover, Massachusetts. She was born March 16, 1830. Her father being a physician, and Susan his only daughter, she early became his companion in riding to visit his patients. Her mother, a woman of quiet disposition and devoted piety, died while Susan was very young. In the near prospect of death, she committed her little daughter to a covenant-keeping God, trusting that he would sanctify and save her. The life of Susan will be a new encouragement to parents to cultivate a cheerful reliance on the divine promises.

When about seven years old, her mother's place was supplied by one whom she soon learned to love, and of whom she always spoke with grateful affection. She was also much attached to her two younger brothers, and ever felt a deep interest in their improvement and happiness. A few years later, the family removed to Hingham, where her father continued the practice of his profession.

In September, 1846, Susan became a member of the Normal School in West Newton. At first her thoughts were so much -upon home, that she found it difficult to study, or be interested in those around her. But her affectionate heart, which clung to the loved ones she had left, soon attached itself to those who were showing her kindness from day to day. Her manner was changed. She writes, "A schoolmate said to me one bright morning, ' It is a strange thing to see you look so happy ; ' but when they know me better, they will find it more of a wonder to see me sad." As she became interested in her studies, her mind awakened to a sense of her deficiencies, and she thirsted for knowledge. It is interesting to see, in her journals, how rapidly she began to think for herself, and to treasure up valuable thoughts. She determined to excel, and pressed on resolutely through difficulties and discouragements. " Energy ', energy ! " she exclaims ; " would that this might be my watchword/'

EARLY LIFE. 7

Her intellect now became thoroughly aroused, and there was an increased delicacy of moral perception. Instead of ambitiously emulating others, she began to seek a preparation for usefulness. A sentimental desire for happiness, that led* her to brood over little annoyances, gave place to the pleasure arising from

self-reliance and a benevolent interest in oth-

i

ers. While her character was thus being elevated, there were glimpses of a poetic and original genius which afterward gave sprightliness and beauty to her life.

She learned also to control her feelings. Early in her course of study she writes, "Why is it that some are gifted with talents so much above others? Why can one rise in school without an effort, and another, whose mind is constantly awake to the fulfillment of every duty, attain only an inferior station ? But are not those wrong who faint because they do not see their reward immediately ? Should they despair because others are crowned with a larger success ? Would it not be nobler to toil on without seeking a reward in the praise of others, but only in the approbation of their own consciences, and the firm conviction that He who made them will reward them openly for their secret and unwearied efforts ? If I could feel thus when things wear the aspect of gloom, how much greater would be the enjoyment of life ! When I think of this, ihe following beautiful verse always occurs to me : —

» Give me a calm and thankful heart,

From every murmur free ; The blessings of Thy grace impart, And let me live to thee.' "

She adopted the word "try" for her motto, and determined, so far as possible, to do right and feel right. After being grieved by an unkind remark from a schoolmate, this sentence occurs in her journal : " She does not know with what determinations for kind words and peaceful intercourse I returned to school. She never will know. But I will faint not, falter not. I will still endeavor to do my duty." This was soon *after a visit home in vacation ; and she writes, "I had a little touch of my old complaint — homesickness ; but business will drive it off, I trust ; if it don't, something else shall"

Under date of Sunday, April 18, 1847, she writes, " This is the first Sabbath I have spent in Newton since vacation. How different from the first ones I spent here ! The sacred hours then appeared tiresome, showing too painfully how ill adapted my mind was to those holy in-

EARLY LIFE. 9

fluences. Now, though I am but little, if any, better than I then was, this day of rest is the pleasantest of all the seven." She found, as young people may always do, that her heavenly Father was ready to bless her in all her endeavors to do right. No promise in the Bible is more certainly fulfilled than this : " I love them that love me, and those that seek me early shall find me."

In her journals are frequent quotations of poetry, showing that she was cultivating a taste for the good and the beautiful. After copying Ware's "Seasons of Prayer," she says, "I love poetry, which, like this, lifts the mind from its own trifling, and fills it with sentiments akin to those of the inspired authors."

Her home, while at Newton, was in the family of the Rev. Dr. Gilbert. Her father went with her to make the necessary arrangements, and, when committing his daughter to their care, expressed a wish that she might adopt their religious views, since his observation, as a physician, at death beds had convinced him, that what is called evangelical religion is true.

Mrs. Gilbert says of her, " Even then she gave evidence of superior powers, and, by her constant endeavors for improvement, gained the affection of her teachers, while her ever-ready sympathy and disinterestedness won our hearts. She did not think that she was a Christian while with us, but was becoming more and more impressed with gospel truth. The impression she received from a conversation my husband had with her before she left us, as she afterward told me, never left her."

Another member of the family speaks of her rare intellectual endowments, extensive reading, and fund of ready wit, making her a genial companion, and adds, " I do not believe she ever lived where they did not love her."

Chapter II. Becomes A Teacher In Roxbury

Miss Undebwood became a teacher in one of the public schools in Roxbury in the autumn of 1847, and continued there the greater part of four years.

March 16, 1850, she makes the following entry in her journal : —

" This is my birthday. For twenty years have I been a pilgrim on earth. And now I would look back over the past, and within on the present. It is a blessed thing thus to review the space already trod, and from its varied scenes learn lessons for the future. Nor should the clouds, which now cast their shadows on my spirit, make me forget that the sun has shone, and that loving kindness and tender mercies have crowned my days. God hath not forgotten to be gracious, though he may lead me in a way I know not. In looking far back, I recall my little brother's death, my beloved mother's grief, my dear father's mourning for his child ; and, not long after, my mother's death bed, the administration of the sacrament by the venerable Dr. Woods, the last embrace of that sainted mother as she wound her feeble arms around me and pressed me to her bosom, my father bowed down with grief, and the funeral services in the chapel. All these seem stamped ineffaceably upon my mind.

" Three weeks ago to-day, I was summoned to my dear father's death bed. He left home, apparently well, in the morning, and visited his patients as usual. While making the last call, he put his hand on his chest, and asked for water. Before it was brought, he fell upon the floor insensible. Two physicians were sent for, and every effort made for his relief; but in vain. When it became evident that he could not live long, I was sent for, and reached home late in the evening. Oh, that Saturday ! How pleasant the anticipations of it had been ! — M. coming to pass the Sabbath, and the Bible class in the evening. I was happy without knowing that my house was built upon the sand, and that the storm was gathering. When I went to my dear father's bedside, he said, ' Why, Susan, how do you do ? ' Afterward he said, i I am very sick ; too sick to talk with you much now/ All night he was in great distress. Toward morning he looked up, when he felt my tears,

BECOMES A TEACHER IN ROXBURY. 13

and said, ' Susan, you will not have a father long.' Afterward he called me his ' precious child.' The scenes that followed were such as one can realize only by passing through them. My beloved father lingered until twilight on Sunday. He was calm and resigned, and died as if sleeping.

" My happiness must henceforth be built on things unseen and eternal. And now, as fades the light of my twentieth birthday, let me dedicate myself renewedly to the service of the Lord Jesus Christ. Help me, Lord, to walk humbly before thee, trusting in thee alone for salvation. Send thy Holy Spirit to sanctify this affliction to my everlasting good. May I live as thy disciple. May I guard against sin. May I forsake thoughts which thou wouldst not approve, and watch earnestly against pride, selfishness, and vain glorying. May I guard against even the least sin ; especially may I resolve not to say one word against another, nor any thing which may give a wrong impression — remembering that ' lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.' May my path shine more and more unto the perfect day."

Susan now felt that loneliness which they only know who are conscious of being fatherless. Her thoughts were much on the past. " I am turning over memory's leaves," she says, " and reading therefrom the histories of many friends, whose places know them no longer." Perhaps she indulged in this more than was profitable. She sought more for resignation than for sanctification, and for comfort than for usefulness ; but she persevered in asking help from God, and, though she passed through times of trial and darkness, came at last into settled light and peace.

At one period she wrote — '" I desire for myself no more temporal blessings than I now have. I am more than satisfied. I try to praise God for my condition in life : it is infinitely better than I deserve."

Chapter III. Efforts To Grow In Grace

On the 7th of July, 1850, Sftsan united with the Eliot Church, in Roxbury, under the pastoral care of the Rev. Dr. Thompson. This important step was not taken without due deliberation. She wrote oat in her journal the articles of faith and covenant of the church, that she might ponder well her obligations. From this time, though her advance was more rapid, her Christian character did not mature without much earnest striving. Young people often wish to grow in grace, and be useful, but are unwilling to -make the requisite effort. Miss Underwood was fully determined to be an active Christian. She was not content to walk with a hesitating step. Taking the Bible for her guide, she sought to live by its teachings, in the strength of God. The Saviour had said, " Strive to enter in at the strait gate ; " and this she sought to do. Finding in God's Word a high standard of religious attainments, she resolved to conform her daily life to it as far as possible. She set a strict watch over her thoughts, words, and deportment, maintaining a constant warfare with the different forms of sin in her heart.

Practical lessons may be learned from her watchful strictures upon her life. She writes thus on her twenty-first birthday : " Lord, teach me thyself, and make me not only to resolve, but also to do. I desire this year to read my Bible more, and, if possible, learn one chapter each day. I desire to commence and close each day with prayer, and often seek the presence of the Lord during the day. I desire to have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that if I ask him he will grant me his Holy Spirit. I desire, at each quarterly payment of my salary, to lay aside for benevolent purposes, and an additional sum if any thing be added to my wages. I desire to write to all my unconverted friends and relatives, and pray earnestly for their salvation. I desire to avoid all light and trifling conversation, <and live as I would wish I had done when I come to die."

In order to gain a more practical knowledge of the Word of God, she selected a text every day, and often wrote her thoughts upon it. Thus she says, " My text for to-day is, 4 Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and be-

EFFORTS TO GROW IN GRACE. 17

loved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, forbearing one another, . . . and above all, charity.' I find constant need of charity. I realize that the apostle's definition of it embodies all virtues in one. In an

interview with , allowed myself to judge

hastily and censoriously. See a constant disposition in me to attribute evil rather than good motives to others. Am far from that charity which thinketh no evil. Find it easier to appear affectionate than to be so. Is there another heart as bad as mine ? Truly can I say, that in me dwelleth no good thing."

At another time: "Attended evening meeting, and did not enjoy the preaching as much as I should, had I not allowed my mind to dwell on the different methods pursued by pastors. Ought to have received the truth in humility. Eead, after going home, the passage, ' Be not wise in your own conceit.' Precious Bible ! faithful reprover, constant light to those who read and ponder."

Again : " Has every thought to-day been pure and lofty, befitting a creature made in God's own image, and endowed with capacities to distinguish the right from the wrong ? Fear I was not quite honest in all I said."

She often reproved herself for censuring 2 others, and mourned that she was too quick to judge of them and of their motives. Humility was a grace she loved to cultivate — a lowly spirit, that bears contradiction, and rejoices to see others exalted. In scrutinizing her conduct, she writes, one evening, " Showed an unbecoming forwardness in expressing my opinion. Would that I could have recalled my words. Find it not easy to exercise the grace of humility."

Her constant aim was to order her conversation aright. On this point she labored with watching and prayer, and thus writes : " Worldly conversation blunts the edge of every spiritual truth. Spoke unadvisedly this evening. Let me remember that the preparation of the heart is from the Lord, and seek grace when about to engage in conversation, that I may minister grace to them that hear."

"My text for to-day — ' But every man hath his proper gift of God.' (1 Cor. 7:7.) For our several lots in life God has given us gifts according to our necessity. Each has his proper sphere of duty, and each day may witness deeds of love and faith that shall result in untold good for eternity. The recording angel places no trifles upon his page ; for each sinful thought, and each holy desire, is mighty in its issues, and

EFFOBTS TO GROW IN GRACE. 19

wrought into the texture of this life of ours, as surely as the thoughts and plans which we deem great."

Another day : " ' What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul ? ' (Mark 8 : 36.) If I had fully realized the import of this text, I could not have let S. come and pass the afternoon with me, without asking about her personal interest in the great salvation."

The Scriptures were to Miss Underwood a delight, associated with all that is lovely and beautiful. She writes, " Rainy this morning ; but soon the clouds disappeared, and the sun shone out beautifully. My text, ' The rain is over and gone ; the flowers appear on the earth ; the time of the singing of the birds is come.' (Sol. Song 2 : 12.) How beautiful the contrast of the sunshine and the storm ! How delightful the changing, hurrying clouds, the clear blue sky, the green grass, and waving trees ! How manifold the mercies and wisdom of God !

■ Thou art, O God, the life and light

Of all this wondrous world I see : Its glow by day, its smile by night,

Are but reflections caught from thee. Where'er we turn, thy beauties shine, And all things fair and bright are thine. 1

As a teacher in the Sabbath school, she was conscientious in her duties, not only taking a special interest in her own class, visiting them, and preparing the lessons herself, but she sought the prosperity of the school generally, and attended the teachers' meetings, looking forward to them with interest, as a means of acquiring knowledge to impart to her scholars.

She writes, Saturday, August, 1852 : " I have left Roxbury, — dear, delightful Roxbury, — as a home, probably for ever. I have parted with the pupils of that school, so long the objects of my solicitude and love. Those sweet, confiding, loving children ! I can never forget them. The dear friends, the church, that faithful minister of Christ, — all have I left, in body, but not in spirit. If our faith be not vain, we have parted to meet in an endless re-union, free from sin, to enjoy the light of that countenance whose loving kindness has been better than life."

Chapter IV. A Teacher In East Boston

In the autumn of 1852, Miss Underwood commenced her labors in one of the public schools of East Boston, and continued there four years. During all that time her home was in one family. Those who knew her there intimately, speak in the highest terms of her uniformly cheerful and amiable deportment, of her care never to give unnecessary trouble, of her unwearied desire to do good, her unbounded benevolence, and her scrupulous watchfulness in the observance of the Sabbath ; showing a beautifully symmetrical Christian character in all the details of daily life. Two very desirable excellences are especially mentioned. One, an habitual aversion to evil speaking. On this point she was unwavering. She would not even smile, or assent in any way, when others were spoken against. Another was, her resolute determination not to indulge in worldly or unprofitable conversation on the Sabbath. Especially was she careful, w T hile going to and coming from the sanctuary, that nothing should be said which could divert the mind from God.

As a teacher, she was not ambitious to be popular, but endeavored patiently and faithfully to fulfill her duties. She desired that her scholars should get their lessons well, and understand them, rather than be prepared to show off at an examination. She sought to bring as many as possible under instruction, and to interest herself in the children individually, in order thereby to exert a moral and religious influence over them. Her aim was to elevate the whole character, and prepare them for useful stations in society. She visited the families of her poorer scholars, endeavoring to encourage the parents in training their children aright, and sending them to school regularly. She found one poor widowed mother, who by her daily labor could only provide food for her family. The children were in the street, not w-ell enough clothed to attend school, much to the grief of the mother. Miss Underwood made each of them a suit of clothes, and, knowing that the mother, going out early for a day's work, could not attend to them properly, she had the children come to her every morning ; saw that they were washed, combed, and de-

A TEACHER IN EAST BOSTON. 23

cently attired for school, and thus lifted them up from a state of degradation and probable ruin.

In another case a man had been killed by an accident ; and the wife and mother, plunged at once into poverty and sorrow, asked, " What can I do ? " Miss Underwood stood by her as a friend, and said, " Take the first employment that is offered ; I will try to get for you the care of the school house." " But," said the desponding woman, " I never made a furnace fire in my life ; I don't know how to begin." Miss Underwood replied, " I will teach you;" and she was true to her word. She obtained the employment for the poor woman, and went, on several cold mornings, to show her how to make the fire and take care of the school house.

This poor woman recently called on the writer, saying that she could talk all day of Miss Underwood's kindness. She had four children dependent on her, was completely crushed by her bereavement, and about to give up all hope of helping herself, when the kind teacher called to see her, and encouraged her to persevere, and trust in God. " How often she said to me, 'Keep up heart; a brighter day is coming.' She helped me prepare my children for school, saw that they attended regularly, and, whenever I came to a strait, lifted the burden from my heart, till, from earning only fifty cents a week, we now have enough to live comfortably ; and all under God, owing to her kindness."

These things interest us as we read them ; but there is no poetry in the practical detail of these humble duties. It is only those who live by principle, according to the precepts of the gospel, that really do these things. It requires character and energy, as well as enlightened piety, to carry such plans through. We call these humble duties. By what name will they be called in heaven? When our Saviour, the Lord of glory, was on earth, he performed such labors. He healed the sick, fed the hungry, spoke kindly to children, comforted the widow, reclaimed the wandering, and said to the woman who had been a sinner, " Go in peace." Those who knew Miss Underwood best have said that she never seemed satisfied if a day passed without doing some special act of kindness, or relieving some one in distress. After spending the day in school, she w r ould go to some neglected neighborhood, and visit from house to house, perhaps calling at the homes of her poorer scholars, perhaps reading to some

A TEACHER IN EAST BOSTON. 25

sick or aged person, who needed consolation. Her eye was quick to see, and her heart to feel for those in distress. Sometimes she would find an invalid alone, and lay aside her bonnet and shawl, to make a cup of tea, or a bowl of gruel. She would raise the poor sufferer into a chair, make the bed, and arrange the few articles in the room, so as to give it an air of comfort ; talking meanwhile, in a soothing, cheerful strain, of the goodness of God, of the privilege of trusting in him, and how surely he would abide with those who seek his favor. She was like an angel of mercy to many a lonely one, and her face radiant with heavenly love.

At the same time she was a devoted Sabbath school teacher, and a very thorough tract distributor. Of this work she writes as follows : " Commenced at the extremity of my tract district, going into every house, or talking with the head of each family at the door. Was greatly encouraged. Had several interesting interviews. Calling on a woman whose house was in striking contrast with many I saw, — it was so neat and orderly, — I inquired how she was, and if she needed any thing. ' Now that you have asked me,' she replied, 4 1 will own to you I have nothing under the roof of this house to eat.' She was old, and the look of sincerity upon her face convinced me that she spoke the truth. If ever I was happy in having the means of relieving want, it was then. I felt unworthy of enjoying the luxury ; for such it certainly seemed.

" In reading my chapters to-day, I was impressed with the willingness of the people of Israel to bring their offerings as God commanded, for the building of the tabernacle. Find new and clearer thoughts the more I read the sacred word. March 16, 1855 : My birthday. My texts for to-day, ' We, then, that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the weak.' S Considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.' fc Who art thou that judgest ? ' Kesolved, through the aid of the Spirit, to meditate on these words. One thing do I desire of the Lord — the victory over sin, the abased spirit, the resolute will, grace to win souls. Henceforth let this be my controlling purpose." After visiting a sick girl, she writes, " She thanked me for the little book I sent her, and for my interest in her spiritual welfare. According to my work has been my reward. Again let me record, the Lord is faithful. Whatever I undertake for Jesus' sake, obstacles vanish as I press on."

It will be remembered that, as a teacher, she

A TEACHER IN EAST BOSTON. 27

was under no special obligation to perform these benevolent labors. Her performance of them arose from studying the character of the Saviour, and trying to live as he lived. She was ready to make sacrifices to oblige others, and found an exalted happiness in such a life. She valued the enjoyment of carrying fruit, or some simple delicacy, to a. poor invalid ; and when her gifts were pleasantly received, and afforded comfort to others, no personal luxury could have yielded half the joy.

Chapter V. Letters

East Boston, September 17, 1852.

My dear M. : You and I have changed localities since we last met ; and happy for us that, in changing homes, we do not necessarily change friends. Happy for us that we have one Friend, who is never left behind, who is acquainted with all our past, our present, and our future condition, and touched with a feeling of our infirmities, to whom we may have constant access. In him believers are one, each a member of the same body.

" You speak, in your last, of doubts and spiritual darkness. I understand you, for I have had the same. Is not this because that, though we have publicly given ourselves away to God, yet we continually suffer our wills to rise up in opposition to his, allow murmuring thoughts against the sphere of labor which he appoints us, and all the while forget that we are acting falsely. Do we never think more of our own ease and personal affairs, than of the glory of

God and the interests of the Redeemer's kingdom ? How much more concerned are we as to what others say of us, than what they say of Christ. Travelers to eternity, our journey, at the longest, must soon end, and the great question should be, Am I doing all I can for that precious Friend, in whose presence I long to dwell for ever ? I feel that I am too apt to think, like Naaman, that little things are too trifling to weigh* much, for good or ill, and that I would rather do some great service. In short, Pharisee-like, I would be making some good works stepping stones to heaven. But this is exalting self to be admired, and forgetting that it is the Vale of Humiliation through which I must pass to the Celestial City. It is because we have no righteousness of our own, that the wellbeloved Son of God became a surety for us. Let us never forget this ; and remember, tooj that the daily duty, however simple, and, to the eyes of the world, however easy, is the very best work for us to be doing, and doing well. Are there no spare hours, now spent in light reading and unprofitable conversation, that might be devoted to meditation and prayer ? Are there no souls for whom we ought to wrestle in secret ? From such seasons of heart-searchings shall we not go forth strengthened, to speak a word in season to those who carelessly tread the road to death ? The feeblest light may be trimmed so as to guide some benighted one toward the place where the true Light shineth.

I must refer a little to my health. It is not very sound, and a little exposure and exertion bring on a weakness, sometimes soreness of the lungs and hoarseness. I have had many thoughts, this summer, that I am not to be wholly well again. . . .