Memoir of Charles Henry Porter, a student in theology

Front matter

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UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

MEMOIR

Chapter I. Early Life Till Commencing Study

Early years — Conversion — Desire to become a minister — Course of life while in business — Sabbath-school labors — Difficulties in his way to the ministry — His own record of his exercises — Days of fasting and prayer — His decision — Various trials — Growth in grace — Humility — Struggles against spiritual pride — Fair prospects abandoned, . 7

CHAPTER H.

PREPARATION FOR COLLEGKE.

Visit at Norwich — Christian activity — Return to New York — Views of the ministry — Prayer and study — Tenderness of conscience — Sabbath labors — Instances of faithfulness and humility — Aspirations after holiness — Leaves New York for Westfield, 22

Chapter III. Studies At Westfield

Resolution — Prayer answered — Christian labors — A meditation on God's works — Joy in the Lord — Watching for

4 CONTENTS.

souls — Zeal for Christ — Christian humility — Anxiety for friends — Home missions — Kindness to the afflicted — Yisits to Norwich and Springfield — Meekness under reproof — Transition to college life, 32

Chapter IV. First Two Years In College

College life — Sabbath-school instruction — Perseverance in prayer — Missionary spirit — Thoughts on spring showers — Spring vacation — Letter to his father — Birthday thoughts — Second year in college — Purpose to become a missionary — Delight in God's word, and in prayer — Worldly honors — Revival in New Haven — Annual fast for colleges, 46

Chapter V. Efforts To Do Good

Pecuniary embarrassments — Advantages of poverty — Letter

to his friend Mr. D of N. Y. — Devotional records —

Efforts to do good — Another letter to Mr. D. — -Religious labors in Terrysville — A shower of divine grace — Interesting particulars — Rules of action — Letter to his mother — Love for souls, 60

Chapter VI. Junior Year In College

Desire to be laboring for Christ — Interest in Canada missions — A Christian must not be discouraged — Christian efforts and study — Day of prayer for colleges — Visit to Westville — Resolution — Labors at Hnmphreysville — At Terrys-

CONTENTS. 5

ville — At Norwich — Summer term at college — Interest in the Sabbath-school — Labors of love — Is chosen a leader in the college church — Trial of faith— Meditation on death — Excursion for health — Letter to a friend — Preparation for the coming year — Labors at Willimantic, .... 78

Chapter VII. Senior Yeah In College

Joy in God — Christ's kingdom endless — Self-renunciation — Letter to his sister — Desire to become a missionary — Letter to his friend in New York — Letter from Northfield in the winter vacation — Efforts at West Haven — A fellow-student drowned — Revival in College — His deep interest in the work of grace — Visit to Terrysville — Vacation at Westfield — Letter to his mother — Revival at Westfield — His dealing with sinners — Prayers for unconverted friends — Vacation at Norwich and Bozrahville — Close of college course, 9'*

Chapter VIII. Visit To Canada— Life In The Seminary

Missionary labors in Canada — Sabbath-keeping rewarded — Description of the field — Encouraging success — Instances of conversion — Enters the Seminary — Labors at North Haven — Letter of Rev. Leverett G-riggs — Labors at Wallingford — Letter to a sick friend — Yearnings for the work of the ministry — Letters to friends — Consolation to the afflicted — Labors in New Britain — Letters to his father — Growth in grace — Efforts in Hartford and New Haven — Letter to his mother — Proposes to go to Iowa — License to preach — Sense of Responsibility — Preaches in Terrysville — Religious interest — Visit to Syracuse, 117

5 CONTENTS.

Chapter IX. The Closing- Scene

Returns to New York — Summoned to New Haven by the sickness of friends — Is taken sick himself— Particulars of his illness — Passes from an earthly to a heavenly Sabbath — Another account of his last days — Resignation — Concern for his relatives — Love to Christ — Visit of Rev. Mr. Ludlow — Peace in death — Obituary notice, 153

MEMOIR

CHARLES HENRY PORTER,

Chapter I

MR. PORTER'S EARLY LIFE.

The grace of God sometimes makes of a common man an uncommon Christian. Thus it was with the subject of this sketch. Charles Henry Porter was born at Norwich, Connecticut, August 8, 1811. He was not the child of pious parents, enjoyed no uncommon early advantages, and nothing in his childhood encouraged the hope that he would become either pious or useful in after-life. And yet God was pleased to call him into his kingdom, and to bless him with large measures of grace and usefulness. Though his Christian course was short, the Saviour made him the happy instrument of guiding many to his fold.

He was a lad of energetic character, fond of active sports, but averse to books, and wholly heedless of religion. Though an elder brother was receiving a collegiate education, his own great dislike to study made him reject every proposal to become a student ; and he was permitted, at the age of fifteen, to enter into mercantile life, in the city of New York. Here he remained until November, 1828, when Providence thwarted his plans, and led him from the temptations of the city back to his native place, where he was employed in a store. It was here the Holy Spirit met him, and by his renewing influences changed the current of his life.

In August, 1829, a revival of unusual power began in Norwich, and soon spread into all the churches. A cousin of Mr. Porter, since deceased, was one of the earliest converts, and felt deeply interested for his spiritual welfare. She often made him the subject of prayer, and in her frequent visits to his father's family, improved every opportunity to warn him faithfully of his danger, and entreat him to think of the concerns of his soul. Her affectionate persuasion induced him to attend some of the evening meetings. His first serious thoughts on the subject of religion were in a Methodist meeting at Norwich Falls. Before this he had been so careless, that though he had sat in the house of God Sabbath after Sabbath all his life, he could not recollect ever to have been in the least degree alarmed respecting his spiritual state, or even to have had one serious thought. " In fact," said he, "I had few ideas on any subject, as I thought of little except sport and play."

EARLY LIFR. \)

We have no record of the particular form and progress of his convictions, but his alarm and distress were evidently deep and pungent. These convictions, strengthened by the sudden death of a brother hi September, continued till November, when he found peace. Listening to an impressive and faithful sermon by the Rev. Mr. Mitchell of Norwich, his sense of sin and of God's justice in punishing it was so great that he trembled on his seat ; and while crossing the plain on his way home, he believed he gave his heart to God. Early the next morning he went to tell his cousin what God had done for him. From her account, his views of the character of God and the way of salvation by Christ were just and clear ; and his joy and peace in believing, and his humble gratitude to his Saviour for his distinguishing mercy, unusually great.

He at once took a decided stand on the side of Christ ; and even then it was his earnest wish to prepare for the ministry, and devote his life to preaching the gospel. In tin's, however, he encountered the opposition of friends, and for a time yielded to their objections — needing, perhaps, further discipline in the Christian life, to fit him for study in reference to the sacred office. So decided a change, from aversion to books to an immediate desire to study, and the forming of plans so contrary to all his former habits of life, afford striking proof of the powerful working of the Holy Spirit in his heart. " Old things had passed away ; all things had become new."

Mr. Porter was alarmed by the fact that Christians often decline in warm and lively piety, and grow cold in the love and service of their Saviour ; and he solemnly determined that, if it were possible, he would always live near to God, and be devoted to the service of Christ. As one of his friends remarks, he seemed from the first determined to be an uncommon Christian.

He united with the church in Norwich on the 7th of March, 1830. Here he continued till August, when he went to Zanesville, Ohio ; but his plans not being successful, he returned early the next summer, and in the latter part of the season went once more to New York. He was successively employed in two or three mercantile houses, and having secured the approbation of those in whose service he was engaged, his worldly prospects became flattering. This was a most important period in his life. In that great mart of business there was much to allure the youthful Christian from duty. But upon the busy world with which he was associated — occupied too generally with toils and pleasures — he looked with the sympathies of a follower of Him who came to seek and save the lost. He engaged at once in Christian labors, especially in the Sabbath-school, where he immediately secured the love of both teachers and pupils.

EARLY LIFE. H

A fellow-teacher, after alluding to his faithfulness and the fitness of his counsels, remarks, " I called for him one Sabbath morning, to accompany me to church, a little before the time of public service. * Come,' said he, ' go up to my room.' I went, and having closed the door, he said, ' Now, let us jpray.' We knelt together, and he invoked God's blessing on us and the whole church of Christ, not forge tting those who were out of the ark of safety." " He was very faithful," says this teacher, "with our Sabbath-school children in our children's meetings, and always spoke of the Sabbath-school as his home."

Mr. D , another fellow-laborer, Ins warm friend

and constant benefactor, after mentioning his punctual attendance at the school and the prayer-meetings, on the Sabbath and during the week, adds, " In all Sunday-school labors, Charles was untiring, affectionate, interested, and prayerful. His pleadings with the impenitent were characterized by the utmost kindness and affection. They loved him for his faithfulness to their souls. He had their confidence. He would sit down by an impenitent youth, and gain a nearer access to his heart than any teacher in the school, or any person I ever knew. Often did he bring tears into the eyes of members of my class, as he would seize on the moment when they were disengaged, to talk with them of Christ and the value of the soul."

This training in Sabbath-school instruction and active exertion for the souls of men, was a good preparation for the higher sphere to which he was still looking. A life of business in a great city always has its temptations, and the more one can break away from these bonds and engage in doing good, the more may he hope to preserve his soul unspotted from the world, and fasten his heart on G-od.

Mr. Porter's prospects for business were fair ; but, urged by his desire to devote himself to the ministry, he resolved to leave these scenes of commercial life, and engage in studies preparatory for college. " To preach the gospel was the first expressed wish of his heart after his conversion. That it should ever be gratified was the most unlikely thing that could be imagined. His aversion to study, his constitutional activity unfitting him for sedentary habits, and the unreflecting character of his mind, were all unfavorable. And it was not till after a struggle of three years, that he decided to gratify this first desire of his heart."

He had other difficulties also to contend with. How was he to obtain a support ? He could expect no miracle to supply his wants. His family were unable to aid him, and he knew not whence the required means might come. The Lord led him on ; his kind providence removed the difficulties, supplied his necessities, and blessed his efforts. To him be all the glory.

But we turn now to his own account of the matter in his diary, by which we shall hereafter be guided in tracing his course as a Christian, a student, and a minister of Christ. These extracts should be read as the writings of a simple-hearted child of God, penned without care — a sort of memoranda only, not designed for the eye of others — to refresh his own mind and invigorate his feelings after the toils of the day. Faintly traced, as some of them are by the pencil, nearly effaced, as they have been in some places by the fallen tear, they are yet indelible in the influence they have exerted on his heart and life. God grant they may be so for good to many who read them in these pages. Mr. Porter thus commences his diary :

" The subject of studying for the ministry having had deep hold of my feelings for days, and I may say for weeks, and having prayed and mourned and wept over it to learn my duty, I finally concluded to set apart this 27th day of May, 1833, as one of fasting, humiliation, and prayer, to implore the divine direction and assistance."

He then speaks of his disappointment in the early part of the day, in not having found as much enjoyment as he expected, and laments the deep depravity of his heart. But in the evening he says,

*t The Lord has heard my cry, and helped me abundantly. I think I can see pretty clearly my duty to become a minister of Christ. There are many difficulties to encounter, but may the Lord give me grace to overcome them all. Feel a little fearful lest I may have formed my opinion too hastily, or from some other motive than the glory of God.

for grace to assist me in this mighty work. Eight years before I can become a minister ! But I thank the Lord that I can do something for him in that time."

"May 28. — Instead of feeling sorry that I have made up my mind to study for the ministry, I am glad. let me not suffer my thoughts to turn back ; for if my eyes turn from the Sun of righteousness, all becomes dark, and the duty which lies before me looks as if it could never be accomplished ; but when

1 look to Christ it is all bright and glorious."

"May 30. — Have had a most refreshing season. It seems as if Christ was more precious to me than ever. I felt great brokenness of heart, and wept ; never had such a thirst for the ministry : it seems as if I could not be denied. Lord, open the way, if it is thy will ; give me strength, humility, and perseverance to accomplish the object."

The same earnest desire is frequently mentioned in the days immediately following ; and above all, he prayed that God would give him a very humble opinion of himself, and bring him nearer to the feet of his Redeemer.

We next find him inquiring for some place where he might commence his studies. In relation to this question, he remarks, " Finally, cast all my cares on God, and he heard my cry and sent peace into my soul, so that I was enabled to leave all with him. I felt sweetly resigned to his will — to go anywhere, or do any thing, that his name might be glorified — desired to have no will but his."

His parents had arrived in New York, but knowing that their views did not agree with his, he did not mention to them his intention of studying for the ministry, "fearing that it would spoil their visit." This expression evinces a truly delicate regard to the feelings of others. But it was a severe trial of his own feelings, not to be able to open his heart to a beloved father and mother. Could he have poured out the warm promptings of his soul into their bosoms, and found a kindred feeling there, he would no doubt have pressed on his way with a lighter step, and felt the path before him to be comparatively easy.

An incident mentioned in his record of June 8th — another day devoted to fasting and prayer with reference to the object that lay so near his heart — exhibits the manner in which he sought to turn even the most trivial matters to the increase of his own spirituality. He says, " Saw some delicacies on the table, but rejoiced to let them alone and crucify the flesh, that I might have more of the spirit of Christ ; found it very useful, and enjoyed an unusual degree of spiritual life."

" June 9. — Met a friend who is now studying for the ministry : told him of my intention. He said, 'Count the cost.' I told him I trusted I had ; and he replied, ' Count it over again.' My heart replied, * Yes, willingly will I count it over again.' The sacrifices I am obliged to make, and the difficulties I encounter, will only tend, I trust, to my growth in grace, and bring me out as gold that has been tried in the fire."

One of his great trials, as we have seen, was how to meet the expense of his education. He cast himself on the Lord, and was not disappointed. Thus he mentions, the next day, that God had " opened a way ' ' to have his tuition ■ ' gratuitous . ' ' He expresses some fears with regard to his health, but again commits all to his heavenly Father. He also mentions the fact that he " could not study," and remarks, " "When I look at what must be done before I can preach, it makes me shudder." The same day, on beginning his Latin grammar, he writes, " Began, before opening the book for study, by asking God to assist me in the arduous work."

Another difficulty arose from his debts. These, though small, he would have no means of paying after leaving business. On this subject he writes,

" June 12. — The Lord has done wonders for me to-day. The way seems to open as I advance. My

clear brother T says he will see that my board

is provided for, and my debts taken care of; and my employer says he will relinquish all claim to my staying with him : so it seems as if there was nothing to do but to go forward, trusting in the Lord for health and strength, grace and perseverance."

He also says, "After our clerks learned my intention of studying for the ministry, they thought I missed it very much : it was a great pity that after five or six years' preparation for business, I should break off. But so much the more reason have I to be thankful to God for opening the way. Most of the young men who are engaged in business, aro unwilling to give it up and labor for the Lord ; therefore the work needs every one whom God has inclined to serve him."

Speaking of a public occasion on which crowds were gathered in Broadway, he adds, " Felt as if I was spending the Lord's time unprofitably, and retired for prayer. Let the world with all its pleasures pass onward, but give me Christ."

Mr. Porter's diary everywhere indicates a conscientious purpose to " grow in grace." His exercises in the closet were frequent, and he notices "the comfort," "sweet communion with Christ," "rich blessings," "the preciousness of the Saviour" he experienced, as evidences to him of his closer walk with God. " Seemed," he says on one occasion, " as if I was not to be a great while on this earth, for my soul took flight, as it were, into higher regions. Language cannot express the happiness I have experienced this day, although it seems as if Satan had been at work with me almost continually." Again,

"June 17. — The Lord has blessed me wonderfully. Fearing that my happiness would be mixed with animal feeling, instead of being true love to Christ, I besought him to search me and try me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Notices like these evince that he was gaining greater knowledge of his own heart, and furnish proof of his conscientiousness as well as of his sound judgment. The same day he says again, " To-day have had a cross to take up ; felt that I had a prejudice against a disciple of Jesus ; but went and acknowledged my sin to him and to God, and asked and found forgiveness."

The next few days were days of trial and conflict. He made known to his parents his design of studying for the ministry. As he had anticipated, his father did not approve of it, and thought he had better attend to his worldly business. It was a severe trial to Mr. Porter to act contrary to his father's wishes, but he felt it to be his duty to do so. It will be recollected that he was of age, acting for himself, and dependent on his own exertions ; and he believed he had a right to the choice of his employment or profession. He was also exposed to hard conflicts from the ridicule and contempt with which some viewed his determination. Yet he resolved to go forward, counting it a privilege to suffer reproach for the name of Christ.

Spiritual pride also occasioned Mr. Porter many a severe struggle. On this subject we find the following record. " Although I felt afraid that fasting would injure my health, I could not help appointing one day this week, to pray especially that God would make me humble, and break down this accursed I, I, I. It seems as if it would ruin me. for grace sufficient for my day."

But though the burden of these various trials pressed heavily on him, yet he was not without comfort ; and in view of his situation he says again, " I rejoice to be dependent on others for my support, as it leads me to see that I am to live day by day dependent on God, and like the children of Israel in the wilderness, eat the manna that is furnished to-day, and trust in God for to-morrow."

He could not avoid observing the contrast between his situation and that of some with whom he had been associated. He thus says, June 25, in view of the fact that one of his fellow-clerks was to be a partner of the house, " Would I be willing to change situations with him ? By no means. Jesus is sweeter to me than any earthly being ; his riches are far superior to any earthly riches ; his business to any earthly business ; his joys to any earthly joys ; his dying tokens which he has left us, to any thing we can find here ; his treasure in heaven for all that love him, to any treasure we can lay up on earth. My fellow-clerk will undoubtedly possess riches — earthly I mean, God grant heavenly also — ease, and comfort. I am to be poor and dependent on others, go through a course of eight years' laborious study, and then, should my life be spared, I shall probably be poor all the remainder of my pilgrimage on earth, and find life filled up with trials. Do I envy him ? no. May he be thankful that God has abundantly blessed him. I am and shall be about my Master's business — this is comfort. I have tasted both the world and Christ, and find Christ to be far better. Oh I long to be swallowed up in him— to feel him to be my all in all. Sweet, glorious, holy, happy Saviour, now seated at the right hand of God, thee I love, thee I adore. Give me thy presence, and all other sources of happiness are to me as nothing."

Mr. Porter now closed his engagement as merchant's clerk, and in recording the fact mentions that God inclined his employer to give him in a month's wages. He says that he "had a singular feeling"

when his situation "was about to be given to another person, but not the least desire to retain it."

After a careful examination he fixed on seven hours for sleep, and "resolved on fast-days" which he frequently observed. " I will take just food enough," he says, " to keep my body in such a state that my spiritual life shall not suffer, and that I may not appear to men to fast, but to my Father which is in heaven. The rest of my time must be fully taken up in devotional reading, studying, or something for the honor of Christ."

Such was the spirit with which he left New York on a short visit to his parents, at the home of his childhood.

Chapter II. Preparation For College

At Norwich we find Mr. Porter engaged in numerous labors of Christian love. He visited the poor, the sick, the afflicted, and the inmates of the prison, for religious conversation. He was regular in attending meeting, and often retired at night to the graveyard, or the open field, for meditation and prayer. Instead of losing his spirituality he resolved to live more to the glory of God, cultivating every day a spirit of piety, and renewing his dedication to his Master daily and for life.

Home was very dear to him. His greatest study seems ever to have been how he might best promote the spiritual interests of those whom he there so much loved. Many were the conflicts he had to endure, while he endeavored to discharge his duties faithfully as a son and a servant of Christ.

At times he hoped that God was about to revive his work ; and though he had again taken up his Latin grammar, he spent much of his time in visiting from house to house, and his efforts in rousing Christians appear to have been attended with some success. In one case he mentions an attempt to go to Mohegan, where remain several families of that Indian tribe ; but as the weather was warm, he became greatly fatigued when he had walked about half a mile, and was compelled to return. This shows a feebler state of health than his continued labors would indicate. He also mentions his uniting with the Methodist minister in various efforts, and thus exhibits his liberal and catholic spirit. His mind for the most part was in a happy frame, and he was gaining new strength and knowledge of himself. He remained, however, but a short time at his father's, and could not record any decided results as the fruit of his labors.

On Mr. Porter's return to New York, when he may properly be said to have commenced his studies, he was gratified to learn that the Sabbath-school teachers proposed to raise one hundred dollars yearly to aid him in his preparation for the ministry. This he felt to be not only a proof of their esteem, but also an evidence that God meant to provide for him.

His views of the great work to which he had devoted himself were thorough and elevated. He often alludes to the necessity of eminent holiness, and breathes forth many earnest longings for this qualification.

" August 13. — I am studying — for what ? my soul, how canst thou realize the importance of the object in view ? A minister of Christ ! One who has given himself away, entirely and for ever, to serve

God alone. Thousands of souls, perhaps, are to be saved or destroyed through his preaching. who can discharge the duties of a minister ?" Again he casts himself on God, dedicates himself to him, prays for " a lower place " at his feet, and implores grace to keep him from spiritual pride.

The next day his mouth is filled with praises as he records "the sweetness of a Saviour's dying love," and says, "I have reason to bless God that my studies do not keep me from enjoying religion." He then gives the secret of his strength in this matter. " If a word in my lesson is hard to be understood, I ask God to aid me ; and often after having tried a long time to get the signification of a word, upon asking God all has been plain to me. Never let me commence a lesson, or any thing else, without first asking his blessing."

"August 15. — Remembered that I had taken my food, and the question arose, ' Has the soul been fed this morning as it ought to have been ?' Found myself guilty ; took up the Bible immediately, although Satan as usual suggested my putting it off till after recitations, and dwelt for a few moments on the passage, 'If ye, then, be risen with Christ,' etc."

Visiting the store where he had formerly been employed, Mr. Porter was questioned if he did not repent of his purpose, and wish to return. But he says, " My soul replies, ' Oh no !' I could not bear the thought, except God should evidently give me to understand by his providence that I am not called to the ministry. My soul loves the work of God better than ever. My desire for the ministry increases daily."