Letters of a Japanese schoolboy ("Hashimura Togo")

Front matter

H

Letters of >

A Japanese Schoolboy

Contents

I. Our Noble Allies ... 3

11. The Honourable War Cloud . 11

III. The Yellow Peril ... 19

II The Honourable War Cloud

San Francisco, November i6th.

To Editor of New York newspaper^ enlightened printer who manufacture Truth for all thoughtful Person:

Dear Sir — I so happy, thank you, esteemed Mr., for you Hsten to how I say so in my last letter. Therefore I am much obliged to you for several more intelligent Question which I will ask you what is.

During my residence in Hospital to enjoy brick-bat wound sent there by Labouring Union, I give some large quantities of thought-attention to future life. What business would be swiftest for making success of it ^. Waiting on table-board of Mrs. O'Brien, honourable lady, is repulsive to proud Japanese Boy any more do. Which would be better for me: To learn to be Christian Missionary or to study for bookkeeping and stenography .^ Both ways lead to good jobs.

My cousin Nogi, who return from British Colurhbia leaving front teeth with English friends there, say, ^^ Missionary jobs are no longer needed for Japan, because our dear country already have rapid-fire fleet and stand-up army sufficient to make all Japanese Christians/^

"What date is arrange for this Japan-America war to be shot oflF?'' I ask for answer.

"Not yet but when!'' response this Nogi making eyewink, American salute.

"In such a warfare which kingdom would beat it ?'' is next question for me.

"Frequently one and then some," collapse Nogi, who think as I do.

Therefore I still ask to know. Hon. Mr. Sir, could you so courteously remind Japanese Boy of exact date for such warfare .? If there is any announcement in your press of this battle would you send me clipping, address Hospital ? Such an answer would be delightful to know for all-coloured races. Political man, labour-union man, newspaper-press all have brain-ache questioning. When. You will permit me, please, to speak how I think so ?

Japan-America war is impossible to happen! Banzai! All should be so happy in Hon. Carnegie talking-library at Hague. PhiHppine Island must be taken by Japan on mortgage or some other peaceable conquest. Perhaps American Congress will consider this nice birthday present to Emperor of Japan.

How I make this knowledge ? Because so. Japan could never secure these United States entirely for Japanese Government. I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, tell me how Mr. Kuroki might not capture New York from such great distance of San Francisco. And what must Japan do with New York when captured ? That is hard question for Japanese Boy.

While residing in Hospital bed my cousin Nogi come to me bringing donation of bananafruit for lunching. These fruit come as package enwrapped in American newspaper-press. I am thankful for lunch, but more so thankful for reading-news on enwrapping. The information tell me nervously that fleet of ships commanded by Hon. Pres. Roosevelt will go around to the Pacific ocean by the Cape of Horn, avoiding Panama canal w^hich is less done. Must Japan shoot American ship for going to Pacific ocean ? This is question for editor. I answer. No, please! Pacific ocean still have too much water for Japan to cover with torpedo boats. Thank you, America fleet may call at San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle without angry rage from Tokyo government which is busy civilizing Corea. Hon. Mr. Roosevelt is welcome to travel.

Howeverly is, some sinful thoughts come to Japanese Boy. Is not some excitement interest-

H ing to all-coloured races ? It would be fine engagement for Japan-America navies to come together sometime for slight shooting-scrape, because both have enjoyed very pleasant target-practice. America navy recently use boat of Hon. Adm. Cervera for excellent bull's eye. Japanese navy practice, still more recently, on fleet of Hon. Mr. Rodjestvensky in which practice Japan gunners score 97 out of possible 100 hits. Yet it are not good-healthy for 2 such equal navies to meet in angry rage, because they might be bursted by following brutal diagram:

Mr. Editor I am Samurai, like all other Japanese Boys. When sick hand is well I am good for all fights. My friend, Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, is exceptional to this rule saying man-strangling and dynamite explosion to be bad for human race. He teach meek-eye as best disease for strong-arm. He come to Hospital and hold my sick hand to say,

"Togo, when union labour drop brick-bat upon Japanese Boy, what then?'*

" Hara-kiri ! '* I explain. "Japanese Boy deliver jiu jitsu upon eye of Mr. Casey.'*

" So heathen thought ! " devote Arthur. " When brick-bat smite left cheek, right cheek is then presentable for more."

To such talk I am only able to speak of rats. Arthur forgive such politeness and read me poetical thought, because sickness prevent escape:

ADDRESS TO PEACE DOVE WHAT RESIDE IN HATS OF ALL EMPERORS

Tell us to know, feeble sparrow-bird of quiet politics,

Why is ?

Yes, you are equally white as snow, and yet snow frequently catches it from gunpowder.

What has occurred to your appearance ?

What has become of thy tail-feathers, wing-feathers, pinfeathers ?

Where is the hair upon thy back and also

Where has thy left eye went ?

Tell us to know, gentle chickadee of disarmed nations.

Why is thy matinee music-song

So heartlus and without feet ?

Like the melody of hand-saws playing upon rusty nail, like a

leak in a bagpipe or like A widowed ostrich pining alone with bronchitis of the throat! Hast thou a message for the world to know f J Tell me, Arthur Kickahajama, missionary! If so.

Tell us to know, gentle harbinger of harbour-defences.

Tell us

But Peace Dove, butting inwards upon poetical address

Of Arthur Kickahajama, missionary.

Makes peeking expression toward Holland with that one

remaining eyeball, Makes pointing gesture toward Washington with the stump

of bit-off leg.

And response back to the Japanese poet as follows: "Croak! "I will tell you to know, Arthur Kickahajama: I have been delivered to Nations Bearing label handle without care ! How can Pidgeon sail tranquil on smooth tail-feathers When Great Peacemakers

Distribute him here and there shot-out-of-a-gun ? When, to go places, he is clubbed with swords, jabbed by

sceptres, batted by big sticks ? Is there no Society of Prevention for This ?

'*And yet I am here, Peace has arrived —

But of what use to mankind delivered in such a shopworn

condition ?

Thank you for plaster-casts, thank you for limb-bandages,

eye-wash, salve.

Thank you for arnica-poultice. Brother Missionary! Peace be with you — Croak!"

Mr. Editor, your honourable country enjoys many bad traits which are loathsome to Japanese. You are disagreeable to old age, you neglect to worship the holy relic. In the American household you worship the recent Baby with doctors, nurses, chloroform, etc., and at the tooth-cut of same all have spasms by joy. But when Grandparent injures the appendicitis he must enjoy it quietly in hospital with stationary to make will.

In boarding house of Mrs. O'Brien there is one young lady which all other eaters at the table-board call ^^ Grandma" because of her immense age. All young gentlemen there talk humoristical anecdote, smile, eat candy with young ladies of more recent birth. While youthly ladies are doing this Miss Grandma set lonesome by lamplight reading Mrs. Humply Ward book.

I have often noticed these when seated in kitchen studying American grammar. **Why should not Young Lady be object of pious regard because of great age.?*" I frequently enquire for answer.

One evening I put on frockaway coat and make call to Miss Grandma.

"Hon. young lady," I refer, "yes, ma'am, excuse me, sir! Would you tell one questioning to Japanese Boy?"

"Surely, Mister Togo," she response. "Whatever is ? "

"Oftenly" I relate, "I am attractive to your honourable notice setting lonesome under lamplight. May I call sometime for lonesome company ?"

"You are kind gentleman. Mister Togo,"

she beseech. "Yes, you can come often for lonesome call/^

"Thank you, sir,'' I say, "you are regardless. I come so often kitchen duties prevent it.''

She give me smiHng expression peculiar to American lady of any oldness.

"Tell me this answer," she inquisitive softly. "What qualities in myself make you such admiration ?"

" I admire you because of Japanese," I response. "For in Japan we are taught to reverence the Old Age."

She throw Humply Ward book to me, then strike me with lamp-light. Fire extinguished by means of Persian rug I retire to kitchen to make my soul enquire about things.

Hoping your Highness may place this thoughts on printing-press without danger, and love to family and friends.

Hashimura Togo.

S. P. — I am taking lessons in harmonica playing of which Hospital nurse Flynn is Prof. He teach me national hymn of Hon. Geo. M. Cohen entitled "The Rag Which We Revere." Your Constitution must feel very nervous following that Cohen Flag! H. T.

Ill

THE YELLOW PERIL

San Francisco, November 22d.

To New York newspaper management and such as are doing it there.

Dear Printer — I am enjoying great poverty from employment which is missing this week, thank you.

This conversation for you to listen:

"Mr. Togo, goodbye, and be prompt in doing so!" That spoken with screeches by Mrs. C. W- O'Brien, honourable lady.

"Sweet-hearted Mrs. Madam,'' I resume to her, "why you neglect to allow Japanese Boy any more wait on table-board at your establishment V

"Because this," she demand, "lazy stupor of brain unfit Japanese Boy for such jobs. During three weeks of time you remain in hospital to enjoy pain. You think of book study more than delivering soup to my table-eaters. Some others must carry coffee-dish for this employment. Therefore exit from these house!"

"Thank you to know, Hon. Mrs.," I report,

*^what person shall obtain job when I have went from here ?"

''One China boy I have got him more intelligent as you for half price to do it," she refer.

I see plain truth to this. Looking to kitchen I observe Whang So, one China boy of sinful profile. I make race-riot inside of me, but peace-treaty outside.

"Honourable Mrs. O'Brien,'^ I say with smiling expression, ''good day, so sorry, thank you so much!" Then I make quick-step to sidewalk and trot-step to establishment of Jigo Furo, Japanese hardware.

"Thank you for something durable to handle," I say to this Jigo Furo.

"This stove-poker is recommended for all use," he response. It surely was truthful. I take it away for call on Mr. Whang So, China boy of sinful profile. He come to door of Mrs. C. W. O'Brien when asked for.

"Whang So, Chinese puppy-cat, wherefore you have national characteristics of one potato.?*" I relapse.

" You go way, no good ! " he reserve with impolite expression of Oriental.

For reply I throw stove-poker to neck of Whang So, give him jiu jitsu to porch and tie him with abominable pig-tail to door knob of Mrs. C. W.

O'Brien where he may be found. This things I done to Whang So as race-riot to Chinese persons which is no good for America by following statistick :

1. They perform cleanly-washing infrequently.

2. They are back-hand in religion, reform,

bookkeeping and stenography.

3. They teach poker game to Japanese Boy.

4. They are a Yellow Peril.

I have given some brain-study to this Yellow Peril to make sure it is a bad blessing for these Uniteds State. It is. But should we Americans of all-colour enjoy fear of such ? Answer is, No! Coreans, Chinese, & Hindus is Yellow Peril. All Japanese can defeat these easily with club-stick. We have been there to try it. If white Caucasian fear such a Peril Japanese will promise to chase it away for small wage-pay. It will be amusement for Japanese Boy who know how.

All persons should be kept out of this kindgom who can not show good-coloured complexions at ship-dock. Torpedo-fleet, battle-boat, dynamite & congress should be shot off to prevent landing of such trash like Mr. Whang So and other Chinese of yellow birth. Coreans, Siamese, & Hindus must also be prevented from escaping into this country. Christian ships must take these complexions back to original islands where they belongs. This is best good for all human races.

Many negro persons of Southern States is also Yellow Peril, but these can not enjoy exclusion, because there is no place to exclude them to.

But Japanese gentleman, please, must not be written down for this list. Derby hat, American pant, Tuxedo overcoat, have rendered him completely white of complexion and able to vote for President when asked to know how. Please do not include him in Yellow Peril, because he will not be there. He is doing things by each day that makes folks white. Let Japanese help to do pushout to all-coloured Yellow Perils coming to this country together with others patriots of star-stripe banner Yankee-doodle dandy, banzai!

I will speak to you of two Yellow Perils which I know of my knowledge.

I am acquaintance of one Corean gentleman name of Whee who reside in cellar of this city. He do not change his clothing which is economical. He sleep in soap-box, but the soap is missing. To approach Mr. Whee with hygiene is too dangerous for good healthy. Labouring Union do not fear this Corean gentleman, because he shall never take no work from nobody. When not hitting pipe-smoke this Whee man is dreaming of ancestors. He will also be one soon. When I observe such Corean patriot approaching to me

I choose next street, thank you. This man is Yellow Peril of bright colour.

In one more cellar, close to where this Corean citizen reside, there sleep one Polish gentleman name of Gumowsky. This Gumowsky man is notable for forgetfulness in washing. Two times each year he is removed by health Board, but this is of no use for Mr. Gumowsky who make financial income collecting second-handed cigarettes. When he obtain sufficient whiskey-drunk there is warcry from his downstairs residence and whichever furniture he can discover to break is throwed on street to strike by-passing pedestrians. Mr. Gumowsky is not good gentleman to inhabit this American country. He is a Yellow Peril of dark colour, because soiled.

Which is more better citizen, thank you — Mr. Whee of opium smoking and Gumowsky of whiskey-drunking or Japanese Boy of derby hat, frockaway coat and all other white manners of civilized ation ?

On evening time of last Thursday night Japanese branch of Chinese Exclusion League meet for church social at Asiatic M. E. Church where good time were enjoyed there. My cousin Nogi took as escort Miss Mabel Sanjijo who he are engaged to marry when divorced. I delivered to this gaiety Miss Alice Furioki pleasant young lady of yellow extraction. All Japanese Boys was present with other national ladies. Rev. Hon. Chillworthy, American missionary, make all happy by coming late.

Japanese Boy Male Quartette open excitement by songing, "I love you the same long years ago when first I meet you on the village green." Songing listened at with patience by all. Japanese solo was next performed on phonograf. Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, do card-trick for excitement of amusement. Then we enjoy " postoffice" game to practise kissing, American salute. When this was subsided I made so nervous as to read following poetickal thought:

ADDRESS TO CONGRESS ABOUT STOP-OFF OF YELLOW PERIL

Make it hard for Chinese to come in, please.

Make it nice and easy for stay out. Punish naughty China for that sin, please,

Show what for you mean such things about. Chop chop head of Chinese immigration.

Bang-up foolish pigtail cooley-man. Keep such Yellow Peril from your nation.

(That give room for persons from Japan.)

Swift-kick China off your map, Shake-shake smile for glad-hand Jap!

Ship the negro person to some island — That will solve one problem pretty quick.

Make the Injuns live upon a highland

Scared for to come down by that Big Stick.

Shoot the no-good Russian off this nation, Send the black-hand Dago back to Rome;

Clean this land of foreign immigration — Then the Japanese Boy feel at home.

Shoot the Yellow Peril — boom! — Then the Jap Boy have more room.

After this rhythm Rev. Hon. Mr. Chillworthy nearly made talk-speech. He was just saying it about "Higher Life for Japanese Boy^^ when something happen which was too bad. Whang So, China boy, enter with two cousins, Whang Get and Whang Gee. There was up-jump for all. Banzais could be seen everywhere as chandeliers, etc., flew to heads of China boys while those nationality was departing through windows. After these Chinese Exclusion act was performed this church sociable busted up with prayers and ice cream.

Hoping you are the same. Yours truly,

Hashimura Togo.

S. P. — Mr. Editor, would you put following wedding notice in paper of yours ?

"Mr. Hashimura Togo of Kobe, Japan, will be marriaged to Miss Alice Furioki of Tokyo, same place, ceremony to be had at Asiatic M. E. Church, S. F. This excitement will take place when job is found for Japanese Boy which is not now doing so." H. T.