King Grover. Chronicles of his reign, according to Simonides, the scribe of the tribe of Lechay

Preface

These chapters were written during odd hours snatched from a busy practice of the law, and must, of necessity, contain many imperfections.

But the reader that has followed current events will find in them many a grain of homely truth told in a quaint way.

While the form, language and settings in which the events referred to are told may, perhaps, provoke an occasional smile, it is not pretended by the author that he is gifted with either wit, humor or sarcasm, nor was either of these aimed at.

The effort is intended as an earnest protest against the acts and doings of those into whose hands the administration of public affairs have, for the time being, been committed ; and to awake the reader to the danger and suffering that must follow a continuance of the policy inaugurated.

Some of the topics touched upon— such as the tyranny and curse of slavery in its day, the re-establishment in power of those who upheld, and still believe in, that institution, the destruction of the prosperity of this country under revenue tariffs and the consequent injury to domestic manufactures and suffering to labor, are subjects which have engaged the author's thoughts for years ; and when to these are added a reckless abandon of high purpose in the appointment of men to positions in the public service, and a disregard for true Americanism in the administration of the Government, he would seize every legitimate weapon iy PREFACE.

at his commaud to strike down those evils, aud extirpate the spirit that animates them.

When the manner and methods of elevating to their high positions the men who administer the present Government are considered, it might well be said of the American people as it was of the Jews in their folly: ^^ My people doth not consider.''^

The employment, to a considerable extent, of the old form of the English language, and the arrangement of the matter into verses, was occasioned by the favorable reception of several articles on other topics published by the author in the papers. In all cases of allusion or reference to occurences recorded in the Bible, it will be noticed that they relate to temporal aud historical, and not spiritual

matters.

James S. Bieey.

KING GROVER.

CHRONICLES OF HIS REIGN.

Chapter I

TT came to pass iu the year one thousand eight hundred ninety and three, in the third month and the fourth day of the montli, after Benjamin, the just, had ruled over the children of Brother Jonathan for the space of four years, that they crowned Grover, of the Buffaloes, the second time to rule over them.

2. Now, Benjamin had also desired the favor of the people at the hustings in casting their lots, and sought to persuade them to cast their lots for him.

3. But Grover and his companions had caused it to be noised abroad, falsely, that Benjamin had ruled unjustly. and had sore oppressed the i^eople with extortionate taxation, and that by reason of the oppression the husbandmen and laborers were defrauded of their rightful recompense for their labor by cruel taskmasters.

4. And Grover had also for manj^ days before the time of the hustings proclaimed aloud from the housetops that he greatly pitied the common people in their downtrodtlen condition, and caused it to be believed that if he were chosen to be their ruler he would lift the heavy yoke from off their shoulders and would cause the land to flo'^ with milk and honey.

5. And the people believed the words of Grover, and they cast their lots for him at the hustings, that he should rule over them.

6. Ajid great was the joy of them that had chosen Grover wlieu the lots were counted and it was found that he was again chosen ruler of the land. And being devout men they cointiuued their devotions at the shrines of Bacchus for many days and nights without ceasing, and made the welkin ring with the noise of their rejoicing.

7. And there were those who, in former days, had belonged to the people of Benjamin, the just, which also cast their lots for Grover, hoping thereby to find favor in his sight, and to be rewarded for their fealty with places of dignity and profit. And it was by the help of these that Grover was again chosen ruler-.

8. Now, the name of the sect to which these belonged was Mugicump, which was composed by tlie slang-whangers from two words taken from the speech of the Angles.

9. The word ''mug," seemeth to be taken from "muck," which signifieth dung, manure, or a vile, filthy substance. And the word "tcump," seemeth to be taken from "■vamp," which signifieth to patch or mend. Thus, by interpretation, the name of the sect signifieth those who have mended or mi.\ed their brains with some vile, filthy substance.

10. At the same time when tlie children of Jonathan chose Grover to be their ruler they also chose a Common Council of the nation which was in accord with the mind of Grover; and the Chief Coxmcils of the several provinces into wliich the laud was divided, afterwards chose a Select Council of the nation, which was also in accord witli the mind of Grover.

11. Seeing, therefore, that his throne was thus made sure, and greatly magnifying his importance, the King forgat his promises which he had made to the common people, and waxing bold, proclaimed himself, " King Ghovek, the Great."

12. And behold ! when the people heard the proclamation of the King, a great shout went up from the faitliful all over the laud, from the Sea of Atlantis on the orient, to the far off Peaceful Sea toward the Occident, and from the land of Acadia on the north, even unto the land of Montezuma on the south, saying: " Oreat is King Grover of the Buffaloes/ Long live the King I"

13. Now the luizzas of the faithful greatly pleased the King, who was of prodigious stature and ponderous weight.

14. And so it was, that the King had not grown vain by reason of the- symmetrj- of his body, nor on account of tlie exceeding beauty of his countenance, the which ought always to be considered of great virtue in a prince.

15. And the King was gifted with wonderful traits of mind and manner, whereby he commanded his memory to forget, and it forgat : his eyes not to see, and they saw not ; and his mouth not to speak, and it spake not.

16. And when King Grover was established on his throne, lol a great multitude of the faithful from all the ends of his kingdom came and gathered together in the citj-- where the King dwelt in his palace, making a great clamor at the gates of the palace to eat out of the King's fleshpots, which had been promised them.

17. And when they came into the presence of the King they bowed to the earth and said : " O King, live forever ! We have come to renew our friendship of old with thee, and make our abode with thee, for we have been faithful and have come to eat the bread which is the fruit of our labor."

18. But the King knew them not, neither did he recognize them when he looked upon them, nor did he answer tiiem when they spake unto him, because he had commanded his memory to forget his friends of old, his eyes not to see them and his mouth not to speak unto them.

19. For so it was, that the King had chosen new friends from among the faithful, and had even taken Walter, the doubter, a Mugwump, to his bosom, and set him on his right hand in the King's Council.

20. And when the King's friends of old, who had paid many thousand shekels of silver and had greatly holpen in many other ways to make him King were much displeased because he knew them not, then it was that the King was wroth and drave them from the palace, neither did he hearkem imto their voice any more.

21. But the multitude which cried at the King's gates for bread was exceeding hungry and thirsty, and was without number, like unto the lociists and lice of Egj-pt in the daj^s of Moses.

22. And likewise, thej'' choked the King's privy council chamber with their great numbers, and they clambered into the private apartments of the King's palace, so that the whole palace was filled.

23. And when King Grover saw that he could get no peace because of the importunity of the multitude, he commanded that all mxist leave the gates of his palace and depart from the city, and that no bread should be given to them that tarried.

CHAPTEK II.

THE KING DREAMS A DREAM.

A ND so it was, that many leagues towards the Occident from California, which was a province that belonged to the children of Brother Jonathan, and where there was much gold, there dwelt the Kanakas, among the isles in the midst of the sea.

2. And there were mountains of fire in the isles, but the land of the Kanakas was a goodly land and fruitful, and was abundantly watered by the early and the latter rains.

3. And great ships, like unto the ships from Tarshish, went down from Frisco, a great city by the sea in the province of California, laden with miich merchandise, precious and costly.

4. And the ships touched at the isles of the Kanakas, which were called Hawaii, for to take water and other necessary things on their long journey across the sea.

5. And the children of Brother Jonathan had made peace, and a covenant with the Kanakas, and trafficked with them.

6. For there were three score thousand people that dwelt among the isles, which were the abode of the Kanakas.

7. Now, the Kanakas w^ere a heathen people, and they were neither white nor black, but were brown intermingled with red, so that their color was like unto the color of tarnished copper.

CHRONICLES OF IlIS REIGN. q

8. But they were beautiful in form and comely to look ■upon.

9. Now, the ruler of the Kanakas was a Queen whose name was Liliuokalani, which is, being interpreted, Lilli-walk-aleine, or Lilli-walk-alone.

10. And it came to pass in those days that the Queen's Council made insurrection against her, and being crafty, overthrew her Kingdom. And her Chief Council ruled in her stead.

11. And greatly desiring to join themselves imto the children of Jonathan, the rulers of the Kanakas sent embassadors to Benjamin when he was yet ruler, to make a new covenant with him.

13. Now when Grover, (who was not yet crowned King), read in his encyclopedia that tlie women and men of the Kanakas were comely, and well formed, he yearned in his heart to join them unto his Kingdom when he should be crowned King.

13. But Benjamm, being quick-minded, made a new covenant with the embassadors ere Grover was crowned Kino-, that the Kanakas should be joined to the children of Jonathan.

14. And Benjamin sent the new covenant unto the Select Council, that the Council should consent thereto, according as it is written in the law.

15. But certain of the Select Council hated Benjamin and would not consent, neither would they suffer the new covenant to be considered.

16. So, while the new covenant was yet before the Select Council, Grover was crowned King.

17. Now, Walter, the doubter (he that sat at the King's right hand in the King's Council), being at enmity wfth Benjamin, sought to slay him, even though Benjamin was no longer ruler.

18. And it came to pass at the end of one month, that Kmg Grover dreamed ; and behold he stood upon the Isle of the Manhattoes.

19. And, behold, a well favoured bison and fatfleshed; and it fed in the valley.

JQ KING GROVER.

20. Aucl behold, a tiger which came clown from a high Hill, ill favoured and leanfleshed — a fierce and ravenous beast; and it crouched in the jungle by the side of the bison as it fed on the grass in the valley.

21. And the top of the Hill whence the tiger descended, was cold and barren; neither did any trees or shrubs grow thereon.

23. And the ill favoured and leanfleshed tiger ate up the well favoured and fat bison. And the King wist not that the Tiger's name was Tammanj'.

23. And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called Walter, the doubter, beside which there was none so wise in all the land.

2-4. And "Walter came in unto the King, and saluted and said: "O, King, live forever!"

25. And King Grover said unto Walter, "I have dreamed a dream, and the meaning tliercof is too deep for me; and knowing thy great wisdom, I have sent for thee." And the King told his dream unto Walter.

26. Now, Walter being filled with hatred toward Benjamin, answered the King, saying, this is the meaning of the King's dream :

27. " Behold, Benjamin, ere he ceased to be ruler, made a new covenant with the embassadors of the Council which rule over the Kanakas; and the Kanakas are wroth and will not have the Council to rule over them, neither will thej' be joined unto thy Kingdom.

28. "And the Kanakas are an exceeding fierce and warlike people, and they eat their enemies which they take in war, preferring the well favoured and fatfleshed.

29. "And so it is, that if the Select Council will consent to the new covenant which Benjamin made with the embassadors, it will be thence forever too late, and the Kanakas will be joined imto thy Kingdom.

30. "And they will make war against thee, and will prevail against thee, and thou wilt be taken in battle.

31. "And the fierce warriors of the Kanakas will crouch down like unto the tiger in thy dream, and will spring upon

CHRONICLES OF HIS REIGN. H

thee, and will kill thee and eat thee, as did the tiger uulo the bison. And this is the interpretation of thy dream."

32. (Now, in the interpretation of the King's dream, a Ij'ing spirit had possessed the tongue of Walter, and he deceived the King).

33. And great fear seized upon King Grover when he heard the interpretation of his dream (for he had never been in battle, but had sent his hired servant to battle in his stead when the war was) and his knees smote together, and he was moved in his bowels from fear.

34. And Walter said imto the King: "Now haste thee quick, and send thy privy messenger with a message, and bring back from the Select Council the new covenant which Benjamin made with the Kanakas, ere it be too late.

35. "And look 3-0U out a suitable man in thy Kingdom, and send him as 'thy commissioner' with 'paramount authority' to the Isles of the Kanakas and command him to undo the new covenant and pull down the banner which the embassador of Benjamin hath raised at Honolulu, and which was dearly loved by Brother Jonathan in his day, and which is yet loved by his children."

36. And King Grover, not caring for the banner, hearkened unto the voice of Walter, and did all those things which Walter commanded.

37. And he looked about him for a suitable man ; and behold, was there one more suitable than James, whose surname was Blount (Blunt) (which is, being interpreted dull) who was Avont to pull down the banner, Avheu Abraham, the faithful, was ruler over the children of Brother Jonathan?

38. And he chose James, and called him "my eomviisdoner," and gave him " paramount authority ^'''' and James went to the Isles of the Kanakas, and pulled down the banner and did all those things which he was commanded to do.