Fairy grammar

Preface

SOME years* experience in teaching children the first elements of English Grammar has enabled me to sympathise not only with the children in their endeavours to grasp a difficult subject, but also with the teachers whose duty it is to help them to master their difficulties. To the young mind, a lesson in grammar affords but little interest ; to the teacher, the subject is too often devoid of everything which can assist in making a lesson enjoyable to the pupil ; and, unless he or she is blessed with a gift of humour and imagination above the ordinary, the lessons in grammar develop into something closely akin to drudgery for both pupil and teacher. A child can be taught anything with the aid of its imagination ; and, although at first sight it might seem impossible to connect a lesson in grammar with the imagination of a child, yet I confidently viii FAIRY GRAMMAR

believe that this Uttle book will effect that mysterious combination.

There is no new method of teaching, no newfangled device involved in this book. It is merely a tale by means of which the child's imagination is brought to bear upon a difficult and uninteresting subject (from the child's point of view), and which, I believe, will enable the young mind to grasp the importance of grammar, and all unconsciously to learn its first mysteries. Certainly, the lessons are not carried very far ; but experience has shown me that, when once a child has firmly grasped the diiFerence between the parts of speech, no difficulty is experienced in erecting the rest of the edifice. And I believe in making a child's firsjt efforts as easy and as pleasant as possible.

The book will serve more purposes than one. It may be used as a reader at school, from which many exercises in grammar may be taken that will prove interesting to the young class; or it may be used simply as a tale, and the child be left to amuse itself and to learn as it reads. Nor do I think that the adult reader will find it unamusing ; and I am confident that any parent or teacher who scans these pages will at once grasp

PREFACE IX

the advantages which the book offers of teaching the child in such a way that pleasure becomes mutual. And thus I sincerely hope that this little book will indeed prove to be a Fairy Grammar.

My thanks are due to Mr. A. Watson Bain for the definitions in the Appendix.

J. H. C

Chapter I The Coming Of Ram-marg

JOHN Henry Arthur Percival Sparks was eight years old, all but a few hours. That is to say, by the time the sun had risen and daylight had come again it would be his birthday. At the time this story begins he was in bed, and he was also in a very bad temper. That is why he was in bed ; for he would not have been there had he been in a good temper, in which case this story might never have been written.

You have very likely laughed because John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks had so many names to be called by. But that was not his fault ; and if you want to know why he had so many names, you must ask his father or mother, or some of his uncles and aunts, for I am afraid I cannot tell you. At any rate, it was no fault of his — of that you may

be sure. But it was his fault that he was in a bad temper, and therefore it was his fault that he was in bed. And it was also his fault that this story ever had a beginning.

Of course, Master J. H. A. P. Sparks would not agree with me in all this. He would say that it was his mother's fault that he was in bed before his time. She had sent him there. After all, he had not done anything very wrong. He had certainly been naughty at his lessons all day, but that was not the reason he had to go to bed early. He had been punished because he had very much wanted to open one or two brown-paper parcels in the dining-room, nice brown-paper parcels all tied up with string, reminding him that to-morrow was his birthday. And, though he had been told three times not to touch them, he had at last succeeded in poking a hole in one of them. And then a lot of horrid white powder stuff had fallen out and made a mess all over the dining-room carpet, when all the while he had thought that that parcel was for him ! That was why he was in bed ; not for making the mess all over the carpet, but because he had not obeyed his mother and left the parcel alone.

It had been a very bad day for j. H. A. P. Sparks, bad from the time he had got up to the

THE COMING OF RAM-MARG 3

time he had been put to bed again. His governess. Miss Walker, said that she had never known him so naughty ; and he had spent most of the morning standing in the corner of the school-room, because he would not try to learn the lesson in Grammar which she was teaching him. The more she punished him, the worse he became ; until his last act of disobedience sent him where he should have been a long while ago — to bed.

And there he lay in the dark, sometimes angry, sometimes sulky, and all the time very unhappy. And he was a little frightened, too, because to-morrow would be his birthday ; and he had been so tiresome that they might punish him by not giving him his presents. That would really be too bad !

He was thinking about those presents more and more, and feeling very sorry for himself, when all of a sudden he heard a squeaky little voice calling him by name.

"John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks," squeaked the voice somewhere at the foot of his bed.

"What's that ! " asked John.

"John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks,'' said the voice again.

" Who are you ? " asked John, a little frightened.

4 FAIRY GEAMMAR

" Never mind who I am," said the voice, which sounded just like the squeak a pencil will sometimes make in writing on a slate. " I want to talk to you."

" Where are you ? " asked John.

" Never mind where I am," answered the squeak. "Just listen to me ! "

" What do you want ? "

" I have already told you. I want to talk to you. Why do you not learn your lessons ? "

" I hate them ! " said John.

" How many parts of speech are there ? "

" I don't know, and I don't care ! " replied John.

"Then I am going to teach you," said the voice.

" You can't," said John. " Nobody can."

" He-he ! " squeaked the voice. "John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks, you are a fool."

" I don't care ! " said John.

" What is a noun ? " asked the voice.

" I don't know," answered John.

"Then I shall teach you," said the voice. " What is a pronoun i "

"I don't know."

" Then I shall teach you that. What is an adjective ? "

THE COMING OF RAM-MAEG 5

*' I don't know," answered John. " So shut up, and don't ask me any more silly questions ! "

" Very well," said the voice. " Now listen to me. To-morrow I shall teach you what a noun is, and the next day I shall teach you what a pronoun is, and the next day you shall learn what an adjective is ; so that, in a week from to-day, you will have learnt all the parts of speech, one every day. And you will not forget them again, I can promise you."

" Pooh ! " said John. " You can't teach me if I don't want to learn. Nobody can."

" I can," said the voice.

"I don't believe you," said John. "And I simply won't learn, so there ! "

" He-he ! " laughed the squeak, and now it sounded so loud, that it seemed as though the slate was being scratched all over with the pencil. " Don't forget. Your lessons will begin to-morrow, and will last for seven days. Seven parts of speech— seven days in the week. See ? "

" How are you going to teach me ? " asked John.

" You'll see to-morrow."

" I don't believe you," said John.

" He-he ! '' laughed the squeak, dancing all over the slate.

" How can you teach me ? " argued John. "You are nobody."

" That is just it/* said the voice. " That is the very thing you said just now. You said that nobody could teach you. Well, I am Nobody, and I am going to teach you."

" I won't learn," said John.

" You shall," said the squeak.

" I won't," said John.

"You shall," said the squeak. "You shall learn a new part of speech every day for a week."

" How will you teach me ? "

" Do you want to know very much ? " said the squeaky voice. " Very well. Listen :

" No one values what he has,

When he has a lot ; Everybody wants to get

What he hasn't got.

Things which you make use of most

Are the Parts of Speech ; And you'll value them much more

When they're out of reach."

" Ta-ta," continued the squeaky voice, fading away into the distance. " If you want to know, my name is Ram-marg. Don't forget ; to-morrow you shall learn what nouns are."

THE COMING OF RAM-MARG 7

" I don't believe it," said John to himself, after he had listened to see whether the voice would speak to him again. " I don't believe it, I have been dreaming. That's what it is."

'' Oh no, you haven't ! " squeaked the voice suddenly, and so close to his ear that John nearly tumbled out of bed.

'' I wish you wouldn't do that ! " said John. " I don't like it. Where are you ? "

But, though he strained his ears for a reply, and thought that once he heard a very faint squeak from a far corner of the room, nothing further happened ; and he was still listening intently for that squeaky little voice, when he fell fast asleep.

Chapter II John Learns Of Something He Cannot Do Without

JOHN was roused from sleep by a sudden flood of sunlight pouring into the room, and, on lifting his head from the pillow, found Miss Walker pulling up the blinds.

" Hullo ? " he said sleepily. " Is it .? "

He paused, for somehow he had forgotten the word he wanted to use.

'' Yes, it is,'' answered Miss Walker. " And I do hope you are in a better temper than yesterday."

" It's my ." Again he had to pause, for,

although the word was on the tip of his tongue, he forgot what it was as soon as he tried to speak it.

" It's your what ? " asked Miss Walker, pouring out some water into the basin,

'^ It's my you know my what-do-

yo„u-call-it."

" Birthday, I suppose you mean," said the governess.

"Yes," answered John. "That is what I meant. But haven't I got any ? "

" Any what ? " asked Miss Walker.

"Any ."

"Well?"

" Oh, you know what I mean ! " said John, a puzzled look on his face.

" I am sure I do not," answered Miss Walker, preparing his clothes.

" Aren't there any any thing-um-i-

jigs for me ? " asked John, sitting up in bed.

"Bless the boy! What do you mean by that .? "

" Oh, you know quite well what I mean ! " he answered crossly.

" I'm sure I do not," said Miss Walker again. " Come on. Get out of bed, or we shall be late for breakfast."

John obeyed, and began putting on his clothes, trying to think of the word he wanted.

Presently he looked all round the room for something he could not find.

" Where are my ? "

"What?" asked Miss Walker. ''What is it you want ? "

" My . Oh, you know ! " answered

John. But the more he tried to think of the word he wanted, the more confused his mind became.

" How on earth am I to know ? " asked Miss Walker. " You silly boy ! Why don t you tell me i "

" I can't remember what they are called," he replied helplessly, searching high and low for something he could not find. " They go on my you know."

" Bless the child ! " exclaimed the governess. " What does he want ! "

" Don't you know what I mean ? " cried John,

getting cross. " I want my -the they

go on my- they go on here," and he lifted

a bare foot for Miss Walker to see.

"I suppose you mean your stockings," said the governess.

" Yes, that's it," he answered eagerly. " I can't find them anywhere."

"Then why didn't you ask for them ? "

" I did ! "

"You never mentioned them once," said Miss Walker.

"I couldn't remember what they were called/* he answered.

She produced the stockings from the bed, where they were hidden under the bed-clothes, which he had thrown back on rising, and John finished dressing in silence. But, while Miss Walker was brushing his hair, he made another attempt to speak.

" Have you seen ? '*

" What ? '' she asked.

" You know," said John.

" I don't. How can I ? " said Miss Walker.

He tried to say the word in vain. He knew very well what it was ; he could even spell it in his own mind ; but, as soon as ever he tried to speak, it vanished from his memory.

" Oh bother ! " he exclaimed at last. " I

can*t think what the 1 can't think what it

is I want. I know very well what I want to say, but I forget it.'^

" Bless the boy ! " said Miss Walker again. '* What are you talking about .? "

"' Is she up yet I " asked John. " Have you seen her i "

"Who?"

" Oh, you know ! My ; she has got some

you know what they give you on your

He paused, quite unable to say what he wanted.

Miss Walker looked at him for a moment without speaking.

" Are you quite well ? '' she asked at last.

" Of course I am ! " he answered. " I am

quite all right. Only I can't remember the

the what I want to say."

The governess made no remark while she finished brushing his hair, and then John went and looked out of the window, while she busied herself about the room. Altogether he felt very strange and bewildered.

" Have you said your prayers ? " she asked presently,

" No," said John.

" Then do so now, and then come down to breakfast," and, so saying, she left the room.

John could not understand it at all. Why did he keep on forgetting the words he wanted to use ? It made him look such a fool, too. He could use the words quite well now, when he only thought of them, for he could think of the name of everything in the room and repeat it to himself. To make quite sure, he put out his hand and touched the window.

" G-L-A-S-S;* he said to himself. " Glass. That's all right. W-O-O-D— wood. I can say that, too. And yet I could not say stockings, mother, present, birthday, or anything just now."

At that very moment he heard ^ squeak somewhere in the room, as though a pencil were being scratched over the surface of a slate. He looked round quickly, but nothing could be seen ; and, half thinking that he had imagined the noise, he repeated all the words to himself once more. But he had hardly come to the last one when he heard the squeaky noise again, this time quite plainly ; and, no sooner did he hear it, than he suddenly remembered his dream. And once more the squeaky little voice seemed to be singing in his ear :

" No one values what he has,

Whf he has a lot ; Everybody wants to get

What he hasn't got.

Things which you make use of most

Are the Parts of Speech ; , And you'll value them much more

When they're out of reach."

" Oh, dear ! " he cried in dismay. " I suppose that is what it meant when it said that it would make me learn what a noun is ! "

It was certainly very awkward. John knew quite well by now what a noun was, and, if he was doomed to pass the whole day without being able to call things by their names, how would he be able to make people understand him ? If he wanted anything, he would not be able to ask for it ; if he wanted people, he would not be able to call them. It was certainly very awkward. And who could it be who spoke to him in that squeaky voice ? It must be some fairy who had a terrible power ; and he began to wish that he had tried a little harder to learn his grammar. But that would not help him out of his present trouble. All such wishes were far too late. They would not give him back his lost power of calling things by their names ; and he might wish, and wish, and wish, but it would not save him from looking a fool when Harry Watson and Leslie Lomas came to tea that afternoon. Just fancy, showing them all his presents and not being able to name them ! Why, no one would know whether he wanted cake, or jam, or bread and butter, or sugar, or anything at tea, and — how they would laugh at him !

At the thought of the terrible time awaiting him, poor John felt very miserable ; and when Miss Walker called to him to come down to breakfast, he was very nearly in tears.

" O, Mr. Fairy, or whatever you are ! " he said aloud. " Please let me off this time. I know what a noun is now, really I do. And I shall never forget again, really I won't. Nouns are names of things, and I can't get on without them. Please do not punish me any more ! "

He listened for a reply, but none came, not even a squeak to show that he had been heard. And so, full of dread, he made his way downstairs to the school-room, where his breakfast was waiting for him.

" What have you been doing all this while } " asked Miss Walker as he entered.

John made no reply, for fear of having to use a noun, but looked at the pile of brown-paper parcels at the end of the table. These were his presents, which he very much wanted to open ; but they had to remain where they were until breakfast was over, and his mother had come to the schoolroom to see him open them.

" Hurry up ! " said Miss Walker. " Your porridge is all cold."

John ate his breakfast in silence, not daring to say anything without thinking a great deal first how to avoid using nouns. When he wa;ited bread and butter, he took it without asking ; and twice he was told by Miss Walker not to grab, as it was very rude. The third time he did it, she made him go without jam as a punishment. When he wanted another cup of tea, he pushed his cup towards the governess, and, after a great deal of thinking he managed to say : " Will you give me some more, please ? ''

His silence during the meal surprised Miss Walker, who began to think he must be ill in spite of the amount of breakfast which he took ; for it was very strange for him to be quiet, and quite unusual. But if you try to talk without using any nouns, you will realise how very difficult it was for John to say anything, and you will then understand why it was he had to be so quiet.

And all the while the moment he was dreading came nearer and nearer ; and the nearer it came, the more John thought. But he could not go on eating much longer, and the moment he stopped eating he would have to say grace. And how could he hope to say grace without using a noun .? If he said it wrong. Miss Walker would think that he did it on purpose ; for, although grace was never said before breakfast, she was always very strict about it after breakfast, and would never allow him to slur ^ it or repeat it wrongly. He made his last piece of bread and butter last as long as possible, while he counted up the number of nouns in that grace, to find to his relief that there was only one. But still, how could he possibly say it without repeating that noun ? He sat back in his chair and thought hard, munching at his last mouthful.

" If you have finished, you had better say your grace," said Miss Walker presently.

John took a deep breath, clasped his hands, and shut his eyes tightly.

" For what we are going to receive "

" For what we have received," corrected Miss Walker.

"For what we have received," he went on quickly, " may we be truly thankful, amen ".

" That is wrong," said Miss Walker. " Say it again."

"For-what-we-have-received-may-we-be-trulythankful-amen," said John again, all in one breath.

^ To slur : to speak indistinctly ; not to speak words clearly. 2

" Say your grace properly this instant/* commanded Miss Walker sternly.

" I can't," cried John, almost in tears.

" Nonsense ! Say it at once ! "

" For what we have received may the Lord make us truly thankful, amen," said John.

Then he gasped, and stared at Miss Walker with open mouth.

" Now you may go," she said.

But John did not move. He had been able to use a noun, when all the while he had thought that he could not !

"The Lord make us truly thankful," he said again, to make quite sure it was true. "The Lord — Lord — sugar, tea, table, room, breakfast, birthday ! "

" Bless the boy ! " cried Miss Walker in some alarm.

"John, mother, marmalade, cake, fairy, sleep, dream ! '" continued John. " It was all a dream ! Fve been dreaming, and it was not true after all ! Time ! Dream ! It was a dream ! "'

" Bless the boy ! '' said Miss Walker again.

" Hurrah ! '' cried John.

The day passed as all birthdays do. The presents were opened, admired, played with, and two were soon broken. His mother kissed him more than usual, and said that he reminded her more and more of his dear father, who was away in America on business ; and his two great friends came to tea and broke another of the presents between them ; there were glorious games in the schoolroom, and a still more glorious tea afterwards ; until John had forgotten everything that had happened that morning, or, if he did remember it, he thought that it was a dream, and had not really happened after all.

And when he went to bed an hour later than usual, because his birthday only came once a year, he gave no thought to anything save what he was going to do on the morrow. These thoughts were, of course, all very pleasant, and, for some time after Miss Walker had put out the light, John lay thinking them all over in the dark. Then he snuggled down among the bed-clothes and prepared to go to sleep.

"John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks," said a squeaky voice at the foot of his bed.

John heard it, but pretended that he did not.

"John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks/' said the voice again.

" Go away ! '* said John. " You are only a dream."

" He-he ! " laughed the squeak. " How did you like it ? "

John made no answer, but tried to get to sleep. But the more he tried, the wider awake he became.

" What is a noun ? " asked the voice, after it had called him by name several times.

" Shut up ! " said John. " Let me go to sleep."

" What is a noun ? " asked the voice.

" The name of something," answered John crossly. " Now let me go to sleep."

" Presently," said the squeak. " I am going to teach you something else to-morrow."

" What .? "

" Pronouns."

" Same way."

"But I know them," pleaded John, who began to think that he was not dreaming after all.

" Oh no, you don't ! " said the voice. " But you will after to-morrow,"

*' I don't believe you," said John boldly. '' You are only a dream, and nothing happened at all. I only imagined it did."

" Very w^ell," said the squeak. " Good-night ! "

John did not answer, but pretended to be asleep ; and he pretended so well, that before very long he was asleep in good earnest.

Chapter III John Learns Of Something Which Stands In Place Of Something Else

JOHN woke up quite early the next morning, ftnd the first thing he remembered was the queer dream he had had just before falling asleep. But was it a dream ? Or had it really all happened ?

" I wonder what pronouns are ? " he said to himself. Then he thought very hard of all that Miss Walker had tried to teach him about pronouns ; so evidently he was not quite sure that it was a dream. At any rate, he must have thought it better to be on the safe side, otherwise he would never have taken so much trouble as to think about dry old things like pronouns.

But what were pronouns ? Evidently something to do with nouns. But what ? He thought and thought for quite a long time, and he was just on the point of giving it up, when Miss Walker entered the room to call him ; and that shows he must have been thinking about pronouns for a long while.

" Miss Walker," he said a little shyly, hardly daring to speak in case he had not been dreaming and it was all quite true. " What are pronouns ? "

Miss Walker stared at him, as well she might. Never before had he asked a question about his lessons. And so early in the morning, too !

"Pronouns stand in place of nouns," she answered.

Of course they did ! Why had he not remembered that before ?

" Tell me some," he asked.

" I, thou, he, she, it, we, you, they," began Miss Walker. " Me, thee, him, her, us, you, them."

" Me ! " exclaimed John. " Why, IVe just said one ! 'Tell ME some'. Is 'me' a pronoun ? "

Miss Walker turned to look at him, the waterjug still in her hand, she was so surprised. In fact, she was so surprised that she could not speak, and quite forgot to pour out the water.

" I, thou, he, she, it," repeated John triumphantly.

It was a dream after all ! He had never heard a voice telling him that he would not be able to use pronouns so that he might learn what they were. He had dreamt it all !

He was so overjoyed at his discovery, that he had jumped out of bed and had begun to dress himself before Miss Walker had recovered from her surprise. tm

Ah, my dear John Henry Arthur Percival Sparks, you have yet to learn how deep is the cunning of that mysterious little goblin, which so far you have only heard and not seen. You will not escape him by thinking he is only a dream. Others have thought that, but all have found out, generally when it has been too late, that he is no dream, but a terrible reality.^

John, however, did not discover this for a long time ; for the morning passed quite comfortably, without anything strange occurring, until he had forgotten all about the squeaky little voice and the warning it had uttered.

But that afternoon, just as Mrs. Sparks had

^ A terrible re-al-i-ty : something which is very real and not at all nice.

returned in the motor from paying a visit, Miss Walker came to her in a state of great alarm, as Mrs. Sparks was about to enter her bedroom to take off her hat and cloak.