Counsel to parents : and How to save the baby

Front matter

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Chapter I. — Matrimonial, 11 II. — Advice to Married People, 26

11 III.— The Reproduction of Man, 42

" IV.— Pregnancy, 50

V. — Hygienic Precautions During Pregnancy 57

VI. — Diseases Incident to Pregnancy, ... 67

VII. — Abortion — Miscarriage — Foeticide, . . 74

" VIII.— Labor— Parturition, 87

" IX.— How to Care for the Baby, 91

" X.— How to Save the Baby, 109

" XL— How to Feed the Baby, 125

" XII.— Hand-Feeding of Babies, 135

" XIIL— The Early Education of Children, . . 149

The Evil Effects of Alcohol, 158

" XIV.— Masturbation— Self-Abuse, 201

AND

HOW TO SAVE THE BABY.

CHAPTER I.

MATRIMONIAL.

Candidates for Matrimony — The Passion of Love — Mental and Physical Adaptation — Dishonesty in Love Affairs — Hints to Young Women — Hints to Young Men, etc., etc.

The subject of marriage is not a theme for special consideration in this little volume. Neither time nor space will permit us to enter into any extended discussion of it here. We have only a few thoughtful words to offer the candidates of matrimony as a prelude to what is to follow in the discussion of the subject that adorns the title-page. And as we are about to consider the primary cause of disease which leads to premature death, we invite to our counsel all those who contemplate entering the sacred relations of marriage, that we may reason together and find out. if possible, what part married people — and especially parents — act in the great drama of human life, as it relates to the production of disease and premature death in the offspring.

Health is the greatest blessing ever vouchsafed to man. It is the basis of all human happiness, progress and reform. Unfortunately for mankind we are all suffering " for the sin of being sick ; " the nations of the earth are diseased, dying prematurely. What the people want is health; and if we are ever to obtain it the work must begin at home with each individual. Every man and woman who lives in the conditions of health, and avoids the causes of disease, helps to make the race better ; and if such persons would combine their purified lives in the production of healthy offspring, they would do a noble work for the redemption of humanity. " There is no disease without a cause, and the cause is closely related to the remedy." In the following pages we wish to show what this remedy is, and how to apply it. The Passion of Love. — What is this passion of love that reigns in the soul of man, that inspires in him such gallant respect for woman, and in woman such tender regard for man ? Is it mere affection,orfriendship,that magnetizes, as it were, with a thrill of delight, and makes the lips cling together in dewy kisses of inexpressible rapture at the mere touch of the hand? As young men and women approach the years of maturity they become conscious of a new and strong attachment for each other, unlike that experienced in . their early school-days. When this attraction or magnetic influence exists in a strong degree between one man and one woman, and is reciprocal, it is called love, and by common consent is made an essential condition of marriage. Such attraction is based on the sexual nature, which begins at the age of puberty, and which creates wants that must be met before the fullest development of persons can be attained. Sexual passion, then — which is a legitimate and component part of love — exerts no small share in " the tie that binds " in the marriage relations; indeed, so closely connected is it with what we call love, that it is impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins ; therefore, those who are qualified to confer on each other this summum boiium of matrimonial felicity are bound together by the strongest bonds of union connected with our nature.

"Marriage, then," says Mrs. Shepherd, "is the heaven-ordained way for men and women to associate, so that all the longings and needs of their whole being may be gratified. For people have an instinctive sense that not only the physical nature, but even the intellectual and spiritual elements of the soul will flourish best in the companionship of one chosen and cherished above all others of the sex. In a perfect union this will be the case. What one lacks in character the other will supply."

Mental and Physical Adaptation. — And now a few suggestions to the candidates for matrimony. One of the most important matters to be considered in forming a matrimonial alliance is for the parties to secure entire mental and physical adaptation. If we study the mental constitution of man, we find it composed of moral, intellectual and perceptive faculties ; these distinguish him from all others of the animal creation. Woman possesses the same mental faculties as man, but in a subordinate degree. In man the intellectual faculties predominate, in woman the afFectional. It is said man reaches conclusions through the process of reasoning, woman by intuition. Man acts from reasoning or through the understanding, woman from impulse or affection. Men and women differ mentally as well as physically in many respects. Some men have stronger affections than some women, and some women have stronger intellects than some men.

Man physically is superior to woman in all that constitutes manhood, whereas woman is superior to man in all that constitutes womanhood, so that neither, mentally nor physically, can claim superiority over the other. This is as it should be, for we find all things created with relation of perfect fitness or harmony to nature ; and if we only obey the laws of our being, we will have health and happiness as a reward of well-doing. A true marriage is capable of yielding the highest degree of happiness, and such a harmonious relationship can only exist between persons of similar endowments, and not between those of opposites. Mental adaptation in marriage consists in, at least, an approximate correspondence of the mental faculties. A man with large intellectual faculties should never be united to a woman with equal or superior intellect, for in that case she will neither admire nor appreciate his wisdom. No wife can respect a husband who is her inferior, and without respect there can be no love. Nor can an intelligent husband enjoy the society of a wife who is ignorant or of feeble intellect. And for similar reasons a man with very strong affections should not marry a woman_ with feeble affections, for in that case the man will neither appreciate nor reciprocate her love. So it seems certain that where the union between the sexes is to be a happy one, the affection should be the strongest on the side of the woman, and where the intellect is to decide the matter, the preponderance should be on the side of the man.

As to the moral faculties, they should be about equal in each, for the possession of high religious sentiments by one, and a total destitution of them in the other, is a frequent cause of matrimonial discords ; for a devoted husband will cease to love a wife who neither sympathizes with nor participates in his religious sentiments. On the other hand, if two persons marry who have large combativeness, there will be domestic strife and discord where peace should reign supreme. Then, again, if both should possess a predominant love for ruling others, it is plain to be seen what a conflict there would be when the actors undertook to exercise their rightful prerogatives with each other. Or, let two be wedded whose ruling passion is love of money, and their desire for gain will grow stronger and stronger each day, and with its acquisition will come an endless struggle for its possession, which they must soon leave for interested relatives to quarrel over. And so it is with all the evil passions which are predominant in both : they will strengthen in each other as time goes on, and, beside the unhappy results which accrue to the parties themselves, still more disastrous must be the evil tendencies transmitted to their offspring. But if those of opposite or different passions come together, then there will be frequent dissensions and family jars ; but the tendency will be rather to restrain than strengthen the predominant passions ; and, however unpleasant or painful this want of harmony may be, it is far better than the marriage of those in whom the evil passions are similar. Therefore, if the great ends of marriage — which are the present and future happiness of man, and the perpetuation of the race — are to be fulfilled, it is of infinite importance that all those who purpose entering the bonds of matrimony should secure, if possible, entire mental and physical adaptation in reference to these objects. And at the expense of repetition we would say that a man with strong intellectual faculties should marry a woman with correspondingly strong mental endowments; that a man with strong affections should choose for his wife one with equal or even stronger affections. And a man with strong animal passions should never marry a woman with equally strong animal passions; and in no case should he take for his wife a weak, delicate woman, for reasons given elsewhere. On the other hand, persons with evil passions predominating should never unite in wedlock with those of similar passions, but with opposites. A young woman should not forget that her lover virtually proposes himself as the future father of her children; only from this standpoint can she make an intelligent and safe estimate of him.

Physical Adaptation. — In regard to the physical qualifications of candidates for the hymeneal altar, it will be better for the present and future good of the human race if large and well-formed men would select for companions women of a proportionate size. And, for a similar reason, it will be better for a small man and a large woman, or a large man and a small woman, to unite in marriage, so that the size and strength of the one may make up for the diminutiveness and weakness of the other ; but the disparity in size should not be great. For it must be evident to all that these conditions will have a direct bearing on the mental and physical development of the future offspring; and if we would transmit to posterity a noble race of men and women, we must comply- with the laws of procreation. We cannot expect strong, vigorous, healthy children from weak, dwarfish or deformed parents. The farmer does not expect good corn or wheat if he sows a poor quality of seed ; nor does he expect to

. raise good cows and sheep from a poor, diminutive breed, or a beautiful fleet horse from an inferior stock. And as man is an animal he is subject to all the laws of hereditary descent which govern the propagation of other animals. So, diseased parents beget diseased children, and through them it is handed down to the third and fourth generation. But with good conditions and surroundings the mistakes and 'diseases of birth may be gradually eradicated, and children born ugly, diseased, and wdth unfortunate mental and moral tendencies, may become beautiful, healthy and good.

It is hardly necessary to define more specifically the mental and physical adaptation in marriage; very few will follow advice in regard to this matter; the emotions carry the individuals away, and reason loses all control. Let all young persons, therefore, be exceedingly careful how they allow emotional excitement to gain the ascendancy.

Dishonesty in Love Affairs. — Having briefly considered the question of mental and physical adaptation in marriage, w r e come to speak of another matter that is closely related to our subject, and one that should interest all who are seeking matrimonial felicity. We refer to the matter of dishonesty practiced among young people in their love affairs. Too many, in conducting their courtships, practice all manner of deceptions to entrap each other. If the young lady be religious, her admiring friend will attend church regularly and go through all the forms of worship ; if she is of a literary turn of mind, he takes to books and study ; if she is opposed to the use of tobacco, he temporarily discards the "filthy weed;" if she takes snuff, he does the sneezing. If his form is ugly, crooked or ill-shaped, he bribes the tailor to conceal the defects. If nature has failed in developing her womanly charms, then cotton and whalebone, powder and paint make up for the deficiency. Many a man has married what he supposed was an armful of female loveliness, which proved to be little more than a bundle of dry-goods.

Thus is every form of device resorted to in courtship to cover up the mental and physical defects, which must sooner or later be exposed after marriage. Men and women should no more deceive each other in love affairs than in the affairs of business. If they do so, then they are swindlers and cheats, which the parties will come to realize when it is too late. Honesty is the best policy, not only in love affairs, but in all the transactions of human life. For a young man to gain the affections of a j 7 oung lady, or a young lady to gain the affections of a young man by false pretenses, is no less a crime than obtaining money by similar means, and the act should be made an indictable offense at common law, and the perpetrator punished accordingly. This would put a stop to rascals becoming the husbands of virtuous women, and female tricksters from taking advantage of honest men. When men and women come to realize the importance of dealing frankly and honestly with each other, then will a real, genuine reform be^inaugurated in all the relations of life.

Marrying For Wealth. — Again, parents or relatives often instigate matrimonial unions from false and selfish motives. Persons forming such an alliance under these circumstances are seldom so fortunate as to get congenial companions. Men will sometimes marry those for whom they possess not one spark of affection, in order to secure wealth. And women will often accept the proposals of rich men for whom they hardly feel common respect, thinking that a luxurious home and glittering gold will compensate for the misery they will have to encounter from an odious husband. No greater delusion can be entertained than that riches alone can make persons happy in matrimony. True marriage is not a trap in which people are caught, nor a Bastile in which they are confined. It is a condition of mutual attraction in absolute freedom, and not one that can be purchased with silver or gold. Hence, marrying for a home, or to please parents or friends, seldom leads to a true spiritual union, where peace, contentment and harmony should reign, but often subjects the parties to a slavery the most abject. Two persons may swear eternal love to each other upon a "stack of Bibles" as high as a house, but if they do not love each other, they have no right to expect that peace and happiness which grow out of the spiritual union of two loving souls. Without a strict observance of the laws of natural attraction that should exist betw T een the parties, it will be far better for humanity, and the innocent offspring of remote posterity, if such persons would consent to remain in a state of single blessedness. And now, in negotiating a life partnership, let me give a few

Hints to Young Women. — Let no young woman accept the heart and hand of a young man who uses alcoholic liquors in any form, or tobacco. We can imagine nothing more pitiful than a young woman being led to the marriage altar by a young man who is addicted to the use of intoxicating liquors ; the chances are ten to one that she wall drag out a miserable and unhappy existence, and finally die a drunkard's broken-hearted wife.

Shun the young man who uses tobacco ; if he does not already drink intoxicating liquors, he is almost certain to do so, for it is a well-known fact that nine-tenths of all who use tobacco use alcoholic stimulants to a greater or less extent ; while among those who abstain from the use of tobacco not one in fifty uses alcoholic beverages.

This is a grave matter for a young woman to consider before entering into a life-partnership with a young man. For a clean, pure, loving woman to marry a man who is addicted to the dirty, filthy practice of smoking or chewing tobacco is contrary to all her natural and womanly instincts. No man would think of marrying a woman who uses tobacco, or intoxicating liquors, or profane language, or who was a gambler or a licentious woman ! Yet women very often marry men, with a full knowledge of all these facts, regarding them as a necessary element of man's nature.

Do not marry a lustful man, or you will have cause to regret it. If his approaches towards you indicate that he is that kind of a fellow, do not consent to become his wife ; if you do, you will have a domestic trouble on your hands that will last nearly as long as he lives.

Never marry an invalid, or a man who inherits the taint of insanity, consumption, cancer, epilepsy or scrofula ; if you do, your children will inherit and suffer from the same diseases, and you will find him a poor arm of support when the strain of life comes.

Never marry a close-fisted, niggardly man ; if you do, you will be afflicted the balance of your natural life. He will "stint you in every thing," and make you - l beg for every cent of money you get " that comes through your joint-earnings.

Never marry a "dude" or a young man who drives a fast horse and carries a long whip ; he will never amount to much, except during the honeymoon ; after that he will begin to w T ane and finally turn out a failure.

Never marry a man under twenty-three or twenty-four years of age, and don't let him marry you until you are over twenty. Children begotten by fathers between the ages of 25 and 40 years are the most robust ; this is also true of those born of mothers between the ages of 20 and 30 years.

Hints to Young Men. — On the other hand, let no young man select for his wife a young woman with a temperament very similar to his own ; it should be different from his in all leading characteristics. The shape of her head as well as her body should be different from yours.

Never marry a woman with a small waist; you will entail upon your offspring not only ill health, but deformity which will descend to future posterity.

Never marry a pale, delicate woman; if you do, you will regret it all your life. You will have her to watch and to nurse, instead of having her as a helpmate; and, besides, your children, if they live, will grow up weakly, sickly mortals, and never enjoy health.

Never select a wife from a family that is tainted with epilepsy, insanity or consumption. These diseases are almost certain to develop in the wife and descend to her children as a legacy.

And, finally, never marry a woman without first telling her everything you know about yourself, and what your aims and aspirations are. Be perfectly frank and honest with her ; do not deceive her under any circumstances. She will find you out after the wedding, and if you have taken advantage of her, she will never have entire confidence in you thereafter. If you cannot do this, just be frank enough to say to her that your character is such that you are unworthy to become her husband, and that she must forgive your shortcomings, and then, without repugnance of conscience, bid her farewell.

Chapter II. Advice To Married People

The Matrimonial Voyage — A Few Suggestions— Interests Reciprocal — Indifference — The Value of a Smile — Deception — Abuse of the Sexual Functions — What Constitutes Abuse— Cause of Disease — Entire Continence.

Having in the previous article made a few suggestions for the benefit of those who were candidates for marriage, we wish to devote a brief space to the consideration of that other class of individuals who, having " taken each other for better or w r orse," and having pledged themselves to mutual fidelity and love, are about to start on their matrimonial journey of life.

And now, right at the threshold, at the very beginning, let me whisper in your ears a few words which, if fairly recognized, will be of inestimable advantage to you. We will suppose that you have gone through a happy courtship ; that you have stood up amid friends and flowers and made a solemn promise to love and protect each other ; that you have received the congratulations of friends and the prayers of loving parents. Now, after this is all over, and you have retired to your chamber to meditate and talk over your future prospects in life, and the happy moments you have spent together, and how much you love each other, remember that this love which you bear to each other, and which you should prize above everything else in this world, will gradually disappear if you give yourself up to unrestrained sexual indulgence. And also remember that j 7 ou must not only avoid excesses, but you must preserve that chastity and respect for each other that have hitherto characterized your behavior during courtship. A countless host of young married people turn their love into indifference through their ignorance in regard to these matters.

Again, we would suggest another little matter which you will find of great practical importance as you journey along through life : have a little drawer in your secretary or bureau in which to keep your money ; have a good lock on it supplied with two keys — one for each of you — and let it be fairly understood that either party shall have the same right and privilege to use this money as the other. This little arrangement will prevent a great deal of trouble between you, and will increase your mutual confidence and love for each other.

Interests Reciprocal.— The interests of husband and wife are so interwoven that whatever effects one is sure to effect the other. Wives especially have been advised as to what their duty is, while husbands have been much neglected in this particular. It will be well for both to read the marriage ceremony once in a while to see if they live up to the promise made to love, obey and cherish each other. It is far too common for husbands to think if they provide money generously for their wives that they have done their whole duty. But there is something besides money that is necessary to make the home what it should be — a center of peace and happiness. We also hear much said about the influence of women in the home, which no one will underrate ; but, says a writer : " The husband is to the home what the sun is to the natural world, and we all know what a difference it makes whether the sun shines out bright and clear, or is cloudy. We can scarcely rise above the depressing influence of darkened skies, and no family can rise above the gloom that falls on it when the face of the father and husband is turned in darkness away from it. I know that a man's business is often harassing, and in the world he gets many rough jostlings, and he ought to have everything serene and sweet at home ; and every true wife will accord it. But if he meets vexations and perplexities in his business, that gives him no right to come home ill-natured and gloomy. His wife may have had an equally trying day at home. If he comes home bright and cheery, and she, forgetting her troubles, meets him in the same spirit, how much better than for both to be despondent and ill-humored. Dear friends, try the sunshine. It will be reflected back into your own lives, making each day glad. Few husbands realize how much their w r ives value praise and commendation from their husbands' lips, how by appreciative words the w r ife's cares and trials are lightened and her burdens made easy to bear. Life holds no sorrows that can hurt very much if full love and confidence exist between husband and w r ife. The wife should know about her husband's business ; it will guide her in her expenditures and will strengthen the bonds of sympathy.

" Indifference is the deadly rust of married life. It should never be allowed to get a foothold in the home. As we keep our silver bright by constant polishing, and our cutlery by constant scouring, so should we take pains to keep ourselves bright and fresh for each other, and practice all the innocent social arts that made the period of courtship so delightful. For whom should the husband make himself interesting and attractive, but for the being nearest to him on earth ? On whom should the wife lavish blandishments and fascinations, if not on her husband ?"

The Value of a Smile. — Beside sunshine, who can tell the value of a smile ? It costs the giver nothing, but is beyond price to the erring and relenting, the sad and cheerless, the lost and forsaken. It disarms malice, subdues temper, turjis hatred to love, revenge to kindness, and paves the darkest paths with gems of sunlight. A smile on the brow betrays a kind heart, a pleasant friend, an affectionate mother, a dutiful son, a happy husband. It adds a charm to beauty, and it decorates the face of even the most deformed.

Deception. — Another matter worthy of consideration is the necessity of starting with and maintaining perfect confidence in each other. No deception whatever should be allowed to exist between husband and wife ; every thought and deed should be made known to each other. The husband should entertain no secrets or business transactions that he is not willing to confide to his wife. And if the wife has any secrets " locked up in her heart" that she " would not have her husband know for the world," the sooner she ventilates the matter the better it will be for all concerned. It always strengthens the confidence in each other when a confession is made of any injustice or wrong committed by one against the other. On the other hand, anything hidden or concealed by one, though never discovered by the other, is sure to breed discontent sooner or later, because it is a peculiarity of the human mind to suspect in others what we are guilty of ourselves. And whenever husband or wife detects any deception in each other, it is about time to take an account of stock, and prepare to divide the household goods ; then, bidding each other good-bye, one starting in the direction of the rising, and the other towards the setting sun, make haste to get as far apart as possible, burning all bridges in the rear; for it will be impossible to restore confidence when deceit and dishonesty have had a hiding-place in the bosom of either. Therefore, if the matrimonial voyage is to be a pleasant and happy one, if husband and wife are to journey along together through life, and enjoy the blessings that come only from two loving hearts, then they must be just to themselves, to their neighbor, and to all mankind. For, remember, all that is base and mean and miserable comes from a disregard of the principles enunciated in the golden rule, that whatsoever ye would that others should do unto you, do ye also unto them.

Abuses of the Sexual Function. — A delicate subject, truly, but one we cannot afford to overlook, as it has a direct bearing on the subject under consideration. By many the marriage vow seems to be regarded as equivalent to the largest license for an unlimited indulgence of the animal propensity. The evils which result from such indulgence are liable to be overlooked even by the parties themselves, but they are well known by every physician of common experience. The husband frequently suffers from general debility, weakness and pain in the back, cramps, dyspepsia, impotency and a tendency to epileptic seizures, etc. And an evil of no small account is the steady groivth of the sexual passion from a want of proper restraint in this direction. In this way the habitual yielding to inclination often determines the life-long behavior of the parties concerned. Much harm to both sexes has resulted from the widespread teaching that the passion of men is by nature stronger than that of women. It has led millions of men to feel justified in gratifying lust, under the name of passion, at any cost, sacrifice or suffering to their victims both within the marriage pale and outside of it.

But the chief sufferers from the abuse of this function are the wives and innocent offspring.

Nearly all medical writers agree that one of the most' common causes of uterine derangement and female weakness to which married women are subject comes from excessive cohabitation. Thousands of these unfortunate wives are constantly under the doctor's care for the treatment of local ailments which have their sole origin in sexual excesses, for which their husbands are responsible. The diseases known as inflammation and ulceration of the womb, prolapsus, leucorrhoea, deranged menstruation, dysmenorrhoea, miscarriage, hysteria and an endless train of sympathetic nervous affections are among the number attributed to this cause. Not that men and women may not suffer from all these diseases where no such excesses have been indulged, but they are much more liable to occur where these excesses have been committed. The gratification, then, of this passion — or any other beyond its legiti- . mate end — is always attended with serious results. The process is undoubtedly one of the most exhausting and draws more heavily upon the vitality of man and woman than any other of the animal functions. And the delicate husband or wife who indulges in this gratification to any great extent will necessarily have to suffer in consequence, for they seldom have any strength to expend in that direction.