The domestic blunders of women, by a mere man

Contents

PAGE

INTRODUCTION . . . . . vii

CHAP.

Introduction

A Mere Man's bold and unsparing attack on woman's stronghold in the home, made originally in a serial form, provoked at once, as must have been expected, a general uprising of the sex in strenuous defense of their position and capacities.

Some few ranged themselves as his allies; but the greater number pelted him with arrow-flights of " winged words," not always feathered with discretion, not ever pointed with keen logic, but, beyond question, shot with shrewd purpose and determined aim.

Men also joined in the melee, and, no doubt, on both sides some shafts hit their mark. Now that the time has come to take a calm view of this field of onset and resistance, it is but fair, in recounting " A Mere Man's " sweeping charges, to let those who have assisted or withstood him speak also for themselves, even if they are content to convii viii Introduction

demn him and his views in the spirit of Lucetta in the Two Gentlemen of Verona:

** I have no other but a woman's reason. I think him so because I think him so."

Our readers will therefore find at the end of this book a selection of letters, assenting or protesting, solemn or sarcastic, grave or gay, that admirably illustrate the interest already taken by the public in the alleged " Blunders of Women," as set forth by " A Mere Man."

Chapter I Things In General

HERE would seem to be only two ways to write of women — either to call them angels, with the poets, or to abuse them as the short-legged race, with Shopenhauer, or the " slum woman " and the " cow woman," with Sarah Grand. I have no desire to imitate any of these authorities.

My mission is one of sheer pity. I married my wife because I loved her. I have worked hard all my life because I loved her, and now I am writing this series of papers because I love my daughters who are growing up. I look back on my many years of

2 The Domestic Blunders of Women hard work, during which I have earned a good income, and I ask myself, as a business man should — what have I got for it? My banking account shows me that, though my income has year by year increased, I have no more worldly riches than when I started. My check-book proves I have spent less money on myself than I did as a bachelor.

Again, I ask myself : What has become of it? The answer is very plain. It has not gone in luxuries. Dollar by dollar, dime by dime, it has been expended on rent, taxes, servants, schooling, and tradesmen's books —with a capital "T" and a capital " B." This is not very satisfactory, but I hope I am too good a business-man not to ask myself : Has it been well invested ? If I have, so far, only been sinking money, what am I going to get out of it ? In other words, What are my assets, and what are they worth ?

My assets are my wife and my daughters. If I do not put a fictitious value on the goodwill of love, I have to admit that my wife is not an improving property — that is to say, she is not likely now to become more valu-

Things in General 3

able to me than she has been in my home life. My daughters I must set down as a mere speculation. They may or may not turn out well.

Every man has two branches of business. His profession or employment — commonly called his " office " — and his " house." My " office," as I have said, has improved. I am forced to admit my "house" has not. / manage my " office." My partner manages my " house." In every young business there are bound to be extravagances. But greater perfection in the quality of goods and economy should come with experience in management, and in time the " house " should at least show a profit on paper. When I ask myself, in my hard, business-man way : " Is the 'house' branch of my business better

4 The Domestic Blunders of Women managed? " I am bound to admit, in spite of all the affection I have for my partner, that it is not. Not only is there no more saving, but there is no more comfort; indeed, there is less saving, and less comfort.

The next thing to consider is : Am I any worse off than other business men ? In fairness to my partner, I am bound to admit that I am not. My friends all admit that whereas their " offices " bring in more money every year, their " houses " become every year a greater drain, and that they seem to get less and less comfort out of them, despite the fact that therr partners have now got several assistants in the shape of growing-up daughters.

A character in " Adam Bede," if I remember right, tells that incomparable housekeeper, Mrs. Poyser, that he believes most functions of life could be much better managed by men than women. I must say, when I come to sit down and think about it, the conviction is forced upon me that he was right. I do not know any detail of domestic life that I, or any man of my acquaintance, could not

Things in General 5

manage better than women do, but I am open to conviction of the contrary, if any woman is brave enough to come forward and refute me with proof. I do not expect or desire that women should compete with men in the business and work of the world; at the same time, I would not attempt to deny them the right, so long as they can prove their capacity. This is the very thing they are not able to do. There should be nothing simpler in the world than to manage a house, a few servants, and a few children on a regular income. As regards the cooking and servants, men manage restaurants and clubs; as regards children, men manage schools. Yet, where is the house, governed by a woman with nothing else in the wide world to do, which is as comfortably and as profitably managed as these institutions are?

The reasons for all this I have been to some trouble to discover, a!nd I propose to take each knotty point separately, and not only show why women fail in the simplest details of administration, but to prove that any man who could give his

6 The Domestic Blunders of Women time to the subject would manage a house, a few servants, and a few children to much greater advantage than any woman.

It would scarcely be worth while doing this, but for the fact that women may benefit materially by my instruction. I confess I am thinking more of my own wife and daughters than of any benevolent intentions of improving women in general. It may be said this might, with advantage, be done in the privacy of my own home. A moment's thought will prove the impossibility of any such method. A woman always regards her management of a house as perfect. At any rate, she never permits any father, husband, brother, or son to interfere. Even to offer any advice is always to be met with the stereotyped answer :

" Oh ! you men, you think you can manage anything, simply because you can find fault with matters of the difficulties of which you have not the remotest idea. The house is woman's vocation, though we know that old maid's children and bachelor's wives are

Things in General 7

perfect; and if you were to interfere, I should have all the servants leaving."

This, and much more equally profitless and impractical assertion, every man has heard many and many a time. No ! women will not listen to reason or brook interference. By carefully watching their habits, however, I have noticed that they will read and believe anything that appears in print.

I have surreptitiously studied the papers which they read for " Advice to Housekeepers." I can easily understand, after reading them, why women fail absolutely in their duties. It is a case of the blind leading the

8 The Domestic Blunders of Women blind. The papers I refer to are entirely written by women, and women who obviously have no houses or husbands or families to look after, or they would not be writing newspaper articles. The writers of this "advice," which is so carefully perused, seem to regard the duties of women from no more serious point of view than how to make soup out of potato skins and a chop bone; how to trim a hat; how to mend gloves, and how to furnish a house out of old orange or cigar boxes, a few yards of cheap yellow gauze, and a bunch of dyed pampas grass — all of which is mess.

It strikes me that the really serious criticism and counsel which I am prepared to give to women generally, and to my own family in particular, would have a good chance of being brought into the family circle by men in my own state, and of being read and taken to heart by wives and daughters as sadly in need of advice as mine are. Hence this book.

CT

CHAPTER II Jfc nl wir Y contention is, that any

^^^ m\\ man could manage his

I^HP U house better than his

^^V^J jl wife, his mother, his

^^B / sister or his daughters,

^^^1 or a combination of

^^^^k any of them. Good!

^^^^H Now to the proof. I

^^^^ want to give women

every chance, so I will

take their own standard of men. Every

woman, at some time or other, has said that

the way to a man's heart is down his throat.

This is a polite way of saying that men are

gourmets, if not gourmands. I don't believe

it, but there may be something in it. Anyway,

I accept it for the moment, and it stands to

reason that as most men work all their days lO The Domestic Blunders of Women

from the time they are boys till they are old men, and seldom get any more out of it than a cart-horse, merely harness, food, and a bed at night, they have a right to expect that their stable should be comfortable, their bran-mash fit to eat, and their rest undisturbed. It must be accepted that nearly all we earn is spent on our homes and the luxury of our women folk. What do we get out of it?

All that we ask are comfort and clothes and food. Not a very exacting ambition, surely. The question is, do we get it? Let us see.

The proudest boast of a mother is that her daughter is a thoroughly well-brought-up girl. This may mean she is able to cut out her own clothes, trim her own hats, order a pound of candles, pay her bills with her parent's money, speak French indifferently, and, if put to it, cook a chop or boil a potato. To cook a chop well is not very easy — to women — but let us suppose that a woman can cook a chop really well. That is, from the woman's point of view, the very highest

Purchasing Household Requisites 1 1 point of perfection she can reach, and having cooked a chop well, she is supposed to be absolutely proficient in all branches of her business.

This chop is, like the rib from which she sprang, the root of all evil. A woman always begins a thing from the wrong end. The chop is typical. A woman never thinks that the cooking is absolutely the last stage of the chop, and that she has not the most elementary knowledge of any other stage. A woman to whom this remark was made would say that she knows how to buy the chop. That is precisely what I want to get at. Does any woman know how to buy a chop? — that is to say, has she the very remotest idea how to buy the best chop for the least amount of money ? What is the procedure ? A woman wants a chop, because a chop is the first thing she thinks of. She goes round to the butcher, and in nine cases out of ten tells him to send her round some nice chops. Just imagine even a woman buying a hat on such a principle !

In the tenth case, the exceptional woman

12 The Domestic Blunders of Women asks the butcher if he has any nice chops. He says " yes," of course. She asks to see them, and possibly says they look too thin, or too fat. In such cases, the butcher says they won't look too thin or too fat when they are cooked, and with this assurance they are ordered. If the husband finds fault with the chops being all fat or all bone, she says they were the best chops the butcher had — as though that was any reason for buying them — and shelters herself further by saying the servant must have spoilt them in the cooking. An inexperienced husband who asked how much he had to pay for the advantage of eating fat or looking at bone would, in nine cases out of ten, be told that the " book " had not come in yet. In the tenth case, he would be told that Silversides, the butcher, always charged fourteen cents per pound for chops, and further cross-examining would elicit the fact that no allowance was made for bone or fat. No wonder that butchers make fortunes. They have only women to deal with, and there isn't a woman living who knows v/hat beef or mutton costs per pound on the field, and what is a fair middleman's or a butcher's profit. It is just the same with fish, poultry, vegetables, groceries, bread, or any of the other requisites of household food.

TAey have only women to deal with.

The shopkeeper makes any price he likes, and no woman ever knows what she ought to pay, or thinks of acquiring knowledge to enable her to make a bargain.

And here comes in one of the most extraordinary features of the so-called economical woman. She will willingly pay the butcher for tons of bone and fat in the year, but if you ask why you can't have a cauliflower to make a half dollar's worth of tough beef palatable, you will be told cauliflowers are far too dear. Imagining they are at least five dollars a piece, you ask how much they are charging for cauliflowers ? You are told eighteen cents. Thunderstruck, you ask how much they usually cost, and you are told seventeen cents and that no woman who respects herself would dream of paying the extra cent. Just imagine a woman buying a hat, and saying hat-pins to keep it on her head were too dear.

The fact of the matter is, women have not the least idea of the value of anything — least of all, money. In the first years of their married life, or management of a house, they tell you (afterwards) they were robbed. Women's idea of being robbed consists in trades-people not conspiring to look after the interest of people who do not know their business, but are prepared to accept anything, rather than have the trouble of learning and looking after their own business, and getting the best value for the least amount of money.

In the succeeding years they have picked up a superficial knowledge of what they think are the normal prices, and these they stick to with a pertinacity that, while providing you with joints which are far too large, and are half-wasted, denies you a cauliflower or a carrot because they are a cent too dear. It is the same with fish. A woman will provide you with three times too much mackerel, costing perhaps forty-five cents, but will deny you a pound of salmon because its price is eighteen cents.

Women, I have said, have no idea of the value of anything — least of all, money. I shall have further occasion to demonstrate this, so I may now say they have no idea of business. Let me show them how men go about the conducting of the other branch of their business, namely, " the office." I have said that when a woman knows how to cook a chop, she considers she is a perfectly qualified partner for a man of business. This is as false a deduction as that a man who can lay a brick is a qualified architect or builder.

Let me take an example. I would take my own business, only that it would be argued that it was exceptional, and that I was a specialist, and taking an unfair advantage. Of course, all properly conducted businesses are the same, so I will take my publisher's business, so that he, who is my partner in this book, can the better judge of the truth of my general statements, tho I may err in detail.

You, sir, are a magazine proprietor and a publisher of books, and I assume that before you undertook to publish this book you made something like the following calculations. You, no doubt, settled that a certain class of paper was necessary to print it on, and having sent for a papermaker you asked for his lowest estimate for that class of goods, telling him yours would be a large order, and that you would pay on delivery, or in three months, or in some way most convenient to you both. Having got it, I presume you got other estimates, and took the most advantageous. The same method, I have no doubt, you followed with the printers. Having got your papermaker and your printer, no doubt you set down the rent of your office, the salaries of clerks and the amounts you have to pay me, and, to make a long story short, estimated the cost against the possible revenue from sales. If the first few numbers of one of your enterprises did not answer your expectations, I presume you would set about making alterations, cutting down expenses in one direction, and extending them in another, till you began to see a profit on your investment, and possibly established a sinking fund.

There is no use in proving this too far, because it is what every man does, and every man who has the pluck has tried to explain it to his wife, and he can do so again by giving her this book, if she is disposed to learn and apply it to her own case.

Every woman, when she marries, enters upon a new business, which at once produces a regular income of some kind. It is useless to argue that it does not, because, in that case, a woman simply proves her further unbusinesslike ability by embarking from purely sentimental reasons in a wild-cat speculation, no better than gambling on the turf or the Stock Exchange. Now, how has she been prepared for this venture? Has she studied her subjects thoroughly, so as to avoid being what she calls " robbed " by tradesmen, and has she studied how to cater for the public to which she appeals for support, namely, her husband ?

Does she go to a butcher, for example, and ask for his estimate, and when she has got it, say:

" I intend to spend so much a week; I intend to deal with you for a year or more if you give satisfaction; and I pay every week. I know that all these things are considerations to you, and that, as a business man, steady custom and ready money are an advantage to you. Under these circumstances, what will you take off your prices, or what discount will you allow me? "

Is there any man living who can tell me such a thing could not be done ?

Is there any woman living who can tell me she has done it ?

If so, I shall be glad to hear it, and I think most women will be as surprised as I shall be. Every middle-class house in a large city burns from fifteen to thirty tons of coal a year. Is there any woman with a small cellar, who has written to the secretary of a coal company and offered to send her check for twenty tons of coal, provided he will deliver it as required? Independent of strikes, this would save any fairly large house about fifteen dollars a year. Women suffer under the delusion that their custom is too small to make any difference to tradesmen, and they hate and fear nothing more than to change their trades-people. To explain the folly of this, I will relate an incident in my own family life.

Some years ago we moved into a picturesque, but not very thriving, suburb. It has always been my custom to have a fresh roll for my breakfast, the rest of the house preferring toast or bread one day old. One was ordered from the best baker in the district. Morning after morning it arrived late, and, on my insisting on it being delivered in time, it was fetched by one of our servants without my knowledge. One day she forgot, and I discovered the foolish method of pandering to the caprices of the baker. I insisted that a letter of complaint should be written, and the account closed. My wife begged. I was firm. She wept and pleaded that the baker was the only one in the district who could make bread fit to eat. I said I didn't care; I would punish him. My family scoffed, said the baker was richer than we were, and cared nothing about our small account. I said we would see. The letter was written. The account closed. That evening the baker's man waylaid me, and begged for my custom, promising punctuality. I stood to my guns. The next morning the baker called personally, and apologized, and said, as a business man, I was right, but he hoped I would give him another trial. I said I would think about it.

His wife interviewed my wife, and his daughter interviewed my daughters. I had taught them all a lesson, and so I consented

I said I would think about it.

to renew my custom in a month. From that day, till we left, the baker's man altered his round, and my rolls were never late. Our bread book came to about fifty cents a week, but the baker was a good business man, and good business men cannot afford, tho they may be richer than their customers, to throw away any business bringing in twentysix dollars a year. If women would only, as a body, learn this elementary lesson in domestic economy, they would very much lighten their lives, and the lives of everyone who is near and dear to them.

Chapter III

women's ignorance of the value of

MONEY

TRUST that some of my readers will send me some account of the heated arguments which have resulted from my words being discussed, for there never was a man yet who has not " had it all out" with his wife hundreds and hundreds of times. Every woman, however, believes that her husband is the only unreasonable person in the world. One point in my writing and publishing this book is to show that the scandalous mismanagement of women is a general grievance.

In the last chapter I spoke of the absolute incapacity of women to do their marketing 23

24 The Domestic Blunders of Women on anything like commercial and economical lines. I think I proved conclusively, to the minds of all men at least, that any business run on the same lines as a " home " is conducted, would result not only In bankruptcy, but in the manager being censured by the courts for hazardous speculation and reckless extravagance.

I intend now to review the financial capabilities of the feminine gender. I have shown that women have no idea how to spend money. I shall now show they have no capabilities for saving money. This is the root of the whole evil, but it has many developments, as I shall show. The woman who asks her husband for " house-keeping money " simply obtains money under false pretences, for there is such a thing as criminal negligence.

Is it in the experience of any man that, having given five dollars to his wife, he has ever seen an equivalent value for it? In the first place, is it ever possible to get a proper estimate for " the things " which are to be bought? A woman says she wants '"'' some "

Ignorance of the Value of Money 25

money. You ask her, how much ? She says, she can't tell exactly. Supposing you ask her to make out a list, and supposing you get it. Ask her how much it will all cost. She has not the least idea. Ask her how much each item costs. She cannot tell you. Anxious to get to your business, you say, " How much about will they be? " She says, about " $8.75 " and adds, " It may be a little under, and it may be a little over. In despair, you give her ten dollars.

Intent on getting her into business habits, when you return, you ask her for the change, or perhaps you wait till she wants some more money. In the first instance, she says she remembered when she was out that she owed a little bill, and thought she had better pay it, or that the saucepans wanted renewing — oh, those saucepans ! — or she saw some very cheap window-blind muslin, or stockings for the children — oh, those children !

But did you ever see those saucepans, or those stockings ? I never did.

In the second instance, she says, "the things " came to a little more than she anticipated. If you have kept, or can recall, the list, and try to get the price of each article out of her, she will get as far as accounting for $8.25 or $8.75, but farther than that she cannot remember. If you really want to get to the bottom of the whole business, you should say, "You must have lost the change." An accusation of losing money a woman always resents, with " The idea of such a thing ! " She next recollects that she bought herself a pair of gloves. If you suggest she bought gloves a week ago, or that she has her dress allowance, she says, " Of course, if you want me to walk about without gloves, you should say so." As your " saying so " would mean a row, you suggest that one dollar could not be better spent than on gloves, and you mark off your dollar like the iron cable in the English Admiralty report " Eaten by rats."

But supposing your wife asks for five dollars, and, it not being convenient to give her more than $2.50, you again ask her for a list of the "things which are required for the house." If you get it, you will find that more

Ignorance of the Value of Money 2^ than half the items are not pressing, and so you give her $2.50, and tell her she must make it go as far as she can. The next day she asks you for the other $2.50. To make a long story short, you will find that she has bought all the "things" which were not

/ have lought enough Soap to stock the White House,

pressing, and that she has left unpurchased all the things that were. Among the former

are half a dozen boxes of S soap, and

when you emphasize half a dozen, she says, " We cannot have the house without a bit

of soap." Oh ! that S soap ! They give a

coupon with each box, and for so many coupons they give the children a set of brownpaper toys. I live in a $400 a year house, and I have bought enough saucepans — what is the attraction about saucepans? — and S soap to stock the White House.

It might be going a little too far to say women are absolutely dishonest about money; but it is not going a bit too far to say that they have no idea how hard it is to earn, that they have no idea of its value, that they cannot save it, that they have not the remotest notion how to spend it properly, and that, therefore, they should not be entrusted with either its saving or its spending.

The real fact is, girls are not brought up either to have or to do without money. They cannot estimate the value of anything — not even their own clothes. They cannot keep accounts of money, and are really as much afraid of it as they are of a loaded pistol. It seems like a mere paradox to say women are afraid of money, but their acts suggest this, for their natural inclination seems to be to empty their purses, and a woman is never so happy as when she is

Ignorance of the Value of Money 29

spending money, not necessarily on articles she wants, or even on herself. She will buy anything, lend or give away any sum, as long as she can get rid of money. There are women who would not run into debt for worlds, who would not part with any of their possessions, but who will get anything for themselves, or give anything away to their acquaintances, so long as they can get rid of actual money which they have in their pockets; and nothing is so common as to hear a woman say : "I thought I might as well buy so-and-so, as I had the money in my pocket."