From Cape Cod to Dixie and the tropics

Front matter

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■ii'irrrtiiiiif

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Contents

CHAP. PAGE

I. — The Start V

II. — Washington 10

CHAPTER I. The Start

^^ 'Wf^ will go a little nearer to the sun," said T T I to the gentle one by my side, the morning after marriage — and, at the same time, looking vacantly enough at a huge porcelain stove, across the room, an heirloom of a once-noted Puritan.

" For the stove," I went on soliloquizing, " the stove is an invention the mother of which — not a doubt of it — was necessity. Nor is your furnace any other contrivance than a poor imitation of that great subterranean fire we do not much like to think of. And, finally, to live by hickory through this Northern winter, would realize, at least, as great an impossibility as a small forest brought to Dunsinane. My dear, 'tis better we set oflf toward the sun.

" By the next train ? " was her soft, consenting reply.

8 TO DIXIE AND THE TliOPICS.

" By the doves, rather, at once. Cupid, put in the doves ! "

" And, boy," said I — seeing that everything had been nicely packed in, and we two happy mortals were " all aboard " — " boy, swing your torch ! "

Had the doves been horses, how their hoofs would have resounded as they went down the frozen, icy road ! Every hair in my head, and buffalo, bristled with electricity. Every point of everything that had a point was converted, for the time being, into a small lightning rod. Crack went the whip ; and, indeed, everything cracked. The ice cracked, till it groaned ; the snow, till it crackled. The white hills looked as though they could be broken into pieces as easily as pipetails. All nature snapped, and was almost snappish — ourselves excepted, because we were going toward the sun, you see. Old Boreas, too, I will take out of that category, Avho was, indeed, in his element, and rode gayly on the ends of the horsetails — that is to say, on the wings of the doves. Young Jack Frost, also, seated only too firmly astride my mustache, with arms akimbo, was as meriy as ever was Puck, or Santa Claus. It was, truly, the very morning of all the winter when the polar bear — if he ever did such a thing — would be sure to put his paws in his mouth, to keep them from freezing. And if Samson, 1 could but say to my

THE START. 9

wife, had only selected this day for setting firebrands to the tails of the foxes, it would have been, indeed, a comfort to them, and just the thing they wanted.

We reached New York, at last, in safety — thanks to the prairie bufialo for the use of his skin. But during the last half hour of the drive, I remember trying to say, in a hoarse whisper, to my companion :

" My dear, I am the happiest man this side heaven ; only, if you have any intention, during the coverture, to box my ears for me, I wish you would do it now. The tingling might not be so bad as the frost-bite."

The reply Avas a smile from out the furs, as radiant and as soft as the aurora Avhich flashes athwart the gloom of night within the cu'cle of the pole. And, ere it had entirely faded, we descended at the

House.

i*

CHAPTER II. Washington

ARRIVED at Washington, the Mecca of our politicians, their wives, and daughters, I was glad to find a half-new hotel ; though not surprised to observe that its timbers shook a little under my feet, as I ascended to the story next to heaven. Crowds of fine ladies and gentlemen were encountered on the stairway, together with a fellow having a bag and long rope in his hand, apparently going up to hang and bag somebody.

The stairway of the hotel — if I may stop on it long enough to add one observation more — was, as I afterward remarked, rather a favorite j^lace with the young ladies from certain sections of the country, for receiving the attentions of theii* admirers ; probably on account of its being a little less exposed to tlie glare of the gaslights than were the parlors. At any rate, I noticed a young belle from Kentucky,

WASHINGTON. 11

and one that rang as loud, as any other in the house, receiving the homage of an M. C, while sitting, herself, in all her graces and jiaraphernalia, on the steps.

The new chambers had a neat look ; yet no wardrobe or closet was anywhere visible, nor even so much as a peg to hang a hat on.. There was a marble wash basin ; but the Avater was of the color of snuif. Silver-plated bell knobs there were, though nobody came at the ringing. Hot water seemed to be an impossibility ; and, indeed, it was self-evident that I was here to be monarch of aU I surveyed, and of nothing more. However, if one attain to gentility in Washington, he ought to be willing to dispense with a little comfort.

After a hasty survey of the premises, and a no less hasty toilet — for it was late in the evening — I descended to the supper room, Avhcre I found a large company of well-dressed gentlemen and ladies, but a set of waiters looking, at the end of their day's work, not much cleaner than their table covers. One of them, after some little delay, was engaged to bring me stewed oysters. He brought me two tablespoonfuls. I called twice for the salt, and as many times for the pepper ; though the salt, when I got it, had begun to lose its savor, and the pepper had been made from buckwheat hulls. And no sooner was any dish or castor placed before me, than it was abstracted by some prowling, pilfering waiter. While I was turning my liead, it was gone. However, in justice to the menials, I hasten to add, that the next day, after having received their fees, they were very attentive ; so much so that, at breakfast, one of them politely asked if he should open my boiled egg for me. Had I given him another dollai', he would have offered, no doubt, to feed me with a spoon.

The greater part of the guests appeared to be worthy, respectable people, who had come up from the provincial towns where they had been living in quiet all their days, and were now committing, in a visit to the capital, their first great indiscretion. Where I starved, they supped w^ell ; and altogether better than they " hopped " afterward. For, while some of the waltzing was good enough, I could but observe that only a few of the ladies knew how to Avalk, and fewer of the gentlemen how to stand stiU. It was as if a person should undertake to read before having learned his letters.

Soon satisfied with both seeing and hearing, I retired from the scene to enjoy a good night's rest ; but, at the end of a couple of hours or more, I Avas waked by a blundering porter, who, when asked what he wanted, replied :

" Are you going by the early train, sir ? "

" No, you scoundrel ! "

WASHINGTON. IZ

" All right, sir," continued the fellov/, in a tone of voice equally complacent and unfeeling.

" All wrong ! " I muttered to myself, as, turning on my side, I endeavored to go to sleep again.

The next morning, I observed that the unsocial French custom of helping out the breakfast with newspapers instead of chitchat, had become fully established here. The members of Congress were intently reading the reports of their speeches ; the ladies were looking through the penny papers to see what the letter Avriters said of the belles of Washington ; while opposite me sat a couple of newly wedded lovers solacing themselves each with a copy of the NcAV York Herald. But there were some exceptions to the prevailing silence, not to say moroseness, of the company at table ; and one of the prettiest young ladies in the house talked loud enough to distui'b all readers not gifted with considerable powers of abstraction. This high-toned style of conversation is, indeed, common enough in mixed company, the habit being unconsciously formed by many even of our handsomest and most agreeable ladies, in consequence, it may be, of their being obliged every night to elevate their voices high enough to be heard , in crowded balls and parties. Surroimded by a circle of admirers two or three deep, the young miss gives tongue with all her might, in order that she may be heard by the entii'e croAvd ; and if she be overheard, also, by some of her rivals, so much the better. The noise is supposed to give her consequence. Indeed, the merit of a low voice in woman would seem to be in danger of being lo»t sight of in a society where, the more beautiful the belle, the louder her scream. At this rate, our young ladies will soon have to go to parties with small speaking-trumpets in their pockets. At dinner, it was itself an entertainment to see in what fashion some of our Congressmen, the great politicans, and stump orators of the country, dine. The first thing done by a certain class of the men sent up to Washington to represent their constituents, and do as they would do themselves, is, after taking seats at table, to thrust their liands into the adjacent dishes of nuts, and lay down a handful of them by the side of their plates. In altogether a greater hurry to get at the end of the dinner than they usually are to arrive at that of their speeches, these lawmakers skip either soup or fish, or both, and plunge at once into the medlas res, the thick of the eating. Even there, however, they make short work of it. Before a quiet man has tasted his soup, and gradually worked his way througli a small plate of fish, these energetic feeders are calling loudly for almonds and raisins. But the dessert once reached, all their hurry seemed to be over. They ate pie and

WASHINGTON. 15

pecan nuts by the half hour, and so leisurely, that one Avho had gone deliberately through all the courses, came out neck and neck Avith them at the coffee. Yet were they not quite satisfied ; but many of the ladies left the table Avith either an apple or an orange in hand, while some of the gentlemen's pockets were half filled with various gimcracks. These sweets taken from the table are generally supposed to go to the small children, the babes in the nursery. They must fare well — the little fellows ! And, indeed, I remember once hearing of a lady who said she always stopped at a certain hotel in New York, because there were so many nice things on the table for the dessert, that she was able to send home every week such a love of a package to the children.

On the whole, the crowd of guests appeared to be well entertained ; and evidently thought it a fine thing to visit Washington at the height of the season, and be lodged in this great caravansary. To be sure, a person of quiet habits might be tempted to say that the hotel seemed to him to be full of boots, and gentlemen in them, who appeared to estimate the degree of their personal consideration by that of the noise made by their heels. But by far the greater number of persons were evidently living on the excitement of being in a crowd, and found the confusion and hurly-burly as entertaining as it is at the menagerie when the lion roars, tlie donkey brays, the horse lauglis, the elephant sneezes, and the monkey hangs by tlie tail, all at the same time. What matters it if they have a room at the top of the house, containing one window and a cracked looking-glass, a table on three legs, and a rocking chair tied np with red tape and twine ends — Avhat of it, so long as they sit down to dinner every day in company with a thousand guests, all Congressmen, and Congressmen's wives and daughters ; and if, after dinner, they all promenade together and jostle each othei' in two small parlors, and a hall fifteen feet by forty ? Some few of the visitors, however, moved about the house with the look of persons who had seen too much of a good thing, and who would be hapjiier than ever in their lives before, when once more returned to the quiet of their comfortable though unpretending homes.

Whoever goes to Washington without seeing the President of the United States, rmis the risk of being thought next to nobody. Accordingly, the White House being thrown open for the recej^tion of visitors the day after my arrival, I did not fail to make my appearance there. It was a beautiful April morning drojjped down into the early part of February, as I strolled through the grounds, and up the steps of the far-famed Presidential mansion ; being in a

WASHINGTON. 17

mood to be pleaded with everything, and especially with the great father of the universal Yankee nation.

But what is this I see before me at the threshold ? Is it a spittoon ? By my troth, an enormous one ! A perfect monster in capacity, suggestive of quids of the very largest size, and a great many of them. A gentle hint, this, no doubt, to the stranger just arrived from Texas, or the Upper Mississippi, that he will please unpack his cheek before coming into the presence of democratic Majesty.

But here are more spittoons in the anteroom ! It would seem, then, that it is not expected that the American people, on coming to pay their respects to their chief upper servant, should for a moment relinquish their right to chew tobacco whenever and wherever it may please them ; and they are accordingly provided with conveniences for expectoration within five-and-forty feet of the foot of the throne. This is as it should be — and strongly democratic. If there be anything wrong about it, it is, perhaps, that there are not vessels of this kind enough to supply the demand for them ; and I would most respectfully suggest that the principal avenue to the White House should be lined with rows of them, as the approaches to European palaces are set out with rare plants and flowers.

I saw the spittoons ; but, as ill luck would have it, not the President. He sent word to the sovereign people, and their wives, who had called on him that morning, that he was too busy to see them. The guests, therefore, were obliged to entertain themselves as best they could with inspecting the Presidential parlors and upholstery. This they did pretty thoroughly. They admired the ceilings, the chandeliers, the chairs, the tables, the curtains ; and gazed at the carpets, as Moloch at the golden pavement of heaven. Some of the ladies lingered before the mirrors, taking that opportunity to survey their toilettes; some of the gentlemen eyed the mahogany, and the sideboards ; and one demagogue I observed inquisitively looking up chimney.

After the survey of the premises, it remained only for the company to look at each' other. This, also, was done. Everybody stared at everybody ; and, finally, all either went home, or looked into the grounds to see the Presidential flock of fat turkeys. Next to the great Southern belle, a dashing young widoAV in ermine and point lace, and in possession, as it was whispered about, of an annual income of two hundred bales of cotton, there was one cock turkey which made the handsomest and proudest display of the morning. In fact, I was better pleased with his showing off, which was done in the very best style

WASHINGTON. ig

of turkeys, than with the widow's. His strut was regal ; and the way in which he made himself big with feathers, quite took the hoop out of all the crinolines, causing them to look scarcely bigger than so many folded umbrellas. Nor did I fail to notice the propriety, since the spread eagle has possession of the national escutcheon, of maintaining in the grounds of the chief magistrate of the country this brother bird, with distended wings and tail, and throat red with gobbling.

CHAPTER III. The Virginia Springs

AFTER having crossed the mountains of Virginia by rail, the old-fashioned stage coach took me up a short distance from the Warm Springs ; and, a fcAV hours afterward, a smart crack of the whip under the flank of the ofl' leader brought tlie cari'iage handsomely round to the door of the hotel. As I alighted, no sooner had my feet touched the ground, than I was recognized by one of the black boys, who had waited on me, two summers before, at the White Sulphur ; and was at once claimed by him as " his gentle'um." The fellow was, indeed, in a perfect ecstasy over the arrival of " his gentle'um from York;" while I, seeing no difference in his wool from that of a dozen other negroes standing by, had not the slightest recollection of ever having enjoyed the pleasure of his acqua'intance, and looked upon him simply as a darkey suddenly gone mad.

THE VIRGINIA SPRING 8. 21

" Bery glad to see massa once more in de mount'ns," said he, rubbing his hands briskly, and grinning from ear to ear. " Do massa no remember Custopol ob de White Sulphur, two summers gone back ? "

I looked again, and saw that it was, indeed, Custy. Could any other black boy in Virginia be so black as he ? His nose was scarcely less flat than the pancakes he used to bring me at breakfast. His mouth was full half an inch in advance of it, and so large that, when he kissed any of the yellow girls, in going through the reel, the report Avas like that of a big popgun. His teeth were grinders all round ; and, with his jawbone, a bold man could cut down as large a host of enemies as he could with that of an ass. But when it came to comparing foreheads, Custy was lacking there. In his brows there w as no presence. The wool grew down over them ; and, cut ever so close, it would have sufficed to throAv them into the shade, were they not already blacker than any shadow. Custy's phrenological developments were to be sought for elsewhere — even to his heels. Moreover, though his shoulders were broad, his back was hollow, and his Avaist a mere finger bowl. So that when, on a Sunday, Custy drew his bands tight, and cocked his hat a little on one side of his head — in his bright yellow waistcoat, tall red cravat, and a gentleman's cast-ofF blue coat, set oS with brass buttons, and cut with a broad roll in the collar — he was as jaunty a gallant as ever " picked " a banjo.

I went directly in to breakfast, being prepared for it by a drive outside the coach since daylight, and told Custopol to bring along his hoecakes,

" Nice ven'son steak, massa," said Custy.

" Very well," I replied ; " hoecakes and venison steak."

" Butter made in de house, massa ! "

" Exactly — hoecakes, and venison steak, and fresh butter."

" Hot milk ? "

"No; give me the cold cream. No such cream as this in York, Custy ! "

" Me believe dat. People must come back to Old Virginny for to see de right yaller milk." '

" And the yellow girls, too, Custy ? "

" He ! he ! he ! ha ! ha ! ha ! " replied my colored Adonis, and wiped the water out of his mouth on the edge of his apron.

But when Custopol laughed, I made it a rule to stop the conversation. His grinning was all very line, and brought out his ivory, and the white of his eyes, to admiration ; but when it came to laughing, I was always afraid lest he might so far forget himself as to blow his steam whistle, Avhich Avould certainly bring down the whole house about my ears.

'fHE VIRGINIA SPRINGS. 23

Venison steaks twice a day, and my black boy perpetually on the grin to see me eat them ! Indeed, he would have been delighted to serve them as many times more ; while his cakes, morning and evening, were as hot as tlie hearth from which they came. Bread, alone, answers a poor purpose ; but on corn cakes, venison, and mountain air — with a drop of the dew, now and then — a man, whose conscience is easy, will as surely tlu-ive as cows on clover. From the very first day of this regimen his ribs feel heavier; while on the piazza stand the scales, for the purpose of enabling him daily to note the happy progress he is making toward one hundred stone. The thin dyspeptic, on arriving in these mountains, no longer weighs his food, but himself; and, after every meal, kicks the beam one notch higher. If, then, at night, he will also give a boy a quarter to " pick" the banjo imder his window, and sing " Going over Jordan," and " Jim crack Corn," he will end his day with perfect stomachic satisfaction, falling sound asleep in the very act of ha-ha-ing, and dreaming of nothing short of a heaven carved in ebony.

By the way, this fondness for being weighed is universal at these Springs ; at each one of which there is a pair of balances standing not far from the front door of the hotel, and oiFering their convenience to the guests. Accordingly, every man and woman wishes to know how many pounds he, or she, has gained in the last twenty-four hours. Nine persons out of ten, here, can tell you their exact weight. Especially is it pleasing to see the eagerness of young mothers to know how fast their babies are growing ; but I scarcely ever saw one who was strictly impartial at the trial. They were always disposed to give the little fellow credit for a half pound, or so, more than he was entitled to ; would daily crowd up the beam ; and sometimes make such announcements that, let the baby be ever so fat, one could not refrain from believing he had, besides, a brick in his cap. Some infants, on the other hand, would make no impression whatever upon the scales, and would have to be taken out until they were a week older ; or, at least, had eaten their dinner. One thin, nervous gentleman, also, with a toucli of the dyspepsia, could not be induced by any amount of persuasion to get into the scales, being api^arently afraid to know how light he was. Ladies of a certain age, too, were rather shy of them. Once I saw a matron turned of forty, who, in a heedless moment, had ventured to take her seat under the beam, jump out of it, on the announcement of the number one hundred and ninety-nine, as if she had been shot. But some old gents, on the other hand, who used to sit about in easy, wide-bottomed chairs, were evidently avcU pleased at showing off the efiect of their tlireescove years of good living — generally taking the opportunity of giving the name of the county in which they had been " raised," and mentioning the weight of their fathers before them.

Still — to return to my muttons — it must be confessed that, since the arrival of the French cook in these hills, there is a notable falling off in the pleasures of the table. Sambo was a better spit-turner. An outcast from the Palais Royal, where he served dinners at two francs per head, the artiste., who arrives in the central regions of Virginia, brings with him only the knowledge of a few tricks for cheapening dishes. His grand invention is to put all meats into the pot. His roast beef is first boiled, and then toasted. So is his roast mutton. A thorough-going socialist at heart, he has even gone so far, at some of the Sj^rings, as to boil all his meats together in one cauldron ; thereby reducing them all to an equality. The saddle of venison lies — alas ! to think of it — cheek by jowl with ham, and a side of bacon. Beef must fraternize with veal, and exchange juices with it. Even the pig — little innocent ! — is put into water, and parboiled. Shade of Charles Lamb ! that he should no more be roasted ! But it has come to this in the progress of civilization, and the greedy water is allowed to suck out half the juices which made the Chinaman's fingers so savory, when, by that happy accident, he pulled out the roasted pig from the burning house by the tail, and invented a dish, the memory of which, one would suppose, the latest posterity would not willingly let die.

I know the merits of the well-educated professor of the French kitchen ; but the vagabond, who has found his way into the valleys of the Blue Ridge, has nothing of the professor about him, save his paper cap. He is homesick — regrettant la patrie — into the bargain ; and, I have not a doubt, qualifies his soups with his tears. Let no man taste them. Certainly, he has either forgotten his French, or never knew it. The other day, the landlord, proud of the outlandish look of his list of dishes, and thinking, perhaps, to pay me a compliment, in intimating that I was acquainted with the French language, said to me :

" You can read this, I suppose, sir ? "

" No," I was obliged to reply. " Really, I am unable to do it."

The landlord, having shown me up to room No. 14, the appearance of which was satisfactory, said lie would send a boy to wait on me. It proved not to be Custopol, but a fellow about forty-five years of age, tliough still a boy in Southern parlniico, and destined to remain such to the day of his death. He came with the official brush in hand, aud, bowing, asked :

" Will massa have his coat brushed ? "

" You are to be my boy, then ? " I inquired in return.

" Yes. And will massa have his coat brushed ? "

" What is your name ? "

" They call me Sully."

" Sully ! " I exclaimed, taken suddenly with a fit of abstraction at hearing a name which had not saluted my ears since the days when, a sophomore, I was drilled in history by the college professor. " Sully ! You then were once a prime minister of state ! You were a duke ! You were the favorite of one of the most heroic, and the most amiable kings of modern times ! You were his ambassador at the English court, in the days of the great Queen Bess ! And, Sully, you rogue, repeat to me some of the fine things you whispered in the greedy ear of Her Majesty ! " .

The Sully before me, who stood still in his shoes, without moving a hair's breadth, nor scarcely so much as winking, opened his mouth for a reply ; but all he could repeat was the question :

" Will massa have his coat brushed ? "

By this time, of course, I had become convinced that it was no use trying to teach " dis nigger " history, or to persuade him that he had ever been anybody else than the boy Sully, who was " raised " in Norfolk, and belonged to a citizen there who kept an oyster shop —

" Oh ! raking 'mongst the oyster beds, To me it was but j^lay " —

and who, when shellfish were out of season, hired out his servant to wait, and brush at the Springs.

After getting this short narrative — and it was about all that the boy knew respecting his history — it remained only to reply to his so-many-times-repeated interrogatory :

" Yes, Sully ; you may brush my coat." Sully, accordingly, brushed my coat — a task he continued to do daily. He brushed my shoes, also, and performed the service of my room. When he had no other work on hand, it was his duty, and his pleasure, to look after me. He brought me a match to light my cigar, if, by chance, I wanted one. He brought me my hat, my gloves, my stick. And, finally, he stood over me, at table, with a peacock's tail in his hand, to keep the flies off, when, as brushing was his favorite summer vocation, he sometimes with the tip of his feathers also brushed my tea and coffee.

As the song has it :

" When I was young, I had to wait On massa's table, hand de plate ; I pass de bottle when he's dry, And brush away de blue-tail fly."