A Neglected Privilege. The story of a modern woman, etc

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BY THE SAME AUTHOR A LATE AWAKENING Ward, Lock, a?id Bowden, Lid, A Neglected Privilege She found him sitting at the table with a confusion of books and papers before him 4 Neglected Privilege.] Page 12. A NEGLECTED PRIVILEGE THE STORY OF A MODERN WOMAN BY t MAGGIE SWAN Author of 'A Late Awakening,' etc. ' We shall one day see that the most private is the most public energy . . . that grandeur of character acts in the dark and succours them who never saw it.' — EMERSON. WITH TWO FULL PAGE ILLUSTRATIONS BY STEPHEN REID WARD, LOCK, & BOWDEN, LIMITED LONDON, NEW YORK, & MELBOURNE MDCCCXCVI \_All rights reserved'] CONTENTS CHAP. PAGE i. jessie blair 9 ii. speculating on the future . . 21 111. elsie's homecoming .... 34 iv. forbidden fruit 46 v. the end of the dilemma . . . 65 vi. an unexpected interruption . . 76 vii. in a strait betwixt two . . . 90 viii. elsie matches wits with miss meldrum ios ix. relinquished hope . . . . 117 x. the wooer's success . . . 1 29 xi. a welcome visitor .... i4i xii. an unsatisfied heart . . . 1 55 xiii. miss meldrum wins home . . . 171 xiv. chafing against circumstances . . 1 86 xv. a widening breach .... 203 xvi. an unwise influence . . . 21 6 xvii. a cruel disappointment . . . 228 xviii. the bitter end 243 xix. a journey and its destination . * . 258 xx. ' knowledge by suffering entereth.'

Chapter I Jessie Blair

' God did anoint thee with His odorous oil. To wrestle, not to reign.' E. B. Browning. ' I suppose, Miss Jessie, you expect me to say that I am delighted to hear of A'our sister's home-coming, but, unfortunately, I cannot say so with any sin cerity. I haA-e depended so much on your com panionship from the first that the prospect of another stepping in to claim your time and attention, is far from agreeable to me.' Charles Gordon expressed himself with more decision than he was wont to show on any occasion, and while be spoke, looked wistfully into the face of the woman beside him. He had just stepped out of the surgerv. Avhere, under the supervision of his superior and colleague. Dr Blair, he had been busy for the last half-hour making up drugs to carry with him on his rounds. Observing that the doctor's coachman Avas just in process of yoking the cob into the dogcart, and at the same time catching sight of Miss Jessie Blair in the garden, he concluded that the few minutes he would have to wait, might be profitably employed in the latter's society. 1 SomehoAv, though Elsie is supposed to be coming home for good now, I do not think she will ever settle here,' was the response made to Charles Gordon. ' When Ave were at school together in Edinburgh, she always dreaded the holidays, because she said she never knew hoAv to put in the time at home.

She has been five years in London noAv — three years at school and two Avith Aunt Sophy. During that time she has only been home once for a feAv weeks — Avhen mamma died.' ' She must be very different from you, Miss Jessie, in every Avay. You like Pathhead, don't you ? in spite of its quietness,' he said. ' I love it,' was the quick response, ' and have never Avished to exchange it for any other. Perhaps it is Avell that my aspirations never reached beyond it, as they did in Elsie's case, for it Avould not have been easy for me to relinquish the privilege of satisfaction to her, as I Avould probably have been compelled to do.' ' Why so ? ' he queried. ' I understand that you are the elder, and naturally any privilege which could not be shared by both would fall to you.' ' Not necessarily ; at least such a rule was never adhered to by our parents,' replied Jessie, with a note of regret in her voice. ' HoweA'er,' she added hastily, ' let us drop the subject in the meantime, and, Avhat is at present more to the point, will you be calling at Miss Meldrum's this morning, for if so, you might tell her that she may expect a visit from me this afternoon.' ' I had no intention of going to the old lady's to-day, but I can easily do so, as I shall be passing through Ford anyhoAv.

And now I must be off, for Adam will be Avaiting — Good-morning.' Jessie stood to watch him as he crossed the garden, and before entering the house he turned, and smiling back to her, raised his hat. An answer ing smile rose to her OAvn lips, and her face filled with a certain softness Avhich changed it marvellously — her expression was too often one of care and anxiety, and a habit of draAving her brows together had contracted lines for which time was in no Avay accountable. She Avas twenty-four, but she looked at least three years older. There was nothing girlish or undeveloped about her. She was altogether a woman, and one to Avhom the cares and responsibilities of womanhood had long been a matter of course. She had a straight, robust figure, a little above medium height, and her face, when she glanced up as she was doing now, Avith a smile on her lips and a light in her eyes, Avas a par ticularly attractive one.

She had been employed cutting a basketful of floAvers to decorate the house, Avhen Charles Gordon interrupted her, so she noAv proceeded Avith the task, and a few minutes later, stepped indoors. She Avent first to the surgery to see if her father was still there, and she found him, as she had anticipated, sitting at the table with a confusion of books and papers spread out before him. — Dr Blair was an old man, having entered on his seventieth year, and that for him life Avas practi cally over Avas evident at a glance. During his early manhood and his prime, he had used himself unsparingly in the pursuit of his profession, and though he had in this way made himself the most popular doctor in the country-side for miles around, he had also exhausted himself prematurely. For some time previous to his wife's death, his failing strength had betrayed itself.

It was said that the nature of his wife's illness preyed upon his mind, for she suffered from a curious disease which had baffled the skill of more than one noted physician. It was the case, hoAvever, that a few months after her death he collapsed utterly. One morning Jessie found him lying on the floor of his bedroom in a deep swoon, Avhich at first seemed to her to be death itself. He recovered himself to a certain degree, and for a time endeaA-oured to go on Avith his professional duties as he had done hitherto, but these sudden faintings became of such frequent occurrence that he grew alarmed and went to consult an Edinburgh physician on the subject. He was told Avhat he had secretly dreaded himself, that he must give up his profession entirely, unless he Avished to cut short in a feAv months a life which might yet be extended over some years.

To a man of his nervous, energetic temperament, such a step seemed out of the question, so he advertised instead for an assistant and successor, with the result that Charles Gordon was chosen to fill a post which was no sinecure. Dr Blair still continued to visit several of his old patients, and they, out of courtesy to him and respect for his skill in the past, pretended to accept his advice, Avhile they privately consulted his colleague. It was the case that his judgment could not now be Avholly relied upon. These frequent faintings indicated weakened brain power, and Charles Gordon, unaware at first of his superior's incapacity, was repeatedly shocked by the mistakes he made in his professional work. After a brief experience, however, he saw that it would be necessary to take the entire responsibility into his own hands.

This he did with an amount ol tact and good nature which few could have shown in his position, for the old man Avas quite un conscious of his impaired faculties and tenacious of his own authority. In his prime the latter had been a tall, handsome man, but of late years he had shrunk into small compass and presented a very shadowy appearance. His figure was attenuated, his face colourless, and his thin hair bleached to a snowy Avhiteness. When Jessie entered the surgery he started nervously and looked up with an eager questioning glance. ' Surely you have had a busy morning, father ? ' she said, assuming a cheerful tone, ' don't you think it is quite time you were resting a bit noAv ? ' ' Resting ! ' he repeated, scornfully. ' No, not likely. I have done nothing this morning yet, except mix up a feAv drugs, and disagree with Gordon over the best way to treat Mary Cameron's case.

He is a strong-headed fellow, that Gordon, if he once takes an idea of a thing there is no putting him past it. But I suppose all young men are alike noAv-a-days, and I've got as good as there is to be had.' ' Perhaps Dr Gordon's method of treatment may be quite as efficient as yours, though it is a different one,' suggested Jessie. ' The medical school has changed since the days of your training, father, and surely you will admit it has adA-anced in many respects.' 'As far as my experience goes, the old methods prove always the safest,' was the reply. ' So I have warned Gordon not to try any of his new-fangled schemes on Mary till I give him permission. I have been reading up her case here, and what he pro poses to do, seems to me to be the most effectual way of killing instead of curing her.' ' Poor Mary, I fear she will have her own to bear between you,' laughed Jessie. ' And now, father, let me shut up your books in the mean time.

I want you to come out into the garden and see how finely your vegetable marrows are thriving.' ' Why, Jessie, I have quiet forgotten about them these last few days, you should have reminded me,' he exclaimed, starting up with a childish eager ness of manner. ' I was so anxious too, to see how much progress they would make every day.' ' You did not forget, father, don't you re member we looked at them yesterday morning, as we always have done every day,' she returned. ' Did we ? strange how I cannot recall our having done so, but I have so many things on my mind, dear, it is no wonder I forget such trifles.' While he spoke, he took the cap which Jessie held out to him, and they stepped out into the garden to gether. This was part of the programme, which, every morning for nearly two years, had been repeated with more or less variety, and continued on similar lines during the day.

Necessarily the most of Jessie's time was occupied with her father, and though she would have been the last to assert the fact, it meant for her a constant round of self-denial. ' I wonder if we will find much difference in Elsie when she comes home this time,' she said addressing her father. ' Elsie ! does she say she is coming home ? ' he returned, absently. ' Oh, father, have you forgotten already about the letter we had this morning ! ' exclaimed Jessie looking into his face with eyes of keen concern. She had not even yet grown accustomed to the change which his illness had wrought in him. 1 No, no, now that I think of it, I remember the child's letter,' he added hastily. 'Next Monday, isn't it ? she expects to be home. You must not let me forget to send Adam with the dogcart to B A Neglected Privilege meet her at Eskbank.

It would be dreadful if the poor thing arrived and no one there, when she has been aAvay from us so long. Dear me, how those marrows have grown ! Surely you are mistaken, Jessie, it must have been several days since I saAv them last.' Bending down, he made a careful examination of the vegetables, completely for getting in his enthusiasm over their growth the arrival of his long absent daughter. Gardening had always been a hobby of his, and it was a relief to Jessie to see that his illness had in no way diminished the taste. ' It is such a fine morning this, Jessie, that I think I could not do better than spend an hour or two out here,' he continued. ' I meant to go over to Crichton Mains, but somehow I don't feel able for much to-day. Gordon will call in the after noon.' ' Would it not be wiser, father, to give up the work entirely to him — then you would be free from anxiety or concern of any kind ? ' she said gravely. ' It will come to that soon now, I am Aveaning myself by degrees,' he replied, then added hastily, as if averse to continuing the subject, ' This garden seems to want an extraordinary amount of looking after, but Adam just daAvdles his time here unless he has me at his elboAv.' 'May I have two or three of your duchess roses for the glasses ? they will never be missed,' she said. ' Cut the duchess roses !

No, Jessie, I don't think I can,' was the prompt reply. ' How are they looking to-day ? ' he continued, turning aAvay to inspect the rosebed. Jessie stood still and waited. 'Here, then, is one or two,' he said, after a few minutes. ' Noav go away and don't be asking any more. You have enough flowers in your basket to fill every dish in the house.' ' Thank you, father ; no, I won't ask any more,' she replied, smiling, but when she turned away to enter the house her face grew suddenly grave. At the door she paused, and stood looking wistfully all about her. ' Only one more week,' she reflected, ' then every thing will be changed. If we were like other sisters I would be glad that she is coming home, but as it is, I am not glad — no — I am not glad. What, I wonder, will she deprive me of this time ?

She has won the most of life's gifts from me, but there is still one to take. Oh God, grant she may not rob me of the last that remains ! ' Her lips trembled, and a passionate light filled her eyes. The whole aspect seemed to change under the influence of these thoughts, but that they were not beyond her control was quickly evi denced. In another moment she passed into the house, looking so self-possessed and calm that none could have dreamed that any disturbing element was at work within her breast. So we daily veil our true selves from the observing eyes that sur round us. Perhaps, could Ave look into the hearts of those nearest to us, not one could say that life had in it aught that was dull or commonplace. The simplest souls have their own tragedies to play.

Chapter II Speculating On The Future

' Enough ! I will not play the seer ; Thy destiny remains untold.' LONGFELLOW. The country looked A-ery lovely on this July after noon, and as Jessie Blair stepped out of doors, she paused for a moment to scan the Avide panorama stretching for miles beyond her view. The village stood high, and was composed of one long narrow street, the majority of the houses being two-storied dwellings with slated roofs. Here and there a white- Avashed red-tiled cottage peeped out from betAveen the latter, adding a bright touch to the greyness of the scene. At the foot of the village the road broke into tAvo, one part forming a broad highway which had been carried across the valley by means of a very fine arched bridge, the other running precipi tously down the steep incline, led on through the little hamlet of Ford.

It Avas the latter road Avhich Jessie Blair had in view, so passing out of the village, she made the descent into the valley. Despite the smallness of the hamlet, it boasted of a church of its own, a very modern structure which looked somewhat out of keeping with its surroundings. After crossing a Ioav stone bridge Avhich spanned a rippling burn she reached her destination, a picturesque old house, charming chiefly because of its antiquity. In an earlier century it had been the dAvelling place of a county family, and tradition had it that the Pretender had been housed here for a night, shortly after his arrival in Scotland. Its fame had diminished since these days. It Avas now the habi tation of a tenant of humble origin, but one Avho accorded so well Avith her surroundings, that she might have passed herself off as a veritable remnant of the old stock.

Jessie Blair had scarcely raised the rusty old knocker before the door was opened, and Miss Meldrum showed herself on the threshold. She was eighty years of age, but she had the figure of a woman of forty. She was wont herself to say that her shoulders were as straight noAv as they had been in the days of her youth. But her face Avas thin and shrivelled, her high cheek bones painfully prominent, and nose and chin drawn into almost immediate contact with each other. Age had not dimmed the lustre of her eyes, hoAvever, — they were of a nut-brown hue — and so clear and penetrating that nothing ever escaped their obser vation. She did not wear a cap, her hair was parted and brushed smoothly doAvn over her temples, and confined behind in a thick chenille net. Her ears Avere adorned with a pair of heavy gold earrings, the drops reaching almost to her shoulders.

Her dress was of brown russel-cord and reached only to her ankles, shoAving a very sub stantial pair of feet encased in clog shoes. The bodice of her gown did not correspond — it was of a bright shade of purple silk, lavishly trimmed with short black fringe. Its best days were long since past, probably it had been fashioned some fifty years ago. Her Avardrobe was large and varied, and ahvays strikingly antiquated. A tatted lace collar completed her costume this afternoon, with a narrow velvet ribbon threaded through it, and an immense cameo brooch fastening it at the throat. For fully thirty years she had maintained a solitary existence in the old house. Previously she had been a lady's maid in a gentleman's family, and had travelled over a considerable part of the country. 'I saw ye frae the Avindow, Miss Jessie, comin' doon the brae,' she exclaimed. ' I've been ex pectin' ye this last hour.

Yer lad lookit in for a meenit i' the mornin', an' he said ye Avere gaun to gie me a ca' the day.' ' My lad, Miss Meldrum, I didn't knoAv I had one,' laughed Jessie as she followed the old Avoman along the stone court to the inner door of the house. 1 Gae 'wa wi' ye, lass, fine ye ken ye hae ane, an' wha he is to,' Avas the quick response. 'I Avas very near speirin' him the day when the waddin' Avas to be, for I'm for nane o' yer hurry scurry affairs ; mind ye maun gie us time to save oor bawbees for a new goon.' ' Don't be afraid, Miss Meldrum, ' you'll have ample time to save your bawbees before such an event takes place,' returned Jessie Avith an indifference which the light in her eyes and the sudden flush on her cheek alike belied. 'You are feeling a bit stronger, aren't you?' she continued, Avhen they had entered the little sitting room which Miss Meldrum usually occupied. 'I meant to have come to see you before noAv, but something always happened to hinder me.

I knew, however, that you were tolerably well, or I should have heard to the contrary.' ' Oh ay, I've no been sae bad thae twa-three days past, though I maun say I was gey faur through yesterday,' responded Miss Meldrum seating herself in a chair by the fire after she had seen Jessie comfortably provided for. ' Sundays aye are ill days AA'i' me, I dinna ken what Avay. It was a wee shooery, so I didna gang oAver to hear Mr Nisbit. But to tell the rale truth it wasna a'thegither the rain that keepit me frae the kirk. I gied Mar'n Fraser my best bannet to alter last Aveek, and it cam' hame on Saturday nicht sic an unco like thing, I couldna think to put it on my heid, so I bade at hame an' tried to mak' the best o' mysel'. I read the Bible till my back Avas sair, syne I took up the newspaper.

A body wearies o' ae subjeck, an' there's a deal o' diversion i' the Weekly the noo, Avhat Avi' a' their ongauns in parli ment, an' the trial o' that scoondrel in Edinburgh. Frae a' accounts the world's in a gey throughither state the noo. I was jist sayin' to the doctor the ither day, when he gied me a ca' i' the passin', that him an' me's weel aff that'll sune be oot o it. An' by the way, hoo is he keepin', puir man ? he's fell often on the road the noo, he's surely no sparin' hissel' as he should.' 'He was feeling a little tired in tbe morning, and has not gone out to-day,' replied Jessie. 'I am always glad when he is content to stay at home ; it Avould be so much better for him to give up the Avork altogether. But I have brought a special bit of news for you to-day, Miss Meldrum. We have had a letter from Elsie, and she is coming home in a week, she says, to stay.' ' Weel, that is news !

Her hame-coming's been a lang thocht to her, surely,' said Miss Meldrum, with a flash of her bright eyes. 'It's been a wonder ment to mair than ane Avhat way she Avas bidin' on in London, but I ne'er fashed mysel' aboot it. I hae kent ye baith sin ye were bairns, ye see, an' as far as it was gaun to benefit either yersel' or ony body else, I thocht she Avas jist as Aveel awa'.' 'You are not the only one who thinks so, Miss Meldrum, responded Jessie with quiet decision, 'but I am trying very hard not to be selfish in the matter. It is ahvays a temptation to consider only one's own interest Avhen a change of the kind is impending.' ' Hoots, hoots, lassie, dinna you speak o' bein' selfish, or guid kens what's to be said o' the rest o' us,' interposed Miss Meldrum hastily. I'm no ane mysel' that believes in the doctrine o' giein' up a'thing ; Ave may be riddin' oorsel's o' selfishness, but at the same time we're jist takin' the sure Avay to pit it into ither souk.

IVe aye thocht frae the very first that ye Avere a' ower ready to gi'e Miss Elsie jist Avhatever she socht — ye maybe meant weel by it, but I misdoot me if it's no been ill. There na, I've vexed ye wi' my auld tongue. Think nae mair aboot it, Miss Jessie, an' i' the meantime Ave'll hae a cup o' tea ower the heid o't. I've been keepin my kettle on the bile this last hoor anent yer comin'.' Miss Meldrum rose to her feet as she finished these remarks, and proceeded to bustle about the room. The tea-making was always a special feature of a visit to the old lady. She generally began preparations whenever her visitor had stepped indoors, and in the course of an hour or so managed to have everything ready. The best china was taken doAvn from the corner cupboard, and though Jessie appreciated the honour thus shown to her, she Avould have preferred that which was in constant use, for the dust had been alloAved to accumulate on the cupboard cups, and, in the press of her other arrangements, Miss Meldrum invariably forgot to Avipe them.

She conversed, Avithout interval, during the process of tea-making, and in this way sometimes got a trifle confused about the measure ments from her caddie. Jessie ahvays waited Avith anxious curiosity to see what kind of liquid the teapot would giA'e forth, and it was a pure matter of chance if it did not happen to be one or the other extreme of weakness or strength. The house had a tendency to dampness, and being rheumatic, Miss Meldrum kept a fire burning in her sitting room even in summer weather. A tiny kettle was boiling energetically on the hob, and in course of time the beverage Avas infused and the table spread to satisfaction. Jessie was then requested to draw in her chair, and the sociable meal began. This afternoon the tea turned out to be a specially strong brew, and Jessie Avould fain have finished Avith one cup, but that in Miss Meldrum's eyes Avould ha\-e been an insult to hospitality, so she meekly submitted to a second filling. ' Ech me, lassie, but fortune has puttin' some thing mair than ordinar' in yer cup the day; let me see, now, let me see,' exclaimed Miss Meldrum excitedly, as her bright eyes eagerly scanned the curious arrangement of tea leaves in Jessie's cup. ' What for did ye let them rin into that shape ? ' she continued. ' There's naithing here for you but tears an' sorrow, and I canna see but what it's yer ain fau't. There's a Avoman here, an' a man, and the Avoman's beckonin' to the man to come awa' wi' her; but he's hingin' back as if he was sweir to gang.

Miss Jessie, whatever ye do, ye maunna let that sister o' yours rin aff wi' yer lad. He's for you an' naebody else — if ony ither body gets him, they'll be gettin' what's no their ain.' Jessie's face crimsoned, and her eyes assumed a pained startled expression. ' Oh, Miss Meldrum, I wish you would not say such things to me. It is unwise to accept with such certainty, what is at best only a shadoAvy probability,' she said Avith an effort. ' Please do not read any more of my cup to-day. I am in too sober a mood to see the fun of it, and that is the only meaning we should ever attach to such fanciful ideas.' 'Very Aveel, my lassie. It's plain there's some thing unco' amiss wi' my tongue the day, for this is the second time I've had a mishap wi' it,' quickly returned Miss Meldrum. ' But I'll tak' yer advice an' say nae mair on the subjec' the noo.

Tak' a bit cake, Miss Jessie, it's Glesca' makin'. My niece sent it to me a week syne alang wi' some ither things. Davie an' her are keen to keep in wi' me ye ken, they've an e'e on my twa-three bawbees, but dod ! they needna fash theirsel's. It'll maybe tak' a' I hae to keep me gaun, gin I live muckle langer. It's an aAvfu' Avorld this ester a'. Fouk 'ill dae onything for ye gin they think ye hae a pickle sillar in yer pooch. That's the warst o' no ha'in' a man an' bairns o' yer ain. When ye come to be auld there's aye sic a riff-raff o' far-awa' frien's shovin' their noses into yer affairs, to see what's gaun to come their way.' ' This is the first time I have ever heard you OAvn that there were any drawbacks in being an old maid,' laughed Jessie in the midst of her en deavours to dispose of a huge piece of cake, which her hostess had laid on her plate. 'That may be, Miss Jessie, for ye ken he's a puir man that misca's his ain mare, and if the single state has its fau'ts, it's no me that's gaun to pro claim them.

I've aye a fell time o't wi Jeems Wilson when I gang ower to Mountskip. He's an awfu' man for banter, ye ken, an' ihe's aye on me what way I never mairrit. But I jist tell him that if I'm an auld maid, I'm ane o' my ain choosin'; at least it was this way wi' me, that them that wad hae me, I wadna hae them, an' them that I wad hae, wadna hae me. I dinna ken what better reason a body could gie, but men souks a' think that a woman '11 tak' ony puir like crater raither than be an auld maid.' ' I would like to have seen the man who made up to you, Miss Meldrum,' added Jessie. ' Father used to say that when you came home to Old Vogrie you kept them all at a distance.' ' A wheen silly gowks ! What was I gaun to do Avi' ony o' them ! ' exclaimed Miss Meldrum, scornfully. 'But some o' them hae turned oot no sae bad.