The real home

Dedication

O those who have homes, and those who have none; to those who, while striving, have not yet reached the ideal home life; to all who seek to make the home below a training ground to prepare for the home above,— this book is lov¬ ingly dedicated by

The Author.

PREFATORY

Contents

The Privileges of a Father.142

Lengthening Shadow t s.412

X

Chapter One “HOME, SWEET HOME”

A YOUNG woman accepted a position as teacher of violin in a select, private school.

She spent her last evening at home playing for father, mother, big brother, and little Ted.

After listening to selections from the great masters, brother said, “Now play the ‘Home Tune.’ Mother will play the accompaniment.”

This tune was the girl’s own composition, one she had written for those she loved best.

“Here we are sitting around the fire,” she said, as she played the low, bass notes.

Brother interrupted, “Yes, and then father and mother begin to talk together.”

The musician smiled. This music needed no interpretation in that home. Clearly, tenderly, came the tones, until the last floated away softly on the evening air.

The time came when a noted musician the girl greatly admired visited the school where she taught. The principal told her she must play before him and a distinguished company which had been invited.

When the appointed hour came, the girl trem¬ blingly stood before her audience. “I will play a very simple melody called the ‘ Home Tune, ’ ’ ’ she announced.

And as she played, the eager, restless group before her faded, and she saw only the dim, sweet picture of her own fireside. She saw her dear, patient father. She saw her mother. She heard big brother say, “Now I come in,” and three-year-old Teddy proclaim, “An’ now the fairies dance an ’ sing! ’ ’ Then she saw them sit¬ ting quietly, dreaming before the dying embers.

The music ceased. The master violinist came to her side and asked that it be repeated. When the last notes were finished, he said:

“This music is different. I spend my life trying to find music for the hearts of the people. I find that which is brilliant, sentimental, but oh, so rarely, real. Your music plays true ”

Life in the home always “plays true.” There is the truest representation of real life. The merry laugh rings out. Peace and contentment are there, and joy presides. At other times, there are heartbreaking sadness and bitter weep¬ ing. Alas that there should ever be cruel anger and raging passion, bitterest sorrow and the silence of death!

“0 little homes, ye little homes of love!

Strength of a man; a woman’s song; laugh of a child;

Warmth of a fire; glow of a lamp; wild

The wind without, and grim the skies above.

0 little homes, set close at every hand!

Ye narrow, walled-in worlds of joys and fears,

Built of the commonplace, of smiles and tears,

Ye are the heart and sinew of the land!”

God made the first home. He made it right. It was a pattern for all future earthly homes. He founded it on the marriage relation. One very good man and one winsome woman under-

“HOME, SWEET HOME”

took the making of a perfect home. According to Will Carlton,

“This Adam and Eve more advantages carried Than any young couple that ever was married.

They’d a nice, cozy home, unencumbered and free,

Save a slight reservation on one little tree; . . .

And if, when Eve spied that large serpent one day,

She had acted the usual feminine way

And piercingly screamed, and run, reckless and blind,

As if Satan were only two minutes behind;

Then Adam, manlike, had soothed sweetly her fright, Saying, ‘What do you fear? ’Tisn’t poison; ’twon’t bite;’ Then, catching a club, he had towered up above it,

And promptly had pounded the devil out of it,

’Twould have saved some hot tears, some hard toil, some disgrace,

And been a great thing for the whole human race.

• • • • •

“So the Science of Home is the chiefest of all:

To ward off these dangers that ever befall;

To beat back these devils of discord and sin That always are striving to steal their way in;

To use all the means God hath placed in our sight,

To keep our homes innocent, happy, and bright;

For a home that rejoices in Love's saving leaven,

Comes deliciously nigh to the splendors of heaven.”

The earthly home should be a foretaste of the heavenly. The first church on earth was a home, and the home is the main pillar of the church. The home is a loving place; and if love is not there, it is unfit to be a living place.

IDEAL HOMES

The ideal home is a center of service, first to its own inmates, and reaching beyond them, ex¬ tends its saving influence afar. In wise and uplifting ways we may share with others.

Young men and women may be invited to enjoy its blessings, and thus be encouraged and strengthened to meet temptation.

One writer has said that “in the word ‘home’

should lie the wealth of all languages, of all affections, of all virtuous joys, of all pure memories, of all innocent hopes. It is the patter of little feet, the gleeful laughter of childhood, the happy song of the maiden, the cheerful laugh of the lad, the merry pastime, the sweet vespers of evening when toil is ended, the united meal, the household stories, the music and inno¬ cent diversions, the various interests and plans revolving about a common center.

“Home for those consigned to toil, whether in office, shop, or field, is where affection gives the welcome kiss, where the home circle opens wide its arms and throws around you its golden bands of love, and hushes every sigh with words of welcome, and offers rest to the tired of body, brain, and heart. Oh, how I wish we had more homes, for then we would have a better, brighter, happier world!”

Where we love is home —

Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts;

The chain may lengthen, but it never parts.— Holmes.

HOME DEFINED

A British periodical offered a prize for the best definition of home. More than five thou¬ sand answers were received, among them the following:

“HOME, SWEET HOME ”

“A world of strife shut out; a world of love shut in.”

“The golden setting in which the brightest jewel is mother.”

“Home is the blossom of which heaven is the fruit.”

“The place where the great are sometimes small, and the small sometimes great.”

“The father’s kingdom, the children’s paradise, the mother’s world.”

“Where you are treated best and grumble most.”

Margaret Sangster says:

“A home in which father and mother unite in training their children, is the one retreat on earth that gathers to itself the light of heaven.”

“The ocean voyager has often seen an island lying sweet and calm, a harbor safe and serene, where storm and tem¬ pest have no power to harm. That harbor, that island, may be likened to the Christian home. Not that there are no troubles, no sorrows, otherwise we should be in heaven, to which we have no symbol which so nearly approaches the perfection of that fair land as the model home.”

If things are right at home, to its inmates they are right everywhere; if things are wrong there, to them the whole world is wrong. The home life overtops and nndergirds the whole of other life, whether public or private. Dr. Talmage wrote: “The highest house of Congress is the domestic circle: the rocking-chair in the nursery is higher than a throne. George Washington commanded the forces of the United States, but Mary Washington commanded George. 7 ’

Calvin Coolidge, Vice President of the United States, declares:

“The destiny, the greatness, of America lies around the hearthstone. If thrift and industry are taught there and the example of self-sacrifice oft appears; if honor abide there, and high ideals; if there the building of fortune be subordinate to the building of character, America will live in security, rejoicing in abundant prosperity and good gov¬ ernment at home, and in peace, respect, and confidence abroad. If these virtues be absent, there is no power that can supply these blessings. Look well, then, to the hearth¬ stone. Therein all hope for America lies.”

LOVE IN THE HOME

True love begins at home, and, reaching thence, Twines sympathetic arms round all our race,

And fills our interval of time and sense

With airs from heaven, its native dwelling place.

For home shall be a type of that above,

Like Israel’s desert temple long ago,

Built of the same grand masonry of love

As that bright dwelling place to which we go.

— T. R. Williamson.

• —

Naught but loving hearts can make a true home. There may be wealth, honor of men, costly furnishings, plenty of things; but these never make a happy home. Nothing but love for the Father above and love for one another can bring true peace and joy to the home circle.

Sometimes there is in the heart love which re¬ mains unexpressed. This is like a world which has a sun, but dark clouds prevent its warmth and comfort shining through. If illness comes, if death divides, then love finds words and ex¬ presses itself in deeds; but it may be too late then to satisfy the hungry heart of husband, wife, or child.

A good home is an invincible armor that pro¬ tects man, woman, and child in this evil w r orld.

“HOME, SWEET HOME "

If there is no love for home, something is wrong. In his own home a man is necessary. It is he, not another, whose coming is waited‘ for, longed for, and grieved for. It matters little elsewhere whether he comes or goes. At home he can tell his loneliness. There he reveals his failures, and is not ashamed. There he confesses his sins, and is forgiven. He shares his inmost soul with no other but the one whom he has made queen of his heart and home.

The wife in the ideal home is quickly recog¬ nized by a brooding tenderness. She scorns to utter words of blame, and to be irritable. She will not wreck the evening’s joy by careless, un¬ loving words that cause the forehead to become anxious, and bring a mist to the eyes.

The ideal home will be more than a place to eat and drink, to work and sleep. There will be frolics and games for the children. Father and mother will plan and be a part of all their pleasures.

There will be neatness and order, pictures, books, music,— such as can be afforded,— in a home that attracts and holds. Gratitude will be felt and expressed for favors received from heaven and from one another. Gloomy moods, cloudy faces, surly manners, nagging, complain¬ ing, worrying, fretting, faultfinding, make a dwelling a haunted house from which its in¬ mates gladly escape.

The government of state or nation is of small importance when compared with the government of the millions of homes in onr country. No administration can be so harmful as bad admin¬ istration of government at home. No statesman¬ ship can save us when lawlessness and anarchy rule there. If its homes are right, the nation prospers.

CHRIST IN THE HOME

But after all, that home which locks and bars its doors to the Saviour of men is a barren waste. It may be complete in every other sense, but the “one thing needful” is lacking, while the less pretentious, the humble home may be as a palace, because ‘ ‘ the Lamb is the light thereof. ’ ’ He illumined the peasant home in Nazareth; He was its light, its joy, its burden bearer. He was welcomed to the Bethany household, and brought to it physical and spiritual life.

To many now dark and troubled homes He

%j

would bring peace and rest if His presence were welcome. Many alienated husbands and wives need His forgiving spirit, His forbearance, His love. Many broken-hearted fathers and mothers who mourn over wayward sons and daughters, greatly, oh, so greatly, need His help and wis¬ dom. Straying children are listening for His loving call. Everywhere there are perplexed, weary souls, sick in body and mind, who need Him as their Helper, their Healer. We all need Him, or life at home, in business, in the church, will be a failure. “ Behold, I stand at the door, and knock,” He says. Shall we not let Him in?

“HOME, SWEET HOME "

It has been said that John Howard Payne’s immortal lines should be our national hymn. We might make a worse choice.

Long ago twenty thousand people assembled in New York City to hear Jenny Lind sing. She sang selections from Beethoven, Handel, and other artists, and the great audience was charmed by the sweetness of her voice. But suddenly she paused. The Swedish nightingale seemed to be pluming her wings of song for loftier flight. Then came in tender tones,

“ ’Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.”

The vast concourse caught its breath. The people forgot where they were. Then they burst into wildest applause. The voice of the singer was silenced. Men and women wept.

Why?—Because “home” touches the heart as does no other theme. Home is the Inspira¬ tion Point of life. The earthly home may become as a little heaven below where prepara¬ tion is made to enter the heaven above.

Two birds within one nest;

Two hearts within one breast;

Two spirits in one fair,

Firm league of love and prayer,

Together bound for aye, together blessed.

An ear that waits to catch A hand upon the latch;

A step that hastens its sweet rest to win;

A world of care without,

A world of strife shut out,- A world of love shut in.

—Dora Greenwood. '

Chapter Two “It is not good that man should be alone!”

Joy, joy to you who sound the wedding bells! In Eden’s bowers regained you may have known “It is not good that man should be alone.”

And some glad day, before the great white throne, You, hand in hand, may gather immortelles.

— S. J. Townsend.

D

R. CORTLAND MYERS is authority for the statement that three thousand mar¬ riage ceremonies are performed in the world every day.

A man uses great care in selecting a partner in business. If he wishes to purchase a jewel, he takes more time to examine the gem than the casket that contains it. A partnership in busi¬ ness can easily be dissolved. A precious stone may be exchanged or sold. But how much more care is necessary in selecting a companion for life, one concerned not in business only, but in every relation and interest as long as both shall live!

If a man purchases a house, he inquires about its situation, whether he can secure a perfect title, the cost of the property, and whether it is adapted to his needs; yet a man and a woman unite their interests in marriage without serious reflection as to whether they are adapted to each other, or whether their union will prove a bless¬ ing or a curse. Surely more foresight and good ( 18 )

judgment should be used in such a choice than in a business transaction.

Too many look upon marriage as a trivial ceremony instead of a life partnership; hence, on every hand are disappointed, unhappy, mis¬ erable married men and women, and homes filled with discord and distress. Upon no other choice in life does so much of earthly happiness or unhappiness depend.

Many have no higher motive in marriage than to please themselves. A young man is at¬ tracted by a pretty face and pleasing manners. A young woman sees the prospect of a home, some one to love and care for her; and nothing further is considered. Neither understands that true love is based on unselfish sacrifice for the one beloved, on giving rather than on receiving.

PREPARATION NEEDED

One who intends to enter the marriage rela¬ tion should question his motive. Does^ it spring from selfishness, or from pure affection ? Much that is called love is base passion. True love can afford to wait. It thinks of the welfare of the one beloved, instead of selfish gratification. It does not take for its measuring rod, “I,” “me,” and “mine.”

A young man should have good health before he plans to marry. To be clean in body and mind is necessary if he would be a good hus¬ band. It is well for him to obtain his school education before marriage, for he will find himself seriously handicapped if he undertakes to finish a college course afterward.

In ancient times a young man’s ability was questioned. Was he industrious? Could he provide for a wife and family?

Before a young man loses his heart, he will do well to study the thirty-first chapter of Prov¬ erbs. -Will the girl he loves develop into the wife there described? The following qualities also are worthy of consideration:

She keeps her own room in order.

She is a good housekeeper.

She can bake good bread, and prepare tasty, inexpensive meals.

She can do plain sewing.

She is neat and modest in her dress instead of stylish and extravagant.

She is intelligent, and possesses a practical education.

She is not quick-tempered and easily of¬ fended; neither is she sullen and moody.

The one chosen for a wife should be an ear¬ nest Christian.

HOW TO CHOOSE A HUSBAND

How shall a young woman know that her ad¬ mirer is worthy of consideration as her future companion? She will do well to learn whether he possesses these qualifications:

Is he a Christian? If not, he lacks the one thing needful.

Has lie bad habits of any kind? Is lie ad¬ dicted to vice ? Does he drink, use tobacco, play games of chance, or keep bad company?

Has he a practical education ? Is he studious and a lover of good literature?

Is he industrious? Has he entered some line of business in which he has begun to win success ?

Is he cheerful and social, or gloomy and morose ?

How does he treat his mother and sister? Does he expect them to wait on him ? How does he treat all women?

Is he kind to animals, or does he delight in tormenting them?

Is he a spendthrift? Does he spend money freely for clothes, amusements, or pleasure of any kind, or is he saving and economical?

Is he selfish and overbearing in his dealings with others, or is he generous and kind in all his associations?

If a young man does not have these creden¬ tials of character, wait a while, young woman; keep on in your own preparation to match grace with grace until the right one comes to claim you.

A husband needs training to become the head of an efficient, happy home.

STUDY THE MARRIAGE RELATION

Buskin says: “Marriage ... is only the seal which marks the vowed transition of temporary into untiring service, and of fitful into eter¬ nal love.”

Marriage is one of God’s best gifts to man. It is a sacred covenant, based on mutual regard and affection, that the parties will live together as husband and wife until death separates them.

He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet, performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recog¬ nizing it as an institution that He Himself had estab¬ lished. . . .

The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to man¬ kind. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities .—“The Ministry of Healing ” pages 356, 357.

True marriage is a Christian institution. There is a legal or civil marriage, into which the contracting parties may enter without regard for God in their personal experience, and with¬ out His blessing upon their union. The civil marriage, though not ideal, is a protection to the family and the home, and often human affection binds hearts closely together. In this country, Christian marriages are also civil or legal.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS MARRY UNBELIEVERS ?

Christian young people will not enter into a lifelong alliance without asking counsel of God. They will be willing to accept His choice, to abide by His decision. The man and woman who become interested in each other will inquire if God approves their union. A power we do not possess is needed to read hearts and to know the

Young people should also ask counsel of their parents. Father is a better judge of men than his daughter can be.

future. They should ask if their choice is His for them. He will not disappoint the earnest seeker. But many fear to trust His choosing; they rely on their own wisdom.

Young people should also ask counsel of their parents. Father is a better judge of men than his daughter can be. Mother’s clear eye can often read clearly the character of the young woman who interests her son, and will discern whether she will develop into a good wife. It is unfair to parents not to ask their advice on a matter so important.

It is a serious mistake for a Christian to marry an unbeliever. 44 Only in the Lord,” is the Bible rule. Even a professed Christian man and woman may not be fitted to live together as husband and wife; much less can those live in

harmony who have little or no sympathy with

one another’s religious convictions. “Unless

vou would have a home where the shadows are «/

never lifted, do not unite yourself with one who is an enemy of God.”

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Such a yoke will become galling, as many have proved by sad experience. One earnest Christian young woman who made the experiment wrote:

“I have a good home, a good husband, and all, but oh, I am so starved for a different plan and way of living. I find all is true that has been written regarding this most impor¬ tant undertaking. The world is so full of things that seem good, and being constantly in it, takes all else away. Not that I have a desire for the world, but it takes time and energy, so that the all-important thing of seeking God is let go, and one awakens to find himself lost. I do love Him, but feel now as though I should like to sound into the ears of every one who is harboring such a thought, that it is an unwise step, a dangerous one, a sad one, instead of a happy one as we plan.

“Yes, there is all power in prayer, but I have let go some¬ how; and now I seem to have a brass heaven above and no help seems near. I believe in God, but power is lacking.”

Love is the most vital principle of life. It gives zest to joy, and lightens burdens; there is peace and harmony when the love of God and union in His service bind hearts together. There can be no real love where the golden cord of Christian fellowship is lacking. Marriages between Christians and unbelievers are wholly unadvisable — yes, wrong; for the path before them is filled with clouds and tempests, and ends in darkness, unless, as sometimes happens, the unbeliever becomes a Christian.

Those who marry expect to increase their happiness. But there must be union of senti¬ ment, a planning and a working together for the same object. To the true Christian the hope of heavenly joy, union with Christ, comes before every other consideration; therefore, there can be no true union between one who lives for this world and one whose life is hid with Christ in God.

Yet in spite of warnings and the experience of those who venture on forbidden ground, some will argue that tlieir case is different; that they feel sure they will be able to save the object of their affections.

One wife thus relates her experience:

“Oh, I want to be nearer and nearer each day to God, but it seems that my cares and the indifference of my hus¬ band cause me to be negligent of my duty! The cares of my household would be nothing if I could only lean upon my husband to lead in spiritual things. But he is not con¬ verted ; and while he does not oppose me, yet at times I feel crushed and withered spiritually because I cannot converse with him on subjects that are nearest and dearest to my heart; in other words, I cannot feel free in my spiritual life. ‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers/ is God’s admonition to us; and yet we are like Eve; we dis¬ believe God’s judgment, and taste the forbidden fruit, and like her also, we receive the recompense for our sins, and many are the lives that are blighted as the result. Oh that young people could realize the danger of marriage with unbelievers!

“I feel more every day my need of my husband’s help

with my little ones. I am too weak to lead them alone. I

pray that the time may be hastened when his heart may

be made right with God, and we in harmony may live for

eternitv.”

There are many who lament their mistake when too late. Some will decide wisely to follow the Bible rule, and will be warned by the unsat¬ isfactory experience of others.

Those who are united to unbelievers carry the heavy end of the load. Where they most need help and sympathy, it is lacking. They have no one with whom to share their highest joys or their deepest griefs. In one sense they walk alone. The house is divided. Unity cannot exist. Under such pressure many have become discouraged and have abandoned their faith.

COURTSHIP

It is well for young people first to be com¬ rades, without being sentimental. Traits will be manifested in their associations which indicate strength or weakness of character, and it is wise to become well acquainted before marriage.

It is well always to remember that true love “seeketh not her own;” it is unselfish. This trait may be cultivated during courtship, and bear its blessed fruit later in married life.

Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the after life both

*

in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve .—“The Min¬ istry of Healing ” page 359.

BE HONEST AND SINCERE

In courtship there must be absolute sincerity. To strive to win affection, or to accept it with¬ out striving, and then toss it aside as a worthless thing, is unworthy of any man or woman. Never flirt. Let your attitude in all affairs of the heart be perfectly honorable. Do not accept loverlike attentions from a person you do not love.

Some seem to regard it as creditable to have a new lover every few weeks. Such persons do great injury to themselves and to others.

Dr. Cortland Myers deals thus with these hypocrites:

There is a foul fiend dressed in the bright garments of frivolity and flirtation. He is guilty of the blackest crimes. In the whole list of sins, his is, in some respects, the mean¬ est. His name is “Flirt,” and he is only the shadow of a man. He is the shell without the kernel, a painted, polished surface that has no heart and fountain of real life below.

The young woman, the girl, who follows this unholy pastime, is not a flower of humankind, but a mere bit of thistledown floating in its lightness on the winds of social falsehood; a butterfly in seeming, all airy and brightcolored, but under the wings, a mere loathsome caterpillar, with a contorted body and no soul at all. The most despic¬ able of all the members of the human family is the one who trifles with those eternal verities of love, of the heart, and of the sweet and solemn pledge of holy betrothal. . . .

The need of this hour is to restore to the promise of marriage its rightful sanctity. There is more solemnity here than even at the marriage altar. The latter is only the repetition of the former; the one only the publication of the other, that was performed in the secret silence of the soul with ten thousand angels for witnesses.— "The Lost Wedding Ring ” pages 46-50.

A visitor, while passing through a hospital for the insane, came to a padded cell, in which was a girl whose clawlike hands clasped the iron bars that inclosed her. Her sad face peered out between them, and her low moans were pitiful to hear.

“What brought her here?” was asked.

“Her lover was untrue, and she became in¬ sane years ago on account of it, ’ ’ was the answer.

There is a just God who will avenge such wrongs. It is an awful sin to trifle with a lov¬ ing heart, to deceive, mislead, and betray.