Hilda and I: A Story of Three Loves

Front matter

Google to make the world's books discoverable online.

It has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject

to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books

Contents

CBAFTm PAOI

I. I introduce Myself and My Cousins

IL We have Two Picnics and a Thunder-Storm. ... 80

Chapter I. I Introduce Myself And The Two Victors

| ^| WaaHOM E WHERE near Long Island Sound P^^PKJ stood the bright, cheery old place called Irnffll^i Hartley Hall. It was old, and yet it looked new ; it was American, and yet it looked foreign ; it had bay windows and piazzas like any other country house, and yet porticos, belvideres and terraces unlike any that ever stood under the Stars and Stripes. The grounds held the same contrasts ; a part was elaborately laid out in quaint Italian style, while a large tract was purposely left wild and uncultivated, where Nature grouped and tangled according to her own fantastic fancy. The reason of the incongruities of the house was that through a series of generations it had been added to and altered to suit the needs or whims of its occupants, till what with wings, towers, bay windows and other architectural excrescences, it 1* [9]

10 I INTRODUCE MYSELF

became such an ill-arranged, unsightly mass of brick and stone that when my uncle returned from Italy to live in his boyhood's home, he looked at it in comio despair. His associations made him wish to touch it reverently. Rooms anywhere and everywhere, windows wherever there was anything or nothing to see, had their conveniences, but beauty and symmetry were a necessity of his nature ; the want of them was like a touch upon an uncovered nerve, and the more he looked upon the ancestral heap, the more he felt he could not live in it. He grew grave when architects proposed rebuilding. He threw their plans in the fire, and worked over the problem himself. At last, mamma told me his face brightened as ho decided on a compromise which would ornament without destroying the identity of the old place. He built a marble portico in the center of the front, extending it on each side in the form of a pillared walk, paved and roofed with marble ; terraces filled spaces between projecting rooms ; belvederes ornamented those of one story ; flowers and vines covered unsightly corners, until the odds and ends of many minds grew into a " joy forever." Inside, he made a new entrance, turning one of the rooms into a circular hall, which was lined with marble, with stairways of the same material rising to a gallery above. Under this gallery an arch formed the entrance to the drawing-room. This arch was without doors, but heavily curtained. The other

AND THE TWO VICTORS. 11 rooms naturally developed from breakfast and diningroomsy sitting-room and parlor, into morning-room, dining ball, drawing-room, statue gallery and conservatory, 60 that the old Hartley bouse became Hartley Hall, known widely for the kindly hospitalities that were lavished upon friends and neighbors by the silver-haired and golden-hearted genius of the place. My recollections only go back to the Hall as I have described it, for I was an infant when ray uncle came home, and the changes were all made before I appreciated them. When I wondered why it was so unlike any other house, and likened its marble colonnades to great arms encircling it, mamma explained it all to me, calling it a type of my uncle's life — half Italian, half American. Why the larger half was Italian I learned later.

The grounds, the flowers, and fountains, the closely-shaven lawns and shaded shrubberies were beautiful in their perfection, but they never touched my heart. I lived most of my life in the wild tract known as the " Wilderness." There the little paths which no one knew as well as I were festooned and garlanded by a faultless artist ; there the birds and I sang together in utter disregard of the great troublesome world outside. I was rather given to dreams and reveries, to personifications of what the uninitiated call 'inanimate things." I over-estimated the sweet influences of Nature, but she and I were the

13 T INTBODUCE MYSELF

best of friends. I knew her seasons of rest, and when she laughed and sang. I knew when she tossed in stormy passion, and how she grieved when some forest giant was laid prostrate by the woodman's axe. I knew her joy when the spring mantled the woods with every exquisite coloring, and her pride when they were decked in the reckless extravagance of gold and crimson. I did not love people, conventionalities I thought were chains, and called them '^ shackles of society." So I dreamed away an idle, useless life, unconscious of its selfishness, unaroused to the knowledge that I was as undisciplined and ill-regulated a young person as it was possible for one to be, so sheltered from evil as I had ever been.

Through the woods there ran a winding stream, in which a little boat lay anchored for my use. In it I took many a dreamy excursion, passing under the overhanging branches of the great trees, and watching the silvering of the water when the sunlight penetrated the dense shade. There were no woodland mysteries hidden from me. I knew their speech and their language, and that solitude held no loneliness for one who heard their voices. A time came when this enjoyment ceased to suffice me — but that is part of my story.

My Bohemian life rather disturbed my uncle, but he thought it harmless, so he offered no reproaches, only watching lest some wish should be ungratified,

AND THE TWO VICTORS. 18

thus faithfully fulfilling a promise made to my dying father, that his wife and child should be his constant care. That care knew no weariness and hesitated at no trouble. When my wise mother said she preferred a home of her own to the grandeur of Hartley Hall, which was urged upon her, my uncle built for us a picturesque cottage, between the Hall and the Wilderness, giving us independence, while enjoying the freedom of all his possessions. I called the dogs and horses mine, rarely remembering that there was both a son and an adopted son in Europe, who, it might be supposed, would some time complete their studies and come to live with their father. Such remote contingencies did not trouble me. I was indulged in every fancy, and thought in all the wide world there could be nothing more beautiful than this my home.

One of the chief ornaments of the pleasure grounds was an artificial lake, connected by a small creek to the stream of which I have spoken ; on the border of this lake stood a pavilion of pure white marble ; a plated lamp of rich workmanship hung from its ceiling. Something my uncle once said of it had such an effect on the one good point in my character that I will repeat it: ^'I dislike the deception of that lamp," he said, '* but I dare not hang a silver lamp outside, in this country, as I did in Italy." I did not know to what he referred, for his reticence in regard to his Italian experiences prevented our asking ex-

14 / nrrBODUCE myself

planations, but I was impressed by his love of trath. In myself this was so exaggerated that it almost ceased to be a virtue. I mowed down falsehood with a chariot armed with scythes, judging those around me with a rigidity that made even an affectation in* tolerable. It is a reminiscence of my childhood, that I positively hated my uncle's English housekeeper and butler. The first of these officials aggravated me by her overwhelming importance ; the very rustle of her dress, and the spotless purity of her kerchief were unendurable to me. As to the butler, it waa many years before I could even think of him patiently ; he was grand and magnificent to a most oppressive degree, stepping and speaking so softly that I used to long for his foot to slip on the polished fioor so that he might make one natural exclamation, or for his hand to shake as he poured out the priceless wines ; but in vain, he was a rock in his duties, and the softest of summer zephyrs in his mode of performing them. I learned finally to look through the "shows of things," and even came to know that Prescott's heart beat warmly and truly under his highly-polished exterior — but this, too, is part of my story.

One day I was reading upon a pile of Titan rocks, which I chose to fancy Juno had hurled there, when I saw, to my utter amazement, two young men on the other side of the stream, playing leap-frog. I could

AND THE TWO VTOTORS. 15

make nothing else of their extraordinary performances and shouts of laughter. King, my pet dog, was with them, not barking in wild fury, as was bis duty, but wagging his tail, and bounding about as if he gave his entire approval.

When I saw this specimen of gymnastics I was in a part of the Wilderness where I considered myself perfectly safe from intrusion. I rubbed my eyes to be sure I was awake. I satisfied myself it was no hallucination ; then my wrath and I rose together, and I rushed home to tell mamma, and to ask what it could mean. Before I had gone far my uncle's sons flashed upon my mind, but these undignified boys could not be the young men, who, when they did come, I was sure would be grave and solemn, with all the wisdom of Heidelberg on their heads.

Mamma was standing on our vine-covered porch — I had time to think how beautiful she was — when she exclaimed, before I recovered my breath, " My daughter ! I am so glad you are come. Your uncle has sent for us to dine to-day, en grande tenieey for his sons are here."

"That explains it — ^they are nothing but absurd boys, playing leap-frog ! Think of it, mamma, how childish ! In my Wilderness too, and King, my dog, is with them."

" If you are going to emphasize in that style," she

16 / nfTBODUCE MTSELF said, laughing at my vehemence, '^ it is well the heir has come."

^^ If there is one being I detest more than another it is an heir, with his conscious pride and mock humility."

" Would you like this one better, my dear, if he began by announcing ^I am monarch of all I survey ? ' " laughed mamma ; " but in truth your knowledge of heirs cannot be very extensive, we rarely use the word in America."

" Extensive or not, an heir is my pet aversion. I will not go to the dinner, for I think it is outrageous in uncle to bring these school-boys here so suddenly."

*' He did not expect them for some months, but they followed his permission to come, without waiting. They arrived late last night. Here are their cards, left when we were both out this morning, V. R. Hartley and R. V. Hartley. It is absurd that I cannot tell which one is the real son. I have never seen them, you know. One is three years older than the other. The son is named Victor, after his father, BO he must be the V. R. From the cards they seem to have the same names reversed. Bridget says both were dark, with * shiny eyes,' and the taller of the two left the V. R., and had a * burred ' on his shoulder."

" What on earth is a * burred ?' "

" A dove, I fancy, from her description."

I could not help laughing at the incongruity of the

AND THE TWO VICTOBS. 17

dove and the leap-frog, as well as the reversible namesi bat exclaimed, " I hate dark men ; I detest the name of Victor, and if V. R. owns the dove, it's too womanish for anything — ^I shall call him Victoria Regina."

^^ I would advise you to," said mamma composedly.

" I wish they were in Jerusalem I"

" My daughter 1"

" Now, mamma, don't aggravate me; is it not enough to have my walks interfered with, the horses used, the dogs cajoled off, don't add to it that provoking tone which has all the commandments in it."

^' You have a most exaggerated way of looking at things, Mildred," was all the reply this tirade elicited, as I stood contemplating the bits of pasteboard as if I read a fate in them. It vexatiously occurred to me just then, that I owed a debt of gratitude to my uncle for the life he had permitted me, that perhaps it was due from me to aid in making the summer pleasant for his sons, even if my delicious freedom were all over. Then the pomp and circumstance of the coming dinner also rose before me. It was impossible to deny a certain enjoyment in the entertainments with which my uncle beguiled the tedium of country life, particularly in the winter, when I could not live out of doors ; this dinner, with its new element, might be bearable ; I might at least try | it, for my uncle's sake. I had a great admiration for him always, but having so far accepted all and given nothing, the admiration never softened into love. I

19 / INTRODUCE MYSELF seemed on the border of a new life, a necessity for self-control was pressed upon me ; accastomed to ignore any wishes bat my own, I had then a premonition that the time for such self-indulgence was ended* I made no good resolutions ; I was not repenting, but simply looking upon and accepting the inevi^ble. '^ I think I'll go to the dinner," came as a natural result of my self-communing. Mamma, having calmly taken this for granted, after a moment's pause proceeded to remark, '' Your cardinal silk will do very well, with an overdress ; the day is quite cool, but the brown bow on it is preposterous,"

" Nevertheless, a brown bow must be there." " Why not tie your hair with cardinal ?" '^ Because any one would do that. It must be tied with browQ> to match my eyes. I will wear cream color."

^^ You look all one shade in that." ^^ That is because of my frightful hair. Tell me in which I look most hideous, and I will wear it."

^' You are safe if you wear cardinal and brown, The combination is enough to give your uncle a chill," laughed mamma; and ]ust then one of the groon^s came up with my horse, Black Beauty, whom I had ordered, but forgotten. The question of dress was left ; for I ran hastily to put on my habit, losing the little temper I had left, in an effort to restore my hair to order. It was a most troublesome possession,

/ AITD THE TWO VI0T0B8.' 19

long, thick, and curling. Craped, it looked like a gigantic sponge; braided, the weight seemed doubled ; combed loosely, it appeared to fill the room; and I informed mamma I felt like a pygmy sitting under a dead tree. According to the rules of fashion I could do nothing with it, though with the golden color no fault could be found. Curls I detested (I was given to strong expressions); but by no power had I been able to conquer them, so finally I gave up the strug* gle, drew back the refractory mass of sunshine from my face, tied it with a brown ribbon, and concerned myself no further with it, except that I felt obliged to repeat the brown color upon my dress. The inevitable bow was laughed at — another reason for my persistence in wearing it, besides that my eyes, eyebrows, and eyelashes were unmistakably of that shade. My rambles in the woods were probably the reason why I had more trouble than usual with my aureole ; but they did not account for my not putting on the black habit which hung conveniently over the back of a chair, or for the pains I took to array myself in a new one of dark blue cloth, with velvet jacket, and hat and feathers to match. The reflections of my glass on the subject quite satisfied me, the golden hair certainly looking better over the rich blue than it ever looked before; so, in improved temper, I hastened to relieve my impatient steed.

We had a glorious gallop, Black Beauty and I.

■1

I INTRODUCE MYSELF

He was a magDificent creature, as proad of himself and his appointments as possible for a half human horse to be. He never carried me more superbly ; and the way we stunned two strange and now erect young men, whom we met at every turn, seemed to delight him as much as it did his rider. I could only see, in my rapid flight, that the strangers were tall and fine-looking ; they stood with their hats off when I passed; and that they ever played leap-frog was so impossible I put it away among myths and legends, or among wild dreams. One of them had a white object on his shoulder, which I concluded was the dove. A quiet self-contempt disturbed me a little, for cariiig what impression I made upon them ; but I did care, and I knew it. On my return there was hardly time to consider again that '^ shackle of society " known as "dress." Several dresses were tried on, then the cardinal silk ; the brown bow on it was impossible after the success of the blue velvet and gold. I had started on too great a height to come down gracefully. An impertinent sunbeam looked in, firing up the deep coloring of the dress like a blaze.

" Milly, Milly," called mamma.

I hastily put on an overdress of some odd white lace fabric, the value of which I did not know, substituting for the bow, a chatelaine — my uncle's last gift — it was a wonderful mass of tortoiseshell and gold, and its effect just what I wanted, as the elegant observation of

Aim THE TWO VICTORS. 21

my assistant proved (she was hardly entitled to the name " maid "). " Well I nivir 1 Tees jist hit it."

" Milly, do come ! "

^'Yes mamma." An Arabian burnous was put around me and we soon reached the hall. There was a straight, shaded walk for us when we were in haste, and another one winding through the loveliest parts of the grounds for other times ; to-day we hastened through the shorter path, relieved to find the guests still in the dressing rooms. My friend, or rather " follower," Ellen Ramsay, was watching for me. " You are superb to-day, Milly," she exclaimed, "and not an ornament but that chatelaine. I forgot the daylight, when I put on all this jewelry," and the bracelets and bangles were shaken violently. Before I could reply, one of the maids brought me a message from my uncle, "Will Miss Hartley come down before the other ladies." Miss Hartley liked to enter first, crowds being another of her pet aversions, so without delay I descended the marble stairway, and met my uncle at the drawing-room door. His face beamed with happiness, for his two sons — men to be proud of — stood beside him.

" Mildred, allow me to present my sons, Boland and Vic ; your cousin Mildred, boys."

It was very informal ; they shook hands, and said " Mildred " without ceremony, so that I adopted " Roland," and tried to say " Vic." This extraordinary

22 / INTRODUCE MYSELF

fancy of my nncle it was imposBible to follow ; I de« cided on " Victor."

" Now, my dear, you will oblige me by helping me to receive and introduce our guests." I could not avoid it, so I asserted myself for once, and played hostess as best as I could.

" Thank you, Milly," whispered mamma, " I refused, but did not know you would suffer." There was no opportunity to reply, for Miss Ramsay, Miss Ellen Ramsay, the Reverend Mr. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mr. Edward Jones, Mr. Henry Dedbara, Mr. and Mrs. Trent, followed in quick succession, were presented and passed. Then others, till nearly thirty guests had entered. Then the dinner — but dinners are nearly alike, in the homes of luxury. We only saw fruits and flowers, with shining silver and starry crystal. Prescott and his assistants took entire charge of us. We ate what was placed before us, and drank what was placed beside us, asking no questions. The conversation brightened as we went on, sparkled with the chanipagne, and quieted again under ices and fruits. We went outside for coffee, and every one appeared to be having " the nicest of nice times," as Ellen expressed it.

It was still light, the very longest day. I became tired of it all, and, slipping through the crowd on the portico, escaped from a side door, and reached the Wilderness unobserved. In a secluded place was my favorite haunt, the heap of rocks, partly covered by

AND THE TWO VI0T0B8. 28 trees and foliage, but open on the side towards the river, as we called the little stream. Among these rocks my friend Katare built me a curions seat, the stone rising at the back and on each side. I had labored to make moss grow on the entire pile, but had only been successful with the seat. This was nicely cushioned. To this place I went, and, heated with my rapid walk, my head weary with the weight of my hair, I untied it, let it fall around me, and went to sleep. " Oh, donH move ! Never in my life did I see so lovely a picture," was the unprecedented sound that wakened me. Naturally I did move, and sat up at once, and, with flaming cheeks, asked by what right I was intruded upon ? He sighed — the man had the audacity to sigh deliberately. " You have spoiled the most exquisite effect I ever saw produced." He closed his eyes, and, with an evident effort to reproduce it, murmured : " The mossy background, the golden hair, the glint of the last sunbeam !"

" Pray, Roland, are you subject to attacks of insanity !" I coolly asked) while fully conscious of the excessively dishevelled condition of my hair.

" Don't, don't !" he entreated, in a dreamy way. *^l shall lose that calm rest!" and without another word, he left me.

" Decidedly," I laughed, " he is a lunatic."

Wakened so suddenly and so oddly, I was partly bewildered, but presently remembered that I had

24 I INTBODUOB MYSELF

wearied of the people, had failed to disturb the rector, by propounding doubts, had hated Ellen Ramsay for ' wearing buff and jewelry, which, beside the yellow satin of the drawing-room was unendurable, had woi>> dered why my dignified uncle said " Vic," until there was no relief but escape. Being a very contrary young person, when I would not do what I ought, I usually did what I ought not, and so I had gone to sleep on the rocks, and been discovered by Roland, whose extraordinary performance was so comical that, as I considered the matter, I laughed aloud merrily.

" Good ! I have found you," and Victor appeared, like ActaBon among the branches. " Are you alone ?"

" I was alone."

" But you were laughing ?"

" At something irresistibly comic."

" Why did you run away ? We wanted you to sing."

" Do you know you are catechising me ?"

" I have only asked one simple question."

" Three, One after the other. I'll swear to it."

" Pray don't ; I believe I did. But why did you run away ?"

"Take the consequences, then. I was tired of you."

" Do you always do just what you like?"

" Always."

" Do you mind my being here ?"

AND THE TWO VI0T0B8. 25

'^ I iniDd your asking questions. That is five."

He laughed, and I said, " Why do you laugh ?"

'^You are so extraordinary, and look bo picturesque^ Boland would rave over you«"

" Why ?"

" Because — ^but why do you ask questions ?**

" To gain information. Why would he rave ?'*

" Because he is an artist — "

"That explains it."

" Explains what ?"

" That is number six."

" I promise to ask no more, if you Tnll truly tell me why you left us."

" I told the truth. I always do. You were tiresome, and I like to be alone."

" You did not speak ten words to me. How did you know I am tiresome ?"

" Number seven^"

"If you are a sphinx, I mast ask questions."

" If you solve my riddle, I must destroy myself."

" Heaven forbid. I will aak no more if you tell me this."

" I did not mean I was tired of any one individually, but of all generally. I always come here when I am vexed." i

" What vexed you ?"

" Number eight."

" Do tell me." 2

26 / mTBODUCE MYSELF

" Ellen Ramsay, Mr. Jones, and the butler."

" What have they done ? I thought I never saw more inoffensive people, nor a more perfect chef^'*

^* Number nine. I hate inoffensive people, and an affectation of perfection puts me in a rage."

" How ?" with a puzzled expression.

"Number ten. Inoffensive people are so from cowardice, and perfection is impossible. When I am vexed by such things, I come here and crush the giants."

" Crush the giants. How ? Pardon my repeating your words."

" Number eleven. Juno hurled these rocks on the giants. They are underneath. I love to crush them

Such a peal of laughter my birds never heard before :

" Oh, do forgive me, you are the oddest girl I ever saw. I am glad I need not be ceremonious."

" Do not be too sure. I am very angry with you for intruding. No one ever disturbs me here." He colored, and, I fancied, wanted to remind me that his right on any part of the grounds was unquestionable, I could not force him to leave me, so gathering up my hair, and tying it again, I said : " I am going to row on the river. Will you come ? My boat, the * Water Lily,' is close by."

AND THE TWO VICTORS. 27

"I cannot leave my father's guests so long. Come back with me, you cannot row in that dress."

" I intend to, however," was all the reply I vouchsafed. So I left him, dragging my train and laces through the woods, quite regardless of their fate.

" How dare he speak of my dress ?" I thought.

'^ It's so beautiful, do be careful," he called after me. " Shall I send you a shawl ?"

"No, thank you," I replied, more vexed than before.

Dear little Water Lily, my temper had never proved too heavy for it ; it bore me safely, and I followed the stream through the darkening woods, turning into the creek, so that I could land at tho pavilion. I did not think of finding the whole party there, and before I could escape I heard : " Oh, Mildred, you selfish girl ! stop this minute and take me in," and Ellen Ramsay was waiting for me on the marble steps, over the lower one of which the water flowed. I could not refuse, and she was in the boat in a moment, Victor helping her.

" Isn't he splendid ?" she asked, as soon as he was at a safe distance.

" I do not know him yet," I answered.

" He knows you," she laughingly replied, " for he says you are the most original girl he ever saw, and that shows he can find out in a moment, for you have hardly spoken to him. I was on the stairs when you

28 / INTBODUOB MT8ELF

were introdaced, and watched yoa till yoa ran away."

'^ Thank you for yoar espionage."

^'Now, Milly, don't be cross. I ooold not help seeing that he hardly spoke to yoa, and he has been with me ever since you disappeared."

'^ Has he ?" giving the words a well-defined form of doubt.

She looked at me inquiringly, then ventured bravely on : " Tes, all the time; he has never left me for a moment. I don't mean to take much notice of Roland, he is the adopted son, and, for all we know, may have been born in a coal shed."

" Hardly, in Italy."

"Nonsense; a flower stand then ; he is mysterious."

The buff dress had been in danger for some time, but I controlled myself, and, thinking of the giants, rowed in silence.

" For goodness sake, Mildred ! do eray something ; it's growing dark and pokerish. Are you going to-morrow ?"

" Where ?"

" I forgot you could not know. To Ferny Deli. Victor got up the party as soon as I proposed it. We are to lunch there."