The adventures of Hajji Baba, of Ispahan, in England

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VOLUME I.

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L Hajji Baba, now a man of consequence, enjoys his dignity.— He is ordered to collect presents, preparatory to an embassy to England from the shah of Persia IL He describes the mode of levying the presents and selects

Chapter I. Hajji Baba, Now A Man Of Consequence, Enjoys His Dignity

HE IS ORDERED TO COLLECT PRESENTS, PREPARATORY TO AN

EMBASSY TO ENGLAND FROJl THE SHAH OF PERSIA.

Yv hen I entered Ispahan as the shah's deputy, so much wind had inflated my brain, and my nose was carried so high, that I looked upon my townsmen, the Ispahanis, in no better light than stones in the highway. Most luckily my mother and her husband, the akhon, had quitted the city, and taken up their abode in a mountain village, the akhons birthplace, some fifteen parasangs distant, and therefore they did not obstruct my grandeur. As for old Ali Mohamed, the doorkeeper of the caravanserai, whose presence would probably have interfered with my vanity, he had hastened to follow my poor father to the grave, and the inexorable Azrael* had long since separated his soul from his body. I almost instinctively avoided the approaches to our shaving shop, that scene of my early days and subsequent adventures, and, indeed, took but

* Azrael is the angel of death, according to the Mahomedan faith, who, at the death of a true believer, separate* the soul from the body.

II Z Hajji Baba

little pleasure out of the house, where, however, I took care to enjoy as many of the privileges attendant upon my new dignity as I possibly could. I ceded the seat of honour to no one hut the governor of the city himself, and even with him I never failed to go through all the restiveness of a man of consequence, who, in forcing another to the seat of honour, shows that he does not thereby relinquish some pretensions to it himself. To any one who was ignorant of my origin, my knowledge of ceremony and forms of speech must have appeared quite natural, so perfectly at home did I find myself in my new character.

The business with which I was intrusted was one of no small importance, inasmuch as I was commanded, by virtue of a special firman, to levy upon the cities of Ispahan, Shiraz, and their dependencies, almost the whole of the presents intended to be sent to the king of England by the projected embassy. " By my head, friend Haiji," would I occasionally say to myself, " thou art born under a fortunate star ! Here are the beards of the inhabitants of two of the largest cities of Persia and their provinces placed in thy hand, that thou mayst pluck them at thy pleasure." But then, recollecting some of the wholesome lessons which my past life of adventure and vicissitude had taught me, I determined to make the head of prudence guide the hand of moderation, and for once to show the Ispahanis that conscience is a thing known in the heart of at least one of their fellow-citizens.

The firman was accompanied by a code of instructions, both of which, during the journey from Tehran, were the objects of my frequent meditation, more particularly because they contained one certain little word, upon which my mind constantly dwelt, and which raised my vanity to a most unruly height. I was styled alijah, the high in station, or the exalted Hajji Baba. If any of my readers know what we Persians are, they will readily ascertain the reasons of my exultation ; but those who do not must be told, that, if there is one point of ambition among us greater than another, it is that of being called alijah. Here, then, my rank in life was settled. I bade adieu, as

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I hoped, for ever to the mortification of- being called nothing but an alishoon*, which was the case as long as I had been an executioner's officer, a mollah, and a merchant; and my imagination could scarcely contain the images of splendour and prosperity with which I was pleased to fill it. " Let those poor devils, the alishoons, now," said I, '• hide their faces under the armpit of humility ! I, who am an alijah, may hold up my head, and look at the sun with impunity.'' And I did not restrict my feelings within the bounds of mere words ; for those who know me are, I am sure, aware that none ever supported his dignity better than I did. I did not hesitate to " thou" and " thee" those whom I had looked upon as my equals, and to drawl out my demaugh-et-chdk, " Is thy brain in a state of sanity ?" with the superior tone of one who takes another under his protection. How delighted did I feel when I could say to a visiter, " Sit," instead of " Be pleased to command," the form of speech to which my lips had hitherto been accustomed ! and it was perfect music to my ears to hear myself addressed by the inflating epithets of " lord and master ;" I, who through life had never been favoured with any caresses from the hand of fortune, without having very soon after received some corresponding buffet.

The instructions from the shah were to the following effect: — " That the high in station, Hajji Baba, was to use his best endeavours, with that wisdom for which he is famous, to procure several headst of slaves of different denominations, worthy of being presented to the king of the Franks^;; that they should be skilled in various arts ; and that one at least, of choice deformity, should be all ready prepared to act as a guardian in the infidel seraglio.

* Although alijah and alishoon arc words nearly of the same import, viz. exalted, eminent, hit,'h in station, &c ; otill custom has produced a strong distinction in favour of the former. It is a title bestowed on those of undoubted rank, whilst the latter is used in addressing persons in the middling classes of soeiet).

f Horses, asses, mules, black cattle, sheep, and slaves are sold by the ras, <t head, in Persia.

X The Persians have but recently learned to discriminate one king of Europe from another; and " King of the Franks," even now, is, perhaps, used as commonly bv them to denote our sovereign as '* King of England."

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" That, in consideration of that holy injunction of the. blessed Mahomed (upon whom be blessings and peace !) who ordaineth to give to those who have not, and to be merciful to those who are in need, the said Hajji Baba is ordered to procure divers horses, Arabian, Turcoman, and others, which, on being presented to the shah of the Franks, may draw forth the admiration of his infidel subjects, and at the same time do credit to the king of kings in a foreign land ; and that, moreover, by way of a mark of special favour and friendship to the said Franks, a mare, if to be procured, may be added, and thus perpetuate the blessing of giving a race of horses to those who now only possess jades, and promoting those who hitherto have grovelled in the mud to be carried on high with their heads in the fifth heaven.

" That, as it behoveth the dignity of the king of kings to clothe those whom he loveth in dresses of honour and high consideration, the said Hajji Baba is commanded to select and gain possession of certain stores of brocades, silks, and velvets from the royal manufactories of Ispahan, Yezd, and Kashan, as well as to procure the shawls of Cashmire, woven in the looms of industry by the hand of science, suited to the wants, tastes, and fancies of the followers of the blessed Isau, in order that the shah of England may make clothes thereof suited to his own taste and pleasure ; and that the love of the shah to the whole Frank nation, female as well as male, may be manifest, the said Hajji is ordered to employ tailors, and men cunning in the fashioning of clothes, to make two full suits of dress for the queen of the Franks, similar to those worn by the Banou of the royal harem, duly adorned with precious atones, before and behind, above and below, and to add thereto a store of collyrium for the eyes, khennah for stain, ing the hands and feet, jewels for the nose, and jewels for the ear, pins for the shirt, a zone for the waist, and rings for fingers as well as toes.

" That the pearl being the ornament peculiar to royalty, the said Hajji Baba is enjoined to seek for and possess such pearls, or strings of pearl, as may form suitable presents to the king of the Franks ; and if in the royal fishery at Bahrein any single pearl of consequence has been lately discovered, he is ordered to give due intimation of the same.

" And he is further commanded to make collections of turquoises of the finest colour of the old mine, in order that, being worn and hung about the august person of the sovereign of England, he and his family may be effectually protected from glances of the evil eye, or from looks foreboding misfortune."

To these were added several other articles for which Persia is famous, such as armour, swords, specimens of fine writing, inkstands, paintings, and talismans possessing various virtues. And, in fine, I was invested with almost full powers to attain for the use of the shah every thing that might be worthy of being presented to a crowned head.

Chapter II

HE DESCRIBES THE MODE OF LEVYING THE PRESENTS, AND SELECTS SLAVES FOR THE USE OF THE KING OF ENGLAND.

When I exhibited my instructions to the governor, he was struck dumb with astonishment, and, as the phrase goes, his head went round and round. He was the son of the lord high treasurer, and, in his own estimation, a personage of great consequence ; and was therefore extremely surprised to find that one of my hitherto insignificancy should have been intrusted with a business of so much importance, and placed as it were over him, and out of the reach of his control. But he knew that the grand vizier was no friend to his father, and therefore he felt, however humiliating my presence at Ispahan might be to him, still he was bound in policy to be civil to the servant

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O HAJJ1 BAB A

of that great dignitary ; for such I took particular care to call myself.

" Where are we to find all these things, in the name of Allah ?" said the governor. " The king's rayats are poor, and the articles here enumerated are only to be found among the wealthy. Our wits are diminished at the thought.''

I answered, " As far as my interference goes, I am less than dust; but here is the king's finnan, and you well know, O governor ! that if these things do not exist on the face of the earth, it alone would produce them, let them be buried one hundred gez deep. A despotic shah produces strange miracles."

" Yes, that is very true," said he, as he cast his eye over the instructions; "but Ispahan is not Nubia, that slaves may be procured at a moment's notice ; nor is it Nejd *, nor Guklan, that horses are to be had when called for ; nor are the pearl banks of Bahrein close at hand, no more than the mines of Khorassan for turquoises. Silks and velvets we possess, and such as we have, in the name of the Prophet, take ; and tailors, by the blessing of Ali, to make them ap, we have in abundance ; and upon my head be it to fulfil that part of the orders of the Centre of the Universe ; but as for the rest, our hands are cut short, and we must put our trust in Providence."

I had seen enough of my countrymen, to know whence these difficulties arose ; therefore I quietly whispered into the governor's ear, that I was not one of those who kept the inside of my palm in darkness, but was willing to share with him such advantages as fate might throw in our way.

This said, I found that things took a new turn ; difficulties disappeared ; and what before was not to be found, all at once became plentiful. Slaves now thronged the house ; horses of all descriptions were brought ; silks, velvets, shawls, and carpets were piled up in the corners of my apartments ; and merchants from Hind, Bagdad, and Khorassan came in bodies to exhibit their merchandise.

Considering that I was a party concerned in the embassy

* Nejd, the province in Arabia whence come the most celebrated horses. Gukluii, a tract of country amongst the Turcomans, famous for its horses.

now in contemplation, and that much of its credit or discredit would accrue to me from the nature of the presents by which it would be accompanied, I became very anxious to make a selection of slaves, whose good qualities being both agreeable and useful to the shah of England, might cement the good understanding between our respective states. Many of both sexes were brought to me, who had been taken from the harems and households of the principal men and merchants of Ispahan ; but few met with my approbation, because few were accomplished in the arts which I conceived would be prized among the Franks. I at length fixed upon one, a woman of Ethiopia, who had acquired the peculiar habit of living almost without sleep ; and when she did sleep, it was with her eyes open ; so, if placed at night at the door of the shah of England's chamber, she would keep watch better than the fiercest lion. She was also warranted not to snore ; a quality in a watching slave no doubt as much esteemed among the Franks as it is in Persia. I pitched, upon a second, who was celebrated for boiling rice well, and for her skill in composing provocatives ; so that whoever ate of her handiwork might be said to live twice as long as any other person ; and this I thought wag the highest compliment that could be paid to a crowned head, who ought, in justice and consistency, to live twice as long as other mortals. To these, as a specimen of the bodily strength of our Eastern subjects, I added a pehlivan, or prize-fighter, a negro whose teeth were filed into saws, of a temper as ferocious as his aspect, who could throw any man of his weight to the ground, carry a jackass, devour a sheep whole, eat fire, and make a fountain of his inside, so as to act as a spout.

These I was lucky enough to secure ; but the attainment of that jewel in our eyes, an accomplished guardian over the honour of the weaker sex, was not of such easy acquisition. Few harems at Ispahan are of sufficient consequence to be superintended by such persons, for they are the appendages of princely state, and of those upon whom the riches of the world have been plentifully showered. My enquiries were extended to Shiraz, where the prince

B 4 governor of that place, celebrated for the magnificence of his harem, maintained several : but who could dare to insist upon his relinquishing one, merely for the convenience of infidels ? I despaired of hearing of any thing which might suit my views, when my emissary in the city assured me that he had obtained intelligence of one whose hideous aspect was all that I could desire, and whose price was beyond rubies and diamonds. He was reported to be the most vindictive, spiteful, and inexorable of his species, as watchful as a lynx, and as wary as a jackal. But to gain possession of him would require some art, since he was the property of the head of the law of Ispahan, an old, decrepit, and jealous man, whose numerous wives, it was said, made him eat more abomination in the course of a day than did all the reverses common to mortals in the course of a year.

I very soon found that my applications to obtain him were useless, for I had to treat with a man of considerable influence ; and as I knew that it was the wish of the shah to keep well with the interpreters of the law, I did not press so immediate a compliance to the orders contained in my firman as I might have done. However, I thought it right to despatch a, courier to the grand vizier with the intelligence, requesting that a special command might be sent to give up this prize into my hands, and to have it strongly stated, that none but the person in question was fitted to fill the high post of guardian over the wives of the shah of England.

This instrument soon produced its effect. The head of the law, with despair in his heart, heightened by jealousy, at length submitted to part with his treasure, and Murwari, or the Pearl, for that was his name, was delivered over into my custody. For the information of the curious, I must take the liberty of describing a specimen of such rare and precious deformity. In the first place, he had a head of enormous size, placed upon a thin shrivelled neck, that seemed by much too slender a pedestal for its support. The face was composed of a succession of wrinkles, which festooned over his features in folds of loose skin. The eyes, large, watery, and bloodshot, possessed the heavy

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dulness peculiar to the snake. The nose was merely an indication of that feature; but the mouth was that upon which the value of the deformity principally rested, for it was more a rent than an opening, the lower lip falling prone upon the chin, showing an inside of flesh seemingly on the brink of mortification. In short, MCirwari was perfection. His voice was more like a croak than any other sound ; and, altogether, when his features were set into motion, and when, at the same time, he exerted his lungs, it is positive that no woman, be she demon or angel, could ever for one moment dare to oppose him.

My assortment of slaves being complete, I soon collected the remainder of the presents, and then made my preparations for returning to Tehran. The governor and I had succeeded much beyond our most anxious expectations, for the surplus which we had managed to secure to ourselves was very handsome, all things considered ; and I found the grand vizier's words verified ; for, as the reader may recollect, he had forewarned me that this part of my commission could not fail of being beneficial to my interests. I determined to hoard this piece of good fortune as a provision against future want, and, instead of laying it out in vanities, and in preparations for a journey to the infidels, to bury it many gez deep, well secured in sealed bags, in some safe and secluded spot. None but myself should be acquainted with my secret ; and then, come what might, the day of necessity might overtake me, but it would find Hajji Baba provided against its severity.

Chapter III

THE NOTIONS OF PERSIANS AND ENGLISHMEN UPON SLAVES ARE FOUND TO BE AT VARIANCE. HAJJI BABA DESCRIBES AN IN- TERVIEW WITH THE ENGLISH ELCHI.

I reached the capital in safety with the presents ; my female slaves packed in baskets, my males on horse or mule- back; my carpets, shawls, and silks made up into bales impervious to rain ; and my precious stones, &c. well secured in my own trunks. I made my way at once to the vizier's house, where I landed the caravan; and having gained an immediate admittance to his presence, made myself welcome by a valuable present, which I freely assured him was all that our destinies had placed at my disposal, although certain mysterious sacks at the bottom of my yakdan, I knew, were laughing at his beard. I then gave him a long and faithful account of my proceedings.

He very scrupulously ascertained the amount of my offering before he paid attention to other matters ; and at length, having cheered me by the smile of satisfaction, and the corresponding compliment of "■ Hajji, your place has been empty," he then proceeded to inform me that the eminent and exalted Mirza Firouz, the intended ambassador, had not been idle during my absence, for he had been fully taken up in furnishing out his own state and retinue, and that all now to be done, previous to his departure, was to communicate with the English elchi upon the letters to be addressed to the king of the Franks and his court, and also to exhibit before him the different articles which had been selected for presents to his sovereign. No embassy, in modern times, had been sent from Persia to the infidels, and therefore we were anxious to produce as good an impression as possible upon their minds of the wealth, power, and ingenuity of our country.

The English elchi was invited by the grand vizier to visit him one morning, and Mirza Firouz was also ordered to be in attendance, when the whole of the presents should he displayed. No hint had yet been given of what they were to consist, and, excepting what he might have gathered from common report, he was supposed to be ignorant of that which he was about to see. He came, and was received in the dewankhoneh, or hall of audience; a ceremony seldom adopted by the grand vizier, who was an old man little given to show, but who thought it necessary on such an occasion to make a sort of official display. The curtain was drawn up and extended in front of the room, the fountain in the marble basin was made to spout forth its water, and bowls of fruit, cooled with ice, were spread upon the floor.

When the ambassador and his suite had taken their seats, and when they had been properly welcomed by the vizier, I, who stood at the farthest end of the apartment, was ordered first to present to the ambassador a list of the intended presents, and then to exhibit each article in rotation.

The slaves and Murwari, who were in attendance, were made to stand forward and range themselves in a row on the border of the basin. As soon as the elchi had looked at the list, he stopped at the first article, and exclaimed, " How is this ? Slaves ! — This cannot be — we allow of no slaves in England."

" What words are these?" said the vizier calmly; " you have no slaves ? Then how do you manage ? who serves you ?"

" We are all free in our country," said the ambassador, " and whoever comes there is free also."

" But, surely," said the vizier, " your shah must have slaves. A king without slaves ! Why, you might as well have a body without hands and feet. Who cooks for him? who attends him in the bath ? who watches over him when he sleeps ?''

'■ No," answered he, " our king has no more right to a slave than any one of his subjects. What you do by purchase we do by hire ; and, what is more, we not only do not allow of slavery in our own possessions, but our king is using his best influence to put it down in other states also."

" Indeed!" said the vizier, opening all his eyes and looking much astonished, " you surely cannot be so cruel ? What would become of the poor slaves if they were free ? Nothing can be happier than the lot of ours ; but if they were abandoned to their fate, they would starve and die. They are our children, and form a part of our family."

" But you have it in your power to destroy them."

" Destroy them !" exclaimed the vizier. " Who is fool enough to set fire to his own house? Who would willingly lose the price of his slave ?"

" At all events," answered the ambassador, " you can beat them at your pleasure, and no one can call you to an account for so doing."

" And what can hinder my beating any other servant, be he slave or not ?" said the vizier. " All ranks here partake of the stick, excepting the shah, (whom Allah in his mercy preserve !) from me, who am the vizier, to the court scullion ; and were it not for that, who could exist among such a set of madmen as we Persians are ?"

" But," said I, in great humility, iC if the ambassador did but know the qualifications of these slaves, I am sure he would not resist their proceeding to England. Under the protection of the one, the shah of England might sleep as securely from treachery as if he were watched by a lion ; and eating of the food prepared by the other, he would never die."

" Our manners are different to yours,'' answered the ambassador with great politeness. " Our shah, Heaven bless his majesty ! sleeps, like his subjects, in peace, — he wants no one to watch him, — he eats his food without the fear of poison, and puts as much trust in his cook as in his grand vizier."

" Then," said I, " here is the famous pehlivan. He is a complete Asfandiyar* ; a body of brass, and hands of

* Asfandiyar, the son of Kishtasp, in Persian history. He was called " Brazen-body " on account of his great strength, and is esteemed one of the Persian heroes.

iron ; you won't surely refuse him ? Such a man is necessary to the state of every shah, and here is one who has no equal ; with proper treatment he will fight any thing that may be opposed to him."

" Yes, by the grace of Allah !" exclaimed the first minister, " whatever is of Frank origin, he would soon annihilate it. He is an animal to keep in a stable."

"We have our pehlivans too,*' said the ambassador; " but if they were to be deprived of their liberty, would lose their strength. No, we cannot admit of slaves, and therefore I cannot agree to receive even this one as a present to our shah."

" Oh, this is most wonderful ! " did we all exclaim. Every Persian looked astonished ; and Mirza Firouz seemed vexed at being deprived of the advantage of making presents, which, in our eyes, were expected to ensure the success of the embassy.

" Well, but you won't refuse this," said the vizier, pointing to Murwari, — " this, who is without a price, — who has not his equal, — which even our king, the Asylum of the World, cannot boast of possessing."

" Our king is in no want of such an officer," said the ambassador ; " we do not even know what the office means, much less what is its use."

" No !" said the vizier ; " but your king has his wives, in the name of the blessed Mahomed ! and, therefore, he must have guardians to superintend them. No women can exist without guardians" (looking round him at the same time, to gather the approbation of the bystanders), '• no more than an orchard can be safe without its walls." " What words are these?'' was echoed by every one present, this being a matter of such common acceptance as not to be doubted, until they were stopped by the English amba^sulor saying, —

'• Our king has only one wife, and the whole of his government are guardians over her good conduct ; they are his Murwaris."

Upon this speech all the Persians laughed, and cried out, " Ln illiihuh illalluh ! there is but one God !"

" How," said the vizier, "only one wife? Then what

14 HAJJl BABA

is the use of his being king ? Suppose he gets tired of her, what then ?"

" How can I explain," said the elchi, " that which to you must be so difficult of comprehension ? Women have frequently been our sovereigns. The meaning which we apply to the wife of your shah, and to an English queen, are totally different."

" It is plain," said the vizier, after weighing the subject in his mind, " that there is great difference between our customs and yours. Women here are counted as nothing. We put no trust in them. We look upon them as entirely devoted to the use of man ; and you might as well expect the tiger to do homage to the lamb, as to see a Persian submit to be ruled by a woman. No, no, the kizzilbash only submits to the brave — he who wields the sharpest sword. The sword ! the sword !" exclaimed the grand vizier, making a horizontal motion with his hand at the same time ; " 'tis the sword which governs us ; there is nothing like a gcvd zualfaker "*

" But, in the name of the Prophet, tell me,'' said Mirza Firouz to the ambassador, " your shah must have more women belonging to his household than this one wife ? He must have his dancing and singing women, — the keeper of his clothes, — his story-tellers, to set him to sleep, — his watchers at the door, — his private cooks, — besides, the chief wife, the Banou of the harem — she must be waited upon ; and if she has children, they must be served by women ; and all these women together require the control and superintendence of such persons as Murwari. You cannot make us believe that the women of your country are so different from ours, that they are left without proper spies and guardians over them."