Hebrew satire

Front matter

HEBREW SATIR

JOSEPH CHOTZNER, PH.D.

AUTHOR OF 'HEBREW HIMOUR*

Preface

Very little attention has hitherto been paid by authors generally to those works forming part of Hebrew literature, in which much of delightful satire is predominant. The object of this volume, therefore, is to make the reader familiar with the contents of several of these writings which may prove interesting to him.

A few portions of this volume have already appeared in London periodicals, including " The Jewish Review," and some others thereof have served as the themes of lectures delivered to various literary societies.

J. C.

London, February 191 1.

Contents

Preface ......

Introduction .....

A Wife's Ruse .....

II. A Curious Incident

A WEALTHY Jew, alas, a miser.

When he could no longer cope With his ailments, called the Doctor- Doctor said there was no hope.

But in all the miser's household Neither wife nor child pretend Any sorrow at the notion Of his fast-approaching end.

For she is already dreaming Of a happier nuptial ring.

And the children wait the riches Which his death to them will bring.

And the pleasant prospect pleases E'en the undertaker's crew, For their fees will buy them liquor, And inebriate joys renew.

And the starving Jewish student Hopes to win his slender dole.

For his mumbling over Kaddish, To alloy the miser's soul.

Joyful was the suffering Rabbi — Him the miser hated well — But his funeral oration Flattered more than words can tell. " Surely this," he calculated, " Is a hundred roubles worth ; So I shall without a murmur Quit this uncongenial berth.

Why should I not take a journey To the Holy Land ? The mould Of the sacred Mount of Olives Could be profitably sold To the pious, who would place it In their dear ones' graves ; not least Think upon the citrons, myrtles, Produce of the gorgeous East !

Surely, I can find a market In this very town, I deeni — Then farewell the starving Rabbi — What a fascinating dream ! "

But, alas, for all their visions, Soon the fatal tidings flew, That the miser's state was better — Took his gruel and liked it too ! Wife and children, needy students, All of them were smitten dumb, Woe, too, for the famished Rabbi, Seeing all his hopes succumb.

Gloomy were the undertakers, Baffled on enjoyment's brink, So they got them to a tavern And submerged their cares in drink. " Well-a-day," said one among them, " Many griefs we can abate.

All save death, so master miser Will be ours or soon or late."

" True enough," replied his neighbour, " But which of us can surely say, That we'll hold our present billets If we live to see that day ? "

THE DOT OF THE LETTER "YOD."

By the Same Author.

In a Russian town, called Ayolon, there lived a well-to-do Jewish shopkeeper, who had an only daughter named Bath Shua. She was young and good-looking, and possessed some accomplishments ; and there was every probability that, had she married a more or less educated man, her married life would have been a happy one. But, unfortunately for her, her father, being both a bigot and an ignoramus, gave her away, without first consulting her, to Hillel, a poor and ill-bred student of Jewish theology. He was supposed to be well-versed in Rabbinic lore, but otherwise he had nothing attractive about him. His face was shrivelled, his eyes were round like a calf s, and his locks resembled the tails of apes, so that it was but natural that Bath Shua, after her marriage, was far from happy.

Bath Shua's father supported them as long as he lived, but when he died, a few years after the marriage, leaving but little behind him, her husband left her, and went abroad to seek his fortune. He finally settled at Liverpool, whence he wrote that he could barely support himself, much less her and her two children. She therefore opened a little store, by means of which she was able to earn a scanty livelihood.

During that time, she happened to make the acquaintance of a young bachelor, named Fabi, who was the superintendent of a railway, and had a substantial income. He was struck with her beauty and intelligence, and learning, moreover, the sad story of her married life, he took so great an interest in her that he proposed to make her his wife, as soon as she Would be legally freed from her careless and heartless husband. He accordingly wrote to the latter who, in his answer, expressed his willingness to send his wife a bill of divorce (" Get "), provided that a certain sum of money was sent to enable him to go to America. Fabi complied with the condition, and, in due course, the " Get " arrived which was soon after transmitted to the local Rabbi.

On the day when the ceremony of divorce was to take place a large crowd of spectators assembled, among whom were naturally Bath Shua and her lover, who, with beating hearts, looked forward to the termination of the performance. But the Rabbi, who was devoid of pity and sense, declared, after having looked for a moment at the " Get," that it was invalid, as the husband's name Hillel was spelled without a " Yod." The Rabbi's decision was final, and Bath Shua, poor soul, had to face life-long desolation, solely because the Rabbi was ignorant of the rules of the Hebrew grammar !

Peter, or Perez Smolenskin, also occupied a prominent place among the little band of Hebrew satirists that flourished in Russia in the nineteenth century. He was born at Monastirschina, government Moghilef, in the year 1842, and, after a life of penury and hardship, died at Meran, Austria, in 1885. His Hebrew novels, written in a humorous vein, depict the life in the Ghetto with artistic skill. In one of them, entitled " Keburath Chamor " (the Burial of an Ass), the author takes a dish of pancakes as his theme. The story, somewhat condensed, is as follows : —

THE MISSING PANCAKES.

I.

There is somewhere in Russia a little town called Kassula, which once had, and may still have, a Ghetto. It differed very little in its essence and nature from other Ghettos, except, perhaps, that superstition played a larger part in the lives of the residents than elsewhere. They believed, for instance, that the loft of their old and aweinspiring synagogue was haunted by the souls of departed members, as well as by numerous demons and evil spirits. Hence, no one ever ventured to go up there, except old Isaac, the grave-digger, who, as men of his calling proverbially are, was of a cheerful and humorous temperament. This sense of humour was inherited by his only son, Hyam, whose boyish pranks frequently got him into difficulties.

Hyam attended the private school kept by Zebulun, a much-suffering little man, who, in spite of his hard work, scarcely ever enjoyed a proper meal. His famished appearance, however, aroused no sympathy in the breasts of any of his pupils, save that of Hyam, who often said to himself, " If old Zebulun were better fed, he would be better capable of enjoying my little jokes." The opportunity came sooner than he had expected, and in this manner :

The most important of the societies in the Kassula Ghetto was the Burial Society. Not only was it in a sound financial position, but its President, Reb Getz, was also invested with powers, of which none of the other societies could boast. In fact, he was much more feared and respected in the community than anyone else, not excepting even the Rabbi, although the only qualification he had for his post was his being a comparatively rich man. It lay, for instance, in his power to put an indelible black mark against the name of any poor man in the community — he did not dare to interfere with ,the wealthy — who was reputed to be lax in the observances of the synagogue. " He shall be buried with the burial of an ass," was the entry in the Society's archives.

One of the rules of the Society was that once a year during the merry week of Purim, the members should celebrate its foundation by a sumptuous banquet, to be held within the precinct of the synagogue, and that the cost thereof should be defrayed out of its funds. This rule was always strictly observed by the members who, after having spent the greater part of the day in the synagogue in fasting and prayer, enjoyed the more the excellent repast that was waiting for them in the yard. There various tasty dishes were placed on tables, the savour of which spread through the Ghetto, and was enviously inhaled by all — from the famished Rabbi to the starving Zebulun.

The favourite dish of all was one of highlyspiced and sweetly-flavoured pancakes, and the whole banquet would have been considered an utter failure, had this delightful dish failed to' make its due appearance. Now, it so happened that on the very day when young Hyam expressed the wish to give his teacher a savoury meal, he heard that the annual banquet of the Burial Society was going to be held at the usual place. He therefore went up to the loft of the synagogue, and, waiting there till darkness set in, he came down to the yard. Finding no one there, he quickly took hold of the dish that was nearest to him, and ran with it into Zebulun's room. It was the dish that contained the lovely pancakes. Zebulun was at first not inclined to eat them, but hearing young Hyam's arguments that they would not be missed, and that it was, besides, the merry Purim week, when a joke was admissible, he consumed part of them with great enjoyment and relish. He even laughed heartily at the trick, and Hyam himself was extremely glad, when he saw for the first time the joy on his teacher's face. The former then returned to the loft of the synagogue to await developments.

II.

Below in the yard the President and the members of the Burial Society were seated at the banquet, and everything went on merrily up to the moment when the dish of pancakes was to make its appearance. But, lo, it was missing ! A roar of indignation arose at this sacrilege, and voices advocating revenge and punishment of the culprit were heard on all sides. This unusual disturbance soon attracted a motley crowd of people, including many of the old women of the neighbourhood, whose screams and lamentations added to the general confusion. Presently the President ordered the archives of the Society to be fetched, and directed that the thief, when identified, should be marked down therein as being condemned to be buried with the burial of an ass.

On hearing the President's pronouncement, young Hyam cast through the window of the loft a large quantity of rubbish that had been heaped up there for many years past. And amidst the general cry : " The ghosts and demons are coming," and the stampede that followed, he escaped unobserved, and returning to Zebulun, told him in a jocular way all that had just happened in the yard. Zebulun, however, did not share his pupil's mirth, but told him quite seriously that he must henceforth consider himself an outlaw in the Ghetto, as he would surely soon be identified as being the person who stole the pancakes, and would have to bear the consequences. Young Hyam took the hint, and, leaving Kassula, he went to a neighbouring town where there was a Rabbi who, being famous for his extensive Talmudical knowledge, had attracted a number of theological students as his pupils. Young Hyam soon became one of them, and, by dint of his inborn capacity, combined with his gift of natural humour, he became, in the course of several years' study, the Rabbi's special favourite. One day, therefore, when Reb Qetz wrote to the Rabbi, asking him to recommend him the best of his pupils as a suitable bridegroom for his only daughter, young Hyam was named and accepted. Soon after, he went home in company with his future father-in-law, and, as a mutual attachment sprang up between him and his beautiful bride, they were, after a brief engagement, united in a happy marriage.