Lovers' lane; a play in four acts

Front matter

Book ■ L^

JO

COPYRIGHT DEPOSrr.

ACT IV. Sl'RING IN THE ORCHARD. At EDDYSVIt.LE

THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY

of Amherst, '86.

Herbert Woodbridge. From Neiv York. Uncle Bill. The church bell-ringer ; of the Minister'' s

household.

HosEA Brown. The storekeeper.

Mr. Skillig. Manager of the Opera House.

Deacon Steele. Head Deacon of the Church.

Billy 1

1^ Eddysville boys.

Harry J

Dick Woodbridge.

Mary Larkin. From the Students' League of New York.

Mrs. Herbert Woodbridge. The Alto of the choir : later

of the Minister's household.

Simplicity Johnson. Fror/i; the Orphan Asylu»i ; of the

Minister's household.

Miss Mattie. The Minister's housekeeper. Aunt Melissy. From the poorhouse ; of the Minister's

household.

Bridget. The cook from the hospital : of the Minister's

household.

214 THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY

Mrs. Lane. Herbert Woodln-idge's sister, from New York.

Mrs. Hosea Brown. Social leader of Eddysville.

Miss Molly Mealey. The schoolmistress.

Mrs. Steele. Chairwoman of the Sewing Circle.

Mrs. Jennings. The dressmaker, zvith latest styles from

Boston ; goes tiuice a year to the City. Bessie Steele. A schoolgirl.

Produced at the Manhattan Theatre, New York, on P'ebruary 6, 1901, with the following cast : —

Herbert Woodbridge Edward J. Radcliffe

Uncle Bill R. L. Stockwell

Hosea Brown Frank Hatch

Deacon Steele Julian Barton

Billy William Betts

Harry James Coyle

Dick Woodbridge Herbert Halliday

Mary Larkin Nanette Comstuck

Mrs. Herbert Woodbridge Brandon Douglas

Simplicity Johnson Millie James

Aunt Melissy Agnes Findlay

Mattie Sadie Stringham

Bridget Lizzie Conway

Mrs. Lane Rachel Sterling

Mrs. Hosea Brown Zelda Sears

Miss Molly Mealey Emily Wakeman

Mrs. Steele Annie Mifflin

Mrs. Jennings Lillian Lee

Bessie Steele ... = ...... Lillian Sinnott

Act I

Scene : The Minister's Study. A pleasant, sunny room. The Minister's desk, littered with interrupted work, and his chair are by the window, Right. Left is a " parlor organ." In the Centre is a large round table, with a green wool cover, a " studenfs lamp," books, a ruler, a vase of garden flowers, etc. A rocking-chair, two small chairs and a low stool are beside it. Back, between two windows, a loiv bookcase. In front of one window, toward Right back, is a haircloth sofa. In the other sunny window is a green ''shelf" flower stand, filled with pots of geranium, fuchsia, and heliotrope, etc. Cheap, 217 but very dean, lace curtains are " looped back " at the windows. On the walls are a few engravings, and a faded family photograph in an oval gilt frame. _ There is an air of cheerfulness and comfort. Enter Miss Mattie, folloived by Bridget, who stops, her face hidden in her apron, weeping. Mattie talking in a steady stream. Mattie. Don't answer me back, Bridget. I won't listen to you. Do you hear me? I have told you time and time again I won't have that child in the kitchen. For goodness' sake, where is she ? [Calls.] Simplicity ! Simplicity ! [Enter Simplicity, weeping.] Oh, here you are! Well, come right along, you naughty girl ! I want you to see what your disobedience has brought to others as well as yourself and — Don't break in while I am talking, Bridget — and put your apron down. [Bridget drops her apron for the first time from her face and shows it distorted with grief.] And stop making faces at me, Bridget.

Bridget. [Crying.] I'm not making faces, ma'am, I'm waping.

Mattie. Don't answer me back. Ain't you ashamed of yourself to let that child stay in the kitchen when you know she's been forbidden to go there? What was she doing?

Bridget. Oh, plaze, ma'am, you'll discharge me if I tell you.

Mattie. I'll discharge you if you don't.

Bridget. Oh, well, then, ma'am, I was bakin* her a wee bit of cake.

Mattie. [Coming to the front of the table — staggered.] What ! You were, were you ? Do you know that's stealing? Bridget O'Hara! And you living here under the same roof with Mr. Singleton ! — and listening to his sermons every Sunday! Bridget, you take a week's

notice.

Bbidget. Thank you, ma'am, but —

Mattie. Stop asking me to take you back. Go pack your trunk and don't you let me set eyes on your face again as long as I live.

[Bridget goes out.

Bridget. [From outside.] You won't let me get a word in edgeways.

Mattie. [To Simplicity.] Come here ! [Simplicity comes toward her, sucking her thumb.] Take your thumb out of your mouth. Nice thing for a girl of eleven to be doing. Sucking your thumb ! Now ain't it?

Simplicity. [Backing away — guardedly.] Yes'm.

Mattie. [Following.] I said no !

Simplicity. Yes'm.

Mattie. Say no.

Simplicity. No!

Mattie. Ma'am !

Simplicity. Ma'am.

[Backing to organ and dodging behind it. Mattie. Land, where is your tongue?

[Following around the table.

Simplicity. Where my thumb was. Mattie. Don't you dare to be saucy to me ! [Simplicity keeps on dodging Miss Mattie.] Why don't you say something?

Simplicity. [Stops at the table and sneaks away the ruler.] Ain't got nothing to say.

Mattie. [Up in the air.] Say you're sorry. Ain't you sorry?

Simplicity. No, ma'am. [Sees her mistake. Mattie. What ! Very well, we'll see if we can make you sorry. [Pointing toward the table.] Get me the ruler.

Simplicity. 'Tain't there.

Mattie. How do you know it ain't ? [Goes to the table.] Where is it?

{Searching the table.

Simplicity. [Keeping the ruler behind her.] Burnt up.

Mattie. What!

Simplicity. To help bake the cake with.

Mattie. You impudent child ! Come here. [She leans on the desk-table and takes off her slipper.] Why ain't you sorry?

Simplicity. [Crying.] 'Cause Pops told me to go to the kitchen and tell Bridget to make the cake.

Mattie. My brother Tom did?

Simplicity. Yes, ma'am.

Mattie. Why didn't you tell me that before?

Simplicity. [Crying.] 'Cause you didn't ask me.

Mattie. Why didn't Bridget tell me?

Simplicity. 'Cause you didn't give her a chance. [Mattie shows temper.] Bridget says the only way she could ever answer you back is by speaking first.

Mattie. [Advancing.] Oh ! she said that, did she? [Drops her slipper on the table and starts for the door.] I was going to take her back, but I won't now.

[Steps on imaginary pin. Simplicity picks up the slipper.

Simplicity. Won't you?

Mattie. [Almost at the door.] No, I won't!

Simplicity. Won't you?

[She hides the slipper behind her back, and

looks out of the window.

Mattie. No, I won't.

Simplicity. Won't you? Oh, there's company coming !

Mattie. [Hopping around on one foot.] Company ? Good gracious ! Where is my slipper ?

[She falls on her hands and knees, hunting under the table.

Simplicity. [Dancing with glee.] If I find your slipper for you, will you take Bridget back?

Mattie. [On her knees, searching all around.] No, I won't. [Getting up.] I believe you've got that slipper. Have you ?

Simplicity. Yes, ma'am.

Mattie. For the land's sake ! Give it to me at once. [Starting after Simplicity.

Simplicity. [Dodging away from Mattie to the window.] Not unless you take Bridget back. I guess they're city folks.

Mattie. You give me that slipper, you wicked girl. [Running after Simplicity.] I'll tell the Minister, just as soon as he comes in, to punish you — and for fear he won't do it, I'll do it myself.

[She chases Simplicity across the room. Enter Minister.

Minister. Why Mattie! Mattie! What's the matter ?

Simplicity. I've been bad !

[She throws the slipper at Mattie.

Minister. What ! Again ?

Simplicity. Yes, sir. Again !

Mattie. [Putting on her slipper.] • You'd better make her learn another chapter in the Bible, Tom.

Minister. My dear Mattie, if we always punished her that way, she would soon know the whole Old Testament, and be tripping you and me up. That's all right, Mattie. [He sits down

at the table.] I'll punish her.

Mattie. [Comes over to him.] I'm sort of suspicious of your punishments, Tom. But first I want to tell you about Bridget. She — is — so —

Minister. [Waving her away.] Not now ! Not now ! I must get to work on to-morrow's sermon. I haven't begun it yet.

Mattie. What's the subject, Tom?

Minister. [Thoughtfully.] "Is there an actual Purgatory or not? "

Simplicity. Course there is. [Going over to him.] You just ask the matron of the Asylum where I used to be. What she don't know about Purgatory ain't worth talking about.

Mattie. [Aghast.] Why, Simplicity! You don't know what you're saying.

Simplicity. Don't I ? Guess you'd think so if you'd been at the Asylum.

Mattie. Tom, you punish that child before you begin. It will tone you up.

[Goes out.

Minister. Come here. [Ttirns his chair toward Simplicity.] Come here and be punished.

Simplicity. [Going over to the Minister.] Pops ! I'm awful sorry.

Minister. Then kiss me. [She kisses him.] There, now you're punished. What was it you did?

Simplicity. Miss Mattie discharged Bridget, and I teased her to make her take her back !

Minister. Was that it? Then you may kiss me again, Miss. [Simplicity kisses him and sits down beside him.] And now say, "I'll try not to tease Miss Mattie any more."

Simplicity. I've said it once before, to-day, Pops, but it don': seem to do much good.

Minister. I guess it does as much good as learning a chapter in the Bible, and you can say it quicker. Come on now.

Simplicity. I'll try not to tease Miss Mattie any more.

Minister. And try hard ! You try hard !

Simplicity. Pops, is Miss Mattie really your sister ?

Minister. No.

Simplicity. Then what is she?

[Sprawling on table.

Minister. She is my brother-in-law's second wife's step- sister.

Simplicity. [Confused.] Oh —

[Rises; goes all around the table, looking under the edge for chewing-gum.

•Minister. Yes, and she doesn't get on with her

step-sister, my brother-in-law's second wife, so

that she hasn't any other home, and lives here

with me. Now I must get to work on my sermon.

Simplicity. [Back of Minister, with her arms aromid his neck] Then you've just given her a home, as you've taken in Aunt Melissy and Uncle Bill and me. Pops?

Minister. She says it's you and Uncle Bill and Aunt Melissy who've taken me in. There ! There ! I must get to work ! [Starts to ivrile, Simplicity looking over his shoulder.] I don't believe there's a Purgatory, Simple.

Simplicity. Don't you. Pops? [Glancing around, as if looking for Miss Mattie.] Then where will Miss Mattie go when she dies ?

Minister. Simplicity ! Now you stop — stop — or I'll punish you again. I must get to work !

[Enter Bridget, snifflin'g.

Bridget. If you plaze, sorr, — Minister. What is it, Bridget? Bridget. [Sniffling.] If you plaze, sorr, a Committee from the Choir 's outside in the hall waitin' to see you.

Minister. I'm very busy just now, but you can show them in, Bridget.

Bridget. Yes, sorr.

[Goes out.

Minister. We must do something for that asthma of Bridget's.

Simplicity. 'Tain't asthma — it's feelings — 'cause Miss Mattie discharged her. Guess Bridget believes there's a Hell.

[Bridget comes back, showing in Committee. Bridget. Come right into the study, plaze —

[Sniffling.

[Enter Mrs. Brown arid Miss Mealey.

Bridget goes out.

Mrs. Brown. Good morning, Dr. Singleton !

[Goes over to the organ and sits on the stool. Miss Mealey. Good morning !

Simplicity. Hello ! [She sits on a low stool on the other side of the

table so that it hides her from the others. Minister. [Rising.] Good morning. Won't you sit down? Won't you sit down — [As Miss Mealey passes him.] Your new hat's very becoming, Miss Molly.

Miss Mealey. [Sits in the easy chair.] Thanks. But it seems to me as if you never noticed what I had on.

Minister. On the contrary, Miss Molly, everything!

Mrs. Brown. Good gracious !

Miss Mealey. [To Mrs. Brown.] I think, my dear, we had better speak at once of the matter that brought us.

Mrs. Brown. Yes. I suppose, Minister, we are keeping you from finishing to-morrow's sermon ?

Minister. [Coming up between the ladies; smiling.] No — from beginning it.

Miss Mealey. What is the subject?

Minister. "Is there an actual Purgatory or not?"

Miss Mealey. S-w-ee-t!

Mrs. Brown. Well, I hope there isn't, for my husband's sake ! But [rising] what we've come for is — [Notices Simplicity.] — Oh — [Whispering to Minister.] Please send that child out.

Minister. Gh, yes. Simple !

Simplicity. Pops !

Minister. You go out for a little while.

Simplicity. What for?

Minister. For fun. [Simplicity goes out. Turning to the Committee.] Is it anything serious ?

Miss Mealey. Very! Mrs. Woodbridge — our —

Mrs. Brown. [Interrupting.] Our soprana, turns out to be a reg —

Miss Mealey. [Rises — interrupting.] Perfect snake in the grass. Of course we all know she had set her cap for you.

Minister. Oh, come now, Miss Molly.

Mrs. Brown. [In a loud whisper to Miss Mealey.] Don't be a fool, Molly Mealey — show him your jealousy that way ! Of course Molly has had to put up with her city clothes and we've had to put up with her city airs^ and now

it's got to end.

Minister. Why, I thought everyone loved Mrs. Woodbridge.

Miss Mealey. Oh, all the men do.

Mrs. Brown. You must discharge her from the choir.

Minister. I ! Why, I couldn't do such a thing, and I wouldn't. Why, she hasn't a cent in the world, except her salary, to support herself and her poor little lame boy.

Miss Mealey. [Rising and going up to him.] Well, if you don't discharge her, we will !

Minister. No ! What has she done ?

Mrs. Brown. She's divorced from her hus~ band I That's what she's done !

Miss Mealey A divorcee. '^

Minister. Well, maybe her husband wasn't all that he should be.

Miss Mealey. Humph! More likely she wasn't. They say she was an actress !

Mrs. Brown. Sung and danced in one of the continual performances !

Minister. I'd like to have seen her.

[Miss Mealey and Mrs. Brown are astounded.

Miss Mealey and Mrs. Brown. What !

Mrs. Brown. If she remains in the choir / resign now.

[Hitting a book on the table with a bang.

Miss Mealey. There goes the mezzer sopraner, and the whole choir has agreed to do the same thing.

Minister. But, Mrs. Brown, you know what a splendid young woman she is. She lives with you !

Mrs. Brown. Oh, no, she doesn't. [To Minister.] I have a family of boys to bring up.

Besides, I have always suspected Brown was a little

too polite to her. She's packing her trunks now.

Minister. Really, ladies, you take my breath away.

Mrs. Brown. Well, she took our'n. [Both go to the Minister.] Now which is it? If we go, the organist goes with us. Mrs. Canning says all the wealth of the Indies couldn't make her play accompaniments for a divorced voice.

Miss Mealey. If she sings — remember.

Mrs. Brown and Miss Mealey. We don't! [Going to the door.] Good morning !

Minister. If you're going home now, you might send her over to me — will you ?

Mrs. Brown. I'll go straight home, and she can come here before looking for new rooms.

Miss Mealey. [At the door.] Don't be afraid of hurting her feelings.

Minister. No.

Mrs. Brown. We haven't been.

Minister. So I imagine. Good-by !

Mrs. Brown. Good-by. [Goes out.

Minister. Good-by, Miss Molly.

Miss Mealey. Good-by. [Giggling, starts to go, turns, atid runs to the Minister, unwrapping large slippers and thrusting them into his hatids, saying:] For you — [Giggles.] For you! [Giggles until she is out of the door.

Minister. Well, now we must fix this somehow for poor Mrs. Woodbridge. How can anyone be angry at Molly Mealey! [Looking at the slippers, he lays them on the table.] Pleasant change from wristlets ! They'll fit Uncle Bill. [Going toward the door, he calls.] Mattie! Gracious! I must get to work. [He sits doivn once more at his table.

[Enter Uncle Bill and Aunt Melissy. Me- LissY sits on stool.

Uncle Bill. Good day, Doctor.

Minister. Hello, Uncle Bill! Been for a walk?

Uncle Bill. Yes, sir. Me and Melissy been for a stroll. Come along. [To Aunt Melissy.1 The Minister's here and he can decide for us.

[Aunt Melissy says "H-a-y-e?" Uncle Bill repeats.

Minister. [Raising his voice.] Well, Aunt Melissy, you and Uncle Bill haven't been having another argument, have you ?

Aunt Melissy. Yes, we have. Minister. I say there's no such thing as love at first sight, and Mr. William says there is.

Uncle Bill. I tell Melissy the very first time

I sot eyes on her I felt Cupid takin aim with his arrow right here.

[Putting his hand on his heart.

Aunt Melissy. [Interrupting.] I didn't think, Minister, when you asked me to come and Hve with you, I was going to have the end of my days made miserable by the same questions that turned their beginning topsy-turvy.

Uncle Bill. That ain't the p'int — that ain't the p'int. The p'int is, is there such a thing as love at first sight?

[Both going to the Minister ; Minister scratches his head. Mattie enters.

Mattie. Now look here, Aunt Melissy and Uncle Bill, you mustn't interrupt the Minister. He's at work on to-morrow's sermon. [She hurries them off.] Tom, what do you think? Mrs. White has twins.

Minister. Twins?

Mattie, I never did have any patience with that woman !

Minister. Which are they?

Mattie. Girls — both girls ! Where will they ever get husbands in this town ?

[Goes out Right. Bridget comes in Left.

Bridget. If you plaze, sorr — Umffling] — the lady with a voice like a flute is askin' to see you.

Minister. [7?i5g5.] Oh, Mrs. Woodbridge !

Bridget. Yes, sorr.

[Sniffling.

Minister. [Ahsent-mindedly.] Got the

asthma, Bridget?

Bridget. No, sorr, I've got me notice.

Minister. [Ahsent-mindedly.] Have you taken anything for it ?

Bridget. Sure, it's me lave I've got to take. Minister. Oh, that's it, is it? Simple told me. Come here, Bridget. Don't you go! Miss Mattie will be sure to come around all right to-morrow. You leave her to me.

Bridget. To you, sorr? Oh, the Lord bless you, sorr — it would break me heart to lave you, so it would. But what about Mrs. Woodbridge, sorr ?

Minister. By Jupiter ! I forgot all about her. Bring her right in !

[Bridget starts to go out; meets Mrs. Woodbridge coming in.

Bridget. Sure, here is the lady herself.

[Goes out.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Good morning. Doctor. Minister. Won't you sit down?

[Indicates chair by the table.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Mrs. Brown has told you, Doctor?

Minister. [Sitting on the organ bench.] Yes, and I want to talk over with you the best way to fix it.

Mrs. Woodbridge. First, I want to tell you how it was I came here two years ago. I wanted to leave the city, where all the associations were most painful, and, besides, I thought my little boy might be stronger in the country. My husband — I had better be quite frank with you — my husband soon after our marriage began to drink heavily — then he lost all his money on the horses and — what little I had — [Rises.] Did I do wrong to leave him?

Minister. [Rising and coming to Mrs. Woodbridge.] Could you have helped him by holding on to him, I wonder?

Mrs. Woodbridge. [With averted face.] That's what I sometimes ask myself — when the old love for my ideal of him comes back with overwhelming force.

Minister. Ah, well ! Each one's heart and mind is the best court for them to appeal to.

Mrs. Woodbridge. I thought I ought at any rate to take the boy away before he grew old enough to understand. He has been baptized in sorrow, and I want his life to be confirmed with joy somewhere, or somehow —

Minister. But he's so much better and brighter already.

Mrs. Woodbridge. [Joyfully.] Oh, do you think so? Well, that's my story, except when I came here I never lied. I said I had no husband — I didn't think it necessary to explain more. But of course when I was asked whether I was a widow or divorced, to-day, there was nothing to

do but to speak the truth, which I did.

Minister. [Takes a chair near Mrs. Woodbridge.] I'm afraid you weren't prepared to find such good people as they are here. Really, you know, so narrow. Were you? [Moving towards her.] But I'm stretching them all I can.

Mrs. Woodbridge. And perhaps I can be of some use as a wedge ?

Minister. Well — to go back to the choir —

Mrs. Woodbridge. I'd resign in a minute if it wasn't for Dick. I want to make money enough to have him treated. Little lame backs are made whole now-a-days, you know, without miracles.

Minister. I know — I was thinking of that the other day, but I beheve it will be best to have you resign now, anyway, and let the congregation hear Miss Mealey sing a solo again. We won't need much more to get them, all on our side.

Mrs. Woodbridge. [Rising, puts out her hand.] How encouraging you are ! Meanwhile, I shall have to find some other place for Dick and me to live in.

Minister. [Rises and takes her hand.] That'll be easy enough.

Mrs. Woodbridge. So I thought, but on my way here, three ladies with empty third-floors told me they hadn't any rooms.

Minister. Well, I'll tell you what — you and Dick come here and live with us.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Here? Oh, no! We couldn't do that.

Minister. Why not ? Miss Mattie'll make it all right. Come now, get Dick and your trunk, and stay.

Mrs. Woodbridge. But are you sure you've room ?

Minister. Oh, yes, yes — plenty of room.

Mrs. Woodbridge. But you have so many people here now.

Minister. Why, no we haven't — no one at all.

Mrs. Woodbridge. There's Miss Mattie and Simplicity — I know them —

Minister. [In thought.] Oh yes, and Uncle Bill and Aunt Melissy, but that's all.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Aunt Mehssy? Perhaps she won't like me.

Minister. Oh, yes she will, and you'll like her, too. She's a nice old person, a real lady. Lost all her money in a bank that shut up suddenly, and has a perfect horror of dying in the poorhouse, so I told her to come and die here.

Mrs. Woodbridge. And did she?

Minister. Yes, that is, she came here, but I am glad to say she hasn't died yet.

Mrs. Woodbridge. And who's Uncle Bill?

Minister. Why, you know Uncle Bill Walters ?

Mrs. Woodbridge. Oh, the old man who rings the church bell ?

Minister. Yes. He was living alone and had to do his own cooking — couldn't make enough money to pay a servant. So I told him just to come and live with us, and let us be company for him.

Mrs. Woodbridge. [Turns to him.] How

good of you !

Minister. Why, no — he's a splendid character. I consider it a privilege to have him — he's sweet on Aunt Melissy. You mustn't cut her out now, will you?

Mrs. Woodbridge. [Laughing.] No, I'll trynot.

Minister. And don't mind Miss Mattie if she is a little cantankerous at first. She always does that when any woman comes to the house. It will take about seven days for her to find out that you don't want to marry me.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Maybe Miss Mattie won't like me on account of my trouble.

Minister. Oh, dear no. Mattie's the broadest minded, most generous creature in the world.

Mattie. [Outside. Yells.] T-o-m!

Minister. That's Mattie now. [Mrs. Woodbridge starts toward the door, frightened.] Wait a minute. I'll tell Mattie. She'll be so pleased. [Calls.] Mattie !

Mattie. [Entering; rather shortly.] What is it, Tom ? Oh ! Good morning, Mrs. Woodbridge.

Mrs. WooDBRiDGE. Good morning, Miss Mattie.

Minister. [Timidly, from behind the desk.] Mattie, Mrs. Woodbridge is coming to live with us.

Mattie. [Astounded.] What !

Mrs. Woodbridge. Dr. Singleton has asked me to, but I have told him I don't think I ought to accept his kind offer.

Minister. We'll feel rather hurt if she doesn't — now, won't we, Mattie?

Mattie. [Aside to the MmiSTER.] When is she coming ?

Minister. This evening.

Mattie. This evening !

[Disgusted.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Perhaps it will inconvenience you to have Dick and me here !

Mattie. Oh, I suppose I can stand it if the Minister can.

Minister. [To Mrs. Woodbridge.] There, I told you Mattie would be pleased. You mustn't mind Mattie's ways.

Mrs. Woodbridge. But perhaps you'd rather I didn't come this evening, Miss Mattie?

Mattie. Well, I must own —

[Mrs. Woodbridge walks over to the window.

Minister. [To Mattie, interrupting.] That you'd be disappointed if she didn't — eh, Mattie?

[Winks at Mattie.

Mattie. [Hesitating.] No, Tom, that wasn't what I was going to say, but I suppose it's none of my business.

[Turning to bookcase and arranging books. Goes out.

Minister. [To Mrs. Woodbridge.] Now, you stay right here, and I'll send Uncle Bill after Dick and your trunk.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Do you think I'd better?

Minister. Yes.

Mrs. Woodbridge. Well, thank you ever so much. I'll tell Uncle Bill. You needn't trouble — he's on the porch.

[Goes out; the Minister starts to follow.

Mattie. [Coming back.] Now, brother Tom, I would just like to know where you are going to put her ! I suppose you want me to give up my room !

Minister. [Turning back to Mattie.] Why, no, Mattie. She's to have mine.

Mattie. Yours? Then where will you sleep?

Minister, Here. I shall do nicely.

Mattie. Here !

Minister. Yes. [Looking around, points to the lounge.] On the lounge.

Mattie. You sleep on that lounge? What'll you do with your feet ?

Minister. [Laughing.] Hang 'em over the end, and then all the blood will rush out of my head, and then I shall sleep splendidly.

[Mrs, Woodbridge re enters, saying:

Mrs. Woodbridge. Thank you, Mr. Walters, very much.

Minister. Mattie was just saying your room would want a little arranging for you.

Mrs. Woodbridge. [Taking Mattie's arm.] She must let me help her. [To Mattie.] Yes, Miss Mattie, I insist. Show me where it is.

Mattie. It's the room over the front porch.

Minister. Why no, Mattie, it's the room over the parlor.

Mattie. [Goes up to the desk, sharply.] Now, brother Tom, I think I am the one who takes care of this house, and I say it's the room over the front porch.

[Mattie and Mrs. Woodbridge go out together.

Minister. Now, that's too bad. It's just Hke Mattie — so unselfish — going to give up her own room! Well, there's no use arguing with her. Mattie's bound to have her own way, and I must get to work on my sermon.

[He sits down at his desk once more.

[Enter Bridget, with her hair done up in curlpapers.

Bridget. If you plaze, sorr, there is such a nice young couple in the hall that wants to get married.

Minister. [Writing.] Actual Purgatory.

Bridget. [Astounded, comingdown.] What, sorr?

Minister. [Thoughtfully.] Bridget, do you believe in Purgatory?

Bridget. I believe in wedlock, sorr.

Minister. But that hasn't anything to do with my text — with what I was writing.

Bridget. Oh, St. Patrick ! [Laughing.] I thought you was referring to the marriage state. I axes your pardon. There's a young couple out in the hall on the edge of matrimony, who are wantin' you to give them a wee bit of a push over.

Minister. Well, send them in, Bridget, and tell them they must be married quickly or, no — I mean they must — but don't tell them, — because I really have got to work on my sermon.

Bridget. Sure. She's a darHn' bit of a wife. [Showing them in al the door.] This way, if you plaze.

[Enter Herbert Woodbridge, followed by Mary Larkin. Bridget goes out. Mary remains al the back.

Herbert. [Coming forward to Minister.] You are Dr. Singleton ?

Minister. [Rising.] I am — and you? —

Herbert. My name is Woodbridge, and —

Mary. [Coyning forward.] I am Mary Larkin, and we wish to be —

Herbert. [Going over to Mary.] Married.

Mary. [Unbuttoning her left glove.] Will you marry us?

Minister. Yes. I will be very glad to. How old are you, Mr. Woodbridge?

Herbert. Thirty, sir.

Minister. [To Mary.] And you?

Mary. Eighteen, sir.

[Turns to Herbert. Mary takes of the glove from her left hand and places it on the table.

Minister. Eighteen? Isn't she pretty. [Forgetting himself.] Isn't she pretty — isn't she pretty —

2s6 LOVERS' LANE

Mary. [Turning.] What — sir?

Minister. [Starts.] Oh — er — I said eighteen was pretty young to marry, don't you think so?

Mary. Oh, no, sir. And then Herbert — I mean Mr. Woodbridge — is enough older to make up any way.

Minister. Where do you Hve?

Mary. My home is really in East Eddysville — seven miles away from here. We've just driven over. I met Mr. Woodbridge in New York, where I went last winter to study Art at the League.

Minister. [To Herbert.] You are a New Yorker ? So am I !

Herbert. Yes, sir. Oh — don't let us keep you standing !

Minister. [Absent-mindedly.] No — no — excuse me. Let's all sit down. [The Minister gives Mary a chair. Then both men sit down.] You aren't in any hurry, are you?