Big John Baldwin; extracts from the journal of an officer of Cromwell's army

Contents

CHAPTER page

I. He Openeth and Dedicateth His Journal . . i

II. He Chasteneth His Brother, for His Soul’s

Chapter I He Openeth And Dedicateth His Journal

Baldwinsmere, loth June, 1638.

Yesterday, being my sixteenth birthday, the Rev. Elijah Balsley preached two tremendous long discourses, coming then to Baldwinsmere to pass the night. I forget just what texts were dwelt upon by Mr. Balsley, but his discourses were pronounced with great fervor, earnestness and conviction, and produced a deep impression upon his faithful hearers. There can be no doubt of the godly zeal of many of the people of the Fen country, much of the which is doubtless due to the flaming sound of the gospel trumpet as blowed by Mr. Balsley. The Almighty hath vouchsafed him great lung power, and when he really sets himself to the work he vouchsafes a most prodigious blast. We of the Saving Remnant ought surely to be thankful that this chosen instrument hath been sent unto us. The papists have ne’er a leg to stand upon after he hath had a few hours’ work on them.

Mr. Oliver Cromwell rid over with him and supped with us, following which the evening was spent in much godly discussion of the signs of the times. Cromwell is, to my mind, a chosen vessel, and if things do grow worse, he must come to the front, to my poor thinking. He thinks well of the pup Dancer by Belial out of my setter bitch Rosalind, and offered me a pound for the same, the which I declined, for, look you, his father and mother being the best bird dogs in all the Fen country he is worth more money; besides I am training him for Mistress Eleanor Hedges, daughter of Sir Charles Hedges, our good neighbor, and Nell doth already love him greatly (better, I fear me, than she doth his master, J. B.). So I promised him the best of the next litter for no price at all save his kindly good will, which he pledged me I should always have.

After Mr. Cromwell had taken his leave the whole household was summoned to the great hall where Mr. Balsley took for the evening lesson a portion of scripture telling of the punishment of the Jews for having gone a-whoring after strange gods, the which (I cannot recall the particular book of the Bible from which he took it, but his voice did fill all the hall and pouring out of the open door so disturbed the dogs that they slunk off otherwheres to sleep) he expounded as he went along with pious unction, being engaged thereat for more than an hour. Then after wrestling with the Powers of Darkness most faithfully in prayer for another half-hour, he gave us his blessing; and truly our knees cracked loudly as we rose to our feet and sought our beds.

Mr. Balsley is surely a most learned man, and it must be a sign of grace that he hath all he knows so readily and steadily on tap ; for it floweth most freely at all times, and while I do not fully understand all that he says at all times, yet so strong is the power he hath that after listening to him for a while the very tone of his voice fills me with a desire to avenge the evils of which he doth discourse, whatever they may be; and this feeling continueth till such time as the sinful flesh, (and I ride at thirteen stone,) grows weary and I fain would rest; against the which inclination I must wrestle, it being clearly an evidence that Apollyon doth desire to have me that he may sift me as wheat ; for so I am certified by Mr. Balsley, to whom I mentioned, seeking counsel, my infirmity.

So much for the Sabbath day ; and I was mighty glad to get to bed where I went to sleep before I had finished my prayers; (for which I trust God will forgive me and it seems to me not unreasonable to hope for that same inasmuch as I had spent eight hours and a half under Mr. Balsley’s instructions between the hours of nine in the morning and twelve of the night,) I having sought to say them in bed as being more comfortable — the which, I fear me^ is a snare of the Evil One.

He Openeth His Journal

The morning broke rainy and misty and everything was dripping. After family worship, which included another hour’s expounding of a passage from Holy Writ by the Rev. Mr. Balsley, and another prayer of half an hour concerning the evils that threaten Israel, (which surely may be avoided if God shall but act upon the suggestions made in Mr. Balsley’s petition which abounded in plenteous information and instruction,) we got breakfast; and truly I could have eaten a horse.

Then, father being set to an errand in another direction and requiring the attendance of my elder brother Will, I was sent to put Mr. Balsley forward on his journey a matter of some ten miles; and the roads were heavy. The tediousness of the way was enlivened by much good advice from my reverend companion as to how I should order my walk and conversation so that I may win the great reward reserved for the righteous if indeed I am of the Elect, of the which I am not clearly certified in my own mind, but I am inclined to take no chances since I have no desire to go to Hell where the fire dieth not nor is the worm forever quenched. (This doth not sound exactly right as I read it over, and yet I will take my oath — in a godly way — that it is like unto the language used by Mr. Balsley more than once in my hearing during the past two days.)

Leaving Mr. Balsley doing prodigious execution upon a mighty dinner set for him at the house of Eliakim Ellipod, who is, in himself, as he told me, a precious testimony and surely a man would not lie about such a thing as that, I came back home, taking my way by Sir Charles’s where I saw nothing of Mistress Eleanor save her face, which she twisted into outlandish shapes at an upper window pretending not to see me.

(Note: — To strive with Nell anent certain undignified, hoydenish tendencies, with which, sent by Beelzebub I am convinced^ she is often led to appear to flout and disparage /. B. who stands six feet four and can beat any man or boy of his size that he hath ever yet encountered at sword play, single stick, wrestling, lifting great weights, running or fisticuffs, bar none.)

And so home, where the best mother in all the world had caused to be provided a most toothsome meal — there being not quite enough, however, as there was only one roast capon, a half of a cold venison pasty, two small loaves of bread and three pints of beer. However I said nothing but looked forward to supper, three hours later, for I knew she would worry and grieve if she thought I had suffered because of a lack of a sufficient quantity of nourishment. Then, it being too wet to train the pup, I began this journal, it being upon the suggestion of Mr. Balsley that it would be for my godly welfare that I should provide this means of setting down my spiritual experiences, that I may have a record upon which to ponder from time to time; for herein, he pointed out, I may note and be able to compare my growth in grace, as becometh one who would not live to this world but for those things which make for righteousness, the which suggestion doth most strongly commend itself to me.

And now, at eleven of the night, I here dedicate this book of blue paper bound in calf-skin to this sole use and purpose, being minded to exclude therefrom all things worldly or vain and trifling, to the end that it may profit my spiritual good and so help me on in the right path. And mayhap, who knoweth? some day it may be as the sound of the trumpet to awaken from slothful slumbers a descendant who might, perchance, without this contemplation of the spiritual conflicts and victories of his grandsire, be utterly lost through sinful and undisturbed lethargy and thus cast into outer darkness where is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And so to bed I go, mighty tired, for never before have I writ so much at one time.

(Note: — To try to remember not to attempt to say my prayers in bed again after last night^s experience.

Note: — To shorten my prayers by leaving out righteous denunciation of the enemies of the true religion in the

He Openeth His Journal 5

which matter Mr. Balsley is so much better qualified to advise the Almighty.

Note: — To see Thomas Templeton early to-morrow to trade my brindled bull for his gray and yellow mastiff; but if he asks boot the dicker is off — he is ever seeking his own advantage.) John Baldwin.

CHAPTER II HE CHASTENETH HIS BROTHER FOR HIS SOHL'il HEALTH

At The Mere, June nth.

The sun was shining bright when Will snatched the covet off me and pulled my great toe nearly out by the roots this morning, for the which I will duck him in the Mere some day — ^for he is but a foolish boy thus to get in debt to me, he being, it is true, four years my elder, but weighing only nine stone four pound to my thirteen odd, and standing six inches shorter, and must be taught to play his pranks upon those nearer to his own size and weight. Still, I was nothing loth to rise, feeling that elation of spirit which comes from pure, fresh air, newly washed and so transparent that the sun shining through it felt like a bath of strange and strengthening powers.

I had been over to Templeton’s and returned, having traded my bull for his mastiff, receiving two shilling and a pair of new ash oars for my boat to boot, — (but not without a struggle, for Tom is sadly self-seeking and grasping and always having an eye to the main chance, as I pointed out to him, showing how such a tendency must inevitably, if not corrected, lead to a most sinful love of and setting store by the things of this world, which are after all but naught and do but perish in the using, whereas he should strive more for those things which do build up his hope of life in the hereafter), before I remembered (just after having enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing my new mastiff wallop Will’s prize bull most beautifully and masterfully), that I had clean forgotten to say my prayers this morning.

The smiting of my conscience was so sore that I went at once to my room and there on my knees besought pardon

He Chasteneth His Brother and bewailed my sinful nature, when, all without fair and decent warning. Will bounced in and jumped on my shoulders and began pummeling me (just as I had begun to point out how the Lord might and ought to avenge Himself of His enemies, the which I bethought myself to do as a sort of penance for my shameful neglect of my first morning duty) ; and all because Bulger had licked his bull. So that it became necessary to drop my prayers before I had reached the “ Amen ” and take Master William in hand.

This I proceeded to do with more joyful alacrity, I grieve to confess, than I had gone to my devotions, and in a jiffy I had my gentleman even where I wanted him, nor did I let him go till he had cried “ peccavi ’’ in the choicest Latin he had learned at Oxford, where he got all these airs and assumptions the which I am so often called upon by a plain and pressing sense of duty to correct in him for the same his soul’s health. For what merit is it in us if we are ever striving to perfect our own spiritual natures only, while we selfishly remain blind and unfeeling to the best welfare of those by whom we are surrounded? Will is a good fellow and hath promise, and I may not shut my eyes to the good that may come of him if he shall but keep in the right path and frame of mind. Daily am I constrained to feel that I must admonish and chasten his rebellious spirit that he may not be eternally lost.

And I would not that any should think that I take too much credit to myself and am puffed up with false pride and vain-glory when I say that, so deeply do I desire his great and lasting good, that I go to his rescue, admonishing and chastening him, with even more pleasure than I take in exercising those salutary disciplinings upon myself whereby I confound the designs of the Devil upon myself. Will does not seem to see in this that degree of unselfishness which I, in all humility, cannot fail to recognize, his eyes being blinded, as I have patiently showed unto him, and his nature being unregenerate and alas! ever prone to evil. Nevertheless I do have great hope for him, being minded that if he be not brought into that state of grace for which he should ever strive and faint not, it shall not be because I have neglected my own clear and positive duty.

Truly we are not to live for ourselves in this world, but should ever seek to bless and brighten the prospects of eternal bliss of others; and if this be the part of one who plainly sees what he should do, where could he better begin than at home, and with his own brother? So I am fixed in my purpose to be, in every sense of the word, a brother to William Baldwin, Esquire, at all costs to myself and without selfish calculation as to my own interests. And this he shall be brought to feel and know and be thankful for; especially if he fetches hither the big brindle mongrel from the Hay Cock Inn to whip my new mastiff, as he wickedly and contumaciously vowed to-day he would do. J. B.

Chapter III As To A Little Maid, And A Strange Thrill Her Hands Impart

15th August.

It hath been some time since I gave proper attention to this record of my spiritual vicissitudes, victories and shortcomings, but I have been so busy with other things that I have forgotten for the most part (in very truth I must confess it with shame and contrition!) my duty in this respect. The summer hath been so joyful and pleasant a one — for never before, it hath seemed to me, have the soft airs been so sweet, the verdure of the fields and gardens so bright and beautiful, the song of birds so alluring and pleasing, the Mere so enticing with its clear coolness, and its rich depths so abounding with fish waiting to be caught; never before hath the joy of swiftly careering over the earth on the back of a good horse been so delightful; never have the scents and songs from the hayfields had so much of pleasure in them for me as during the golden days of this summer.

Will saith that I am but a stupid dolt upon whom father hath wasted money in seeking to educate me, and once he said something to me about the foolishness of trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear; but this he said but once, nor will he, I warrant, be in haste to repeat any such ribaldry in my presence again as applied to me, seeing that I made known to him very successfully my disapproval of such observes. And father, who stands but five foot six, and weighs even lighter than Will, hath disparaged me because of my size and weight and hath reminded me more than once that many of the great men of history were of but small stature, hinting that to him that hath great bulk of bone and sinew but little else is given, that he gains physical bigness at the sacrifice of mental ability; and even my good mother treats me with a compassionate kindness, very trying to me, as if she felt sorry for one who had not been given brains to shine in the world; while Nell Hedges doth so gall and chafe me with her derision, scoffing at me because of my hugeness, with a spirit of such keen and mischievous enjoyment of the misery she cannot but see she causeth me, that I wonder I do not hate her instead of seeking out the little witch at every chance, and feeling that I buy the pleasure of being with her very cheap at such a cost. But I am not cast down.

I am as God made me, with such damages as Beelzebub hath managed to inflict on me, and if I cannot construe so well as Master Will, nor step so deftly in the dance, nor pipe so tunefully in a song, still I can do well enough to suit me; my scholarship may never set the Mere on fire; a man may not swing a fifteen inch foot as if it were a fairy’s; and if I have not Will’s sweet treble I’ll wager that when I do sing I may be heard of persons in the vicinage, aye, even to some distance. As for the rest I’ll have no japes from anybody in my own equality and those who think to go too freely with me had better keep beyond the reach of my arms.

Of a truth, Nell Hedges is the most engaging young girl I ever met, and hath for me a great attraction at which I marvel, seeing that she is but a mere child, being only fourteen, and I have never before had much pleasure in the company of the fussy, namby-pamby, foolish things, who run from a bull or a mouse, and scream if the boat tips ever so little on the Mere.

Not that my sister Betty is of that kind ; for in good honesty, she is mighty near a match for me, being about an inch shorter and builded more heavily and with a courage that nothing save mother’s tongue and father’s frown will daunt. But then Betty is my sister, and that’s different, and I want no better help at breaking a colt or rowing a boat. And as for her spirit, brother Will can testify

As to a Little Maid

II to that since the day when he thought to make a wondrous witty jest and said he was in touch with a London man who desired to take her and me to the city to show us as giants from the land of Gath; for the which Mistress Elizabeth did carry him bodily to the horse-trough and souse him well therein to the complete spoiling of his brave new doublet and second best laced coat — and at the which father laughed most heartily, telling him he would best hereafter keep a civil tongue in his head; nor did mother give him any comfort.

But Nell Hedges is a rare girl. Her eyes are as blue as the skies and her hair is like the sunshine drifting down of a summer day through the leaves of the trees what time the air is filled with droning bees, and swiftdarting swallows skim about the eaves. I take some pains to try to fix the color, for, being hasty, I once told her, and only a week ago it was, that I liked to see her hair waving and curling about her face and eyes as if it knew how lucky it was; and when she asked me what shade it had, looking at the time so frankly into my eyes that I was sorely discomposed and all my wits being in a twitter for some reason which it angers me to feel that I cannot explain^ I said that it reminded me of the ripest yellow pumpkin I ever saw. At the which my lady gave a toss of her head and a vicious cut to her mare’s flanks which sent her flying down the road at such speed that it was not till we had raced for more than two mile that I caught up with her, she being mounted on Sylvia, Sir Charles’s sorrel, which is rightly counted the fleetest piece of horseflesh in all the Fen country. I would willingly trade my high-stepping Roger who is of approved blood and breeding and hath shown himself a doughty roadster with courage, bone and endurance more than once, standing sixteen hand two inches, for the mare Sylvia^ and throw in my mastifif which I had from Tom Templeton, my setter bitch Rosalind and even a pound or two which I have laid by, to boot; if it were not that I would not take her away from Nell.

Well, when at last I caught up with the wayward creature she was as demure as a little kitten and asked me if I was not fond of golden things; and kept pointing out the bright hue of buttercups, the rich tone of the ripe corn tossing and heaving like a yellow sea as the summer wind touched it; and when the sunset came she would see nothing of the reds, but always dwelt upon the gold that piled in fleecy couds all about the Western sky. And I do think (the thought coming to me as I write) that Mistress Nell hath a very pretty conceit of the color of the hair she allows to fly about her pink ears and pretty face in a fashion which is so untidy and yet so vastly becoming.

As for the rest, she hath a small, oval face and teeth like transparent alabaster, and her skin is as white as milk save on her cheeks where it is just a shade less pink than her ears. She stands about fifteen hand — I mean about five feet high, and weighs, I do believe, not more than seven stone; for when I picked her up by the waist one day and seated her upon a bough of the apple-tree by the bee-hives in the orchard, I was filled with a great fright for fear I might toss her clear over the tree-top. She hath feet like a doll’s, on which she dances about like an autumn leaf in the Cool winds made crisp by the frosts. Indeed, I sometimes think that I know not if they be feet — they surely are not if mine are. And her hands are as cool and fresh and soft as lettuce leaves, tiny little things which I can hold both in my one and know not that they are there save for the most curious thrill they do shoot through my frame of such power that my heart thumps and my breath comes short and gaspingly; the which I am at a loss to account for.

It hath sometimes been my thought that some persons must be filled with some sort of a subtle essence which thus communicates itself to others and would be, as it might be, uncanny, if it had not somehow a mighty pleasant, and yet to say truth, a touch of uncomfortable feeling.

Now, from the fact that I have never observed such a sensation accompanying the clasping of hands with any

As to a Little Maid man — I held Will’s one day for full five minutes and experienced nothing like it ; which may, however, be explained by the fact that he was kicking my shins the while I was making the trial (of the purpose of which I had not advised him) and producing a quite different effect — I have concluded that it must be a quality belonging alone to the female sex; though I have never derived any tingling feeling from Betty’s hands except when she hath boxed my ears, and that feeling is as little like tha^ imparted by Nell’s hands as can be imagined.

I shall now say my prayers and go to bed, asking in my petitions that I may be made to understand some things that are a great puzzle to me. I have writ enough this day to make up for my past remissness, I am thinking, having been kept in my room ever since three o’clock by order of my father for having thrashed Tom Templeton at fisticuffs; he having said that I could not run well because my legs — shanks, he called them — ^are too long, as he doth falsely assert, between the knee and the ankle joint. He is nearly my size, being about two inches shorter and weighing two stone less, and ought to have done better. Will helped him mount his horse and rode off with him. There was a rich purple color around his eyes which was not there when he came over this morning to fish in the Mere, and his nose was the biggest part of his head.

Tom is not a bad fellow in his way, but he sometimes mistaketh his limitations most vilely.

Note: — To wager my horse Roger against Tom’s black Prince David, that I can outrun his said David, which he thinks a great race-horse, one mile and repeat — he to ride Prince David and I to run stripped to shirt and small clothes. If he plays me any trick I shall give him another beating ; which will do him no harm ; for except my brother Will I know of no one who standeth more continually in need of wise correction than Tom Templeton.

Note : — To strive more faithfully than ever to be a dutiful brother to my sister Betty, who smuggled me up a cold game-pie, father having ordered that I should go supperless to bed. She says sometimes she wishes she was a man; and I do not blame her; for if ever a girl deserved to be a man it is my sister Betty.)

And so to prayers and bed. May God forgive my sins and make me a better boy.

Sometimes I feel that growth in grace that I am almost persuaded I ought to preach His word to the upbuilding of His Israel of which I am one of the Remnant, a brand snatched from the burning. One having peculiar endowment of true grace would do well to use it unselfishly for others.

(Note: — To ask counsel on this point of the Rev. Mr. Balsley the next time he comes. If he be in doubt as to my spiritual fitness to show him this my journal.)

Chapter IV Concerning A Gay Young Spark From London

The Mere, 12th October.

A GAY young spark hath come down from London, and is a guest at Sir Charles’s. It is borne in upon me that I shall be moved shortly to smite him hip and thigh, for, of a surety, he is a son of Belial. If he be not, then should he take in the blazoned cognizance (whence came so vile a word, and what doth it mean I wonder? — but it fits him), that doth proclaim him one. His name is Lord Lovering, and I do believe he hath more clothes than would outfit a decent draper’s shop. Never have I met him twice in the same garb, and he hath a smooth-faced lackey with him who is a fit servant for such a fool.

His airs and graces are beyond belief. He hath ostrich feathers of price, precious stones to his sword-hilt and rings on his fingers and gold lace on his coat and doublet and other glittering gauds. His buckles alone would buy a pretty piece of land down here in the Fens, and he is forever dangling about Mistress Eleanor Hedges, and is not fit to breathe the same air with her. Of age about twenty year, he treats me as if I were a mere school-boy; and one day riding out with Mistress Eleanor and meeting me as I was walking with Master Turbot, my tutor, he asked me if I had got my lessons well and were let out to play. Methinks there is a lesson which he must speedily learn. And I shall, please God, be his tutor to teach it him.

He is not of the Saving Remnant and it is a scandal that he should be allowed to remain in the Fens, the fortress and strong defense and abiding place of God’s faithful and chosen people. If I am to be raised up to rid the country of him — of the which I have felt more than once strong inward conviction — I will give surety that the work shall be so well and faithfully done that he will conclude that the air of the Fens is insalubrious for him and will ever remain so.

Since he hath been here, a matter of more than a fortnight now, I have had barely a word with Nell; it begins to seem as if she were to be kept by him ever engaged, and we were to be separated and see nothing of each other, while he is here— and the nutting season come. When I go to the Hall I am met by young Charley, Nell’s brother, a good fellow and who gives himself vast pains to make the time pass gaily for me. But I get only a glimpse of Nell, and then she is always with the mincing jackadandy, sometimes singing with him — (he hath a worse treble than my brother Will) — or she sews at her sampler while he reads some foolish tale or other to her; or they go riding, and I must admit he hath a good seat and a mettlesome horse with a skill to show him off.