Bell Smith abroad

Contents

1— ^t Sea.

FAGS.

New York. — Embarcation. — Steam-Ship Franklin. — Down the Bay. — Summary Ejectment of Clandestine Passengers.^Life in the Cabin. — A Peep at tlie Passengers. — Amusing Conversation on the Art Cuisine ; a Genius in the Cookery Line ; the Fricasseed Monkey. — Dismal Effects of the first Dinner at Sea. — Kough Weather. — First Night on. the Ocean. — The Dream-Dance . 19

I. % t t}X

^p E left New York in the good sTiip ^^^^^^^£, Franklin, on the — daj of ,

"^ graced hj the tears and followed bj the blessings of Pier ISTo. 4. I had intended, for months before, to devote that hour of parting to sublime emotions ; but, to tell the unromantic truth, I was so heated and confused by the little annoyances and unlooked-for occurrences of the morning, that I had nothing but a feeling of a dense crowd iinder a low awning, and a confused notion of the whereabouts of six trunks, four boxes, two carpet bags, three cloaks, guitar-box, and a bird-cage, which seemed to me certainly to have been left in the Astor House, or distributed over the dirty streets of New York. On the morning of our departure, I found a multitude of necessary things undone. Lucy, poor child, could not help me; and D. had gone off to get shaved, which I knew would last until half past twelve ; in which time, by the closest calculation, our steamer would have been outside the bay of New York, and beyond the successful pursuit of even a business character. D.'s shaving consisted of reading all the papers, chatting with everybody he met, eating breakfast, and the startling discovery, just at twelve o'clock, that he had business in bank, and letters which must be mailed before leaving. To sum up all, that man's departure with us was an especial act of Providence ; for at the corner of two narrow streets, just os George S. on one side was advising me to take champagne in -case of sea-sickness, and Mrs. W. on the other was beseeching me to send her the latest new bonnet, I caught sight of the anxiously-sought-for individual, seated in a hack, calmly surveying a barricade of hacks and omnibuses which, probably employed by the hour, were content to remain there the entire day.

"We captured him, under protest, and arrived at the boat as the clock struck twelve. Immediately the floating; world slipped cable^ and with a great waving of handkerchiefs, loud huzzas, . and a shrill shriek from the engine, which, seemed a cry of angry dismay, we splashed into the bay, "outward bound." The choicest bits of emotion I have ever been blessed with have come unexpected. I never sat out to be delighted, awe- struck, or astonished, that I did not mourn over a total failure. An ordinary picture, in an unexpected corner, has won more admiration and given more pleasure than whole galleries of famous old masters. I saw New York gradually disappear, and my mind, in place of bidding adieu to the great world we call our own, and which for so many days, months, and perhaps years, would be dreamed over or remembered, kept running on a handkerchief that I was satisfied I had left in my room at the Astor House, and, of course, never to be seen by the real owner again. A small matter, that handkerchief, light and delicate enough to have been a gift from Oberon to Titania, and yet it was large enough to cover New York bay, Brooklyn, and all the surroundings so generally seen through tears by departing travelers. By force of will, I disposed of the handkerchief, and was becoming tranquil, when D. asked what had become of our passport — if I knew any thing about the keys — ^had not the brandy and Jamaica ginger been forgotten? All of which sent me from the deck to our cabin, before unvisited. Our entrance was greeted by a combination of odors, wbich at once answered half bis questions. The ginger, hair oil, brandy, and cologne, had all been tumbled by poor little Lucy into a carpet sack, which, when opened, presented, as D. said, a " considerable smash " — the mingled liquids dyeing our nightdresses, which by the process seemed to suffer a " sea change unto something rich and strange." I sat down, and laughed and cried, as D., with a rueful countenance, pulled out the various articles and held them up, making queer comments. He wanted to throw them all out the window, and let the fish experiment — asserting that they would play •' Old Gooseberry " with the sharks, as he did not think any digestion would be good against such a quantity of excellent preventives. He argued, however, that taken by some larger creature as a homeopathic dose, and as all the ills that fish were heir to must be some species of seasickness, we might be the means of saving the life of some aged and infirm whale.

Upon our return to the deck, the engine had ceased its throbbings, and we were heading in towards a low, sandy island, graced by a lighthouse, but otherwise barren enough for "Willis to run out and play Eobinson Crusoe on. A boat was being lowered, with, a dozen men in it, and, I was informed, a partj made up of patriotic Frenchmen in reduced circumstances, wlio liad hid themselves in the vessel, hoping in this way to win a passage to their sunny land of grapes and gayety. Poor fellows ! what golden hopes they had seen melt away upon foreign shores, and now, sick at heart, were willing to undergo any hardship to get back once more to wives and- children. My heart ached as I saw them turned homeless and penniless upon the sands. But such sympathy is in " great danger of being misplaced. I but a few days before began crying over the parting scene gotten up by some Irish in the cars ; but, before I could get at my pocket-handkerchief, Paddy and Co. were laughing as heartily as before they had howled. And even in this instance the unfortunate exiles indulged in several merry capers upon the sands, and gave us a parting shout, mingled with laughter, that, ringing over the waves, cheered me up considerably. Wives, children, and French generally, were not in such a bad way, after all.

We saw the sun go down at sea. I was surprised at the number of passengers possessing a taste for this beautiful finale to a summer's day. Indeed, they preferred it to their dinner, and clung to the decks, while a few ancient mariners were uncorking cliampagne and enjoying substantials below. Among tlie rest, Lucy and D. hung over tlae railing, and seemed to be in raptures ; at least, tbey came back and so informed me. Came back; for, to tell you the truth, in a confidential "way, I took one look along the huge vessel, and saw the bow playing bo-peep with the horizon, and a deathly feeling came up, that carried me miles beyond admiration. I resolutely denied being at all sick, and, indeed, enjoyed some hearty laughs. Colonel H, and D. had been boasting of their power of resistance — claimed to be "old salts," "sea dogs," and other expressive names. The first waves brought D. down. He said he was " a miserable man, and nary salt to speak ofj" " wished he was dead," &c. ; and in the midst of his miseries Colonel H. rushed up, with his handkerchief instead of his dinner in his mouth, and for the space of fifteen minutes was speechless. His first utterance was a gasping remark that he had no idea he was so bilious. Both wandered about, looking like star candles. I heard D. proposing to the colonel that he should step out and make af&davit to the effect that he was a " sea dog, and rather admired the briny deep than otherwise."

One can never be on familiar terms with old ocean. I am satisfied the last niojht at sea will be m

strange as tlie first. The sailors, who all their lives have been tossed upon its restless waves, until their birth-marks of character are washed out, and they become a people unto themselves, I am convinced never look upon their habitation as we do on the dells, hills, and meadows, of our homes. "It's a fljin' in the face of heaven, for men to be goin' up in smoke bags," said an old countryman to me, once, while witnessing a balloon ascension; "if the Lord had intended us to fly, he 'd a given us wings." And so I think of going down to sea in great ships. We have not been provided with stomachs nor fins. I looked around the little room in which we were to live twelve days, and wondered whether I should get used to and love it at last. Your thousands of readers out West, who never saw such a thing, must imagine an exaggerated store-box set on the top of a tee-totum, with two shelves for berths, and a port-hole for a window, through which, when open, the sea roared, making you feel as if two huge shells were clasped over your ears. Of the berths from first to last I could make nothing ; the mystery of getting in and out puzzled my weary brain the last night, I felt so like being coffined the first evening, and feared so positively that the ujoper shelf would break down, that I pulled my mattress on to the floor, and in the morning waked with my feet higher than my head — ^feehng so miserahly ridiculous that I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I did the first ; for I saw D. balancing himself on the upper shelf, in evident doubt whether to climb or tumble down ; and on asking how he felt, he responded, with a most rueful countenance, that he was "an ancient mariner, whose home was on the mountain wave."

"We had a motley collection of passengers. Captain ISToah, when commander of his high-water craft, had not a more singular collection of creatures. Next to me, at table, sat a German Baron, with an immense quantity of hair on his countenance, and a castle on the Ehine. He is a gentleman, however; and, like Cardinal Wolsey, possesses an unbounded stomach. He can eat any thing, almost — almost, I say ; for pine-apple dipped in beer, with sea biscuit and cheese, did prove too much, and for some days the baron was not seen by men.

In the way of eating, and discoursing thereon, however, the fashionable author of the " Upper Two Dozen," and an English ofi&cer, who had places not far from us, carried things to "a high pitch of perfection." I had not, until enlightened by these learned gentlemen, the remotest idea of the art culinarj. "What superb dinners these savans had partaken of; what peculiar, delicate dishes it had been their fortune to be ravished over ; how often they had been poisoned, cruelly poisoned, and suffered extreme penalty, from vile compounds prepared by villains disguised as cooks, I cannot pretend to remember. To such an extent has the art been cultivated, that many things which would disgust an unsophisticated stomach, are to be considered prime luxuries. For instance, one day at dinner, when our vessel was rolling in that easy sweep over the long swells that keep one in such a state of distressing uncertainty between hunger and sea-sickness, our author began:

" The prejudices, my dear sir, against some delicious articles of food, is really astonishing — remnants of barbarism, I assure you. Now, for instance, some species of snake are quite as good in the hands of an artiste as your *eel. It has only been of late that frogs are put to their proper use, and now science has been able to get over the hind legs only. I tell you nothing has been made in vain, and the day is not far distant when buzzard-fricassee will be esteemed a famous delicacy. Permit me to give you an illustration : I had a cook once, a capital fellow — ^indeed a man of infinite genius — had he stooped to books, I have little question but that lie would liave at once been recognized. I got Mm at a great bargain. He cooked once as an experiment, impelled by his wonderful genius, tbe Empress Marie's favorite monkey, and had to fly for his life ; and this proves how nearly the affections are allied to our digestive organs. The Empress was so delighted with the dish that she never rested until she discovered of what it w£is composed. The Bible, you know, speaks of men without bowels. Well, as I was saying, I was surprised at my house one day by a party of distinguished diners, who came purposely to try my cuisine. There was not an article to speak of in the house. Barbetti looked puzzled for a second, but only a second. Hang me if I knew half the time what I was eating. We had a dinner — superb, wonderful dinner — and, in the midst of our raptures at its conclusion, we begged Barbetti to give us the real bill of fare. My dear sir, a little wine, if you pleas5. It consisted of a Cincinnati ham, my favorite pointer, a poll-parrot, six kittens, and four rats — the last done up in sugared pastry as a dessert."

" What became of him ?"

" Died. True to his character, died trying the effect on himself of an ordinary New York dinner- — died in horrible agony."

A party of young gentlemen from the South and "West — some proposing to be students in Paris, others on pleasure bent — messed together, and consumed great quantities of wine in a very merryway. Their dinner began at half-past four, and ended at midnight, or thereabouts. We were generally notified of the breaking up, as one of the company always made 'an attempt to climb into the machinery, and was repulsed with loud outcries, while another, descending into the cabin, invariably turned to the right instead of the left, which brought him to the stateroom of a dyspeptic old gentleman, and a pitched battle was the consequence, which disturbed the entire community before peace could be proclaimed. These gentlemen — all bearers of dispatches, by-the-by — by their great good nature and fine flow of spirits, did more to enliven the passage than all the others together. There was no resisting their continual jokes, and lively, rattling conversation.

Mrs. T., the celebrated traveler — having, as you know, girdled the earth, and alone ; a German savan, who had an entire state-room to himself — the boat was not crowded — with the upper berth, and every corner, indeed, full of geological specimens, who kept diving down and bringing up startling rocks, whenever he could get one to listen to his theory, that the earth was originally nothing but fog— a theory we were mucTi inclined to accept, for we saw nothing but tliis article, and of tlie densest kind, two-thirds of our way — -I believe the largest-class world could be made several times during our trip ; an eccentric Frenchman, who had been speculating in American lands — made the rest of our notable passengers. "We had, the captain assured us, a large collection of unknowns, who would keep their state-rooms, in various stages of disgust and misery, until the steamer arrived at Havre.

On Friday we had rough weather — Captain "Wotten would not permit us to call it a storm. It was sublime to me ; and I sat upon the deck all day, and until late at night, spell-bound in the rain and wind, watching the breaking waves. I have a queer way of giving character and will to these things. Looking at the rapids of Niagara, it always seemed to me as if a portion of the waves were struggling back from the fearful precipice. Old, gray -headed conservatives, who vociferated and fought the mad progressives, shouted earnestly of bad times ahead, of crisis, and crash, and ruin, to no purpose. And now, as the waters roared around us, it seemed as if a portion were doing battle in our behalf — how the immense waves would dash fiercely at us, and other huge waves would meet them, and struggle and break, and fall back in wildest tumult — ^how way off a terrible billow "would lift its head and seem suddenly to get sight of our vessel, and with a wild roar start in pursuit, with an armj pressing after — ^liow, just as we seemed about being devoured, other waves would rush abruptly round our bows, and give battle, while the old boat strode bravely on, leaving them blindly fighting way abaft. For hours way into the night I listened to and looked upon the uproar, until D, dragged me below.

Below, the old boat was making a terrible pother. Every timber, every plank, seemed possessed of a voice, and complaining bitterly to each other. " Bad times" — "sorry they come" — " wished the thing done with" — seemed whined and groaned out in every conceivable tone. I fell asleep, watching a stool and a wash-basin dance a stately minuet over our floor. With what dignity and ease the stool chasse'd ; how they met and crossed; how they forwarded to a sturdy pair of boots, and seemed soliciting the honor — which boots surhly declined — and gradually the stool lengthened into a stately old gentleman, with powdered wig and slender shanks, and the basin changed to a fleshy dowager, all brocade and fan. And still the stately minuet went on, and on, and on, to music that seemed made up of trombones and squeaky fiddles.

I was startled from my dream by a fearful outcry

BELL SMITH ABROAD.

near us; and we ruslied out, frightened terribly, to find that the Grerman savan's specimens, placed in the upper berth, had fallen down and nearly killed him.

II. MAKE a

Cook's voyage of my Atlantic experiences.

— "Well, it was strange enongli to me ; but, as one's success in storytelling is not in what is seen, so mucli as in tlie manner of its relation, I do not hesitate for the purpose of of asking, is this new or old? We go through the world with, the same pair of eyes, and looking at the same things ; but, back of those eyes, what various brain and widely-differing experiences I If I cannot interest you in the passage across, I will drop my pen in despair ; for the fault is not in the great Atlantic, but the penholder. I realized this with Mrs. T. Grathered round her, under the shadow of the wheel-house — when the fog permitted us to have that luxury — she delighted a large circle with the graphic description of things we should have seen a thousand times in our own land. I stopped in my usual way, to analyze my happiness, and found its cause in the pleasant way in which she presented old, familiar things. I am smitten with an ambition to do the same thing ; so, no searching for untrodden paths, or even unfamiliar things.

The lady, Mrs. T., somewhat shocked me in the beginning of our acquaintance. My first view was not the pleasantest, as it startled all the old associations which surround me. On the second day out, I found her, after dinner, walking the deck, in boots with most decided heels, a traveling dress of sombre hue and stoutest material, a bonnet with brim broad enough to be of service, and a pair of buckskin gloves, with gauntlets of sufficient length to cover one-third the arm. These, upon rather a stout Vv'oman of thirty-five or forty, with a handsome face, made up of a prominent chin, aquiline nose, and large hazel eyes, were sensible, and not unbecoming ; but there she was, walking alone, in a very quiet, dignified manner, with her hands behind her, and smoking a cigarito. I had heard of such things ; but here it was, under the broad dayhght, and in public. Well, well, custom makes a wide difference ; and I learned to love Mrs. T., but under protest when smoking.

She has, you know, a restless temperament, and is forever travehng. This is accomplished alone, and undisturbed, she says. But once, and once only, we were informed one day, was she ever molested. This occurred while riding alone through some woodland in England. A man of very unprepossessing appearance suddenly sprang from the side of the road and seized the horse by the rein, making a demand, at the same time, while flourishing a very ugly stick. Pretending to search for her purse, she quietly opened in her pocket a snuff-box, and suddenly threw the contents — the best Scotch — in both eyes of her new acquaintance. In a paroxysm of blind rage and pain, he released the bridle rein, and struck at her with the club. The blow fell upon the horse, and only made him gallop away the quicker. Looking back, she saw her late friend performing a high dance, far more remaxkable for activity than grace. The best use I ever knew tobacco put to.

When to Mrs. T.'s striking traits of character and peculiar habits, you add rare accomplishments — which enable her to converse fluently in five languages, paint like an artist, and gives a facility to her pen which only requires use to make her famous — you will not wonder at my fascination. I would not like to see my female friends making her a model. These things, which appear passable, and even pleasing, in her, would be sadly misplaced in others. After all, imitations of any sort are abominable. Let us live up to such traits as nature has given us, if any, and rest assured we cannot do better. If I were to venture upon a very profound observation, I should say that this spirit of imitation is our national characteristic. But no ; I wUl not venture ujDon a profound observation-especial in reference to national peculiarities, until I have seen some other people than our own.

Speaking of national peculiarities, our httle Frenchman seems to think, from the experiences he gave, that we had abundance. He had tried his intellect at speculating in lands. He began by purchasing on paper, ten thousand acres in Hlinois, and, furnished with a portable saw-mill, and armed with his title-deeds, a little army of clerks, clergyman, and servants, lie set out in search, of his domain.

" Ma foi, I cannot find him ; I look tree, five, ten day ; all say dis no your land. Yer mad dat I look ; but I find him ; I make von grand discovery. Dey all be vat you call squattair ; dam squattair, dey lie all ze time. I get my papier, I say you von dam squattair, brigand, pig — ^you go. Sacre, he takes de rifle vat shoot von leetle squirrel more zan von mile, and I go — go ever so fass. I nevare stop till I arrive at Cincinnat. I see von juge, two juge, all ze juge ; dey say ver sorry, ver sorry ; but vot I care for ze sorry ? I am mad, broke man — broke all into leetle pieces of despair. I consider ze grand Eepublique von grand hom^bug. But von

juge say. You see Monsieur , un brave homme

— he will get you out of all care. Well, so he did, 'in grand victorie — grand triumphe."

" How ?" we asked anxiously.

"Oh! dis Monsieur be von gran advocat. He know more trick zan all dis country. He say, your title it is good, your land it is good. Ah ! but ze dam squattair, I say. ISTevare mind ze squattair, he say ; your title it is good, your land it is good; we will sell him. I so delight, I jump ever so high, like von buck. Monsieur ze advocat make von, vat you call, map of ze subdivision of all ze color of ze rainbow ; it liave ze cluircli, ze saw-mill, ze court-house, but it have no squattair; and we sell — we sell ever so fass ; ze lots go like ze hot cake, and I gets my money, and I gets nine, ten thousand doUair more."

On our expressing some doubt as to the morality of this proceeding, he added, hastily :

" No, no ; ver morale, ver good. Ze man as buy, go viz rifle, too, and ze dam squattair run like ze debbl. It is vats you call ze diamond cut diamond."

The pleasure of a passage across the Atlantic to Europe is much marred by the heavy fogs, which hang over us two-thirds of the way — sometimes so dense we could not see from one end of the vessel to the other, and falling round like rain. Then the bell, with its warning clang, is dismal beyond description, especially in an evening, when night comes without its glory of a parting sunset ; but the cold gray seems gathering up in fog from the rolling water, as if the ocean were throwing out the night from its blacker depths. "What a time to lean over the rails, and think of great ships having gone down into unfathomable caverns, dropping like plummets out of the mind's imaginings — of tossing, hunger, thirst, and despair, in open boats, over which day and night flow like grim, unfeeling phantoms ! I was one afternoon looking out into the dense, chilling fog, and realizing, as I gave way to my fancy, the terrible fascination of the great deep, when the sound of a horn smote on my ear. It was such as I have heard, over and often, come ringing, winding, soft and long, over the prairies of the West — a dinner horn, common, unmistakable dinner horn ; and to hear it there, far out to sea, where one looked for icebergs and whales, had upon me the most startling effect. At first, I thought it a delusion, and had scarcely time to ask the meaning, when a sailing vessel flashed past us, so near it seemed to touch. It came and went so silently and swift^ that, with its singular announcement, I thought of the phantom ship, and almost expected to see the doomed mariner, in old-fashioned Dutch dress, spring upon the netting to hail us, and, in so doing, doom us ; for, as the tradition runs, all vessels thus approached had fearful weather, and were wrecked, or met with some terrible fate, that sent few or none ashore to tell the sad storj?-. The ocean has lost much of its wild interest since commercial enterprise has left so little of it unknown, and swept piracy from its surface into novels. A voyage everywhere is such a safe, commonplace affair, V that to tell of it is to appear exceedingly cockney. There is more peril, and infinitely more misery, in a night's ride on the New Jersey railroad, from New York to Philadelphia, than a trip from America to

England. "We growl over our dinners, and loiter over our wine, in a very liotelisli way, not in keeping witli perils or adventures. Imagine, if your readers can, tbe St. Nicholas or Astor afloat for ten or twelve days, with, all the exquisite interior of dress, eating, drinking, and manner, and tkey will have a pretty correct idea of life in the Franklin. We breakfasted at ten, lunched at one, and dressed for our dinner at five. The living on the Franklin and Humboldt is said to be superior to any other line. Certainly, we had nothing to complain of, and all the passengers — the six bearers of dispatches included — were loud in their expressions of admiration. I must say — and being an invalid I have a right to question — I have my doubts about game, fowls, and other delicacies, being kept fresh so many days, and in such quantities as the Franklin exhibited. And let me propose the doubt to the qualmy passenger, trusting it may induce him to eschew the tempting display, and abide by ham and biscuit.

Captain Wotton is my beau ideal of an officer — patient, bluff, hearty, handsome, and carrying in every lineament evidence of experience and capacity. There is no humbug about him. It were better had he more, and took some care in getting up the vote of thanks which so often drag other officers into notice. He had for every one a kind word, and at all times a fund of good humor, that had treasured up a multitude of pleasant stories, which often set our table in a roar. I do not praise our officer for doing his duty, but I do admire the indifferent way in which he leaves reputation to take care of itself.

The queerest things about these sea voyages may be found in the fact of invisible passengers — ^people who take to their state-rooms, and are unseen from the port of departure until the vessel makes land again. The captain assured us that these mysterious personages were not u.ncommon, and that at Havre we would meet unknown faces ; or tall ladies, in straw bonnets with green vails, would wander out, like sickly ghosts who had been deprived of exercise for a century or so; that on one occasion, after a protracted, stormy trip of more than twenty days, he had dropped anchor at Havre, and was about going ashore to report no passengers, when he met in the cabin a long-hau-ed, unshaved, cadaverouslooking customer, who asked solemnly to be shown out of the boat. He had a misty recollection of a very neat-looking fleshy gentleman coming aboard at New York, but is in doubt to this hour as to the identity.