Sunshine among the clouds : or, Extracts from experience

Front matter

•M3 A3 I

L

WM

Chapter I

Our Commission — Blessings of Childhood — Early Conversion — Wanderings of Heart — Convictions of the Necessity of Holiness — Years of Seeking — The Rest of Faith gained — Conflicts and Victories in regard to Profession — Witness of the Spirit lost — Witness of the Spirit regained — Blessedness of the Life of Faith — Remembrances of Former Teachings of the Spirit — The Land of Beulah no longer in the Distance — Why Christians complain of Darkness — The Earth between them and Christ — Longings for Closer Communion with God — Answer to Prayer realized — The trial of Faith — Glorious Deliverance from Temptation, 19

Chapter II

At Quincy Camp-meeting — Victories of the Cross over Natural Timidity— Work for All — The Insufficiency of Earthly Honors or Emulations to attract the Soul — The Sting of Deatli removed — Triumphant Death of Mother Page — Interest in

8 CONTENTS.

Bible-class — Bible-class Prayer-meeting — The Want of More Holy Members in the Church — Contending with the Powers of Darkness — The Eternal Word a Strong Tower — Earnest Desires to be More Christ-like — Lessons in the Way of Faith — Consciousness of being brought Nearer Christ — The Darkness and Sorrow brought by the Bloodshed in the Land — Enlistment of Companion in the Service of his Country — Motives Influencing — Power of Prayer to calm the Soul — The Parting — Assurances of meeting again — The Safety and Joyousness of the Narrow Way — Again at Quincy Camp-meeting — The Strength given in " The Just shall live by Faith " — Comfort in a Night Vision, Page 41

Chapter III

Suffering of Mind in regard to Companion — Dream of attending his Funeral — Wonderful Blessing in the lifting above Earthly Things of May nth — A Special Prayer, and Assurance gained — The Much-feared Cup of Sorrow given to drink — The Anguish hidden in the Few Words, " Mortally wounded on the Eleventh" — Great Triumph in Death — Messages of Comfort — Funeral Services — Glimpses of the Light on the Other Shore — Further Intelligence from Richmond — The Dying Message — Darkness of National Affairs — The Refuge of the Christian — Blessings of Christian Sympathy — Heart-searchings before God — The Witness of the Spirit Dimmed — Desire to know that all felt meets the Divine Approval — Blessings of the Sanctuary — The " Star of Promise" — Full Particulars of Death of Husband— Answer of the Prayer of May nth — Belief in a Special Providence strengthened — A Richmond Hospital made Light — The Stability of Jerusalem Above — Brighter Stars than those of Earthly Conquerors gained — Sorrow of the Land turned to Rejoicing — Tears of Widows and Orphans bottled in Heaven — Victory over Suffering, and Nearness to the Heavenly Jerusalem — Rest of Soul regained — Definite Testimony — Walking in the Light — The Trial and Victory, 54

CONTENTS.

Chapter IV

Christian Communion — Chosen in the Furnace of Affliction — Earthly Good relinquished for Treasure in Heaven — A Remembrance of Mrs. C. E. M'Allister — Among Strangers — Filled with " Joy Unspeakable and Full of Glory " — New Year commenced — Labor at F. — Quarterly-meeting — An Incident of the Meeting — Re-echoings of " Tell my Family to meet me in Heaven " — Presence of the Lord with his People — Decisions for Eternity — A Realization of " All Things work together for Good," etc. — Sufferings of Earth bringing Nearer to Christ — Not a Separated Family — The Christian's Legacy, .... Page 76

Chapter V

Incompetency of Earthly Powers to tell the Joys of the Redeemed — Albion Centenary Camp-meeting — Thoughts of the Past, Present, and Future — Christian Fellowship — Struggle of Soul, and Victory gained by Faith — Heavenly Places — A Realization of the "Victory gained by Faith" — Gift of Power received — Anticipations of the Future Fellowship of Souls made One in Christ — Binding of the Offering upon the Altar — Ann Arbor Camp-meeting — Overpowering Manifestation of the Divine Presence — Meeting with Dr. and Mrs. Palmer — Victories of the Cross — The Banner of Holiness — He set a Child in the Midst of Them, 95

Chapter VI

Prepared — A Remembrance of Miss M. L. Smith — Unprepared — Moscow Camp-meeting — New Conference Year commenced — Discouragements — The Foundation of God's Word a Firm Rock — Answer to Prayer in Eddy's Mission, . .114

IO CONTENTS.

Chapter VII

Remembrance of Rev. H. Law — The Broken Vow, and Remorse of Conscience in Death — A Realization of the Promise, " In All thy Ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy Paths " — Unexpected Trial — Prevailing Prayer — Burden of Soul for Unconverted, and Deep Convictions of the Unsaved — Specific Prayer — Power of Faith, Page 126

Chapter VIII

Remembrance of Rev. J. Jennings — His Religious Experience — A Visit to his Sick-room — Dying Utterances — Renewal of Christian Associations on Coldwater Camp-ground — Vacant Places — Strengthened to contend for Scriptural Holiness — Memorable Evening — White Raiment — Albion Feast of Tabernacles — Light about the River — Desire to live and labor — New Witnesses — Annual Conference — Morning Love-feast — Zion arising — Mrs. H. Brockway — Mrs. E. Crane — Her Character and Experience as described by a Friend — Christmas-gift — Soul Aspirations — Joyful Anticipation of the Future, . . . 144

Chapter IX

Remembrance of Rev. E. Crane — Suffering, instead of doing, the Will of God — Suggestions of Adversary — Victory gained at Family Altar — Preserved Blameless — Conference at Three Rivers — Bishop Ames's Remarks upon the Inner Life — Eternity none too long for the Revealing of the Mystery — Remembrance of Brucie Hoag — " He shall sit as a Refiner," etc. — Sympathy with Christ the Christian's Power — Remembrance of Willie Daugherty — Blessedness of Life — Influence — Key-stone of the Arch, 163

CONTEXTS. 1 1

Chapter X

Moscow — Our Welcome at the Parsonage — Expecting the Harvest — Failure of the Health of Mr. M'Allister — A Treasure — Conversion of Allie — New Experience regarding Public Work — Entering of Woman's Foreign Missionary Work — First Appointment — Experience at Albion Camp-meeting — License Question agitated — Perplexity of Mind — Experience at the Close of Meeting — Awake in the Night with the Words, "Go ye" — Doubts regarding Duty — Decision to go forward — License Question again hinders — Xorth Adams — Labor at L T nion City — Decision to avoid Every Thing that looks in the Direction oi Special Public Work — Anticipation of Mr. M'Allister regarding Regular Work — Gains Some Victory — Speedy Answer to a Special Request — At Hanover — Illness of Mr. M'Allister — Sent of the Lord — Disappointment — Application of "I was brought low, and He helped me " — Experience at Bedside of Companion — View of the River of Death — Expectation of Recovery — Xew Conflicts and Difficulties — Letter from Mrs. M. L. Crawford — Struggle and Victory — Conversation with Pastor — Cross lifted — Victory — Improving Health of Companion — Anticipated United Labor for Christ — Suddenly taken Worse — Hope departing — Strengthened by the coming of Mrs. M. L. Jordan, . Page 186

CHAPTER XL

Triumphant Death-bed Scene of Rev. J. E. M'Allister — Conflict with Adversary — Mrs. M. L. Crawford awakened by a Voice saying, " Vour Precious Friend's Husband is Dead " — Opening of Way for Public Work — Divine Strength imparted — Labors at Home — License to Exhort given — Examination passed for License to Preach — Prejudices and Self-will at the Feet of Jesus — Severe Conflict and Victory — St. Joseph — Benton Harbor — Items in the Experience of Mrs. M. L. Crawford — Experience of Full

CONTENTS.

Salvation — View of the Cross — Special Prayer brings Special Blessing — Hears Angelic Choristers — Return Home — Comforted by the Reflection of Earth Lights — Anticipation of the " Welcome Home" on the Other Shore, . ... Page 212

Introduction

1 HE narration of Christian experience is one of the means which God uses to comfort his children and advance the interests of his kingdom. As he has promised that we shall not be tempted above that which we are able to bear, the experience of others becomes a demonstration to us that the promises of God will be fulfilled.

The feeling of dependence is so strong in us, that we not only lean upon God, but upon each other, for support. This is most strikingly manifest in all matters pertaining to our spiritual life. God seems to have so ordered it that his Word and his Spirit lead us to himself through our fellows, as instruments. Occasionally, his Spirit may convict and convert a soul without the intervention of a fellow-spirit, but the instances are rare. In matters of salvation, we are "workers together with God." By us the Word is preached ; by us witness is borne to all around, that the " Son of Man hath power on earth not only to forgive sins, but to cleanse from all unrighteousness ;" by us the life of faith — the " life hid with Christ in God " — is to be so lived that we are to represent him, and, in " his stead, beseech men to be reconciled to God."

An angel of God may appear unto the devout Cornelius, and say: "Thy prayers and thine alms are come up for a memorial before God f but he attempts not to preach the Gospel, but adds : " Send men to Joppa and call for Simon, whose surname is Peter : . . . he shall tell thee what thou oughtest to do." Peter is instructed by a vision with reference to the said Cornelius ; but it was not until he told the story of the Cross, and announced himself as a witness that " remission of sins " is through faith in the name of Christ, that the Holy Ghost fell upon Cornelius and those that were with him, as upon the apostles on the 'day of Pentecost. Why did not the angel preach Jesus to Cornelius ?

The persecuting and blood-stained Saul of Tarsus may be stricken to the earth on his road to Damascus, and see and converse with the risen and ascended Savior, but in reply to the question, " Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?" he does not receive a direct answer, but is told, "Arise, and go into the city, and it shall be told thee what thou must do." And it is not until after three days of darkness and fasting and prayer, when the Divinely instructed Ananias enters the house where he is, "and putting his hands on him, said, Brother Saul, the Lord, even Jesus, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou earnest, hath sent me that thou mightest receive thy sight and be filled with the Holy Ghost," that he received sight, was baptized, and began to " preach that Jesus is the Son of God." Why was not Paul converted at the time he so humbly asked, " What wilt thou have me

to do r

As it was then, so it is now. Few, if any,' are converted or sanctified, only as they come in contact with the experience of others who enjoy these blessings.

The apostles, in obedience to a specific command, remained in Jerusalem until they received the gift of the Holy Ghost, that they might be " witnesses unto Christ;" and when they were filled with the Holy Ghost, they spake as the Spirit gave them utterance, and preached remission of sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit unto every one who repented and called upon the name of the Lord ; and multitudes were added unto their number, and witnessed to a present and full salvation in the name of Jesus.

All along the ages, the relation of personal experience has been an element of power in the Christian Church. "I am a Christian," was the utterance of the martyrs ; and, despite the fagot and the stake and the block, the witnesses for Jesus were multiplied.

In the days of early Methodism in this land, the apostolic custom of " telling one's experience" was followed by the ministers, and many were led to the Savior. The class-meeting and love-feast have been the instruments of the conversion of hundreds of thousands ; and it will be a sad clay for Methodism when these places for the relation of Christian experience are not attended by the masses of the Church, and when ministers forget to tell how and when they were released from the guilt and dominion of sin.

Frequently the pen supplies, in a measure, the place of the tongue, and letters and books are made the medium by which Christian experience is narrated to the honor and glory of God. Books of personal experience have many disadvantages, and, on the whole, are not equal to oral testimony, yet they have some advantages. Books can be with you and speak when the nearest and dearest personal friends can not. Over the written or printed pages you can linger and meditate and pray • and, as you drink in the spirit of the writer, the Holy Spirit enlightens your mind and leads you to that fountain where all sin and un cleanness are washed away. Many souls have been awakened by the tract and the written Word; many have been led to seek a fuller baptism of the Spirit by reading the experience of men and women eminent for their spirituality, and seeing in that experience a practical application of the promises of God to them in answer to their prayer and faith.

One want of the Church, at the present time, is clear, well-written narrations of Christian experience, covering the whole life of faith. We have many books of precepts,, of doctrine, of controversy. These are necessary, and are accomplishing their work. Something more is needed. Books illustrating the power of the grace of God in daily life are needed by the Church, and these illustrations must be drawn from real life, and name and date and place given. Illustrations, such as are frequently given in the garb of fiction, however true to nature they may be, will not do. The soul longs to hear some other souls tell by pen or tongue what God has done for them ; and, when such souls speak, the fainting heart is revived, the doubting heart believes, and the hungry and thirsty heart is filled. May God multiply books of Christian experience !

This little book is such a work. It is a plain account of the dealings of God with one of his children, in the ordinary walks of life. The greater portion of the work is in the form of a diary, and the daily blessings and trials, temptations and victories, are enumerated. It is the experience of one who has been made a partaker of the blessings of perfect love, and who feels that it is her duty to tell the riches of grace in Christ Jesus to her, that others may be emboldened to step into that " higher life," and thus be qualified to labor more efficiently for God. Her simple narration will do good to all who may read it. If they are seeking for holiness of heart, it will aid them ; if they enjoy it, it will stimulate them to renewed zeal, a more open confession of Christ, and a more careful illustration in their lives of a state of grace ignored by some, misapprehended by many, and misrepresented by others. May God, who " is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think," make these pages a blessing to thousands!

G. B. J.

Albion College.

SUNSHINE AMONG THE CLOUDS.

Chapter I. Our Commission

BH-ilT was an hour of darkness and gloom to the little band of disciples. He on whom they had looked as Israel's Redeemer, had been crucified, and his body was now lying in the tomb.

" Ah ! death seemed all-conquering when he bound The Lord of Life in prison !"

But, "As it began to dawn" — fit emblem of a more glorious light dawning upon our sin-cursed world than mortal saw — " came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, to see the sepulcher. And, behold, there was a great earthquake : for the angel' of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow. And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men. And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye : for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here : for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead." What a change !

" The might of death was nowhere found, When Christ again was risen."

Marys of the present age ! Have we seen the light shining in a dark place ? Has the day dawned ? the day-star arisen in our hearts ? Has the light, seen afar down through the vista of ages yet to come, brightening with glowing ray the pages of an Isaiah, giving beauty to the prophesies of a weeping Jeremiah, entered our soul ?

"How blessed are our eyes

That see this heavenly light !

Prophets and kings desired it long, But died without the sight."

*-

But hear our commission ! "Go quickly and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead !" Not, let thy lips be sealed while the soul burns within for joy thereof; but hasten, while the sepulcher's open, the breezes blowing from Calvary's mountain ; while He liveth to make intercession for the sins of the people, to redeem from all iniquity, and sanctify unto himself a peculiar people; while by blessed experience thou art proving that Christ is a risen Savior, that his blood clean seth, washeth whiter than snow, — go, bear the glad news ! Publish it ! The Master saith : " Be not afraid. My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest."

Tell the Church her bridal attire awaiteth her ; the promise of the Father is hers. Tell that group mourning over the desolations of Zion, in gloom singing of former days of gladness, but making no effort to rebuild her walls, to arise and shine, for their light is come.

Tell those mourning ones, weeping above newly made graves, that Jesus hath passed through the tomb, broken its bars, and now glory gilds the grave, paving the way to heaven.

O, blessed privilege — with so glorious a light shining above, beneath, and all around us, to go forth amid the gloom of a world lying in wickedness, telling to all, from the king upon his throne to the beggar at the rich man's gate, the joyful news of a risen Redeemer !

Such a life, though it be one of comparative obscurity, leaves ever beside its pathway, immortal monuments. The world may not discern them ; they, seeing so dimly through the mists and vapors of sin, perceive nought but those that are tinged with gold, and rear proudly toward heaven. These shall crumble into dust ; but a life of faith that goeth forth, bearing precious seed, with its record on high, shall not die, but live forever ; and though it be but the giving of the " cup of cold water" in the name of a disciple, immortality is stamped upon it.

Years have passed since in this we saw our commission. We looked upon the great harvestfield, with earnest longings upon the work of those who, scattering broadcast over our land the seeds of Scriptural holiness, were already reaping an abundant harvest ; then upon our own unfitness for a work so important, — and our heart sank within us. Then we read the encouraging words : " Ruth gleaned in the fields of Boaz"

" If you can not in the harvest Gather up the richest sheaves, Many a grain both ripe and golden, Will the careless reapers leave.

Go and glean among the briers . Growing rank against the wall ; For it may be that their shadow Hides the heaviest wheat of all."

We saw our work ; and, though never able to point to splendid services in the cause of our Master, though not ours to wield the sickle in the ripened field, we do expect when, with the redeemed millions we shout the harvest-home, to be able, all of grace, to carry our sheaves with us.

11 Happy then will be those gleaners Who have sheaves to carry home."

Amid our gleanings, these Christian experiences have been gathered, and, trusting that to some traveler with us to the better country, they may prove as would a " cup of cold water given in the name of a disciple," we give them.

December 1, 1858. The past of my life has been bountifully strewn with the blessings of a kind heavenly Father. Very early in life the seeds were sown in my heart by Christian parents, which ought to produce the hundred-fold ; and God be praised that the lessons of early childhood have not been upon altogether unfruitful soil ! The seed has germinated. O, that it may finally become as " the tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season ; his leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper !"

When not yet nine years of age, I bowed with my parents at the altar of prayer, a weeping penitent, feeling keenly my need of a Savior, and arose happy in the consciousness of sins forgiven. The joy of-that hour, though fourteen years have since passed, is still fresh in my memory.

It was but the conversion of a child, 't is true ; but angels in heaven struck anew their golden harps, and the song in which the millions around the throne joined was over a child saved from the power and dominion of sin. My conversion I have never doubted. My evidence was as clear as the midday sun. The next morning, on awakening, I took up the family Bible — " which lay on the stand" — and opened to these words : " O Lord, I will praise thee : for though thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortest me ;" and for some time praise was continually upon my tongue. God be praised that children may know on earth their sins forgiven, and retain that evidence too ! O, for more fathers and mothers in Israel to lead forward to green pastures these tender lambs of the fold !

For some years I was faithful ; then, as the temptations of youth clustered around me, my experience relapsed into that of thousands at the present day :

" Now I repent ; now sin again ; Now I revive, and now am slain."

That there was for the Christian a nobler, higher, and holier experience, I knew ; for from childhood I had been surrounded by living witnesses of the power of grace to save even unto the uttermost : and through the influence of these, and the reading of such books as Mrs. Fletcher, Hester A. ' Rogers, Mrs. Palmer, and others, I was led to see the beauty and excellency of a life of holiness in contrast with my own; and the necessity of purity of heart as a preparation for a life of usefulness, and the abundant entrance to that city to which nothing unholy or unclean ever gains admittance, became, as never before, a reality, until

" My restless soul cried out, oppress'd, Impatient to be freed."

Yet, not discerning the simple way of faith, trusting to a degree in my own works, deeming that in order to claim the blessing a certain summit of feeling must be attained, it would at times seem that I but wept, fasted, and prayed

in vain.

i

u O, how many a glorious record had the angels of me kept, Had I done instead of doubted, had I warred instead of wept !"

At other seasons, the blessing seemed just

within my reach. Then I would start back as

some cross would be presented, proving the

depth of meaning in the interrogation : " How

can ye believe which receive honor one of another

and seek not the honor that cometh from God

only ?"

O, the groans, the tears, the fastings of those years in which my soul refused to submit fully to Christ ! How fully have they proved to this heart that

" No outward form can make us clean ; The leprosy lies deep within!"

A year ago last September, my wearied soul exclaimed, " I can not, nor will I, longer rest until pure within ;" and alone in my room I bowed, resolved to count the cost then and there, let the sacrifice be what it might. O, how ready is the Spirit of God to lead us, when we submit to be led ! I had but just commenced the struggle, crying, " Now, Lord, give me the blessing now !" when a voice seemed to whisper to my soul, hushing it to quietness, " This struggling is not necessary ;" then the words, " Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lor^l." Very clearly was presented to my mind, through the light of the Spirit shining upon the written Word, the terms, " Wherefore come out from among them and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing ;" and the promise, "/will receive you" accompanied by the precious exhortation : " Having, therefore, these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." The consecration in the light given was made — time, talent, influence ; and O, how these now appeared as not my own ! — and the dearest idols I had were all laid upon the altar, and I arose with no other change of feeling than that of the consciousness of having met the Divine requirement, and a quiet sinking out of self into the will of God.

I had expected some wonderful manifestation, an overwhelming joy; and here was only the feeling of one long tossed upon the billows at the mercy of the waves, now anchored in the harbor of repose, a consciousness of safety, of security inexpressible, and a fear of moving lest it should be from my hiding-place in the clefts of the Rock.

But not an hour had passed before it was suggested to my mind, You will have to tell this to your companion (who was then absent from home). This was the first cross. But remembering that by virtue of my consecration I was no longer my own, I immediately took my pen and wrote of the consecration made, adding the expression of my faith in the blood that cleanseth from all sin. The moment this was done, my soul was filled to overflowing. The Spirit, bearing witness with mine, came, and laying down my pen, I long gave vent to the joy within in shouts of praise.

But a short time passed before again was presented to my mind the duty of bearing direct testimony before the Church, both in the public social circles and in private conversation, of the grace received. The tempter suggested : " Better wait and let the fruit speak for itself. You are in a land of strangers, and know of no one in this crowded city Church who professes to have present personal knowledge of the efficacy of the blood of Christ to cleanse from all sin. Would not definite testimony upon your part savor of pride ?"

Sabbath morning came, and I repaired to my class-room. Testimonies were given, but nothingwas said by either leader or class-mates of " holiness!' O, how I longed to there find some soul beating in sympathy with mine ! But I found it not. I arose to my feet, thinking, " I '11 speak clearly of the consecration made, but will be careful of expressions, so as not to give to my brethren and sisters cause for offense ;" but had no sooner began telling of the past years of wandering in the wilderness, the longings after more of the inner-life, holiness of heart, and of the consecration made during the past week, than the blessing of God came upon me, causing a hitherto unknown boldness, and, instead of saying as intended, " I think the offering is accepted/' I said, " I know the offering is accepted, and the blood of Christ cleanseth." But I had no sooner taken my seat than the adversary met me, and accused me of boasting ; and then, that I was myself deceived and was deceiving others. In this state of mind I went into the audience-room, and so great became the conflict in my own mind that nothing of the sermon was heard, and I returned to my home in an agony of mind seemingly unendurable, resolved alone with my God to settle the question ; and again, in the secret place, I threw myself upon the Immutable Word, and found my feet again pressing solid rock. To God be all the glory, who knoweth how to deliver from temptation, and who causeth the trial of our faith to be " more precious than of gold that perisheth." For some months I was enabled to hold fast my confidence in the direct testimony of the Spirit relative to the grace received. Moral power was given, and O how sweet to labor in the vineyard of the Master, while I testified to the Church and a wondering world, " Great peace have they which love thy law, and nothing shall offend them !" But the All-wise Father saw my need of different discipline. Cares multiplied. Ill health deprived me of the means of grace in which my soul so much delighted ; and, by degrees, the witness of the Spirit became unnecessarily dim. The knowledge of the present application of the blood of Christ to cleanse from all impurity, declined into the question, " Does it now cleanse me ?"