Memoir of Simeon J. Milliken, esq., of Mount Desert, Maine

Chapter I

In early life he sought the Lord, And found the way of truth ;

Decided in his Master's cause, Though but a smiling youth.

MR. MILLIKEN S CONVERSION.

Simeon J. Milliken, Esq., son of Deacon Simeon, and Mrs. Rachel Milliken, of Mount Desert, was bora November 20th, 1805, and departed this life in the triumphs of faith through the Lord Jesus Christ, April 8th, 1835, aged 29. I shall here add some account of his first impressions of a serious nature, and his subsequent conversion to God, written by himself, and found among his papers.

" The first that I recollect of any thing serious on my mind, I was about seven years old. My aunt Phebe died. My father talked to me about dying, and told me 1 must become good, or I never could go to God, and be happy with my 2

O MEMOIR OF

aunt. Being very diffident, I made no inquiry as to the nature of being truly pious ; but thought much about it, and resolved that I would become good immediately. I had no idea of the new birth ; but thought I could do as Christians did, and that was enough. I commenced praying frequently, and thought when I could pray pretty well, I would take some boys with me and pray with them. I would not do any thing that I thought was wrong, and for some time, perhaps several weeks, 1 persevered in my resolutions, and kept an account of my good and bad deeds ; and verily thought I was very pious. I used frequently to talk to other boys when I saw them conduct wickedly. But alas, I soon forgot all my solemn resolutions.

" In 1816, there was a great reformation in Mount Desert. I was then eleven. I now saw persons under conviction, and often wished it were the case with myself. Tn the course of the revival, my father and grandfather W. were talking about a boy younger than I was, that they thought was under serious impressions of mind. It had a powerful effect on my mind. In the evening I went down to the harbour with my grandfather, and on the way he said to me, ' Well Simeon, the reformation is about over, and what do you think of these things.' I ran close up behind him, and after some time I said in a stifled tone, C I don't know sir.' He said,

SIMEON J, MILLIKENj ESQ.. 7

* you see several of your companions have become religious, and don't you think it would be a good thing for you.' I made him no answer, and he said no more. I kept close to him, hoping he would again ask me some questions, and thought I would then tell him how T I felt. But he began to talk about other things, and [ could say nothing.

" After this, I used frequently to go away by s myself to meditate on my lost state, but dared not attempt to pray. God appeared to me to be so great and holy that I thought he would not hear my prayer. I went one evening to the well, and while there, felt an impression that I must kneel down and pray. I kneeled, but could not say a word. Soon after this, I believe the same evening, I went into the barn and knelt down but could not say any thing for some time. While on my knees my distress for myself all left me, and I felt anxious for others around me, particularly my brothers. I felt a freedom in praying for them, and stayed in the barn until the family became alarmed and sent to find me. I thought I would go in immediately and tell my feelings to a minister and his wife who were then at the house. They were busily engaged in conversation, and I took a seat beside the minister's wife, thinking she would soon say something to me, and then I would tell her the state of my mind. But the evening passed away without one word bein£ said to me.

" I used frequently to retire to pray, and took great delight in it. But never felt such a desire to tell how I felt as I did that night. And being very diffident, never speaking to my superiors till spoken to, and then saying little more than yes or no. I kept my exercises entirely to myself; and my impressions in a great degree wore off. Though 1 used to think of them, and the thoughts of what I had felt served as a check to keep me from committing a great many sins to which my evil nature led me. God appeared to me to be a holy being, and I feared to offend him, and would often shudder at my secret sins : I felt convinced that a new heart was all-important, but feared I had never experienced such a change, and was many times tempted to give up all thoughts of ever being converted, and to wait calmly for my doom, to enjoy what pleasure I could in this life, and await the consequences. But I have reason to thank the Lord that I never entirely yielded to these impressions, but hoped I should one day be brought to the knowledge of the truth. I always entertained a great regard for Christians, especially those that were engaged in religion ; and whenever the cause was wounded I felt distressed. When professors went out of the way I never felt a desire to expose them, much less to slur them on account of their profession.

" In November 1827, my brother Jordan

SIMEON J, MILLIKEN, ESQ. V

died, I was much distressed by the loss I had sustained, and my mind was unreconciled to God. I was tempted to believe he was the author of misery and unreasonably afflicted mankind. I thought for a time he was unjust in taking away my brother who had always lived so exemplary, and w T as needed for the good of society. I was tempted with these hard feelings some time, and then gave way to despondency. For about two months I was very thoughtless about dying, or the state of my immortal soul. One morning as I w r as about to leave home to teach a school in a neighboring town, my mother talked to me respecting the state of my mind. She said she was afraid Jordan's death would only serve to harden me ; that it was a solemn call to me to prepare for death. She observed I might be called to answer at the bar of God for the deeds done in the body, perhaps more suddenly than my brother was. She followed me even to the door, and begged of me to improve this opportunity, and turn to the Lord. I felt convicted in my own mind it was high time for me to repent. I turned out of the road, and sat down to meditate on my situation. I had one glance of the freeness of salvation, but instantly concluded it was not for me, that I had committed the unpardonable sin in giving away to the pleasures of this life, and forsaking God.

c< I left the place, and went on trying to put 2* such thoughts out of my mind. While engaged in my school, my mind at times was very much distressed ; but my school took up much of my attention, and I was frequently called to mingle with light company. I sometimes retired for the purpose of meditation and prayer ; but God would appear so great and so holy that I did not even dare to kneel, or send up one supplication to the throne of mercy. In this way I spent my time, sometimes rude, and then gloomy, and melancholy, hardly taking notice of any thing that passed for several days. At this time I was studying chemistry ; and the allusions of Mrs. B. to the majesty of God, would sometimes strike me with terror, and almost repress all idea of ever being made acceptable to him.

" Early in 1828, it appeared evident that the Lord was working by his Holy Spirit on the minds of the people. I felt much distressed on account of my hardness. I don't know that I had any particular fear of punishment, and at times could hardly tell what caused my distress. The reformation increased, some came forward and joined the church, but I continued the same. About this time there was a lecture appointed near my father's. I was from home at work. I left my work and went home. When I got there, it was too late to attend meeting. I thought I would not lose my time. I took my bible and went into a retired room, and laid it on

SIMEON J. M1LLIKEN, ESQ. 11

the table, and my head upon it, and cried to the Lord to direct me to some passage that applied to my case. I opened to Jer. xxx : 15, and read three verses. ' Why criest thou for thine affliction. 5 In the last verse it was written, ' For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds saith the Lord. 5

" I was filled with joy, and arose to go out and tell my mother, when the family came in with other company from the meeting. I thought I would wait until they were seated, and then tell them all that I had experienced in my own mind ; but an incident occurred that put me off for a few moments, and I began to doubt, and concluded I was deceived, and that 1 never should have religion. This almost distracted me. I now viewed it a mere chance my opening to those passages of scripture, and concluded to say nothing about it, and see how it would prove with me. I could not, however, get them out of my mind, but had no idea of its being the effect of grace in my soul . I now attended secret prayers, morning and evening, and every other convenient opportunity. I consecrated a spot in the woods, near my father's house, particularly for this purpose. Sometimes I would feel quite a freedom in prayer, and a nearness to the throne of grace. At times the exercises I had in former reformations would rise in my mind, creating a little hope that I had been bora again, and then I would throw away all my evidences, and recede into a cold unfeeling state of mind. Thus I continued two or three months.

" About this time, Elder J preached at

P. Marsh. Between meetings the ordinance of baptism was administered. I was much affected with the solemnities of the scene. In the afternoon he dwelt in his sermon on the exercises and trials of young converts. I thought it would apply to myself. On my way home, an old Christian asked me how I felt under the preaching. I told him I felt remarkably well. He observed he thought the minister pointed out my case exactly, and that he had been hearing for me during the afternoon. I told him I felt such confidence that I never could entertain another doubt. The expression struck me forcibly, why this confidence ? what have I experienced ? I then reflected back on my past life, and could see nothing but an evil and corrupt nature. I felt a desire at this time to pray, but put it off till my accustomed hour. And then my mind was in a great degree stupid, and I lost all hold of my former frames and exercises, and could hardly say that I had any hope. I sometimes felt a desire, and an impression, it was my duty to get up and speak in a prayer meeting ; but I declined, though strongly urged by one of the brethren who was somewhat acquainted with my feelings.

" After this, when I retired for secret prayer, I was sensible that I had shunned my duty, and made a solemn promise I would speak the next meeting. I went to the meeting, and spoke and prayed but enjoyed no freedom, and found I had done it in my own strength. After this I was more reserved than before, and neglected secret prayer.

" In January, 1831, J. S , a young man

in the neighborhood died. While on his death bed, he conversed much with the young people that called to see him. And warned, advised, and entreated me to come out from the world. I now resolved that I would live no longer as I had done. I renewed secret prayer, and commenced praying in my school, and frequently conversed with my scholars on the subject of religion. But it w T as some time before I felt any particular nearness to the throne of grace. For a considerable time I now felt that my peace was made with God, and that I could rise above the things of this world. During the week before the church conference in August, I enjoyed almost uninterrupted happiness in my mind, and felt such a nearness to God that I thought I never should again forsake him as I had done, nor be backward in speaking of his goodness. I looked forward with pleasure to the time when I should see his children, and tell them what great things he had done for mv soul.

M But when the day came, my heart sunk within me, when I contemplated espousing the cause of Christ before the world, yet I did not lose all my comfortable feelings. I felt to draw near the throne of grace in the morning, but had not that consolation I had before felt. I attended the meeting ; when it came my turn to speak, I said but very little, concluding to put it off to a more convenient season. I now began to sink in my mind lower and lower, till almost as low as ever I was, although I did not wholly neglect secret prayer. About the last of November, 1831, I commenced a school in E . I attended prayers in my school once a day most of the time, in a cold formal manner, though at times I felt to hold communion with my heavenly father. The state of religion here was very low, but three professors in the district. I mingled too much with the light and vain, and joined with them more than I ought in vanity. But w r hen alone I had bitter reflections, and mourned and lamented the depravity of my heart, resolving to do so no more. About the last of Feb- ' ruary, I took a school in S. Point district. Here I was with a different class of people. Here were many professors. I resolved to choose them for my companions, and to shun light company."

I would here observe, that Mr. Milliken labored for many years under severe conflicts in his mind with respect to his spiritual state, owing no doubt chiefly to his diffidence in disclosing his feelings to his Christian friends, and the view he appeared to have at times of the awful depravity and wickedness of his heart, which caused him frequently to doubt whether he had ever been renewed by divine grace. But in 1832, he w T as enabled to rise above his difficulties, and openly espouse the cause of Christ. On this occasion he remarks in his journal ; ' On the 14th of October, I was baptised and received into the Baptist church in Mount Desert. O may 1 ever be kept by the power of God from bringing a wound on the cause I have now espoused.'

Chapter II

He dwells upon God's holy ways, He notes'them down, bespeaks his praise; Though oft he was with doubts opprest, Yet oft in Christ his soul found rest.

EXTRACTS FROM HIS JOURNAL.

" 1827, December 31. Attended the first annual meeting of the Sabbath School Society of Mount Desert ; was chosen Secretary. November 24 : Being absent from home, I was sent for on account of my brother Jordan who was taken suddenly very sick. When 1 arrived home I found him sitting in a chair, and asked him how he did. He said, " I am just gone, and must bid you farewell." He spoke very calmly ; but never shall I forget how those words sounded. He lived till half past two, and expired. He was taken sick the day before about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, with a pain in his bowels, and never had one moment's ease until he died. His mind was composed, and he expressed a willingness to die, he hoped he should go to heaven. He never made a public profession of religion, but was a remarkable person for sobriety and morality. In his last hours he gave good evidence that he had an interest in the Saviour's love.

" 1829. On board the L bound to Boston. Sabbath — 11. Spent the day in working the vessel, reading and hearing read, the scriptures, religious books, tracts, &c- I am of opinion that it is an evil and wicked practice to sail on the Lord's day. Think it no better, or of more necessity, than any other labor except when previously at sea.

" 12. Went ashore, found a grog shop where men were voluntarily and greedily taking noxious poison, which will, if followed, finally be their ruin, destroy all their happiness in this world, and unfit their minds to receive that gift which alone can give them peace in the world to come. O when will men get their eyes open to see the evil of this pernicious practice !

" 1830. January 1. Another year has commenced. How many that are now living, will be in eternity before the year will close. I may be one. I have no assurance even of to-morrow. Then how highly it would become me to take heed to my ways as if my time were soon to close ; but alas, how little I consider this.

"29. Closed school in Seal Cove, a very agreeable school. My health a part of the time has been rather poor, but how thankful I should be that I am alive. I have lived to teach this school five winters, and have ever had a pleasant school, and the most respectful attention from my scholars, which has greatly evdeared them to me. The youth in no place where I am acquainted, not even those where I was brought up, are so dear to me.

" 1832. February 18. Closed school in district No. 3, Eden. Taught twelve weeks, ten weeks of the time taught singing four evenings per week. In my day school I had upwards of seventy scholars ; but they were rather unsteady in their attendance, consequently their progress w r as slow, some of them however made good-improvement. I am conscious of having committed some errors in management ; but on 3 the whole think I discharged duty as faithfully as I could under existing circumstances. Had I been previously acquainted with the disposition of the scholars, perhaps I should have managed differently in some respects. It is an inconsistent idea which some people support, that a stranger can govern a school better than one who is acquainted with the scholars. How can a person govern or instruct, unless he knows something of what is required of him, and different dispositions and capacities require different treatment. In my singing school I had 23 constant scholars. I was much pleased with their regular attendance, and most respectful deportment. I felt a deep interest in their improvement, and am satisfied that I exerted all my faculties to their advancement. But I lament that I did not give them more moral and religious instruction both by precept and example.

" March 3. Attended the annual meeting of the temperance society in Eden. An address

was delivered by Elder H , Cor. 2. There

was quite a collection of people, and from what I heard, I think the truth made an impression on the minds of some who before were opposed to the temperance* movements, or stood aloof from the society. Its opponents cry out, c Political intrigue,' ' church and state,' &c.

" 31. Attended conference. Many of the brethren appeared much engaged, and spoke

SIMEON J. MILLIKENj ESQ. 19

with freedom. I felt impressed that it was my duty to speak ; but refused to take up the cross. Have since been very much tried with a sense of my ungratefulness. Can a person under a sense of the attributes of the Almighty, refuse to do whatever he shall require of them ? What is man that he should withstand God ! How ungrateful must a person be to flinch from espousing the cause of the Lord that bought them.

" April 8. This evening I took a walk for contemplation, viewed the majesty of God in the works of creation, and thought how can such a being take any notice of such a thing as man. Then in exercising to keep myself from suffering from the cold, I was led to contemplate the wonderful formation of the human body. Surely nothing less than Deity itself could constitute such a machine, and nothing short of the Omnipresent God can keep us from at once getting out of order and falling into lifeless clay. What is man that he should contend with his Maker ; and not yield implicitly to the least of his requirements. But still, poor, proud mortal will proclaim his own. greatness, and seek to gratify his own corrupt nature against the express commands of the Almighty ; and more fears the scoff of worms than the wrath of the great God. Why is it so ? Why am I so diligent and fearless in things of the world, and yet in matters of religion dare not take one step ? Is it possible that I ever gave myself to the Lord, or felt a Saviour's smiles. Am I willing to trust my soul with Jesus ? O I am still too much attached to the world and its vain pleasures. Yet I think I have at times felt willing and resolved to give them up, but O the power of temptation over my feeble resolutions !

" 12. State fast. Meeting at N. C. Mr.

B ; preached from Dan. ix. 4, and 5. Daniel

fasteth, and prayeth, and confesseth his sins, and the sins of the people, &c. He observed that, fasting is to abstain from food ; at least from all that is pleasant and palatable, and to abstain from w 7 orldly thoughts, words, or deed. And that days of fasting were special seasons for humbling ourselves before God ; and confessing our sins and the sins of the people, our neighbors, our friends, the nation, and the world. He proved that fasting is a duty enjoined in the scriptures, both in the old and new testament ; and that we should especially attend to it on such days as are set apart for this purpose by our rulers.

" 16. After my scholars left the school house, I took up the bible, with a desire to find some passage that would be applicable to myself, and opened to these words, ' Out of thine own mouth will I judge thee thou wicked servant.' I felt it to apply exactly to my case. The Lord has given me one talent and I have hid it. O shall

I keep it hid till my Lord shall call me to judgment? With his divine assistance I will come out from the world and serve him. I feel a desire to give myself entirely up to God, and consecrate myself to his service ; but I can put no confidence in myself. 1 pray the Lord to guide, strengthen, and support me in doing my duty ; and keep me humble. O I am too proud. My pride must be humbled. Because I cannot talk eloquently, I hold my peace and say nothing for the cause of my Redeemer, and grieve away the Spirit that strives within me. O that I may ever enjoy the feelings I now possess, and in a greater degree, of the vanity of all worldly pleasures ; and never again fear the face of man when duty calls me.

" October 7. Commenced school in District No. 2, Eden. Scholars from five different nations, i Italian, 1 Irish, 1 Spanish, 1 French, and a large number of Americans. 5 of my scholars profess religion, others very serious.

" 13. What a change in this place since I was employed here last winter. Then except

at Mr. H , I heard no mention made of

religion. Now it is the whole theme of conversation. Then not a male professor except Mr.

H in the district, now I can count 14.

Then in a school of 80, not one had a hope of the forgiveness of their sins ; now the attention of all who have arrived to years of discretion, (except 3 or 4 who remain careless,) are directed 3* to the concerns of their souls. 15 or more, who attended my singing school, have espoused the cause of the Redeemer ; and nearly all who practice singing in meetings 1 trust now sing with the heart and with the understanding.

"20. My birth day, aged 27. O how rapidly time flies away ; another year of my life is gone. Time with me will soon be at an end. How important then that I improve it as it flies. Before another year rolls round I may be done with things below. How have I spent the past ! Have I spent it in such a manner that I can look back with a recollection of time well spent ? I can see but very few acts but what give me remorse when I review them in my mind. It has been an important year with me. Five months of the time I have been employed in the important calling of instructing youth ; and how negligent I have been in the discharge of the duties devolving on me in that station. When I do the best I can, I fall far short of fulfilling the duties of one who has the care of precious souls* Two months and a half, I have been employed in evenings, in teaching the youth to sing God's praises. At that time only one of them professed religion ; now ten of those who take the seats have hope in the mercy of God. During the past year, I have taken upon myself two solemn covenants for life. On the 14th of October I was baptised and received into the church in Mount Desert. O may I ever be kept by the power of God from bringing a wound on the cause which 1 have espoused. On the 25th of the same, I was married to C. L. May we long live useful to each other and to society ; and may the blessing of God attend us through a life of happiness here, and a blessed immortality beyond the grave.

" 28. This morning I went into the graveyard, and read the Epitaph on Mrs Unice Stevens, aged 27. The thought that she was just my age, struck me very forcibly. I tried to examine myself how I should appear if called immediately to the bar of God. I bowed my knees to pray for light in my mind to view the scene, but could get no particular discovery.

" My thoughts run on living near to God while here ; and I lost all concern about the judgment in my desires for the light of God's countenance to keep me near him while tabernacleing in the flesh. From myself, my desires were for my friends individually. O that the Lord would visit them with his Holy Spirit, whether saints or sinners ; and give them the joy of his salvation."

EPITAPH.

It must be so — our father Adam's fall And disobedience, brought this lot on all : All die in him — but hopeless should we be Blest Revelation ! were it not for thee. Hail glorious gospel .' heavenly light ! whereby We live with comfort and with comfort die. And view beyond this gloomy scene the tomb A life of endless happiness to come.

Chapter III

He warns, entreats his friends to turn, Now while the lamp of life doth burn ; Lest they should miss of heaven at last, And sink beneath Jehovah's wrath.

LETTERS.

" District No. 2. Eden, November 22, 1832.

" Dear Sister,

" I was disappointed in not having more conversation with you before I left home. If I had improved every opportunity I might have been better satisfied than I now am with regard to my duty to you. I want to know how you get along in your mind. Have you obtained hope in the rnercy of God, or do you remain as when I saw you, or shall I ask the question, have you lost your conviction ? I hardly know how to address you ; but I do long to hear that you have become acquainted with a Saviour's pardoning love. O Isiphenia, you don't realize how many prayers are offered every day foi your immortal soul. Will you not join your sup* plications with the many that are ascending, that God would liberate your soul from the bondage of sin ; and that you may obtain forgiveness through the blood of a Saviour ? The door of mercy now stands open to receive you ; and the Saviour invites you to come.