Beulah land. An autobiography

Preface

As the history of my life has been called for many times, on both sides of the Atlantic, and as I can say, from experience, that the God of Joseph is my God, I have written this volume, and most prayerfully dedicate it to inquiring and trusting souls.

Mrs. Melissa Booth Carter.

Newton, Mass.

Contents

Chapter Page

I. Conversion, n

II. The Vision, 19

Chapter I. Conversion

I WAS not born in a royal palace, or of parents whose fame was universal, but in the quiet home of one of New York's industrious farmers, near Canandaigua, March 29, 1845. Growing up into active childhood I was very venturesome and daring, and would often find myself in the most perplexing positions.

One day my youngest sister and myself went out to the pasture near by, and I, seeing one of the horses near a place on which I could climb, availed myself of the opportunity, and was soon seated securely on his bare back, with nothing by which to guide the horse but his mane. I rode around the pasture in highest glee, without even a thought of there being any danger in connection with such a venturesome act ; but I was thoroughly aroused to the fact only a few days later, by finding myself thrown from the horse's back, and lying prostrate in the sand, face downward. Notwithstanding all that, I continued the practice until I was mistress of the position, and could ride on horseback, or drive anywhere in the most fearless manner.

Not long after this I saw some fruit on a tree that I greatly desired, and, there being no way of obtaining it, only to climb the tree and secure it for myself, I immediately did so, and to my great satisfaction secured the fruit and began slowly to descend, but just as I had reached the lower Hmb of the tree, my foot slipped and I lost my balance. As I fell, my skirt caught upon a limb, and there I hung suspended in the air, to the loss of many stitches, until my sister could render her timely assistance. The one gratifying thought to me was, that I had the fruit if I did tear my dress.

I was not satisfied with these many experiences I had had, so one morning I rushed headlong into another. I was taking a walk in my own lit-

CONVERSION. 13 tie garden, as I usually did before school, when I saw a handsome cat in the meadow. Of course I wanted it, and was bound to have it, if it were possible, so I chased it across a ten-acre field, and over fences/and finally caught it. My hands had no sooner touched it than it turned and bit me terribly. I was indignant to think it should bite me when I had only tried to catch it.

Thus carelessly I passed eleven years, until 1856, when my father began to fail very rapidly, and on the twenty-third of December we were called to his bedside, there to feel the last touch of his dear hand, and look into his mild blue eyes for the last time this side of the great eternity.

I began to realize that there was something more in life than frivolity, and more in death than the grave, and, heart-sick, I left the room.

On Christmas day our ride was to the cemetery instead of one for pleasure, and our hearts throbbed with pain instead of delight.

As I watched his remains being lowered into the cold, deep grave, I had a faint understanding of the significance of death that my mother had taught me. When we returned home, and I remembered that the arm-chair in the corner was forever vacated by my dear father, it seemed more than my poor little heart could endure.

A few evenings later my two sisters and myself accompanied mother to a prayer-meeting that she started before father's death. When I had previously attended them, I was always very mirthful and ready to scoff at the unplastered walls and carpetless floors ; but I was more serious now. I could not even smile, but listened attentively to all that was said.

I did not respond to the invitation for sinners to find the Saviour, but put it off until one afternoon, a few days later, when it seemed as though I could endure it no longer.

My sister and I called on a devoted Christian lady in the neighborhood, and I told her how I felt. She gave me a very significant look, and said, " Sinsickness is the very worst sickness in the world," and then paid no more attention to what I had said. We walked slowly on to meeting, feeling disappointed at not finding the relief we had expected.

I was glad to be there, but the sadness of

CONVERSION. 1 5 my poor heart only increased as the moments passed.

When the service was about half through, my elder sister arose, and said that she must and would be a Christian. She was scarcely seated when I found myself standing, and saying that I too wanted to be a Christian.

I could never tell just how I stood up, but one thing I did know, that all my burden was gone before I sat down.

It was a happy time for me, for I was a new child indeed. How well I could understand the poet in these words :

" How lost was my condition 'Till Jesus made me whole; There is but one physician Can cure a sin-sick soul.

"The worst of all diseases Is light compared with sin; On every part it seizes, But rages worst within."

I had such peace and rest that I thought I could never be moved ; but there was a test even then in store, for the very next morning one of my unconverted school-mates called, and, during her conversation, said :

"We all thought that Elizabeth " (my sister) " was in earnest, but we rather doubted Melissa's sincerity."

For a few moments I seemed almost stunned, and did not know what to say ; but before I had recovered sufficiently to speak, mother broke the silence by saying :

"Never mind, dear, what any one says. You ask the Lord to let you know whether or not you are a Christian/'

I did so, and the question was forever settled, so that no one has had power to move me on that point since.

Previous to my conversion I had received an invitation to attend a private dance, which was to take place in the parlors of one of my school-mates, a few evenings after my conversion.

I had entirely forgotten it until my brother came to me and said, "Isn't it time for you to get ready?"

" Get ready tor what ? " I inquired.

CONVERSION. I J

"Why! to go to the party, of course/' he answered.

I thought for a moment, and then replied : " I am not going to any more parties, George, for I have no desire to."

He left the room, and in a few moments came in again, and said, with some sternness :

" Arn't you going with me ? "

"No, sir, I am not," I replied.

"Then," said he, "you ought to be punished for not keeping your word."

"George," said I, "please don't say any more to me about it, for I'm not going."

Thus the test came to an end. All that he had said had not moved me from my steadfastness.

A few days later one of our neighbors told me that my brother said that he believed Millie was a Christian ; at the same time relating how he tested me, and adding that he only did it to see if I had really met with the change that I professed.

May God always help me to be as "wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove,"

In the fall my sister Elizabeth and I united with the Methodist Episcopal Church.

One Sunday they took up a missionary collection, and we signed fifty cents each. On our way home we were wondering how we could get it, when a happy thought entered our minds. We remembered that there were still a few scattered chestnuts in the grove ; so the next morning we started, with baskets on our arm, and gathered all we could find, and carried them to Waterloo, two miles and a half distant, and sold them. Elizabeth received for hers just the amount that she had subscribed, and I, two cents less. It was a great cross for me to give less, but I did, and received a great blessing. My highest ambition now was to be helping some one, and I found plenty to do in the sphere in which I was placed.

Chapter II. The Vision

WHEN I was first converted, all love for worldly adornings was taken from my heart; but when I grew to young womanhood my milliner told me that I ought to wear just a few flowers on my bonnet.

She plead so faithfully, that finally I yielded, I did not discover the cloven foot, for, if I had, I would not have allowed her to put the one thing on my apparel that afterwards cost me so much. My peace was more easily disturbed, and I was often led to wonder at it. The next thing that the enemy suggested was, "that there was no need of my being so plain ; that I might put a little trimming on my dress, and not be so odd ! "

I did so, and soon had no conscience in the matter at all. My temptations became more severe, and I was very easily overcome. When 1 would tell in class-meeting what a hard time I was having, the leader would say :

"Go on, sister, go on ; the Lord bless you."

He never told me what to go on to, or what to forsake. Therefore, I was left as much in doubt as before.

If class-leaders only realized what a grand privilege they have for training souls, it does seem to me they would be more spiritual themselves. " For the husbandmen must first be partakers of the fruit/ ■

On the twenty-fifth of December, 1862, I was united in marriage to William Wilby Carter, of Lowestoft, Suffolk County, England. My husband's temporary business was in Waterloo, so it was there we resided. Shortly after our marriage I became very much concerned about my husband's conversion, and wrestled and prayed for him until tears seemed to be my portion. It was not because he did not love me, for I seemed to be his idol ; but that did not satisfy the longings of my soul : it was to have him love the One whom I worshipped. I received no encouragement whatever, in regard to his being saved, and

THE VISION. 21 the enemy would assail me with the thought that it was perfectly useless for me to pray for him ; but I kept a volley of prayer going up before the throne almost day and night in his behalf.

One Sunday morning I asked him if he would go with me to church. He replied :

" O, no ! I cannot go, for I have to attend to business all the week, and must, necessarily, take Sunday to do my own work."

" Why, Wilby ! ' I exclaimed, " will you work in your garden on Sunday ? I should think you would be afraid to do so."

"Well," said he, "HI risk it."

I looked out and saw that he had prepared a place for planting.

When I was ready for church, I bade him good-by, and started off alone. I had gone only a few steps when I felt impressed to turn and go back to the house. I did so, and when I reached the garden, I said :

" My dear, God will curse every seed you put in the ground to-day."

"Well," said he, with a sneer, "if the seeds are cursed, then I will believe that there is a God."

When I came home from church I looked to see just how much he had planted, and discovered that he had not only planted cucumber seeds, but water-melon seeds also, and had transplanted a raspberry bush.

I examined the leaves of the bush, so as to be sure how far advanced they were. After a proper length of time, I looked again, and the cucumber seeds had not come up. Then I looked at the hills where the water-melon seeds had been planted, and, behold ! they were coming up. I stood for a moment and then said to myself :

" I know God curses these seeds."

I afterwards observed that the leaves on the bush never grew any more, and that the water-melon vines only grew to be about three inches high, with just the two first leaves on them, also that the cucumber seeds never came up ; and in that condition they stood until the snow covered them.

When I called his attention to the fact, he said that it must be I had poured boiling water on them. Then how plainly I could see why the

THE VISION. 23

Lord let some of the plants come up, just to protect me, and yet show his power. It seemed hard to see one I loved so dearly drifting so far from God, but, bitter as was the cup, I must drink it.

One Saturday evening I took my Bible and read one chapter, then knelt and prayed. I arose feeling very much dissatisfied. Then I read another chapter and prayed the second time, but felt no better. I then read the third chapter, and I don't think I had been on my knees a moment, when my soul was filled to overflowing with the presence of God. My face was upturned, and I shall never be able to frame into words the wonderful vision I saw. A shaft of light about one yard wide, came down through the ceiling to the place where I was kneeling, and, off some distance from me, I saw the most beautiful form, and I have always thought of it as that of my dear Saviour.

The calm, composed, and loving expression of his face, the long plain robes of pure white, and the gently-folded arms, made me feel as though I must go to him and be folded in his loving embrace. This vision lasted for some moments, when it occurred to me that it was getting late, and I ought to retire. As soon as I listened to the whispers of self the vision vanished. I retired, but found it quite difficult to go to sleep. When I awoke in the morning my soul was filled with indiscribable peace. I read Ezekiel, thirty-seven, and again my soul was flooded with unearthly light. Then I felt perfectly confident that the Lord had heard my prayers for my husband, and that every obstacle was being removed that hindered his conversion.

Chapter III. All For Jesus

X JL Y husband purchased a beautiful home / Y V. i n Syracuse, N. Y., where we moved in the summer of 1864, shortly after which I heard of a prayer-meeting that was to be held at one of my neighbors. I attended it, and when the question was asked where the next one would be held, I timidly said :

" You may have it at our house."

When I told my husband what I had done, he said :

"Well, they will just spoil the carpets, and your piano will be marred, and, in fact, everything will be ruined."

I said nothing more to him on the subject, but kept talking with the Lord about it. When the evening for the meeting came, my husband was home an hour earlier than usual, much to my surprise. After tea, he asked me how I would have the seats arranged. I told him, and after that was done, he took a seat by the window and said :

" I should think it was time for them to come."

The people gathered, and we had an excellent meeting ; and as our carpets were not ruined, nor our piano marred— -when my husband saw that his fears were groundless, we appointed another one for the following week. At the third meeting, when the leader invited the sinners to find Christ, my husband arose and said, "I cannot endure the pressure of Satan any longer. I must either be a Christian, or die."

The leader asked me to pray for him ; but I could do nothing but praise the Lord. When I heard him praying to my God, entreating him to accept him, for his Son's sake, I felt that my cup was running over.

What a contrast there was between his former life and his present one ! He now reverenced the Sabbath day, instead of desecrating it, and loved to do God's will rather than to oppose it.

ALL FOR JESUS. 2J

During the fall we listened to a sermon by the Rev. Wm. J. Selby. He preached very strongly in favor of freedom from all sin.

This was a feature in Christianity that had never been explained to me. At the close of the service he asked me if I enjoyed the blessing of holiness.

I replied, "Not that I know of."

"Well," said he, "you would know it, if you had it."

I invited him to call at our home, for I was curious to know what he meant by " blessing of holiness"

I was very busy during the week, but took time to consider the sermon I had heard. I was confident that he possessed a degree of power with God that I did not.

On the following Friday he called, and I asked him what he meant by "holiness." He explained it, but I did not seem to understand him. In his prayer he said :

" O Lord, sanctify Sister Carter, soul, body, and spirit, so that she will be a wonder to herself, and an astonishment to her neighbors."

I had never heard anything like this before, and of course did not know what to make of it.

After he left, I began to meditate on his prayer.

I had a great yearning in my soul to have all that the Lord had for me, and prayed earnestly that if there was such a thing as sanctification he would let me have it.

I prayed in this way for two days, when I left the "if out, and said, "O Lord, I do believe there is such a blessing, or state, as sanctification/ '

Then the enemy whispered, " Sanctification is only for the denomination to which that minister belongs and not for you."

This did not trouble me long, for almost immediately these words came with great emphasis :

"With God, there is no respect of persons."

Very soon the Holy Spirit began to show me what there was in my heart that was unlike Christ.

The first thing was my temper, which caused me great sorrow, and I shrank from it as I would from a deadly serpent.

ALL FOR JESUS. 2g

Next, were my husband and little daughter, whom I unconsciously idolized. I thought I did not love my family more than I ought, and could not understand why I must give them up. I thought they would die, and I didn't see how I could let them ; but no matter how I felt, every time that I prayed all I could hear was :

" Will you give your husband and child to me ? "

"Thou shalt have no other God before me."

I tried to pray, and at the same time cling to my family, when at last these words came to me :

"He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me ; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. ,: I saw very clearly that I had reached the place where I must decide, and that forever, which way I would go ; and I said : " Dear Lord, I yield them both to thee, to do as seemeth thee good. I give thee all that I am, or ever expect to be."

Who can describe the peace that instantly fills the consecrated heart ?

The next time I attended our neighborhood prayer-meeting, God gave me great liberty in relating my experience, and the very next day one of my neighbors called and said she thought, perhaps, I had never been converted, and that that was simply the witness of the Spirit in justification.

I told her that I knew I was converted when I was a child, and that no one could make me doubt it, and that I knew I was wholly sanctified to God, and no one could make me doubt that, either, for my feelings have since been expressed in these words :

All for Jesus I All for Jesus !

All my being's ransom'd pow'rs ; All my thoughts and words and doings,

All my days and all my hours.

All for Jesus ! All for Jesus !

All my days and all my hours.

Let my hands perform his bidding;

Let my feet run in his ways : Let my eyes -see Jesus only ;

Let my lips speak forth his praise. All for Jesus ! All for Jesus !

Let my lips speak forth his praise.

ALL FOR JESUS. 31

Since my eyes were fixed on Jesus,

I've lost sight of all beside, — So enchained my spirit's vision,

Looking at the Crucified.

All for Jesus ! All for Jesus I

All for Jesus crucified !

Oh, what wonder I how amazing I

Jesus, glorious King of kings, Deigns to call me his beloved,

Let me rest beneath his wings.

All for Jesus ! All for Jesus !

Resting now beneath his wings.

In a few days the lady called again and said :

" Sister Carter, we must put a stop to your being so noisy in our meetings, for the people will not suffer it any longer.''

Now I had an opportunity to see whether or not there was any anger left in my heart ; and, praise God, I was as tranquil as though nothinghad happened. Before she left, we knelt, and I asked God to bless her and lead her into the light.

We attended the meetings as usual, and I testified to the complete saving power of God. The people seemed to consider me unsafe, and the minister appeared to, also. One evening we were a little late, and my sister and I were obliged to take seats next to the minister. I waited until nearly all had testified in their icy way, and then arose, and if the Lord ever helped a mortal to pour the boiling hot truth on a people, he did me; and the hallelujahs burst forth regardless of any one's opinion. After I was seated, my sister arose and said that the Lord had saved her completely.

The next to speak was the minister, and you can imagine the people's surprise when he said, " Brethren and sisters, I wish you all had the same kind of salvation that these two sisters have ; — I like their spirit."

Thus the Lord vindicates those who honor him.

I have many times thanked God that he gave me an obedient heart when he laid his disapproving hand on the fashion of the world that I was following. It may be of interest to some to have me relate my experience when I laid off the fashions, for Jesus' sake.

ALL FOR JESUS. 33

When I was induced by the milliner to wear the cluster of flowers on my bonnet, I was not aware that I was violating God's command, when he said :

" Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. ,,

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves."

When I began to realize what a hard time I was having to serve God, I commenced searching for the cause, and the Holy Spirit showed me, by the Word, that it was the Lord's will for me to dress plain, and not conform to the world.

I was led, step by step, first to lay aside the flowers and feathers that were on my hat and bonnet, then to take the trimmings off my dresses, until I was as plainly dressed as I was at the first of my conversion.

I had remodeled all of my dresses but one ; that I had overlooked. When I took it from the wardrobe in the fall, the enemy whispered, " You know that is perfectly plain, all but the strip of velvet around the skirt, and. certainly that will do no harm."

When I tried to pray, I could not, but felt as though I must. I tried the second time, but with no better success. I was thoroughly alarmed, and knelt and said :

"O Lord, if the velvet on my dress is the cause of this, bless me and I will take it off." I did not receive the blessing, however, until I had taken the velvet off, and then when I knelt, prayer and praise burst involuntarily forth from my lips, and from that day to this, I have not had the slightest desire to conform to the world in any sense of the word.

The matter of dress did not apply to me alone, but also to my daughters, so long as they were under my control. They are now matured young ladies, and my youngest daughter said to a friend a few days ago, " Miss Belle and I have never dressed otherwise than plain in our lives. We

ALL FOR JESUS. 35 have never desired to, because we know that mother knew better than we, and then, when we were converted, we had no fashions to lay aside."

Chapter IV. Leaving It With The Lord

THE following summer I attended my first camp-meeting, which was held at Chittenango, N. Y. At the close of one of the services, I was telling an unconverted lady some of my experience, when others came and asked if they might listen also. They crowded around me, until, to my surprise, I had quite a fairsized audience. The next morning, as I was crossing the camp-ground, a brother met me and said :

"Sister Carter, some of our ministers thought that you were spiritually proud yesterday, and thought you ought to be told of it. Why ! your very looks showed it."

"Well," said I, "that is the first time that I ever thought of such a thing ; for my only object was to honor the Lord ; and again, I did not seek the people, they sought me, and followed me like hungry sheep. What less could I do than to break the bread of life to them ? "

" Well," said he, " I do this all in love and care for your soul."

I thanked him and turned away and lifted my heart to God in silent prayer, to have him show me if I was spiritually proud. I could discover nothing but love toward both God and man, and as I went out to meeting in the evening I became perfectly willing to have every minister on the ground think I was proud, rather than to displease God by failing to improve every opportunity I had of speaking for him.

The last evening I was on the ground, an old gentleman came to me and said :

"Mrs. Carter, God has called you to do special work in his vineyard. You may yet be called before the crowned heads of the world to do service for him."

I thought he was very much mistaken, for what could the Lord do with me, a woman.

After we returned home, my little Belle began to fail very rapidly, and the physician said that the only way we would be able to raise her, would be in the country air.

A few weeks later we moved on to the " Dr. Totman estate," a few miles from Syracuse. We had been in the place only a short time when I felt so much concerned for the ungodly souls around me, that I could not rest until I had appointed a prayer-meeting to be held at my house. A neighbor called and said that I need not prepare for many, for that place was called "The city of no God.' 1 Much to her surprise, there were eighteen present ; and at the second, there were twenty-three, and at the third, the house was filled.

During the third service, a man that worked with my husband went out to our barn and kept the hens squalling most unmercifully, all through the service. He tried hard to break up the service, but did not succeed, and the Lord showed his divine approval of the meeting by saving three souls.

At our next meeting this very man and his wife were present. I was afraid they had come to make a disturbance, and in my prayer, said,

" O Lord, so convict Mr. B for sin, that he