Hints on self-help : a book for young women

Front matter

ENDOWED BY THE DIALECTIC AND PHILANTHROPIC SOCIETIES

HINTS ON

V

Introduction

The object of this little work is to convey instruction to young women on the Conditions of Industrial Success, in an easy and popular manner, and to illustrate the subject by examples of successful industry in persons of their own sex.

It is a subject on which women generally have little knowledge, and the ill effects of this ignorance are shown in the large number of those who, when compelled to try to maintain themselves, fail in the attempt.

These failures are not confined to one class only, but extend to all, from the gentlewoman, who, by the mis¬ fortunes of her family, is unexpectedly thrown on her own exertions for support, to the labourer’s daughter, who has been brought up in the knowledge that she would have to earn her bread by manual labour.

To begin with the failures of the highest class.

The Governesses’ Benevolent Institution .had, on the

VI.

INTRODUCTION.

31st of December, 1861, 102 annuitants on the chari¬ table fund, 22 in the Asylum, and 142 applicants for annuities.

The Corporation of the Sons of the Clergy has a long list of aged single women, daughters of clergymen, de¬ pendent on it for support.

In London and elsewhere there are numerous chari¬ ties to assist distressed gentlewomen — Homes for Poor Ladies, half self-supporting, half kept up by subscrip¬ tions ; and Kepositories, where fancy work, executed by the same class, may be purchased by the benevolent. Yet, numerous as are these charities, they are still in¬ sufficient for the task before them, as the report of every one which has come before me testifies ; for each speaks, either of deserving cases left unaided from want of funds, or else complains that the assistance which can be afforded is inadequately small. In one case it is stated that a poor lady-worker for a repository actually died of want. Workhouse visitors tell us that in the wards it is not unusual to find women who have known “ better days,” and evidently belong to a higher rank than ordinary paupers.

In the lower ranks, too, sad failures occur. The ofttold tale of the shirt-maker, — ■

“ Sewing at once, with a double thread,

A shroud as well as a shirt,”

has lost its force by repetition, yet is not less true or

INTRODUCTION.

Vll.

less terrible now, than when Hood wrote his famous song.

That much of this misery arises in all classes from ignorance of the necessary conditions of industrial success is my belief, and the belief of others who have studied the subject.

One common cause of failure is the impression pre¬ valent among both parents and daughters of every class, that unskilled female industry is of value ; thus in no class are sufficient pains taken to prepare girls for their future avocations, and not until too late is it understood that a willing heart is of small avail in earning a live¬ lihood, if united to unexercised brains and unskilful hands.

It is my object to combat this and other false notions ; to set forth under what circumstances a woman may hope to succeed in supporting herself, and when she must

ft

necessarily fail ; what will conduce to her success, and what bring on a failure.

In the Appendix are given the addresses of several institutions, where girls and young women may be taught various useful employments, suitable to different ranks and degrees of education. From these addresses well-taught and specially-trained young women may

I

also be obtained by those who require their services. I have given,, too, some hints as to the description of persons required in the Colonies. It has been my

Vlll.

INTRODUCTION.

object to write a useful yet readable book. If I have attained to any degree of success, I am bound to ac¬ knowledge that it is greatly owing to tbe assistance I have received from the perusal of Mr. Smiles’ book for young men on “ Self-Help,” from which I have often quoted, and have taken many valuable ideas.

Chapter I. Benefits Of Self-help

Old Fable. — Arab Proverb. — Saying of the Marquis of Spinola. — Better to know one thing well than many imperfectly. — Powers of Eeasoning. — Superiority of Persons who engage in Active Life. — Something to be Learnt even from Failure . . . . . :

Chapter II. Pebseverance. — Business Habits

Success generally deserved. — Buffon’s Saying on Genius. — Eosa Bonheur. — Story of an energetic Wood-engraver. — Of a Hairdresser. — Mr. Smiles’ Schoolfellow. — History of a Saleswoman. — Good Sense. — Punctuality and Method. — Self Control . . . . . ' i

Chapter III. Choice Of A Business, And Emigration

Overcrowded Professions to be avoided. — Difficult to turn into a new Track. — Employments for Women. — Female House

PAGB

1—22

X.

CONTENTS.

PAGK

Decorators. — Photographic Artists. — Nurses. — Law Sta¬ tioners. — Clerks. — Bookkeepers. — Saleswomen. — Shopkeep¬ ers. — Girls should Learn their Lathers’ Trade.— Cooks. —

‘ ' Maidservants. — Dress-makers’ ill-health. — Payment of Needlewomen. — Emigration. — Description of Persons wanted in the Colonies. — Surplus of Educated 'Women. — Cause of the Surplus. — Superfluous Women objects of Compassion 23 — 47

CHAPTEK IV.

DUTY AND INDEPENDENCE.

Duties reciprocal. — Obedience to Parents. — Duty of avoiding Temptation. — Improvidence of Parents. — The Doctrine of Probabilities — Dangers of Dependence — Eichter on Daughter-full Houses ..... 48 — 55

' CHAPTER V.

MONEY : HOW TO WASTE IT — HOW TO KEEP IT.

Mr. Smiles’ View. — Dr. Johnson’s Opinion. — Use of Money in aiding Parents. — Duty to secure the Continuance of Power to help Parents after Marriage. — Settlements. — Lending Money to be avoided. — Limits of Self-sacriiice. — Post-otfice Savings’ Banks. — Life Annuities. — Evening of Life . 56 — 74

CHAPTER VI.

SELE-RESPECT. — EXAMPLE. — INFLUENCE.

What Self-Respect is not. — What it is. — Its Fruits. — Incon¬ sistent with Jealousy. — Influence a Legitimate Object of Desire. — Good Conduct the surest Means of Obtaining it. —

Not conflned to Persons of High Station. — John Pounds, the Cobbler. — Sarah Martin, the Dressmaker. — Mum Bett, the Slave. — Mrs. Chisholm. — Influence should be used to Encourage Self-help .... 75 — 92

CONTENTS.

XI.

CHAPTER VII.

BENEFIT SOCIETIES FOR WOMEN.

Female Benefit Societies in France. — Plan of a Man’s Benefit Club in England. — Direct and Indirect Benefits to be ob¬ tained from these Societies . . .93-

CHAPTER VIII.

I

HEAD-WORK AND HEART-WORK.

“ With Brains, sir.” — Look, and Try, and Think. — Mr. Hutton on the Capabilities of Boys and Girls. — A Schoolmaster’s Oration. — Want of Education a Cause of want of Em¬ ployment. — Necessity of making up by extra Exertion for inferior Instruction. — A Reason in Everything. — People should take Pride in their Work. — Frenchwomen. — French System of Education. — “ Ouvroirs.” — Importation of French Works of Female Industry. — Heart- work. — How to Help our Working Women. — Necessity of Distinguishing between different Classes in Schemes of Assistance. — The right Spirit for Workers. — Endurance. — Obedience. — Gentleness. — Good Manners. — Head and Heart should Help each other. — Public Spirit. — Fellow Feeling. — Self-help not Selfishness.

APPENDIX A.

Addresses of Female School of Art and House-decorators

APPENDIX B.

Addresses of Nurse-training Institutions , , 137-

APPENDIX C.

Office where Law Copying may he learnt , ;

PAGE

•136

APPENDIX D.

Commercial School for Young Women

Xll.

CONTENTS.

Cooking Schools

APPENDIX E.

Emigration Offices

APPENDIX F.

APPENDIX 0.

Homes for Young Women in London

APPENDIX H.

Needlewomen’s institution

PAGE

, 142

. 142—143

. 143—144

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

CHAPTEE I.

^enejits of

Let us, then, be up and doing,

"With a heart for any fate,

Learn to labour and to wait. — Longfellow.

The ideas of many young women with regard to self-help seem to be much on a level with those of the farmer in the old fable of “ The Lark and her Young.” Indeed, the story is so much to the purpose, that I will relate it for the benefit of those readers who may not happen to be acquainted with it.

“ Once upon a time, a lark made her nest in a hayfield, near a footpath. When her young were hatched she went out every day to fetch them food, directing them meanwhile to keep quiet, and listen to everything that was said by the passers-by, that they might find out when the grass was to be cut.

“ One day, on her return, the young ones cried out,

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

with much excitement, ‘ 0 mother ! we must at once leave our nest, the grass is to he cut directly, for the farmer passed hy this morning with his son, and said, that as the grass was ready and the weather fine, he should send out to call his friends and neighbours to come and help him to make hay, and they are going to begin to-morrow.’ ‘ Do not fear, my children,’ said the old bird, ‘ there is no need for us to move yet, the grass will not he cut to-morrow;’ and, accordingly, they remained undisturbed.

“ Some days afterwards, the young larks again called out in a^arm, ‘ 0 mother ! the time has now, indeed, come when we must fly ; for the farmer has been again, and said that as his friends and neighbours had failed to assist him, he should now send to his relations and call on them to help him to cut the grass to-morrow.’ ‘ There is no danger yet,’ replied the mother. A few more days passed, and again the young birds told their mother, ‘ The farmer has been here, and says that as both friends and relations have failed him, he will set about cutting the grass himself to-morrow morning.’ ‘Now, indeed,’ said the old hen, ‘we must remove; as long as he trusted to others to help him there was little chance of the hay being made, but now that he talks of helping himself there is the greatest danger.’ Ac¬ cordingly they at once removed into another field, and next morning the grass was cut; but meanwhile the weather had changed, the sky was overcast, and presently a heavy rain came on, which spoiled the hay.”

The fate which overtook the farmer is very apt to befall those young women, also, who trust that some one

BENEFITS OF SELF-HELP.

else will provide for them : sometimes they hope that their friends and relations will leave them a comfortable income ; sometimes that a good marriage will present itself, and save them the trouble of working for them¬ selves; and so, instead of being “up and doing,” they sit at home and wait, and time passes by, and too often it happens that their friends and relatives do nothing, and the good marriage does not present itself, or, if it does, is not agreeable to their taste, and is rejected, and so at last, when their parents die, they find themselves unprovided for ; meanwhile youth, the best working time, has passed away, and when, at last, they do begin to try to earn their bread, they find themselves unable to do it, their hay is spoilt, and their life, which began so cheerfully, ends in sadness and sorrow, and in vain regrets for the lost opportunity. An Arab proverb says, “ A sped arrow, a spoken word, and a lost opportunity, can never be recalled and the truth of this they find to their cost.

Yet, to those who have health and strength, the ne¬ cessity of working is no great misfortune ; for they who engage in a life of action are generally happier than they who are condemned to idleness.

The Marquis of Spinola asking Sir Horace Vere what his brother died of. Sir Horace replied, “ He died, sii*, of having nothing to do.” “ Alas,” said Spinola, “that is enough to kill any of us generals.” It is not, however, generals only who suffer from this complaint, as it is common enough for people of all sorts to fall into low spirits and had health if they have no active occupation.

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

But to obtain success, — and by success I mean tlie power to earn an independent livelihood in youth, and a provision against old age, — willingness to work is not the only quality necessary ; several other qualifications are wanted, and of these thoroughness and accuracy are the chief. The value of knowledge consists not in its quantity, but in the uses to which it may be applied. The phrase in common use as to the “ spread of knowledge” at this day is no doubt correct; but it is spread in such thin layers as to be of little practical use, and the number of those is rapidly increasing who know a little of everything and nothing well.

Such persons have not inaptly been likened to a certain sort of pocket knife which some people carry about with them, and which in addition to a common knife, contains a file, a chisel, a saw, a gimlet, a screw¬ driver, and a pair of scissors, but all so diminutive that the moment they are needed for use they are found useless. This universal superficial knowledge and

special ignorance is commoner among women than men, in consequence of the inferiority of the education they receive ; for women are generally taught a smattering of several sciences and accomplishments, but nothing is really mastered ; and this is doubly injurious, because they not only remain ignorant of what would have proved useful to them in future life, but they acquire a habit of inaccurate and ineffective working. Young women should, therefore, be on their guard against this pro¬ pensity, which, natural to all, has been in them artificially

* This comparison and the anecdote about Spinola are taken from “Self-Help,” by S. Smiles.

BENEFITS OF SELF-HELP.

fostered and developed : they should endeavour, by careful self-training, to cure themselves of this defect.

One thing well understood, one art carried to perfection, is worth twenty pieces of imperfect knowledge. For instance, the tradesman’s daughter, who writes well and is quick at accounts, will be more useful in her father’s shop, or better able to get a situation elsewhere, than another who writes ill and does accounts wrong, but has some knowledge of French and a notion of painting in water-colours and playing on the pianoforte. Yet painting and music, when carried to excellence, are capital pro¬ fessions. Excellence can, however, only be attained by great study. Two or three hours a- day must be devoted to the practice of these arts for some years before much skill is attained, and really first-rate musicians and painters spend at least five hours a-day in playing and painting. Whoever, therefore, wishes to excel in one of these pursuits, should devote herself to that only and leave the other alone, as no woman can have physical strength enough to enable her to study both effectively. If the object in learning is only amusement, a slight knowledge of both may be obtained, enough probably to afford pleasure to the performer and her friends; but unless she possesses unusual abilities, the proficiency thus gained will never enable her to earn a shilling, except perhaps in teaching beginners. Besides accuracy and thoroughness, another qualification is necessary to success ; indeed, without it, it is difiicult to be accurate or thorough. The foundation of all excellence is the general power of reasoning, added to which must be the skill obtained by long

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

practice in the particular branch to which we intend to apply ourselves.

Knowledge is one thing, the power of making use of it is another, and no knowledge can he said to be useful until its possessor can apply it to practical purposes, and to do this he or she must be able to reason. People with strong memories, but deficient in reason, may know multitudes of facts, which they will never be able to make of the least service to them. Cardinal Mezzofanti had a wonderful memory, and could speak fifty languages ; but he never made the least use of his learning, and for any service he was to the world might just as well have been ignorant. Talleyrand, a witty and distinguished Frenchman, said of him, “He can speak fifty languages, but cannot say anything worth hearing in one of them.” Keason is the master, memory the servant ; a very useful servant if well directed, but otherwise of small utility. To give an illustration. A person may remember that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, yet may not be able to guide himself in the least by this knowledge, nor even to tell in what direction he is travelling. Or, a woman may have learned everything in the arithmetic book about square root, yet be puzzled to find out how many yards of carpeting she wants for her parlour flour, or how many strips of paper for the walls. Thus, there may be knowledge without the capability of applying it. On this account, for the sake of rendering knowledge useful, the power of reasoning should be sedulously cultivated.

Self-reliance, when founded on self-knowledge, is an¬ other valuable quality, but when not so founded it partakes

BENEFITS OF SELF-HELP.

somewhat of the character of self-conceit, and is often mischievous. True self-knowledge can only he obtained by experience ; it is, therefore, advisable to allow young people as much liberty of action as is consistent with prudence, that they may make attempts on a small scale, achieve little successes, and sustain little defeats, by which they will learn the strong and weak points of their own characters, and so prepare themselves for real life.

Want of confidence is, perhaps, a greater obstacle to improvement than is generally imagined. True modesty is quite compatible with a due estimate of one’s own deserts, and does not demand the abnegation of all merit.

The celebrated divine. Dr. Butler, defines humility as thinking truly of one’s self, putting a just estimate on one’s own powers, not in thinking less well of one’s self than one really deserves. A just estimate of one’s own merit cannot be attained without trial ; and thus it is that people who do nothing often have such an unduly high opinion of themselves; never having tried to do anything they have never failed, and, therefore, are apt to despise others who have tried and failed, though, perhaps, if these boastful persons were to try, they would make a still greater failure.

Thus, effort and action produce a just estimate of our powers : those who are inclined to think too well of themselves find their mistake by experience, while those who think too poorly of their merits are agreeably surprised by success in their undertaking. On this account, if on no other, a life of action is more im¬ proving than a life of idleness. There are, doubtless,

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

many conceited young women who deceive themselves by thinking too highly of their abilities ; yet more, I believe, fail from want of confidence in themselves and faith in their own powers.

It has been observed by Mr. Smiles that half the failures in life arise from stopping one’s horse when about to jump ; and Dr. Johnson was accustomed to attribute all his success to confidence in his own powers. It is often the case that the reason why so little is done is that so little is attempted. We do not succeed simply because we are too much depressed to try. One step forward would help us, but that one step we do not take. The right plan is, to do our duty and try our best, leaving the result with Grod. If we fail, we fail ; but it is more honourable to try, and fail, than never to have tried at all : and even from a failure we may learn something which may enable us to succeed another time.

CHAPTEE II.

— business labife.

By patient toil great deeds are done ;

By waiting long the victory’s won ;

Wisdom is learn’ d by errors past,

And failure brings success at last.

It is a great point to begin well, for the proverb “Well begun is half done ” is true. Its truth lies in this, the person who is cheered by a little success at first is en¬ couraged to persevere. The success is, perhaps, worth but little in itself, but its moral effect in preventing despondency is worth much. The great highway of human welfare lies along the old road of steadfast well¬ doing, and, if all other circumstances are equal, they who are the most persistent and work in the truest spirit will invariably be the most successful.

“ Fortune has been blamed for her blindness, but she is not as blind as men are. Those who look into prac¬ tical life will find that fortune is usually on the side of the industrious, as the winds and waves are on the side of the best navigators.

“Success treads on the heels of every right effort;

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

and though it is possible to over-estimate the merit of success to the extent of almost deifying it, as is some¬ times done, still, in any worthy pursuit it is creditable to succeed. Nor are the qualities necessary to win success at all extraordinary; they may, for the most part, he summed up in these two — Common Sense and Perseverance.

“ Grenius belongs to few, and is not necessary in every¬ day life, though even genius does not despise the exercise of these common qualities. The very greatest men have been among the least believers in the power of genius, and have shown themselves as wise and persevering as successful men of a common sort. Some have even defined genius to be common sense intensified. A dis¬ tinguished teacher and president of a college spoke of it as ‘ the power of making efforts.’ Buflfon, the great naturalist, said of genius, ‘ It is patience.’ ” ''i"

Kosa Bonheur is a remarkable instance of the success attendant on genius joined to perseverance and firmness of character. She was born in 1822, the daughter of a poor Parisian drawing-master, and during her early years displayed no particular genius, though an old friend of her father’s, with whom she was a favourite, used to augur from her vigorous and resolute character that she would, some day, turn out a remarkable woman.

When twelve ^years old, she was apprenticed to a dressmaker, a profession that was utterly distasteful to her, as her chief pleasure was wandering about in the open air. At last, distress of mind and confinement

j

* From “ Smiles’ Self-Help.”

PERSEVEKANCE. - BUSINESS HABITS.

made her ill; her father, therefore, broke off the arrange¬ ment, and took her home. Soon afterwards, she was sent to school, where, however, she showed aptitude for nothing but drawing.

On leaving school, she was left a good deal to herself, and employed her time in modelling figures of animals in her father’s studio, and in copying his paintings. It occurred to her, that by this means she might be able, some day, to support herself, perhaps attain to what had always been her secret ambition, to he something ; so she worked hard all day, and day after day. Her father, amazed at her progress, and perceiving her talent, de¬ voted himself seriously to her instruction, and after taking her through a course of preparatory study, sent her to the Louvre to copy the fine pictures there, as a discipline for her eye, hand, and judgment.

It was remarked that she was the first to enter the gallery in the morning, and the last to leave it in the evening. “ I have never seen an example of such appli¬ cation and such ardour for work,” remarked the Director of the Louvre, in speaking of her. At last, her copies began to sell ; she got but a small sum for each, but felt it delightful to be able to relieve her father of some part of her support, and she worked hard that she might make more copies.

At this period she was only sixteen . years old, so she had wasted no time. One day, having made a study of a goat, she was so pleased with her success, that she determined to devote herself to painting animals. Too poor to procure models, she went out daily on foot into the country to sketch the sheep and cows.

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

With a bit of bread in her pocket, she used to start early in the morning, laden with her painting materials, and having found a subject to her mind, would seat her¬ self on a hank or under a tree, and work till evening, coming home at nightfall, after a walk of many miles, browned by the sun and wind, or soaked with rain and covered with mud ; but rejoicing in the lessons the day had furnished. Eosa Bonheur used also to go to the enclosures where the animals are kept previous to being sent to the slaughter-houses, overcoming alike her natu¬ ral repugnance to such a vicinity and to placing herself in contact ’with the crowds of butchers and drovers who were standing about. There, seated on a bundle of hay, she would sketch from morning till night; but such was the respect her simple earnestness in art occa¬ sioned, that an uncivil word was never spoken to her. When at home, she kept a pet sheep on the leads, out¬ side her attic window, that she might always have a model to copy from. At last, this hard work was re¬ warded, for, in 1841, when nineteen years of age, she exhibited three paintings of animals which were much admired. From this period, she exhibited in all the Paris exhibitions, and won several bronze and silver medals. At last she won the gold medal, a great dis¬ tinction, and, what was still more delightful, was able to relieve her father from all pecuniary embarrassments by the sale of her pictures.

In 1853, she exhibited her famous picture' of the “Horse Market,” the preparatory studies for which had occupied her during eighteen months. This picture sold for £1600, and has been resold for much more, and from

PEESEVERANCE. - BUSINESS HABITS.

that time her reputation and fortune were made. She is now very wealthy, and is recognized as the best animal-painter of the day in Europe. Her success has benefitted not herself only, but others of her own sex, for, until lately, women were not admitted to study at the Eoyal Academy in England, there being, probably, an impression on the minds of the gentlemen who man¬ aged it, that it was useless to teach women, as they could never excel. Kosa Bonheur’s success dispelled this notion, ahd not long ago, women were admitted as pupils ; so, some years hence, we also may hope to have a distinguished female artist among us. It is much to the credit of French liberality, that they have for several years admitted female artists to study at the Louvre under the Director; had they not done so, Kosa Bonheur, deprived of good instruction, might never have become a great artist, and people would have con¬ tinued to believe that women were incapable of painting well. No amount of good teaching, however, could have made her win her present position, unless she had possessed courage and perseverance to surmount obstacles to success, and diligence to study at every opportunity.

Great success like this can only be attained by ex¬ traordinary talents ; but success enough to produce happiness can usually be attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary abilities, if united to in¬ dustry and perseverance, and, above all, to courage and energy.

Miss B - had a slight knowledge of wood-engraving,

by which she wished to earn her living. Some friends

HINTS ON SELF-HELP.

undertook to pay tke expense of her instruction and lodging in town ; so she came up to study, and studied hard, getting up at five in the morning to practise. She had both perseverance in learning, and in doing the work, and energy, when she had learned, to go about and get orders, without which her previous labours would have been wasted ; this is a point on which women often fail. They should always hear in mind that industry in learning is seldom of use, unless they have courage and energy to go from employer to employer, exhibiting specimens of their work, and soliciting orders; and this rule does not apply to wood-engraving only, but to many other arts and handicrafts.

. Miss B - ’s energy met its reward. She began to

earn much earlier than usual, even with men, and has good prospects of success. She is now married, hut as her work can he carried on at home, she fully intends to go on with it.>i=

Another young person, M - — N - , has shown

even greater perseverance and courage. Early in life, her relatives wished her to set up a small day-school; but this she resisted, having no vocation for the employ¬ ment, and, instead, persuaded a friend of hers at York to teach her hair-dressing and cutting, and something of the general trade ; then she went up to town to get finishing lessons.

Having thus attained to a knowledge of her business,