Leaves from my life : a narrative of personal experiences in the career of a servant of the spirits : with some account of American spiritualism, as seen during a twelvemonth's visit to the United States

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Contents

CHAP. PAGE I, Brete anp Earty Lire... 1 oe oe . dl II. My InrropucTion To SPIRITUALISM .. _ . 7 ITI. My Pusrtic Meprumsure anp Position - .. 16 IV. My Fmsr APPEARANCE IN THE PRovINCEs .. .. 23 V. I aRRiIve IN AMERICA .. oe oe a .. dl VI. SaMpies oF AMERICAN MEDIUMSHIP .. .. .. 89 VIL A Spreitvarists’ Came MEETING = - .. 47 VIII. Impressions or AMERICAN SPIRITUALISM... .. 63

IX. Concernine Propie I met, Puaces I visrrEp, AND THE PoRTRAIT oF MY CHIEF CONTROL .. .. 56

X. AMERICAN TRAVELLING—NATURE OF AMERICAN LIFE AND SocraL Customs—A FEW AMERICANISMS—

Chapter I. _ Birth And Early Life

I was born on the Ist of October, 1849. My parents— Thomas and Mary Morse—were publicans, and at that time resided next door to the old Olympic Theatre, Strand. Subsequent to the destruction of that building, they removed to the “Black Horse and Swan,” in the Borough, which house, however, has been pulled down, and has given place to the South-Eastern District Post Office. My earlier experiences of home life and ‘parental influence are of but a vague and indistinct character, since, by reason of constitutional weakness, I was placed out to nurse with some relatives in Surrey, in the vicinity of Kingstonon-Thames. My parents being rather wealthy folk, little, if anything, was wanting to make my early years pleasant and comfortable. When I was about four years of age, I had the misfortune to lose my mother, who at the time of her death was living with my father at Clapham, he having retired from business only a few months previously. Her loss materially unsettled my father’s arrangements, and he re-entered business-life shortly after—this time, however, a8 a pastry-cook and confectioner, within a few doors of the public-house above mentioned. Matters not prospering in his new venture, he turned to his former profession, and leased the “Chester Arms,” Bunhill Row, St. Luke’s, London, where he became involved i in a law-

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2 LEAVES FROM MY LIFY.

suit, which he unfortunately lost. Suffering at the time from carbuncles in the throat, that disease, aggravated by mental depression, terminated his career in the month of March, 1858. As was subsequently proved, his pecuniary liabilities absorbed the remainder of his fortune, which . left myself and an elder brother and sister dependent upon the kindness of our relatives—not the best means of making one’s way in the world. At this time I was about nine years of age. My scholastic education had been, up to this period, of a limited character—had been, in fact, what I might term infantine education, by reason of my constitutional weakness not allowing any continuous application. The departure of my father, and the involvemeht of his affairs, by no means tended to place me in a position where I could much improve myself in this respect. Just prior to my father’s departure I was placed under the tuition of a Mrs. Garrard, at Edmonton ; but as her chief source of inspiration was the spirit-bottle, and her mode of education chiefly the end of a cane, I neither thrived nor profited under her care. Some little time after I had been with her she removed to Greenwich, where I was at the time of my father’s death, which fact was not announced to me until some weeks after the occurrence. Being too young to feel my loss fully, it was some years before I realised my position. My schoolmistress having become worse, I confess I did what many a better lad had done before me—I ran away! and presented myself to some friends in London, whither I had walked, who, to my intense disgust, conveyed me to my step-mother, and she, being in nowise inclined to render me any assistance, very kindly consigned me to the tender mercies of my paternal uncle, who shortly after placed me under the charge of a very excellent and amiable lady at Greenwich, to whose kindly care and tutorship and judicious watchfulness I owe the foundation of much permanent good. The events just’ recorded would bring me to my tenth year, and for about six months I was at school at Deptford. My past education (?) did not fit me to take a very high rank in this school, and I'

BIRTH AND RARLY LIFE. 3 have a very vivid recollection of several pretty severe floggings for my imputed dulness.

An alteration in the fortunes of what I might call my foster-mother, and a squabble with my uncle, which ended in a breach of our friendship, and which has not yet been healed, brought about another change in affairs, and ultimately I was thrown upon my own resources. Thus it will be seen that my education, imperfect as it was, ended before I had fairly turned ten years of age, and from that time up to the present I have not had any scholastic training whatever. Then commenced a very trying period of my life. I had to work, and that unceasingly and unsparingly.

My first experience in this direction was as a messenger in the Greenwich office of the London District Telegraph Company ; after that I entered a locksmith’s service ; then, in consequence of the difficulty with my uncle, already mentioned, I went to sea. It was in the winter of 1862, and on board the Fanny, collier brig, of Whitby, that I made my début as a sailor. Young, inexperienced, sensitive, my entrance into a collier’s forecastle did not at all tend to elevate my new profession in my estimation ; but I resolved to endure as best I could. My friends had coolly disposed of me for an act that I was guiltless of. I was to be bound apprentice until twenty-one. Somehow the Fates did not incline to it, and several trips passed off, and still the indentures remained unsigned. At length, in the spring of 1863, about May, an accident befel me. Our cargo, coals, had been almost discharged ; I was at work in the hold, astern, when suddenly a huge piece of timber fell heavily on the back of my skull; I was knocked down senseless.

I recovered consciousness, and did my work as well as I was able, but by midnight sickness had claimed me as her own. We were bound for Felling, on the Tyne; I gradually grew worse, and on reaching our port was too ill for duty. My captain advised me to return to my friends. I was discharged my ship, paid the immense sum of ten shil-

lings, eight of which I paid for a passage to London by a

4 LEAVES FROM MY LIFR.

steam-boat, and, after paying the steward’s fee, I landed at Irongate Wharf with sixpence in my pocket. My foster-mother was my first thought. To reach her I had to dispose of some clothing. I found her. Alas! trouble had visited her, and all the aid she could give me was but scant. I was hot, ill, feverish. Friends were advised, but thinking they had rid themselves of me—by sending me to sea—they would hear nothing, and roundly asserted I had run away from my ship! I scorned aid then, since insult was added to injury, and betook me to that home the humanity of the law provides, and for six months lay in the infirmary of the Union-house. I could then, and do now exclaim, with Hood,— “ Alas for the rarity Of Christian charity Under the sun.”

I ultimately recovered, and found employment in London, as a waiter in a City dining-rooms; after which I held: a situation at the public-house known as the “Fox and Grapes ;” and it was while in this employ I first encountered Spiritualism in a practical manner, concerning which I will speak in its proper place. The last situation I held was under the proprietor of a public-house in Clerkenwell, the ‘‘Two Brewers.” I had the misfortune to spend a Christmas in this last place, and often have I looked back upon that time with an unconquerable disgust. I had been used to seeing life under various circumstances, I had a practical knowledge of the poor, I had seen something of the dark side of men; but it was left for me then to first discover to what depths intemperance could reduce people. Send missionaries to the Fiji Islands, India, and Africa if you will, but for dear humanity's sake keep some at home to rescue young men, youths, matrons, and maidens, from the curse of intemperance. What I have seen, and the memory of that happy (?) Christmas time, will be a living protest in my mind against the abuse of temperance in all things.

Through devious paths the world’s workers are often led

BIRTH AND EARLY LIFE. 5 from their present to their real position. The writer of these pages was no exception to what may be almost considered as the rule in such cases. Induced by the bright promises held out by a speculative adventurer—of whom more presently —I left my situation. How glad I was to be freed from such surroundings! Alas, my hopes were doomed to die; I was not to make my way in my fresh attempt to earn my bread. I was duped, and at the end of eight months had lost money, clothes, all ; was almost starving, and my friend (?) unable to do anything for either of us. My lines had hithertu been in hard places. I am glad of it, for I was educated in my adversity, trained by hard necessity; I had no one to extend a helping hand to me; for a long time I had been friendless and alone. Life is not too pleasant under such conditions, and I often wonder that I did not grow sour in temper, and embittered in spirit. I did not; and to-day I look back upon the past as a most useful epoch in my history.

I often mourned the want of friends, but more especially the absence of brother and sister. My brother left England, for Canada, soon after my father passed away, and beyond two or three communications I have heard nothing certain of him since, until recently, when I heard he was on a visit to this country, and had made an unavailing search for me. Failing to find me, he concluded I must be dead.

My sister left London in 1862, and from that time to this vanished from my sight. I have utterly failed to discover her whereabouts. Strange indeed is the fate that separates us in this world! Had I given promise in my childhood of the gifts developed in me now, it is quite likely 1 should have been discovered ere this; but neither sister nor brother would expect to see in me the “ trance-medium ” of spiritualistic fame. Still I live in hopes that our life lines may be united once again. I should then feel content, and repaid for all my waiting.

Concerning my religious opinions, which may perhaps interest some of my readers, I may say they were not very — distinct, but occasionally I was more or less impressed by what are called Christian doctrines. My experiences, as before narrated, were not calculated to increase my spiritual ideas, and it is scarcely to be wondered at that I found myself growing sceptical as to the merits of the orthodox dogmas. Finally, when almost an atheist, the gentle dew descended, my soul was watered with a purer truth, and I arose to a consciousness of the existence of the soul, immortality, and God.

Such, in brief, is the account of my early life. My changes of fortune had been various, but the variation in the amount of labour was simply from a less to a greater always, the whole of my time being occupied in the interest of my employers. It will thus be seen that my experiences, from first to last, rendered it impossible for me to acquire a scholastic or collegiate education. I must admit that I did not experience any great inclination in those directions either.

There remains but one more matter to speak of. I had been conscious, since I was left alone and friendless, of a peculiar guiding influence about me. Something appeared to intervene just at the right time, whenever I encountered any crisis in my career; it always preserved me from the snares many in my position were liable to fall into. I used to call it Providence; now I know it was my mother’s influence and direction. Blessed are they who receive the love of a mother; it is beyond price, it cannot be bought. Depraved indeed are they who trample it in the dust.

By honest industry I had managed to tide my way along. It is sweet to thitk you have earned the bread you eat. And though my life’s preface was filled with stern, hard lessons, I am not ashamed of the entries on the first leaves of my life’s record.

Chapter II. My Introduction To Spiritualism

Tis occurred in the autumn of 1868, my attention being first attracted by the reports of the celebrated trial of “ Lyon versus Home,” which at that time excited a deal of discussion. Like many other folks, with more wisdom than I possessed, that trial did not inspire me with a very lofty conception of Spiritualism ; in fact, I had almost settled it in my mind that Spiritualism was all humbug, and its mediums impostors ! |

At this time, being somewhat exercised in my mind i in reference to orthodox religion and the existence of a future state, I was very surely and rapidly discarding a belief in both the one and the other, and was in a fair way of becoming an atheist. The avocation I pursued was not calculated to remedy this tendency on my part. My reason revolted against the dogmas of eternal torment hereafter, and also against the doctrines of original sin and total depravity. Heaven was impossible to me, it seemed; and Hell was too awful to think of. Was there another life? I knew not, but I hoped so. Failing evidence for it, I resolved to do my best, and, like Thomas Paine, be content to feel “that the power that gave me existence is able to continue it, in any - form and manner He pleases, either with or without this body.” Poor consolation, some might think. True; but it was better than none.

Trifles often decide the fate of men and nations. A trifle turned the whole course of my life, and influenced my character unalterably.. The determining agent was a very prosaic one though :—simply the bursting of a button, which necessitated my calling at a haberdasher’s shop, kept by ©

Mrs. Hopps, in Union Street (now Brushfield Street), Bishopsgate Street. At the time of my calling in for the thread to re-sew my button, Mrs. Hopps was holding a conversation with a lady over the counter in reference to the matter of Spiritualism. She being an elderly lady, I being a very young man, I confess I had the impudence to say, “You are not such a fool as to believe in that stuff, are you ?” and with the most goodly humour possible she replied, “ Yes, [ do.” A further conversation ensued, the result of which was she lent me a couple of books, one entitled ‘‘ Cooper’s Experiences of the Davenport Brothers,” and the other “Six Months’ Experience at Home of Spirit-Communion,” written by the Rev. John Page Hopps, who is the son of Mrs. Hopps now referred to. The evidences contained in these books were very extraordinary to me, and the subject matter opened up a new field of thought. But it seemed too good to be true. The evidence of names, and of persons of ability greater than my own, made the matter very mysterious indeed. I returned the lady her books, and put the usual question, “ Can you tell me where ZI can see anything?” She gave me the address of Mr. Cogman, who was then living in the New Road, Whitechapel. The following Sunday being my “ Sunday out,” I found my way to Mr. Cogman’s, presented myself to that gentleman’s notice, and in due course behold me for the first time at a spiritual seance! Mr. Cogman was an elderly gentleman, sufficiently venerable to be my grandfather at least. His flowing gray hair, piercing eyes, and general mien, all contributed to strike the beholder with respect.*

* Since writing the foregoing, this able worker—and my father in Spiritualism—has departed for the higher life. Circumstances precluded me even the melancholy pleasure of attending at the last offices paid to his mortal form. But I do not remember the departure of any friend that has touched a deeper chord in my nature than the removal of brother Cogman. He now reaps the sowing of his earth-life; and I am sure the loving greetings of the angels, and the deep respect of all who knew him is no small harvest to hold and have in either world.

MY INTRODUCTION TO SPIRITUALISM. y

The chamber in which the seance was held was an ordinary room, on a level with the street; it communicated with 2 back-parlour by means of folding doors, which were open. A settee, side-board, chairs, and a long table comprised the furniture, and all seemed neat and tidy. The seance commenced. I expected that tables and chairs would be moved, and that.the raps would occur, and was totally unprepared for the subsequent proceedings. The mediums present were all of the psychical order, consequently we had no physical phenomena. ‘The first medium to “ go off” was a gentleman now in the United States, Mr. Woolnough, who was entranced, as he said, by the spirit of Dr. Young. However, I could not see it, in a double sense! Afterwards a lady was influenced; she lectured for some time, and culminated in a tremendous outburst of either noise or eloquence. The effect was to disgust my mind with the whole proceedings. I had almost imagined that I had got into a ranters’ meeting.

While these somewhat ungenerous thoughts were passing through my mind, I was conscious of a very peculiar experience, before relating which I must mention, that at the time I am writing of I was a disbeliever in mesmerism, so I © was wondering whether these trance mediums, as I heard them called, were rogues or fools.

However, to return, my sensations were of a peculiar and indescribable character. I felt as if a large hand had suddenly struck me a heavy blow with extended palm upon the top of the head. I.instantly turned round to see who had taken this liberty with my crown, the room being lighted with an ordinary paraffin lamp in full light. Observing everyone in their seats, and no one behind me, I was considerably astonished. My strange sensations continued until my brain felt as if split in two halves, and into the cavity thus created a shovelful of burning sand seemed to be poured, which trickled through me from my split head right down to the tips of my fingers and to the tips of my toes. These sensations were succeeded by an intense desire to give a tremendous shout. The muscles of my throat, lungs, and mouth all seemed intent upon giving out this uncontrollable ejaculation. While this internal struggle was going on, I tried to rise up and shake the feeling off, but, to my horror, I was a fixture. My eyes had closed and were proof against my most powerful efforts to open them. The internal desire to shout at last prevailed, and a goodly “whoop” was the result. I then seemed endowed with another personality, which for a period of three-quarters of an hour raised the most un-Sunday-like din that ever afflicted mortal ears. I shouted, I rolled round the room, I swore, and, as if to render my position more uncomfortable, I was perfectly conscious of all my gentlemanly actions! The more I tried not to do these things, the more perfectly were they accomplished! At the end of three-quarters of an hour the fit, or whatever it might be called, passed off, and I sank exhausted upon a settee. Upon regaining possession of myself, I, with the most profuse apologies, tendered my excuses to the proprietor of the house, vowing that I could not help doing what I had done, for I had in the course of the proceedings spoken to the old gentleman in a most unceremonious manner, and used the most opprobrious epithets. Mr. Cogman very good-naturedly replied that it did not matter ; he was not offended, and implied that he was rather used to that kind of thing, and concluded by suggesting my coming again on the following Sunday evening. I did not seem to see it, and went away thoroughly determined that I would not go again. Mr. J. 8. Steel, of Great Sutton Street, Clerkenwell, accompanied me upon my homeward progress. Upon my return home, my master accosted me with the remark, “ Why, James, you look very ill !” and I laconically replied, ‘* Yes, sir, I feel so.” My feelings may perhaps be better imagined than described. I was in a perfect quandary. Disbelieving Spiritualism and mesmerism, not understanding trance-mediumship, I was utterly ata loss to account for the phenomenon in my own person, until at last I went to sleep with the mortifying conclusion that I should soon | become, or was becoming, a fit subject for Colney Hatch.

MY INTRODUCTION TO SPIRITUALISM. 11

My sanity was to be still further tested, in my own estimation, on the morrow, and altogether I sce ned as if I was in for quite a lively time of it, as will be inferred from what follows :—

On the following morning (Monday) I resumed my duties, considerably shaken by the preceding evening’s experience, as full of wonder as ever. A portion of my duties was the cleaning of pewter pots, moist sand being used for that purpose. Whilst busy in this pursuit, I suddenly felt a peculiar warm sensation strike me on the left side of the back of the head. It seemed to pass down the nape of the neck into my right arm, passing downwards to the index finger of the ‘hand, which it made perfectly rigid. Here was a problem, Was I going mad, or wasI awake? Should my employer come in now and catch me in this plight, what should I say 3 Altogether I was fairly fixed again. Suddenly remembering (which I suppose now was an impression) that spirits could communicate by the aid of writing mediumship, I bethought me that I might be a writing medium. Immediately this suggestion entered my mind, the index finger of my hand scrolled a tremendous “ Yes” in the sand contained in the tub I was using. The most unfortunate part of the proceedings was that this effort at writing gave me most horrible pain, something similar to red-hot wires passing down my arm. | The humour being upon me, I thought it would not be bad fun to question the supposed spirit, to see if I could gain any information,—not believing for a moment that it was & spirit, but simply that I was at a loss to account for the phenomenon. I then said, ‘Is this a spirit?” The same: unpleasant feeling culminated in the answer, “ Yes.” I then asked, “ Is it anyone I know?” and the answer was scrolled out on the sand, ‘“‘ Your mother.” Matters began to look serious. Not being desirous of being interrupted in this manner in following my work, I then asked, “If I get a pencil and paper after I have done my morning’s work, can you write through me in the afternoon ?” and the answer was “Yes.” With a final and by no means comfortable twinge the influence left me, my arm dropping useless by my side, and it was six or seven minutes before I recovered its use. At that time I was very glad to get rid of my invisible tormentor. The effect of all this was to still further unsettle my mind, and also render me unfit for my duties.

My ordinary work in this situation terminated about halfpast one or two p.m. I was then free till six o’clock in the evening. Accordingly I went out and purchased an exercisebook and a pencil, and after cleaning myself I retired to my bed-room, seated myself at a table, pencil in hand and book before me, when the same uncomfortable feelings came over me, and, with many an effort, gasp, and groan, the followcommunication was written:—

‘Yes, my dear son, we are ever watching over you. Fear not, but trust in the Lord, for He isa shield wherein all may trust; He is a bulwark in whom all can rest their hopes ; He is a terror to evil-doers, and will in time make all nations of the earth believe in Him. Those that disbelieve now shall believe by-and-by, and shall welcome spiritual communion as a thing to be sought after, and by encouraging it you will get a foresight of the joy to be had hereafter, Oh, my son! follow it, for you will become a great medium: you will yet do great good in the world. I am glad to see you so earnest in your desire for spirit-communion, for rest assured great good will be the result of it, not only to you, but to all; and when you leave earth you will be conscious of having employed the gift that is within you profitably. Be not afraid of mockers and scoffers, for those that now mock will soon believe. Your dear father is with you as well as I, He is smiling at your efforts and tries to help you, but finds it very hard. He was with you on Sunday. We tried to speak through you, but could not; we soon shall. You must wait patiently. Wo will try next Sunday night todo so. You must not be afraid. You will not be tormented so again. Be sure you go to a circle every Sunflay, oftener if you can. We are ever near you. You must

> MY INTRODUCTION TO SPIRITUALISM. 13 read this next Sunday evening, and then we will come to. you again. Your affectionate parents, Mary and Thomas Morse. God bless you! we are always with you.”

My position with reference to the above communication was this :—I did not believe in Spiritualism ; I could not believe that this was my mother or my father communicating, yet I could not explain the matter at all. I was in a good situation, and could not see the force of giving it up, and | becoming’a medium in a cause of which I had no conviction. Hence 1 am sorry to say, though nevertheless it is true, that when the excitement cooled down and I began to reason the matter, I attributed the whole thing to an excited imagination, and consequently consigned it to doubt and distrust. I could not dismiss it entirely. The subject would occasionally crop up, and not a few were the mental battles it gave rise to. I tried to dismiss it as a superstition ; made up my mind I had done so; but, strange to say, when the next opportunity of attending a circle approached, I could not divest my mind of an intense desire to be present. The nearer the time approached the more. anxious to be present did I become, until the attraction at last. proved irresistible. I went, was admitted, and vowed within myself to behave like a reasonable being. My good resolutions were, however, of short duration, ten minutes or a quarter of an hour being the extent of their life. Up I started again, experiencing somewhat similar feelings to those I have described, the muscular contortions being considerably modified. My eyes were closed, and I seemed to . be two persons instead of one. I rushed across the room with my eyes closed, clutched a Bible, opened it at the 14th chapter of Romans, and declaimed the first verse, upon which I delivered a lecture or sermon of some forty. minutes’ duration, and I am free to confess that it was more: to my astonishment than to any of those present. I had never before to my knowledge spoken consecutively for ten minutes together on one subject, and certainly I never had any inclination to the preaching of sermons or the delivering of addresses. At the conclusion of this novel sermon, another power or something seemed to take possession of me, and from a very respectable parson I seemed transformed into 2 complete blackguard. My words and actions in this character were, in an exhibition sense, quite. as startling as was the excellence of the former. I was still in doubt. The thing seemed too ridiculous to believe as the work of spirits,-and yet it was far too real for me to know I was not doing it myself. I again returned home, dissatisfied with the whole proceedings, and with a slight supposition that the people present might be laughing in their sleeves at me for making a fool of myself. However, I attended this circle for four or five Sundays in succession, always getting under this influence for a greater or less period, and never was able to make very much of it.