Comic dialogues for boys and girls for schools

Preface

There isn't a tedious dialogue in this collection. Young folks, for whose use this material is specially designed, will appreciate that fact, and will likewise be gratified at the jollity, the wit and humor, that prevail throughout the little dramas here presented.

There is an ever increasing call for this class of juvenile dialogues, and great pains has been taken to secure in this volume a selection that shall supply the insistent demand.

In every class of juvenile entertainment, whether in school, church or home, this work will be able to demonstrate its availability.

The nonrequirement of elaborate stage setting, special costumes and difficult properties, will be noted and approved.

Contents

BOYS

Budget of Blunders, A 3

Close Shave, A 9

Scene I. — A room. Mr. Johnston and Mr. Hobbs discovered seated

Mr* Johnston. Yes, I hev thought the matter over fur some time, and I hev concluded to run fur County Commissioner. I hev been workin' in the party and votin' with the party ever since I commenced to vote, and I think I ought to hev an office jist as well as anybody else. I am party well eddicated, and I think I kin hold that office in a right proper manner.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, that's so!

Mr. Johnston. Things hev got into sich a way in this county that when a man gets into office he wants to stay there all the time. Now, that's jist the way it is with Tom Raynor, the man who has the office of County Commissioner now. He has had the office fur two tarms, and he wants to git it fur another tarm. I don't believe in doin' business in that way; I go in fur rotatory motion in office.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, that's what I go in fur.

Mr. Johnston (rising and walking about). I hev been a hard workin' man all my life, and I think I ought to hev a rest now. I think that this thing of holdin' office should go round amongst the people and not stay all the time in one place. That is,, I mean that a few men shouldn't git all the offices and the rest of the people git none.

Mr. Hobbs. That's jist what I think about it.

Mr. Johnston. I feel that I hev got enough of an eddication fur to go into the office of County Commissioner. I am purty sure that I kin do the work which has to be done in and about the office. I am a good deal better eddicated that Tom Raynor. Tom Raynor never had much of an eddication.

Mr. Hobbs. No, I s'pose he hadn't.

Mr. Johnston. I hev had a good deal of experience in doin' business. I have been doin' business now fur twenty-five years, and I know all about how business ought to be transacted. There ain't many men that kin git ahead of me in makin' a bargin. I tell you, Henry, we don't git the right kind of men into office somehow. We git sich men as Tom Raynor. Tom Raynor is a man that has never had any experience of any account. He don't know how to drive a bargin; he don't know how to attend to the duties of his office; he don't know nothin'.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, that's so!

Mr. Johnston. Now, there ought to be sich a man as me in that office. I tell you if I was there things would be different. There shouldn't be sich high taxes, there shouldn't be any cheatin' and stealin' from the county. I would wake things up and make the rascals flee away.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, you'd jist be the man fur the place.

Mr. Johnston. And I think I'll git the nomination, too. I've been electioneerin' some, and everybody I hev talked to seems to be of the opinion that I am jist the man fur the place. I hev been in the party fur a long time and it would be usin' me purty mean if they didn't give me the nomination.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, it would so!

Mr. Johnston. But I feel purty sure I will git the nomination, and when I git it I will hev no trouble in gittin' elected, fur our party always makes a clean sweep in this county.

Mr. Hobbs. Yes, that's so !

Mr. Johnston. But I must be movin'. I must up to Rikerville and come down past Hobblestown. I hev a great may friends I want to see, and the time fur the nominatin' convention is comin' purty nigh. I must be a movin' fur I don't want to lose the nomination now, after losin' so much of my time.

Mr, Hobbs {rising). Yes, that's so !

Mr. Johnston. Yes, these are busy times and I must keep movin\ {Exeunt Mr. Johnston and Mr. Hobbs.)

Enter Jacob, R.

Jacob. Veil, I tinks dot Mr. Shonston has peen makin' too much fuss apout gittin indo office. Now I vouldn't run afder office so much bad as dot. To dell de truth apout de madder, I vouldn't pe poddered vith an office. Dem fellers dot git indo office dey purty nigh always gits to lyin' und swearin' und stealin* und drinkin', und I tinks dey had petter stay at home und nefer mind de offices. Now, I shoost hope dot Mr. Shonston von't git de office vich he is tryin' so pig hard fur to git. If he vould git it he vould not do any more goot, — he vould shoost not addend to his peesness at all. Vhen I am lifin' here I haf to appear to vant Mr. Shonston to git into office, but I ton't vant him a pit a'ready to git into de office. I spose I vill haf to vote fur him pecause if I didn't und he should find it oud he vould make me leave purty quick a'ready. I ton't vant to leaf here. Dis is von purty doleraple goot place to stay, und I tink I shall haf to vote fur Mr. Shonston und keep on stayin' here.

Enter Mr. Johnston, L.

Mr. Johnston. Well, Jacob, have you heard the news?

Jacob. No, I hafn't heard notings. Vot is de news?

Mr. Johnston. The convention is over and I hev peen defeated — I didn't git the nomination.

Jacob. Tunder! Is dot so? Veil, I tinks dot is putty good.

Mr. Johnston. You don't mean that, do you, Jacob?

Jacob. You can't git indo de office? Is dot vot's de madder?

Mr. Johnston. Yes, they didn't nominate me, they didn't.

Jacob. Veil, vot's to pe done apout it? Vill you kick up a fuss?

Mr. Johnston. Yes, I will. It was downright shabby to use me so. I ought to hev had the office, — fur I've been a great politician and have worked in the party fur twenty-five years.

Jacob. Vot haf you peen vorkin* at?

Mr. Johnston. You don't understand me, Jacob. I have been in the party and hev been workin' fur the party and votin' with it. When a man sticks to a party fur twenty-five years he ought to hev an office. I am not satisfied at all — I won't endure it.

Jacob. But vot are you goin' to do? How are you goin' to git at fur to kick up a fuss?

Mr. Johnston. Well, I'll tell you. I am goin' to run as an independent candidate.

Jacob. Vere are you goin' to run to ?

Mr. Johnston. O, Jacob, you don't understand English. I am goin' to be a candidate, anyhow, and I feel sure I will be elected, fur the people see I hev been shamefully treated. Each party will nominate a man and then I will be a candidate too. That's runnin' as an independent candidate.

Jacob. Und vot will you do if de beople von't elect you?

Mr. Johnston. Oh, I'll be elected, — you needn't git scared about that. The people see that I have been shamefully treated, and they will rise up in their indignation and carry me triumphantly in office.

Jacob. Is dot de vay dey do in dis gountry?

Mr. Johnston. Yes, this is a glorious country, and when the people see that there is wrong-doin' goin' on they rise up in their might and put the man in office who is entitled to it.

Jacob, Und I s'pose dot you is de man dot is entitled to dis office?

Mr. Johnston. Yes, I am the man and I must be elected. I am edicated and I hev been in business fur twenty-five years.

Jacob. Den you is shoost de man.

Mr. Johnston. I feel sure that the people will stand by me ; they will see that I hev not had fair play and they will rise up and with a great shout they will rush to the polls and elect me to the office which I ought to hev.

Jacob. Veil, I'd petter go oud und git to diggin' dem botatefs. {Exit Jacob L.)