Moore's history of the States, united and otherwise

Front matter

MOORE'S

HISTORY OF THE STATES

UNITED AND OTHERWISE nm

Preface

The purpose of this publication is to satisfy a long-felt hunger. If it shall prove helpful in procuring our daily bread, we shall feel that the effort has not been in vain.

The book is not intended to supplant the uninteresting histories which are used to punish the children in our public schools, and to gather dust on library shelves. It is designed to be read, and to afford entertainment, without imposing a burden of information, and incidentally to provide respectable authority for the misstatement of facts so frequently Indulged by writers and public speakers.

So far as we are aware, this is the only history on the market which admits its general inaccuracy. The reader, therefore, who quotes from its pages must do so at his own risk, for no statement herein contained Is guaranteed by the author.

If we have failed to do justice to any one mentioned in the course of this story of events, sincere apology is made In advance. It must be remembered that one cannot speak from personal knowledge of all that has transpired in a period covering more than four centuries. Many conclusions, therefore, have been reached through information obtained from others, and we have long since found that little dependence can be put in other people.

8 Preface

We desire to make proper acknowledgment of our indebtedness to sundry untrustworthy writers, whose productions we have carefully overlooked; and in justification of the price at which the book is sold we likewise acknowledge an indebtedness to the landlord and the ice-man.

The ignorant and gullible public is cautioned against the spurious imitations of this work which its immense popularity will surely encourage to be put on the market. F'or the protection of the people we shall not permit it to be sold by travelling book-agents nor by speculators on the sidewalk; and the publishers of adulterated editions are warned that they will be prosecuted for violation of the pure-food law.

Contents

CHAPTEU PAGE

I Physical Description 1 1

II Discovery and Settlement 13

Chapter II Discovery And Settlement

The first and only discovery of America which ever amounted to anything occurred in the latter part of the fifteenth century. It was discovered by an enterprising Dago by the name of Christopher Columbus, who was not looking for it and died without knowing he had found it. Columbus had not lost any country, and therefore was not hunting for one; but he had lost his job, and to quiet the clamor of his impatient creditors he set out in quest of an American heiress. In this enterprise he was materially assisted by Queen Isabella of Spain, who commanded her husband, Ferdinand, to supply the funds necessary to defray the expense of the venture. Like a well-trained subordinate, he obeyed, and made generous contribution to the cause out of other people's money, in the same manner that most benevolent donations are made.

In return for this Spanish kindness, which led to the discovery of their country, the Americans, some four hundred years later, after long and diligent search, discovered the Spanish at Manila Bay and Santiago, and heaped coals of fire and explosives on their heads.

When it was finally known that a new country had been located, all the B'uropean nations were anxious to share in its distribution. Repeated attempts were made to explore and colonize it. Not, however, until the year 1607 was a successful attempt made by the English in the latter direction. Then three small motor-boats, carrying one hundred and five souls and a like number of bodies, crossed the Atlantic, and, drifting into the mouth of an unknown stream, landed the adventurers on its banks. The settlement there established was called Jamestown, because it was found to be located on the James River; which stream took its name from Jesse James, on account of the habit it had of breaking its banks.

The settlement of Jamestown was accomplished with great difficulty. To-day there would be no trouble to effect its settlement at ten cents on the dollar.

While the industrious members of this colonizing band were engaged in building houses and fortifications, the others assembled in the opera-house and organized The Jamestown Exposition Company, which perfected the plans for a great celebration some time after the show had closed, three hundred years later. Because the exposition was not held at Jamestown, the original settlers refused to attend it.

In 1620 the Puritans sailed from the old country, aiming to locate near the same spot; but their

Discovery and Settlement 1 5

poor seamanship landed them at Plymouth Rock. Thus It appears that New England was colonized by accident, and the Pilgrims landed in Massachusetts because they did not know any better.

Most of the early settlers came to America in search of liberty, just as many of our own people have in more recent years gone to Canada, Mexico and Paris. But international extradition treaties have become so general and comprehensive that liberty is well-nigh a thing of the past. About the only places of safety remaining for wrongdoers in America are in the United States Senate and the House of Representatives, the members of which are under the Constitution "privileged from arrest during their attendance at the session of their respective houses and in going to and returning from the same." These places, however, afford immunity to a small portion only of those who need it. They are therefore eagerly sought and command such high prices that none but the very wealthy can afford them. The poor lawbreaker who cannot go to Congress must go to jail.

It was the hope of obtaining religious freedom that induced the Puritans to come to America. They had long endured persecution and yearned for a place where every one might be at liberty to worship God according to the dictates of the Puritans, which, as they saw it, was the only faith and practice that should be tolerated. They looked upon misery as the only true state of happiness, and taught that piety consists in denying to your-

\6 Moort''s History of the States

self and others all the good things of life. The religious bigot, then as now, was the one whose creed ditlercd from your own, just as the blind partisan is always the man who ^■otcs the other ticket.

Chapter III

Rcvcrtinji; to Jamestown, it may be noted that history affords no better illustration of the important part woman plays in the march of human progress than the early development of this settlement. The colonists struggled along from year to year with little or no success until 1620, at which time ninety young women were induced to come over and join them. 'J'he freight on this valuable consignment was paid in tobacco by the men who chose the young women for their wives. That a man is willing to give up his tobacco for a woman has ever since been regarded as a supreme test of devotion.

I he effect of this importation of women was magical. The discouraged settlers took on new life and new hope, and forthwith the infant industries of the country began to flourish.

The first immigrants were not from the aristocratic families of the old country, but belonged to the poor and humbler classes. Many of them, indeed, were so indolent and impecunious that they became known as "F F Vs," meaning Tour-Flushing Vagrants.

i8 Moore's History of the States

All the settling, however, was not done by the English. France and Spain were taking a hand, and even the slow-moving Dutch began to sit up and take notice. In 1609, Henry Hudson, who was engaged in the service of the Dutch East India Company, came over from Holland on a North German Lloyd steamer and landed late one evening at a Hoboken pier. He set out unattended in the darkness and fog to find his way to the Holland House, where he had taken the precaution to engage accommodation in advance by a wireless message from midocean. He had gone but a short distance, when, without a moment's warning, he stepped into a large body of running water, and thus by the merest accident was led to the discovery of a great river, to which he generously gave his own name. If the Hudson River Tunnel had been in operation at that time the existence of the stream might have remained unknown to this day. On the following morning Hudson boarded an excursion boat to Albany and explored the river to that point. This renowned explorer located the stream with consummate skill and foresight, running it between Albany and New York, with Sing Sing intermediate and accessible to both places.

The Hudson is still a great river, but not what it used to be. Great chunks of it are cut out and carried off every hard winter by the American Ice Company. While the country on both sides of it has wonderfully improved, the stream itself has been running down ever since Hudson retired from its management.

Soj7ie More of the Same 19

Hudson Bay and Hudson Strait were, in later years, discovered by this tireless adventurer. The persistency of his search for potable waters leads us to believe Mrs. Hudson must have been an active member of the W. C. T. U. and he, perhaps, a prohibitionist. His voyages resulted in the settlement of New York by the Dutch, though It has since been financed by the Jews, and is now run by the Irish.

In the year 1682 a good-natured, rotund gentleman, named William Penn, came to America with a number of other simple-heartedQuakersand undertook the settlement of that portion of the country comprising the States of Pennsylvania and Delaware, It is, no doubt, owing to the deep piety and unfailing Integrity of their founders that these two States are regarded by all as models of civic righteousness and political purity.

On account of his respect for either the rights or the weapons of the Indians, Penn refused to engage in war with them, as others had done, but established peaceful and friendly relations by purchasing their lands, giving them in exchange Quaker oats, Peruna, trading stamps and other useful household articles. For the reason that he was thus enabled to accomplish far better results than had been achieved by others through a resort to arms, it has ever since been a familiar proverb that "The Penn is mightier than the sword."

Within a few months after Penn's arrival he laid out the city of Philadelphia, a place of some local importance, situated near Germantown, through which one must pass in going from Baltimore to New York. Philadelphia is thought by many to be the most thoroughly laid-out city in the world. Penn displayed great wisdom in giving the place an early start.

It was while living in this city that Benjamin Franklin, some years later, amazed the world by announcing his discovery of electricity. The public was astounded, not because electricity was discovered, nor because Franklin made the discovery, but because electricity was found in Philadelphia.

About this time a royal charter was granted the Connecticut colony, which in many respects is said to be the most liberal charter ever issued, with the single exception of the one obtained by the Standard Oil Company from the State of New Jersey.

No American history is complete which fails to mention John Smith, nor could it hope to find a large sale if, by such omission, offence should be given to the Smith family.

This particular John Smith was responsible for many notable achievements, but he won his place in history largely through his unique deliverance when captured by the Indians. Chief Powhatan had issued positive instructions that Smith should be forthwith electrocuted. This order was about to be put into effect when Miss Pocahontas Powhatan, the Chief's beautiful daughter, came on the

Some More of the Same 21

scene. Seeing that Smith was to suffer a violent death, and realizing with a woman's Intuition how it hurts to be killed, she sprang to the side of the terrified prisoner and threw about him the left wing of her sheath skirt. Then, looking straight Into the face of her father, she said, "Touch him If you dare, you old blood-thirsty savage, and I'll report you to Commissioner Bingham." This tender appeal touched the heart of the stern old warrior, and thereupon he permitted Smith to give ball and go free. John then rewarded the faithful girl by not making her his wife.

Shortly after this Pocahontas became the wife of an Englishman named John Rolfe. It Is Interesting to note how widely this first trans-Atlantic marriage differed from most modern ones. In the first place, this particular foreigner was respectable, had no royal title, and paid his debts. In the second place, his American bride was not an heiress; and, what Is still more surprising, they lived together without scandal or divorce for a period of three long years.

Some may be concerned In knowing that In the year 1741 the lynching bee, commonly regarded as a pastime peculiar to the South, originated In New York City. The people became greatly agitated by a rumor that the negroes had formed a plot to burn the city; whereupon the citizens organized a mob and without ceremony proceeded to excuse some thirty colored gentlemen from further particlpation in the uncertainties of life. In recent years these festivities are not so generally observed in the North as they are in the Southern section, for the reason that the former locality is not so well provided with the necessary raw material.

Chapter IV The Revolution

The written story of the American people, as Indeed of all others, consists largely In a recital of their misdeeds and Inhuman conduct. This, not because there Is no good to relate, but because we have always been Inclined to direct our attention to the abnormal side of life.

The man who goes along his way with orderly decency receives scant consideration. It Is only when he walks In the forbidden path or when he stumbles and falls that he provokes comment. One must be a freak or a criminal to get free advertising. Do right, and you must pay to get your name In print; do wrong, and you must pay to keep it out. Hence the recorded story of the human race is made up largely of an account of those events which are born of frailty and depravity. Much of it, therefore, Is devoted to the wars men have waged against each other.

The early settlers of America engaged in three distinct conflicts. They had scarcely set foot on the shore when they began a struggle with the Indians, which lasted as long as the Indians lasted. Then when the several colonies became established they fought each other; and, finally, when their territorial limits were fairly settled, they joined their forces and turned on poor old England.

There is no occasion to discuss the merits of their assault on the Indians; it has none. They fought each other for the same reason that their descendants are still at it, because few were satisfied with what belonged to them.

We come now to consider that eventful struggle between the colonies and the mother country, known as the Revolution. It was so called because it was the culminating act of resenting long-endured oppression, and the term "revolution" most accurately describing the movement of the worm that turns.

In the early stages of the controversy, a controversy which finally developed into a bloody war, the colonists took their stand on the principle that there should be no taxation without representation.

Why England should have refused to satisfy them by granting a minority representation is hard to understand. It could have done no harm to let the Americans imagine they were taking part in the administration of their civic affairs. Most persons are content to have what they call a "voice" in their own government, just as minority stockholders are usually satisfied when permitted to vote at the annual meeting of the company, though the minutes are written up in advance and the management conducted just as if they had remained absent or silent. It was this ceaseless desire to have a voice in the government that led the Democratic

The Revolution 25

party to nominate Mr. Bryan for the Presidency on three different occasions.

England might have permitted American representatives to sit in ParHament, where they could have accomplished nothing because so greatly outnumbered; in the same way that Democrats are sometimes permitted to sit in Congress, and even to have the privilege of the floor, only to be voted down in the end.

From year to year the burdens laid upon the colonies grew heavier, until at length their indignation became so intense that the merchants of Boston, New York and Philadelphia drew up and signed an agreement to import no more goods till the stamp act should be repealed. The parties to this contract were, however, promptly enjoined from maintaining it, the courts holding it to be a conspiracy in restraint of trade forbidden by the Sherman Anti-Trust Law.

Aside from the political liberty it brought to the American people, the Revolution served a good purpose in affording to many an opportunity to gain renown. Many a great commander has died unknown to fame because he chanced to live in a peaceful era. Take an instance. But for a decade of unprecedented carnage in Cuba and the Philippines, the world might never have suspected that the military genius and heroism of General Leonard Wood was so vastly superior to that of the regular army officers over whom he was hurdled to distinction. Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death" speech might never have gotten on a talking-machine record if it had been uttered in an ordinary municipal campaign; but the sentiment in favor of freedom which so generally prevailed immediately prior to the Revolution opened up a ready market for his patriotic orator}'. /\s perhaps some of our readers know, the call for liberty or death is not always heeded; the jury sometimes decides that you deserve neither, in which event a sentence to hard labor is imposed.

The most conspicuous individual product of the Revolution was the commander-in-chief of the American army, George Washington. He became known as the "Father of his country," and the step-father of Colonel John Parke Custis, these being the sum total of his paternal pretensions.

In his early boyhood, George, as he was familiarly called by his father and the hired girl, suffered from a peculiar impediment in his speech, on account of which he declared he could not tell a lie; but being handy with his pen he managed to get along fairly well. Though history is silent on this point, we have every reason to believe he entirely overcame this infirmity when in later life he became a married man and a successful politician.

The best medical authorities tell us this incompetency to articulate mendacious words and syllables is very rare, and is usually confined to infants

The Revolution 27

under the age of ten months. The only well-defined case in an adult that has ever been reported is, strange to relate, that of another and more recent President of the United States, whose speech was so uniformly free from any trace of prevarication that it was, by his own imperial edict, adopted as the standard of weight and fineness for all vocal utterance. Any statement that fails to conform to this measure of perfection is forthwith condemned and ofiScially stamped as unfit for family use.

Washington Avas born on the 2 2d day of February, 1732. By selecting that season of the year for his nativity he has endeared himself to the children of America for all time to come, inasmuch as the observance of the anniversary of his birth at that time gives them a day out of school. To this bit of foresight he is in a great measure indebted for the permanent place he occupies as "First In the hearts of his countrymen."

George was a splendid specimen of physical manhood and established a record for throwing the silver dollar which has never since been seriously threatened. At a point near Washington City he tossed the coin from one bank of the Potomac River to the other. Many noted athletes have vainly tried to duplicate the feat. Their failure Is due. It Is explained, to the fact that a dollar does not go as far now as it did formerly. That may be true, but, on the other hand, it must be admitted that It goes very much faster.

Washington was for so long a time and in so many ways Identified with American history that we shall get glimpses of him further along, as from time to time we cross his pathway.

Chapter V Declaration Of Independence

After a number of preliminary bouts, the main fight between England and her colonies was put on in the year 1775. They fought hard, but with no apparent advantage to either party until the following year; then something happened. Up to that time the Americans had been fighting, just as most of us do, because they were mad. Now it occurred to them they might as well get something out of it, so by common consent they all turned patriots and began a struggle for liberty.

In June, 1776, a resolution was offered in Congress declaring the united colonies were able to take care of their own affairs, and notice was served on England that her assistance was no longer needed.

Having determined to go into business for themselves, the colonists thought best to make formal announcement to the public. A committee was accordingly appointed to draw up a Declaration of Independence, which in purpose and effect was nothing more nor less thau a circular letter justifying the course they meant to pursue.

Whenever two or more persons disagree and (29)

break off the relations they have formerly maintained, it is human nature to rush into print with a statement of the case before the other party has a chance to be heard. The trouble, of course, is always with the other party. When partners separate it is nev^er the fault of the one who tells you about it; when an erstwhile loving couple is divorced, the detached individual who breaks the news to you is never in the least to blame. It was expected, therefore, that this declaration would contain some references to the British Crown not altogether flattering, and in this no one was disappointed.

The paper was drafted in the m.ain by the chairman of the committee, Thomas Jefferson, a representative from Virginia, who parted his hair in the middle and wore a flowered vest; in which two particulars he closely resembled another well-known statesman of more recent times — the Honorable Timothy Woodruff. That, however, is about the extent of the likeness. Jefferson was a man of some ability, and in later life held several good jobs under and over the government he aided in forming.

The Declaration of Independence is not just what we would have written had we been called upon to frame it; nevertheless it was fairly well prepared, and its purpose was so apparent that even the English caught its meaning. The style of the document is academic, as might have been

Declaration of Independence 31

expected from one who was not accustomed to preparing such papers. The colonists, it must be remembered, were not in the habit of conducting revolutions, as the people of the South American countries are to-day, so Jefferson lacked the training of an expert revolution promoter.

The Declaration consists principally of a bill of particulars, itemizing the many things King George had wrongfully done and wrongfully omitted to do. There are but two paragraphs of any special significance, the second and the last.

In the first of these, Jefferson lays down what he designates as certain "self evident truths"; or, in other words, truths which testify in their own behalf. Some of them appear to be exceptionally poor witnesses.

The first of these automatic convincers is, "all men are created equal." One thing is certainly true; either Jefferson was a poor judge of men, or else he had seen very few of them at the time of this writing. If in his day all men were created equal, the human factory must have been doing better and more uniform work than it is now turning out. The men of the present generation are not only unequal to each other, but very many of them do not appear to be equal to anything.

It is no reflection on the man who is not as good as others to say he was created below par, but it might be a reflection to speak of him as "a self-made man." Every day we run across people who, if created as we find them, are more to be pitied than censured.

We are told, however, that it was merely a political equality which Jefferson taught; or, as it is sometimes expressed, all men are equal before the law. Perhaps they are, provided they keep far enough before it; but everybody knows it is a different story when the law catches them, for justice is blind and many take advantage of the old lady's affliction.

It is further alleged that these men of uniform creation are endowed with certain inalienable rights, among which are "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." These are all useful commodities, and it would save us no little anxiety if we could believe them inalienable; but how can we, when we see them alienated every day? How often it happens that a man is sent to the gallows because the jury returns a verdict that he has alienated his right to live, and, what is more, many who keep on living really have no license to do so.

Those of our readers who have enjoyed the privacy of prison life can also testify that the right to have liberty may be alienated. There is little satisfaction to the poor fellow who is in jail to have his lawyer stand outside the grated door and read to him the Declaration of Independence, calling special attention to Jefferson's theory that the right to freedom cannot be parted with. In his case it is no longer a theory, but a condition. He knows very well his right to circulate has gotten away from him, and whenever he looks at his lawyer he is reminded, too, that his cash is headed in the same direction. What is the sense in talking

Declaration of Independence 33

about the inalienable right to pursue happiness when in almost every instance -vhere the restraining hand of the law is laid upon us it is because we are engaged in chasing that very thing — happiness? Jefferson would have us believe there is no speed limit in such pursuit, but the fellow who throws wide open the valve of his joy-cart will surely be run in — if he does not stand in.

The statute books are full of "thou-shalt-nots," which are directly intended to put the brakes on happiness hunters. Take, for instance, the antiracing law. The man who patronizes the track goes there in pursuit of happiness. True, he seldom catches it, for, like the horse that carries his money, his movement is too deliberate. Most laws that abridge our pleasure are aunty laws.

It is to preserve these rights, Jefferson says, that governments are instituted. That may be the theory, but it works very differently in practice. When one goes leisurely along his way some burly cop pokes him in the ribs with his stick and orders him to "step lively;" and if, perchance, he strikes a rapid gait, the same club brings him to a sudden halt.

In this same paragraph the author of the Declaration has a bit to say about governments deriving their rights from the consent of the governed. Everybody ought to understand that no one ever knowingly consents to be governed at all, except the man who contracts a second marriage. We readily consent to the government of everybody else, but never for a moment admit that wc need it ourselves. No penal statute was ever enacted except for the punishment of other people.

A further examination of this document is not called for, and moreover It is out of place to talk politics In the midst of a bloody revolution.

Chapter VI Incidents Of The Revolution

During the preliminary skirmishes, before the American army had been put on a fighting basis, certain sections of the country undertook to provide local protection by organizing what were known as the "Minute Men" of the Revolution, companies so called on account of their ability to run a long distance in sixty seconds.

One of the earliest and most memorable encounters of the Revolution was the battle of Bunker Hill, near the city of Boston. The hill was given that name because the English found it so difficult to get over that to them it appeared very much like the obstructions found on golf links known as "bunkers." The British forces finally won the day, but all America was gratified because their own soldiers demonstrated their ability not only to fight with determination, but likewise to retreat with expedition.

During the winter of 1775-6 the army of King George occupied Boston, the Americans, meanwhile, assembling their troops around the city and fortifying their position. On March 17th the entire British force, under command of Sir WilliamHowe, following the example set by the snakes of Ireland on a previous March 17th, moved out. It was a great victory for General Washington and was won without the loss of any powder and lead. Congress promptly gave him a vote of thanks and a gold medal. Without detracting in the least from the credit due to Washington, it does look as if the thanks and medal should have gone to Howe and congratulations to the American.