A Protestant converted to Catholicity by her Bible and prayer book

Dedication

TO THE RIGHT REV. DR. GILLIS, BISHOP OF LIMYRA, COADJUTOR VICAR APOSTOLIC OF THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF SCOTLAND.

My Dear Lord — From the circumstance of your having admitted me into the Catholic Church, and having^been a powerful instrument in leading me into truth, I am induced to address to your Lordship the following brief account of my conversion, as a little offering of my gratitude — little indeed, nevertheless, watered with many tears, and recommended to God by many prayers. May I hope it will not only be acceptable to yourself, but also prove salutary to others.

You know, my dear Lord, the boon I have received — you know something of the burstings of my overjoyed soul, but you cannot know (having inherited your holy faith) the rapture, the bliss of being converted and newly adopted to this life-giving truth when the understanding is ripe, and capable in some degree of appreciating the treasure. St. Mary Magdalen could, perhaps, describe it, or the Lepers who felt the loathsome disease depart, as health came back, but for me, my Lord, there is no relief but to sit down and pen this little account, not so much with the idea of making it public, as simply to relieve myself, in the hope of its one day becoming a medium of addressing those I love best upon the subject, and whose applications to me have been made without number, to be informed of the reasons, that led to my conversion.

Preface

With the truest sincerity, humility, and natural timidity, I take up my pen, to trace for the first time in my life, liries that are to meet the public eye. I have done my best to argue myself out of such a project — I have felt and urged upon myself my utter inability for the task — I have left no method untried by which I might frighten myself out of it. My efforts are in vain. I feel urged on by an influence I have no power to control, and I feel utterly regardless of the personal contempt and scorn, I may most justly expose myself to from my attempt. The effort must be made, let the result be what it may ; not that I am regardless of consequences, when I can and ought to avoid them ; but my present effort I feel to be of such vast importance, if I only succeed, so as to bear a message to one dear 2 soul, that all nice feelings, all fears of personal inability, all doubts as to the results it may produce, all, and every thing are to be disregarded, and cast aside.

At once, therefore, I go to my task, keeping in mind, as a stimulant, those most comforting words to me, who feel so completely nothing : — " The foolish things of the world hath God chosen, that He may confound the wise ; and the weak things of the world hath God chosen, that He may confound the strong. And the base things of the world, and the things that are contemptible, hath God chosen, and things that are not, that He might might bring to nought things that are." It may not be forbidden me here to hope, that He will not refuse me His aid, in an effort that has nothing to recommend it, but as far as it is intended, for His greater glory, and the advancement of His truth. Nor will it have ought to boast of, save the simplicity, truth and sincerity, which will dictate every line. With the learned and great I have nothing to do, but I do feel I have a message to every humble and sincere Protestant, who values the salvation of his precious and immortal soul ; and that message to the best of my ability I will deliver. It is simply this — I feel, that to many I owe a reason for having, in the short space of one month, abjured the faith in which I was reared and lived, and lived not as many do, with only the name of Christianity, and without any vital principle within ; but upon the testimony of others, which I have " in black and white," I am able to say, I was a sincere Protestant, believing I possessed the truth of God, or at least that I was in the church where it was to be found, having sought it earnestly and with many tears ; caring for nothing else in comparison, for at least the last twelve years of my life. Persevering in the search of truth, by the grace of God, I suddenly find it lies, not where I had formerly conceived, but in a church, which I had been taught from my cradle to believe as the sink of all iniquity, the concentration of all error and untruth — even in this church I discover, that the infallible truth of God lies — that truth which declares itself to be of God, and leaves the soul that has been searching for it so long and so earnestly, though not for a moment conceiving where it was to be found, so ravished with its beauty and its security ', as to be almost unfit to declare it to others, lest it should be said, as was of those of old, when influenced by Divine power — ■* Those men are full of new wine !"

The grace being given, I entered this faith, which I had sought so long with my whole heart, and in embracing it, I enjoy a peace I never knew before ; a certainty I had in vain striven to attain as a Protestant — daily and hourly means of serving God, which no Protestant need hope for, since his church thinks one day out of seven sufficient to devote to God, or at least to go to the trouble of public service to Him — having all this, I feel a burning desire to tell it to all — to every one; and they can judge for themselves from the reasons I shall give, whether or not they be sufficient for the change.

To each and every beloved member of my own family I address myself in particular, as also to each individual of that Protestant circle, to which but a short time since I belonged ; yes, and even to every Protestant, whose eye may fall on these lines, and who is as I was, serving God to the best of his ability, according to the rule of faith inherited from his parents, in sincerity desiring to serve God as he requires even to the sacrifice of all selfish and worldly interest — to such and for their sakes only do' I pen these lines.

To many it may be my privilege to communicate, in person, the reasons of this great change, but alas, to those who are most endeared, and most closely connected, I fear not ! The beloved child once honoured with her parents' unlimited confidence and love, has by this act forfeited all claim to either ; she whose word and example were once upheld, must now bear to be told she is incapable of judging aright on any subject. Well, be it so — all this and ten times more 1 can and will bear from such dear ones, who after all are only pronouncing the very words I should myself have uttered hitherto.

But if the privilege of explaining to these precious souls the reasons of my change be denied me, it surely behoves me to try and put them in a form by which I may hope sooner or later to acquaint them of these reasons. God deals differently with different people, and why I have become a Catholic may not be why another would so. The following simple detail is therefore penned only for those who may be circumstanced as I myself was, without "either learning, talent, or any uncommon share of brains, (for had any of these been necessary to ferret out truth from Catholicity, I should never have been a Catholic,) but with only a sufficient quantity of humility to feel it possible I might be wrong, and a very earnest desire to be right ; trusting to the truth of God's promise, that those who seek shall find, and feeling sure I should be right sooner or later if I persevered to seek. I did so, and having sought, I am at last able to say I have found, yes, all that any one could desire — all that my soul required ! Now, as I know there are numbers, who care for nothing compared to the salvation of their soul, and who feel the value of that rule of faith which teaches them they are to search for truth; (thereby implying the possibility that they may not already possess it), and who therefore need only to be told where truth is, that they may instantly embrace it, to them my heart yearns, and for them I will make the effort of putting my reasons on paper. But should these lines meet the eye of any learned Protestant, who detects in them defects of style or composition, let him cast them aside, as utterly unworthy of his criticism, and spare them, remembering they come only from a woman, and were never meant to display either talent or learning, but only to affect the heart, in as far as they have truth to support them.

A PROTESTANT

CONVERTED TO CATHOLICITY

BY HER

BIBLE AND PRAYER BOOK.

Early in February, 1842, under the good Providence of God, I left Dublin an humble but zealous Protestant, to make a visit to a lady, a friend of mine in Edinburgh (my husband being in India). She and I had met in India, where we held the same faith, but by the power of Him, who willeth and no man can hinder it, she was converted to the Catholic faith, between our parting in India the previous December, and our meeting in Edinburgh. However, that had nothing to do with our friendship, except as it might make her love me better. I had got a slight inkling of her change previous to my going to her, though not certain information, however, sufficient to arm myself with all the weapons I could collect from our Protestant armory — books pronounced to be by a clerical friend " the cream" of argument against Catholicity, together with personal instructions on different points. Thus assisted, I started, earnestly imploring I might be made the humble instrument of leading my friend back to truth, little thinking the prayer I offered so earnestly for another's benefit, would be so graciously returned into my own soul. A very short time after my arrival, I endured the heart sickening every Protestant feels on hearing, for a certainty, that one of their own faith had been converted to Catholicity. It imparts a sorrow that is as much without hope, as that which one feels for the dead, at least as regards the hope of seeing them back again, where they were before. However, I was not going to yield to despair, until I had first exhausted the ammunition I had in store.

Besides the books I had bought, I conceived I myself understood the doctrine of Catholicity ; at least I knew I had heard enough of it to be perfectly satisfied it was utterly horrible, and that to embrace it, one must have entirely lost every proper feeling of what was just and good. Besides, coming from a Catholic city, as Dublin might almost be called, I felt I could assert with boldness all the abominations of this faith ; not that 1 had ever personally experienced or witnessed any of its baneful results, or derived my Catholic knowledge from Catholics—no, but every one agreed that nothing could be more horrible than the Catholic faith was, and I thought so too. Moreover, I had read dreadful things of it, and I thought of course, what I read in print was true, {especially as the author was some celebrated Protestant), and so, I am certain, think the great majority of Protestants every where. But more just and liberal light has since dawned upon me, as I pray God, it may ere long on many, who need but the veil taken from their eyes, the prejudices of their early faith removed, the hint given that the Catholic Church is the true Church of Christ, and the means of learning what the Catholic faith really is, presented to them. This done, the speediest means of bringing these persons into this Church without delay, is just to place in their hands for candid examination, their Bible and Prayer book, and if you please, a few of what my friend termed the cream of argument against Catholicity. The coolness with which Protestants assert what Catholics believe, the absurdities they put in their mouths, and the splendid argument they get up, and triumphantly get through against a phantom that never existed — a creature of their own creating, strikes at once an intellect in search of truth, and does more to establish upon the rock pf ages a wavering mind, than all the talents ever heaped upon man could accomplish.

But to continue — After giving a fortnight, or so, to seeing the " lions" of the place, I thought of the mission I had come upon, and with anxiety looked for an opportunity to address my friend upon the subject of the change she had made in her religion. One by one I enumerated to her the horrible doctrines of the Church of Rome. To each one I received answer, that such and such was not Catholic doctrine at all. This was a course I never expected the affair to take, and for which I confess I was quite unprepared. I had thought she would have tried to defend this and that doctrine ; but, plumply to tell me, all I said and conceived to be Catholic doctrine was utterly false, startled me not a little. However, although I did feel much puzzled, I took good care she should not see I was so. I certainly did feel either, that she was not yet initiated into what really was Catholic doctrine, or else that I had been grossly deceived from my very cradle upon the subject.

Amongst the other " lions" of the city, I was taken to hear and see the Rev. Mr.

C , of the Episcopal Church. He was

called a great preacher, and certainly gave us a fine sermon. Next in order was Mr.

D , of the same establishment, noted for

his great piety and spirituality; then the

Rev. Dr. C h, a Presbyterian minister of great renown, and lastly, the Episcopalian Bishop. Descanting on the merits of these preachers, all of whom I found my friend had heard, she timidly inquired whether I would go and hear a sermon in her church. Anxious to prove to her the stability of the faith I held, and which she had forsaken, and that it would by unshaken by anything a Catholic priest could say, I readily assented. Besides, I had visited Catholic churches on the Continent, and knew of my parents having conducted their children to them, as things worthy of notice when travelling, so that the idea of fear or hazarding my faith by so doing, never entered my head. The preacher, the Right Rev. Dr. Gillis, chose for his subject a topic, which, when he first announced it, filled my soul with a feeling of triumph. I thought I needed no better proof of the ungodliness 01 the Catholic Church. He commenced by calling the attention of his congregation to the Protestant Calendar, the Catholic Calendar, and the Infidel Calendar of France ! He said as the index of a book showed what was contained therein, so a Calendar declared the feelings and habits of the nation or body to which it belonged. I shall for briefness sake merely notice a few of his remarks on the Protestant and Catholic Calendars, which he read out, and took for example the month he was then in — February.

PROTESTANT CALENDAR.

1 Fisheries north of Tweed

open,

2 Partridge and Pheasant

shooting ends,

3 Sexagesima Sunday,

4 Purification of the Blessed

Virgin, or Candlemas,

5 Dr. Cullen died, 1790,

6 Dr. Priestley died, 1804,

7 Bishop Keith born, 1781,

8 Mary Queen of Scots be-

headed, 1587.

9 Dr. J. Gregory died, 1733,

10 Quinquagesima Sunday,

11 Descartes died, 1615,

12 Shrove Tuesday,

13 Ash Wednesday,

14 St. Valentine,

ery opens,

CATHOLIC CALENDAR.

1 St. Ignatius,

2 Purification of the B.

V. Mary,

3 St. Blase,

4 St. Andrew Corsini,

5 St. Agatha,

6 St. Dorothy,

7 St. Ronald,

8 St. John of Matha,

9 St. Appollonica,

10 St. Scholastica,

11 St. Raymond of Pena-

fort,

12 St. Catherine,

13 St. Benedict,

14 St. Valentine,

15 St. Faustinusof Tovita*

CATHOLIC CALANDER.

16 St. Onessimus,

17 St. Fintan,

18 St. Simeon,

19 St. Barras,

20 St. Tyrannio, &c,

21 St. Severianus,

22 The Chair of St. Peter,

23 St. Serenus,

24 St. Mathias,

25 St. Tarasius,

26 St. Alexander,

27 St. Leander,

28 St. Proterius.

PROTESTANT CALANDER.

16 Melancthon born, 1497,

17 First Sunday in Lent,

18 Luther born,

19 Sun enters Pisces,

20 Rev. Charles Wolf died,

1823,

21 James I. assassinated,

1437,

22 Adam Ferguson died,

23 Duke of Cambridge born,

24 2d Sunday in Lent,

25 St. Mathias, Apostle,

26 Sir T. Craig died,

27 Dr. Aburthnot died,

28 Montaigue born.

From thence he proved the Protestant nation had not their every day devoted to God, but thought by heaping all their devotion upon a Sunday, they served God admirably. A few days certainly were devoted to the honour of some saint or holiday, but devoted to them only to condemn them. For from what authority or source could Protestants acknowledge such things as saints' days ? They who hold no rule of faith, but the Bible, could not dream of a St. Valentine, or a Shrove Tuesday, or an Ash Wednesday therein.

"Do Protestants know/' he inquired, u why or whence they hold these days ? No, they either do not know, or knowing, they dare not say, for it is from the Catholic Church they received them, and to say so would proclaim their inconsistency. For instance, let any Protestant present, if such there be," (and there was one to whom he was, at the command of heaven, bearing a message, . though he knew it not,) " let him go and ask his clergyman what the approaching Wednesday means (Ash Wednesday). He will see it in his prayer book, and in his calendar too, and the day after he can from' the same source send Valentines, or commence fishing in the Tweed with nets or rods ; but will he see anything of it in his churches, or hear anything from his ministers to tell him, why the day is so called ? No, he will not, because they can only give him a Catholic reason. On the contrary, every day in the Catholic Church and calendar is devoted to some holy recollection — the Catholic Church, and it only, is open every day for devotion^ 3* and every day provides for the souls of the people * daily bread V a means of offering the first of each day to their Creator, and of sanctifying their secular employments. The pure Sacrifice and clean Oblation, declared by Malachy i. 11, as a thing which should be offered daily from the rising of the sun to the going down of the same, even for ever more, is daily offered from the Jlltars of the Catholic Church, and it only." He said much, very much more, that I am utterly incapable of attempting to repeat, and much that I then wished he had kept to himself, and most truly did I regret that all he said was so much to the purpose, and so convincing of this one point, that the religion of the Catholic Church taught and influenced men from Sunday morning to Saturday night.

All this I heard with very great astonishment, and all he said was alarmingly and hatefully true. In fact, such a powerful sermon I had never before heard, and coming from a Catholic priest or bishop, it made no matter which, I was utterly puzzled, and when my friend inquired what I thought of her preacher, I knew not what to say. I wished from my soul, that the man who could so metamorphose a lie into truth, had never been born, or else that I had been born to know that truth which I had always conceived a lie. His subject, which commenced so antichristian, as I thought, closed with Christ as its beginning and its end, its all in all. I confess I was thoroughly bewildered. The idea, that perfect truth could be in the Catholic Church, almost deprived me of the power to proceed, and yet / felt the preacher's words were true. However, I had no idea of allowing either to my friend or myself that I was in any measure conquered. It was very true he had had it all his own way in the pulpit, and so far I was bound to credit him right, till I had proved him wrong. But I would do as he desired, I would put the question he proposed to a clergyman, and I felt no doubt his eloquence and apparent truth would both vanish before the answer I should get. For although, to my shame, I could not give a satisfactory explanation of Ash Wednesday, still I would go to one whose business and delight I felt it would equally be, as a preacher of the Protestant Church, to enlighten me.

Ash Wednesday soon came, I went to hear Mr. D , celebrated alike for learning as piety, an Episcopalian, and altogether the man for me. I listened, all anxiety, to his sermon, hoping I should hear what would enable me to silence my friend, without any personal application being necessary, and to prove to her she had made a mistake, or at least her bishop had, in supposing our clergy could not give them a reason, and a good one too, for every thing in their church. The sermon commenced and ended, but not one word of or about " Ash Wednesday." What was I to do ? I was a total stranger to the preacher, and still I felt this was no time to stand upon ceremony. It was a matter of importance to me to have the question answered, for should what the Catholic bishop said of the calendar be true, (which, of course, I could not suppose possible, and still I could not shake off the impression it had left,) what he said on other subjects might be so also, and then *alas, for me ! I approached the Rev. gentleman as he descended the pulpit stairs, apologized for stopping him, but said I was a stranger in Edinburgh, anxious to have a question answered which had been put to me by a Catholic : viz., what was the exact meaning of Ash Wednesday ? and that I was ashamed to say I had not been able to give a proper answer. He took my hand with the greatest kindness, and cheered me by the most friendly reception, and said, looking me hard in the face, " you are aware we Protestants have nothing to do with ashes, or candles, or crosses, or any such nonsense."

Yes sir, I said, I know that. u Well," he continued, " that being the case, the day is more a name than anything else, and indeed it should not be in the prayer book, no more than Christmas day, which ought to be called the Nativity of our Lord, Such terms, Christmas day and Ash Wednesday, and some others, were quite Catholic, and spoke for themselves being so, and indeed such things needed reforming before being placed in a reformed prayer book." At these words my heart sank : all the Catholic priest had said rushed into my mind, and a horrid thought crossed me, and forced itself upon me, that perhaps my long-treasured faith was insecure. When I could speak, I said, but sir, am I to say what you have said to my friend ? " No, no," said he, "just say that ashes are typical of humility, and therefore, the day is called Ash Wednesday to remind us of the time it ushers in, in which we are to humble ourselves by prayer and fasting" Fasting sir ! said I, almost choking with the feelings contending within me, if I say " fasting," my friend will naturally triumph over me again, for you know sir, we don't fast. " That, my dear, is quite another subject, therefore, say nothing of fasting," (and looking at me very hard, and drawing me quite close to him,) " you know, my child, there are different meanings that can be .attached to that word; and besides you know many good Protestants do fast, but as your mind does not seem quite established, I would advise you not to use the ivord, but merely say, to humble ourselves by prayer" And is that the answer, sir, said I, scarcely able to articulate ! upon which I raised my eyes, and at the same time they met his, which were most anxiously resting upon me, and with much alarm in his look, he took hold of my two hands and said, " may 1 urge upon you, a total stranger, the ill effects of Catholic society. Avoid it, do, for, believe me, you will get no good, whatever harm you may from it." We parted, my head full of confusion, and my heart full of sadness. I tried to avoid the subject with my friend, but she was too anxious to impart some of the joy and peace she herself had to me, so she instantly required to be enlightened. I gave the words delivered to me, and to which she simply replied, "and do you think that satisfactory ?" No, I said, I do not ; and though at this, I dare not disclose to her, or allow myself for a moment to feel my faith was not founded upon a rock, still I inwardly felt a great desire to know really what the Catholic faith was, but I knew not how to go about it. I commenced, however, bymaking attacks upon the different points of her belief.

The first thing I inquired after, or rather insisted upon was, that the Pope was considered by all Catholics individually infallible, that he was called by Catholics " God" and that every title given in scripture to Christ, was ascribed to him ; (this idea I got out of one of the books I had brought with me to convert my friend.) To my astonishment she boldly declared such, was not, nor ever had bee?i a doctrine of the Catholic Church; no more is he called or entitled God, than any nobleman would be when addressed in Latin he is styled " Bominus :" and so far from his being considered impeccable he continually humbles himself by falling upon his knees to confess his sins to a poor monk, besides which he can never offer up the sacrifice of the Mass, without making a public confession of his sins, in the same manner as the humblest priest, by reciting the H. confiteor" in the commencement of the Mass.

The next point I asserted with great determination, because I remembered having read a most convincing book founded upon the very fact, (Father Clement,) and that was, that to this hour the church forbids the use of the Scriptures to the laity. Here again I was baffled, she assured me no such command or restriction was laid upon Catholics, so far from it, proper translations of the Bible were and are circulated by order of the church, wherever people can be found capable of reading them ; besides, I knew her to have become, since her conversion to Catholicity, quit^ a biblical scholar.

My next attempt was aimed at confession. I exclaimed with horror at a doctrine so repugnant to human nature, as that of confessing one's sins to a priest, and then to complete the matter, of supposing he had power after hearing to pardon. This I knew was a Catholic doctrine, and Catholic only; sol anticipated a glorious triumph, 4 as far as this point went, and I was more successful than on the two former subjects, at least I was not told that what I was stating was false ; but I question whether my defeat was not more perfect. She alleged that confession and absolution were not only Catholic doctrine by Scripture warranted, but also the professed doctrine of the Episcopal Church to which I belonged. For proof she referred to the Protestant Prayer Book at the "visitation of the sick," where it is enjoined upon the minister, to move the sick person to confess his sins, and then to absolve him. I opened my prayer book, and found it even so ; and I confessed I was puzzled, because I felt certain if Christ had left power to his ministers to forgive sins at the hour of death, they had the same power, at any other time. I also felt, if it were good to confess one's sins on a death-bed to a priest, "when a man's sins leave him, not he his sins," how much better, and infinitely more beneficial it must be to humble oneself when in health and strength, and liable to sin every moment, to postponing it to a time, which may never come. Besides, the obligation, when in health and strength, must of 'necessity have a great power to check sin, bring much comfort to the soul, and powerfully assist to leading a godly life. But I really knew not what to make of it all ; I seemed to be but awaking out of a deep sleep, the past being like a dream compared to the reality dawning upon me.