Heart's Desire, the Story of a Contented Town, Certian Peculiar Citizens and Two Fortunate ...

Front matter

Google to make the world's books discoverable online.

It has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject

to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books

Chapter I The Laio) Of Heart's Desire

PAOB

This being in Part the Story of Curly, the Can of Oysters,

and the Girl from Kansas 1

CHAPTER n

THE DINNER AT HEART'S DESIRE

This continuing the Relation of Curly, the Can of Oysters,

and the Girl from Kansas; and introducing Others • 14

CHAPTER m

TRANSGRESSION AT HEART'S DESIRE

Beginning the Cause Cdlebre which arose from Curly's killing

(he Pig of the Man from Kansas 26

CHAPTER IV

THE LAW AT HEART'S DESIRE

Continuing the Story of the Pig from Kansas, and the Deep

Damnation of his Taking Off 42

51 CHAPTER V

^ EDEN AT heart's DESIRE

A

This being the Story of a Paradise ; also showing the Exceeding Loneliness of Adam 54 n CONTENTS

CHAPTER VI

BYE AT heart's DESIRE

PAOX

How the Said Eve arrived on the Same Stage with Eastern Capital, to the Interest of All, and the Embarrassment of Some 74

CHAPTER Vn

TEMPTATION AT HEART'S DESIRE

Shotoing how Paradise toas lost through the Strange Performance of a Craven Adam 81^

CHAPTER Vm

THE CORPORATIOX AT HEART'S DESIRE

This being the Story of a Parrot, Certain Twins, and a Pair

of Candy Legs 106

CHAPTER IX

CIVILIZATION AT HEART'S DESIRE

How the Men of Heart's Desire surrendered to the Softening

Seductions of Croquet and Other PasHmee • • • 124

CHAPTER X

ART AT heart's DESIRE

How Tom Osby, Common Carrier, caused Trouble with a

Portable Annie Laurie 185

CHAPTER XI

OPERA AT heart's DESIRE

Telling how Two Innocent Travellers by Mere Chance coL'

tided with a Side-tracked Star 160

CONTENTS yii

CHAPTER Xn

THB FRIGE OF HEART'S DESIRE

PAOB

Concerning Ooods, their Vcdue, and the Delivery of the Same 167

CHAPTER Xm

BUSINESS AT HEART'S DESIRE

This describing Porter Barkley's Method with a Man^ and

Tom Osby's Way with a Maid 177

CHAPTER XIV

THE GROUND FLOOR AT HEART'S DESIRE

Proposing Certain Wonders of Modem Progress, as wrought

by Eastern Capital and Able Corporation Counsel • 198

CHAPTER XV

SCIENOE AT heart's DESIRE

This being the Story of a Cow Puncher, an Osteopathy and a

Crosseyed Horse 303

CHAPTER XVI

THE PARTITION OF HEART'S DESIRE

Concerning Real Estate, Love, Friendship, and Other Good and Valuable Considerations 221

CHAPTER XVn

TREASON AT HEART'S DESIRE

Showing the Dilemma of Dan Anderson, the Doubt of Leading Citizens f and the Artless Performance of a Pastoral Prevaricator 234 viu CONTENTS

CHAPTER XVni

THE MEETING AT HEART'S DESIRE

PAOS

How Benevolent Assimilation was checked by Unexpected

Events 245

CHAPTER XIX

COMMERCE AT HEART'S DESIRE

Showing Wonders of the Thirst of McGinnis, and the Faith

of Whiteman the Jew 260

CHAPTER XX

MEDICINE AT HEART'S DESIRE

How the Girl from the States kept the Set of Twins from

being broken 274

CHAPTER XXI

JUSTICE AT heart's DESIRE

The Story of a Sheriff and Some Bad Men; showing also a

Day*s Work, and a Man*s Medicine • • • • 285

CHAPTER XXn

ADVENTURE AT HEART'S DESIRE

The Strange Story of the King of Gee- Whiz, and his ITnusuai

Experience in Foreign Parts 296

CHAPTER XXm

PHILOSOPHY AT HEART'S DESIRE

Showing further the Uncertainty of Human Events, and the

Exceeding Resourcefulness of Mr. Thomas Osby . • 814

CONTENTS ix

CHAPTER XXIV

THE CONSPIRACY AT HEART'S DESIRE

PAOB

This being the Story of a Sheepherder^ Two Warm Personal

Friends, and their Love-letter to a Beautiful Queen • 829

CHAPTER XXV

ROMANCE AT HEART'S DESIRE

The Pleasing Recountal of an Absent Knight, a Gentle Lady,

and an Ananias with Spurs 344

CHAPTER XXVI

THE GIRL AT HEART'S DESIRE

Hie Story of a Surprise, a Success, and Something Else

Very Much Better 364

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

" He looked up — to see her standing at his door / " Frontispiece

TAOmO PAOB

** Moreover, as to the Littlest Girl, all HearVs Desire pvffed

out its cliest '* 16

^^As he went out, he quietly hung up his six-shooter behind

the door'' 88

*^ ^ The umpire decides that you've got to dieck your guns

during the game'" 126

"^ voice which sang of a Face tJiat was the Fairest, and of

a Dark Blue Eye" 136

** At the end of it there was a woman with bowed head " • 164

'* *' And just whangs old Pinto over the head with it , . . to

show him there ain't no coldness '" .... 218

** * Something has got to be did, and did mighty blame

quick'" 326

CHAPTER I

THE LAND OF HEART'S DESIRE

This being in Part the Story of Curly, the Can of Oysters,

and the Girl from Kansas

"It looks a long ways acrost from here to the States," said Curly, as we pulled up our horses at the top of the Capitan divide. We gazed out over a vast, rolling sea of red-brown earth which stretched far beyond and below the nearer foothills, black with then- growth of stunted pmes. This was a favorite pausing place of all travellers between the county-seat and Heart's Desire ; partly because it was a summit reached only after a long climb from either side of the divide ; partly, perhaps, because it was a notable view-point in a land full of noble views. Again, it may have been a customary tarrying point because of some vague feeling shared by most travellers who crossed this trail, — the same feeling which made Curly, hardened citizen as he was of the land west of the Pecos, turn a speculative eye eastward across the plains. We could not see even so far as the Pecos, though it seemed from our lofty situation

B 1 that we looked quite to the ultimate, searching the utter ends of all the earth.

"Yours is up that-a-way;" Curly pointed to the northeast. ''Mine was that-a-way.^' He shifted his leg in the saddle as he turned to the right and swept a comprehensive hand toward the east, meaning perhaps Texas, perhaps a series of wUd frontiers west of the Lone Star state. I noticed the nice distinction in Curly's tenses. He knew the man more recently arrived west of the Pecos, possibly later to prove a backslider. As for himself. Curly knew that he would never return to his wild East ; yet it may have been that he had just a touch of the home feeling which is so hard to lose, even in a homeless country, a man's country pure and simple, as was surely this which now stretched wide about us. Somewhere off to the east, miles and miles beyond the red sea of sand and grama grass, lay Home.

"And yet," said Curly, taking up in speech my imspoken thought, "you can't see even halfway to Vegas up there." No. It was a long two hundred miles to Las Vegas, long indeed in a freighting wagon, and long enough even in the saddle and upon as good a horse as each of us now bestrode. I nodded. " And it's some more'n two whoops and a holler to my ole place," said he. Curly remained indefinite; for, though presently he hummed something about the Sim and its brightness in his old Kentucky home, he followed it soon thereafter with musical allusion to the Suwanee River. One might have guessed either Kentucky or Georgia in regard to Curly, even had one not suspected Texas from the look of his saddle cinches.

It was the day before Christmas. Yet there was little winter in this sweet, thin air up on the Capitan divide. Off to the left the Patos Mountains showed patches of snow, and the top of Carrizo was yet whiter, and even a portion of the highest peak of the Capitans carried a blanket of white ; but all the lower levels were red-brown, calm, complete, unchanging, like the whole aspect of this far-away and finished country, whereto had come, long ago, many Spaniards in search of wealth and dreams; and more recently certain Anglo-Saxons, also dreaming, who sought m a stolen hiatus of the continental conquest nothing of more value than a deep and sweet oblivion.

It was a Christmas-tide different enough from that of the States toward which Curly pointed. We looked eastward, looked again, turned back for one last look before we tightened the cinches and started down the winding trail which led through the foothills along the flank of the Patos Mountains, and so at last into the town of Heart's Desire.

"Lord I" said Curly, reminiscently, and quite without connection with any thought which had been uttered. "Say, it was fine, wasn't it, Christmas? We alius had firecrackers then. And eatl Why, man ! " This allusion to the firecrackers would have determined that Curly had come from the South, which alone has a midwinter Fourth of July, possibly because the populace is not content with only one annual smell of gunpowder. "We had trees where I came from," said I. "And eat ! Yes, man !"

"Some different here now, ain't it?" said Curly, grmning; and I grmned in reply with what fortitude I could muster. Down in Heart's Desire there was a little, a very little cabin, with a bunk, a few blankets, a small table, and a box nailed against the wall for a cupboard. I knew what was in the box, and what waa not in it, and I so advised my friend bs we slipped down off the bald summit of the Capitans and came into the shelter of the short, black pinons. Curly rode on for a little while before he made answer.

"Why," said he, at length, "ain't you heard? You're in with our rodeo on Christmas dinner. McKinney, and Tom Osby, and Dan Anderson, the other lawyer, and me, — we're going to have Christmas dinner at Anderson's 'dobe in town to-morrer. You're in. You mayn't like it. Don't you mind. The directions says to take it, and you take it. It's goin' to be one of the largest events ever knowed in this here settlement. Of course, there's goin' to be some canned things, and some sardines, and some everidge liquids. You guess what besides that."

I told him I couldn't guess.

''Shore you couldn't," said Curly, dangling his bridle from the Uttle finger of his left hand as he searched in his pocket for a match. He had rolled a cigarette with one hand, and now he called it a cigarriUo. These facts alone would have convicted hun of coming from somewhere near the Rio Grande.

"Shore you couldn't," repeated Curly, after he had his bit of brown paper going. ''I reckon not in a hundred years. Champagne! Whole quart I Yes, sir. Cost eighteen dollars. Mac, he got it. Billy Hudgens had just this one bottle in the shop, left over from the time the surveyors come over here and we thought there was goin' to be a railroad, which there wasn't. But Lord! that ain't all. It ain't the beginnin'. You guess again. No, I reckon you couldn't," said he, scornfully. ''You couldn't in your whole life guess what next. We got a cake!^^

"Go on. Curly," said I, scoffingly; for I knew that the possibilities of Heart's Desire did not in the least include anything resembling cake. Any of the boys could fry bacon or build a section of bread in a Dutch oven — they had to know how to do that or starve. But as to cake, there was none could compass it. And I knew there was not a woman in all Heart's Desire.

Curly enjoyed his advantage for a few moments as we woimd on down the trail among the pinons.

"Heap o' things happened since you went down to tend co^te," said he. "You likely didn't hear of the new family moved in last week. Come from Kansas."

"Then there's a girl," said I; for I was far Westerner enough to know that all the girls ever seen west of the Pecos came from Kansas, the same as all the baled hay and all the fresh butter. Potatoes came from Iowa; but butter, hay, and girls came from Kansas. I asked Curly if the head of the new family came from Leavenworth.

"'Course he did," said Curly. "And I'll bet a steer he'll be postmaster or somethin' in a few brief moments. " This in reference to another well-known fact in natural history as observed west of the Pecos; for it was matter of common knowledge among all Western men that the town of Leavenworth furnished early office-holders for every new community from the Missouri to the Pacific.

Ciu'ly continuied: "This feller'U do well here, I reckon, though just now he's broke a-plenty. But what was he goin' to do? His team breaks down and he can't get no further. Looks Uke he'd just have to stop and be postmaster or somethin' for us here for a while. Can't be Justice of the Peace; another Kansas man's got that. As to them two girls — man! The camp's got on its best clothes right this instant, don't you neglect to think. Both good lookers. Youngest's a peach. I'm goin' to marry Acr." Curly turned aggressively in his saddle and looked me squarely in the eye, his hat pushed back from his tightly curlmg red hau-.

"That's aU right, Curly,'' said I, mildly. "You have my consent. Have you asked the girl about it yet?"

"Ain't had time yet," said he. "But you watch me. "

"What's the name of the family?" I asked as we rode along together.

"Blamed if I remember exactly," replied Curly, scratching his head, "but they're shore good folks. Old man's sort o' pious, I reckon. Anyhow, that's what Tom Osby says. He driv along from Hocradle canon with 'em on the road from Vegas. Said the old man helt services every mornin' before breakfast. More services'n breakfast sometimes. Tom, he says old Whiskers — that's our next postmaster — he sings a-plenty, lifts up his voice exceedin'. Say," said Curly, turning on me again fiercely, "that's one reason I'd marry the girl if for nothing else. It takes more'n a bass voice and a copy of the Holy Scriptures to make a Merry Christmas. Why, man, say, when I think of what a time we all are going to have, — you, and me, and Mac, and Tom Osby, and Dan Anderson, with all them things of our'n, and all these here things on the side — champagne and all that, — it looks like this world ain't run on the square, don't it ? "

I assured Curly that this had long been one of my own conclusions. Assuredly I had not the bad manners to thank him for his invitation to join him in this banquet at Heart's Desire, knowing as I did Curly's acquaintance with the fact that young attorneys had not always abundance during their first year in a quasi-mining camp that was two-thirds cow town ; such being among the possibilities of that land. I returned to the cake.

" Where'd we git it ? '' said Curly. '' Why, where'd you s'pose we got it? Do you think Dan Anderson has took to pastry along with the statoots made and pervided? As for Dan, he ain't been here so very long, but he's come to stay. We're goin' to send him to Congress if we ever get time to organize our town, or find out what county we're in. How'd our Delergate look spreadin' jelly cake? Nope, he didn't make it. And does it look any like Mac has studied bakery doin's out on the Carrizoso ranch? You know Tom Osby couldn't. As for me, if hard luck has ever driv me to cookin' in the past, I ain't referrin' to it now. I'm a straight-up cow puncher and nothin' else. That cake? Why, it come from the Kansas outfit.

" Don't know which one of 'em done it, but it's a honey," he went on. "Say, she's a foot high, with white stuff a inch high all over. She's soft around the aidge some, for I stuck my finger in toe it just a little. We just got it recent and we're nightherdin' it where it's cool. Cost a even ten dollars. The old lady said she'd make the price all right, but Mac and me, we sort of sized up things and allowed we'd drop about a ten in their recep^icle when we come to pay for that cake. This family, you see, moved intoe the cabin Hank Fogarty and Jim Bond left when they went away, — it's right acrost the 'royo from Dan Anderson's office, where we're goin' to eat to-morrer.

"Now, how that woman could make a cake like this here in one of them narrer, upside-down Mexican ovens — no stove at all — no nothing — say, that's some like adoptin' yourself to circumstances, ain't it? Why, man, I'd marry intoe that fam'ly if I didn't do nothing else long as I Uved. They ain't no Mexican money wrong side of the river. No counterfeit there regardin' a happy home — cuttin' out the bass voice and givin' 'em a leetle better line of grass and water, eh? Well, I reckon not. Watch me fly to it."

The idiom of Curly's speech was at times a trifle obscure to the uneducated ear. I gathered that he beUeved these newcomers to be of proper social rank, and that he was also of the opinion that a certam mending in their material matters might add to the happiness of the family.

"But say," he began again shortly, "I ain't told you half about our dinner."

"That is to say — " said I.

"We're goin' to have oysters!'' he replied.

"Oh, Curly!'' objected I, petulantly, "what's the use lying ? I'll agree that you may perhaps marry the girl — I don't care anything about that. But as to oysters, you know there never was an oyster in Heart's Desire, and never will be, world without end."

"Huh!" said Curly. "Huh!" And presently, "Is that sor'

"You know it's so," said I.

"Is that so?" reiterated he once more. "Nice way to act, ain't it, when you're ast out to dinner in the best society of the place? Tell a feller he's shy on facts, when all he's handin' out is just the plain, unfreckled truth, for onct at least. We got oysters, four cans of 'em, and done had 'em for a month. They're up there." He jerked a thumb toward the top of old Carrizo Mountain. I looked at the snow, and in a flash comprehended. There, indeed, was cold storage, the only cold storage possible in Heart's Desire !

"Tom Osby brought 'em down from Vegas the last time he come down," said Curly. "They're there, sir, four cans of 'em. You know where the Carrizo spring is ? Well, there's a snowbank in that canon, about two hundred yards oflf to the left of the spring. The oysters is in there. Keep? They got to keep !

"Them's the only oysters ever was knowed between the Pecos and the Rio Grande," he continued pridefully. "Now I want to ask you, friend, if this ain't just a leetle the dashed blamedest, hottest Christmas dinner ever was pulled oflf ? "

''Curly," said I, ''you are a continuous surprise to me. "

"The trouble with you is," said Curly, lighting another cigarette, "you look the wrong way from the top of the divide. Never mind about home and mother. Them is States institooshuns. The only feller any good here is the feller that comes to stay, and likes it. You Uke it?"

"Yes, Curly," I replied seriously, "I do like it, and I'm going to stay if I can. "

"Well, you be mighty blamed careful if that's the way you feel about it," said Curly. "I got my own eye on that girl from Kansas, and I serve notice right here. No use for you or Mac or any of you to be artryin' to cut out any stock for me. I seen it first."

We dropped down and ever down as we rode on along the winding mountain trail. The dark sides of the Patos Mountains edged around to the back of us, and the scarred flanks of big Carrizo came farther and farther forward along our left cheeks as we rode on. Then the trail made a sharp bend to the left, zigzagged a bit to get through a series of broken ravines, and at last topped the low false divide which rose at the upper end of the valley of Heart's Desire.

It was a spot lovely, lovable. Nothing in all the West is more fit to linger in a man's memory than the imperious sun rising above the valley of Heart's Desire; nothing unless it were the royal purple of the sunset, trailed like a robe across the shoulders of the grave unsmiHng hills, which guarded it round about. In Heart's Desire it was so calm, so complete, so past and beyond all fret and worry and caring. Perhaps the man who named it did so in grim jest, as was the manner of the early bitter ones who swept across the Western lands. Perhaps again he named it at sunset, and did so reverently. God knows he named it right.

There was no rush nor hurry, no bickering nor envjdng, no crowding nor thieving there. Heart's Desire! It was well named, indeed; fit capital for the malcontents who sought oblivion, dreaming, long as they might, that Life can be left aside when onegrows weary of it; dreaming — ah! deep, foolish, golden dream — that somewhere there is on earth an Eden with no Eve and without a flaming sword !

The town all lay along one deliberate, crooked street, because the arroyo along which it straggled was crooked. Its buildings were mostly of adobe, with earthen roofs, so low that when one saw a rainstorm coming in the rainy season (when it rained invariably once a day), he went forth with a shovel and shingled his roof anew, standing on the ground as he did so. There were a few cabins built of logs.

but very few. Only one or two stores had the high board front common in Western viUages. Lumber was very scarce and carpenters still scarcer. How the family from Kansas had happened to drift into Heart's Desire — how a man of McKinney's intelligence had come to settle there — how Dan Anderson, a very good lawyer, happened to have tarried there — how indeed any of us happened to be there, are questions which may best be solved by those who have studied the West-bound, the dream-bound, the malcontents. At any rate, here we were, and it was Christmas-time. The very next morning would be that of Christmas Day.

Chapter II The Dinner At Heart's Desire

This continuing the Relation of Curly ^ tJie Can of Oysters^ and the Gfirl from Kansas ; and Introdv^ng Others

There were no stockings . hung up in Heart's Desire that Christmas Eve, for all the population was adult, male, and stern of habit. The great moon flooded the street with splendor. Afar there came voices of rioting. There were some adherents to the traditions of the South in regard to firecrackers at Yuletide, albeit the six-shooter furnished the only firecracker obtainable. Yet upon that night the very shots seemed cheerful, not ominous, as was usually the case upon that long and crooked street, which had seen duels, affairs, affrays, -even riots of moimted men in the days when the desperadoes of the range came riding into town now and again for love of danger, or for lack of aguardiente. It was so very white and solemn and content, — this street of Heart's Desire on Christmas Eve. Far across the arroyo, as Curly had said, there gleamed red the double windows of the cabin which had been preempted by the man from Leavenworth. To-night the man from Leavenworth sat with bowed head and beard upon his bosom.

Christmas Day dawned, briUiant, glorious. There was not a Christmas tree in all Heart's Desire. There was not a child within two hundred miles who had ever seen a Christmas tree. There was not a woman in all Heart's Desire saving those three newcomers in the cabin across the arroyo. Yet these newcomers were acquainted with the etiquette of the land. There was occasion for pubUc announcement in such matters.

At eleven o'clock in the morning the man from Leavenworth and the Littlest Girl from Kansas came out upon the street. They were ostensibly bound to get the mail, although there had been no mail stage for three days, and could be none for four days more, even had the man from Leavenworth entertained the slightest thought of getting any mail at this purely accidental residence into which the fate of a tired team had thrown him. Yet there must be the proper notification that he and his family had concluded to abide in Heart's Desire; that he was now a citizen; that he was now entitled by the length of his beard to be called "'Squire," and to be accepted into all the councils of the town. This walk along the street was notice to the pure democracy of that land that all might now leave cards at the cabin across the arroyo. One need hardly doubt that the populace of Heart's Desire was lined up along the street to say good morning and to receive befittingly this tacit pledge of its newest citizen. Moreover, as to the Littlest Girl, all Heart's Desire puffed out its chest. Once more, indeed, the camp was entitled to hold up its head. There were Women in the town! Ergo Home; ergo Civilization; ergo Society; and ergo all the rest. Heretofore Heart's Desire had wilfully been but an unorganized section of savagery; but your Anglo Saxon, craving ever savagery, has no sooner found it than he seeks to civilize it ; there being for him in his aeon of the world no real content or peace.

"I reckon the old man is goin' to take a look at the post-office to see how he likes the place," said Curly, reflectively, as he gazed after the gentleman whom he had frankly elected as his father-in-law. ''He'll get it, all right. Never saw a man from Leavenworth who wasn't a good shot at a post-office. But say, about that Littlest Girl — well, I wonder!"

Curly was very restless until dinner-time, which, for one reason or another, was postponed until about four of the afternoon. We met at Dan Anderson's law office, which was also his residence, a room about a dozen feet by twenty in size. The bunks were cleaned up, the blankets put out of the way, and the centre of the room given over to a table, small and home-made, but very full of good cheer for that time and place. At the fireplace, McKinney, flushed ipUB^C

LVeR^^'^ and red, was broiling some really good loin steaks. McKinney also allowed his imagination to soar to the height of biscuits. Coffee was there assuredly, as one might tell by the welcome odor now ascending. Upon the table there was something masked under an ancient copy of a newspaper. Outside the door of the adobe, in the deepest shade obtainable, sat two soap boxes full of snow, or at least partly full, for Tom Osby had done his best. In one of these boxes appeared the proof of Curly's truthfulness — three cans of^oystft:^ delicacies hitherto unheard of in that land;T% . In^ .th^' other box was an object almost as unfamiliar as an oyster can, — an oblong, smooth and jaow^ partially frost-covered ob- ^ ab^'iit its upper end. A certain

tense excitement obtained.

"I wonder if she'll get frappi enough," said Dan Anderson. He was a Princeton man once upon a time.

"It don't make no difference about the frappy part,'' said Curly, "just so she gets cold enough. I reckon I savvy wine some. I never was up the trail, not none! No, I reckon not! Huh?"

We agreed on Curly 's worldliness cheerfully; in^ deed, agreed cheerfully that all the world was a good place and all its inhabitants were everything that could be asked. Life was young and fresh and strong. The spell of Heart's Desire was upon us all that Christmas Day.

"Now/' said Curly, dropping easily into the somewhat vague position of host, when McKinney had finally placed his platter of screeching hot steaks upon the table. "Now, then, grub pi-i-i-i-lel'* He sang the summons loud and clear, as it has soimded on many a frosty morning or sultry noon in many a corner of the range. "Set up, fellers," said Curly. "It's bridles off now, and cinches down, and the trusties next to the mirror." (By this speech Curly probably meant that the time was one of ease and safety, wherein one might place his six-shooter back of the bar, in sign that he was in search of no man, and that none was in search of him. It was not good form to eat in a private family in Heart's Desire with one's gun at one's belt.)

We sat down and McKinney imcovered the cake which had been made by the wife of the man from Leavenworth. It appeared somewhat imposing. Curly wanted to cut into it at the first course, but Dan Anderson rebelled and coaxed him off upon the subject of oysters. There was abundance for all. The cake itself would have weighed perhaps five or six pounds. There was a part of a can of oysters for each man, any quantity of wholesome steaks and coffee, with condensed milk if one cared for it, and at least enough champagne for any one who cared for precisely that sort of champagne.