Uneven Ground

Chapter I

On one of the earliest days of May, in the late afternoon, when an east wind was sweeping through the streets, and the leaden sky and backward vegetation mocked the very name of the month which poets have deified, Hugh Dering brought his wife to Minstercombe. He had given up his bachelor lodgings on his marriage, and had taken a house in what was justly considered one of the most desirable situations in the town. It was called Church Green, from the fact that a broad piece of sward, beautifully kept, lay just across the road, and that, through an opening in the row of tall elms which flanked it on the further side, the grand outline and high spire of St. Mary's Church rose against the sky. The church had stood there VOL. III. B for several hundred years, and before the abbey which lay beside it was destroyed by the ruth less hand of Henry VIII., who was as false to his religion as to his wives, many a long pro cession of monks must have moved beneath its lofty arches and worshipped at the massive altar where now knelt Sunday after Sunday the professors of a faith which had supplanted theirs.

There was something monastic still about the atmosphere of the Church Green — a few remains of the ruined abbey, a broken pillar or a crumbling arch were still to be seen, while the beautiful cloisters with their exquisite sculpture and delicate tracery stood almost unimpaired on the right of the sward, and formed a covered way through which the dwellers in the neighbouring houses could reach St. Mary's on the wettest days without braving the rain for more than a moment. It was altogether a very quiet, picturesque spot, with an old-world air of peace about it ; and after looking at many houses and holding several consultations with Miss Walton, who was his chief adviser in the matter, Hugh fixed upon one of the quaint residences facing the elms, in preference to the larger and more pretentious dwellings in the principal streets of the town.

He thought there was a faint country reminiscence about the situation which would be appreciated by a girl unaccustomed to bricks and mortar. Almost immediately after the decision his marriage had taken place, and, as far as he could do so within the limits of his means, he had left Miss Walton carte blanche to furnish and arrange the house, so that it should bear its brightest and most homelike aspect upon their return from abroad. He looked round a little anxiously this evening as he led Nell through a square hall paved with tiles into the drawing room. It was a rather large, low room, panelled half-way up the walls in oak, and with a quaint carved mantelpiece of the same material reach ing almost to the ceiling. The walls were deli cately tinted to relieve the gloom of the dark wood, and a few choice specimens of Bartalozzi and Wynne Ryland's engravings hung upon them.

There were flowers on the tables, and volumes carefully chosen in the low book-cases which stood on each side of the fireplace, while the curtains which draped the long windows and the chintz on the chairs scattered about the room harmonized well with the subdued colour ing of the carpet and panelling. Nell looked pale and dejected, and had scarcely spoken since she had left the station, but her face lightened a little as she entered the room. " How very pretty ! " she said, turning to Hugh. " How kind of Miss Walton to have taken so much trouble ! " He looked much pleased. " Would you like to take a glance at all the different little things," he said eagerly, " and then run round the rest of the house ? " But the brightness had already faded, and the listless expression returned to her counte nance.

" Not now," she said wearily ; " I am so tired and so cold." And she sank down on the sofa near which she was standing and closed her eyes. She was in truth very weary. They had started early ; she had been travelling all day, and during the latter part of the journey, had been struggling with the emotions which the return to her own country and the prospect of arriving at the home she was to occupy, probably for her whole life, had excited; It seemed so hard that pain, not pleasure, should be her dominant sensation, and more than once as they neared Minstercombe it was all she could do to preserve her calmness. She felt incapable of any further exertion now ; to lie utterly passive and not to break down was the utmost she could attempt. Dering said nothing. He stirred the fire into a brighter blaze and carefully wrapped a shawl about her.

There was a look of longing love in his eyes as he bent over her, but he did not even smooth her hair or touch her hand ; he watched her silently for perhaps a minute and then walked to the window. It was a stormy evening : the branches of the elms, still almost leafless, shook and tossed in the biting wind ; grey masses of cloud, through which not a trace of blue was visible, hurried across the sky as though they were the spirits of some angry power ; while against the gloomy background St. Mary's rose dark and massive, its beauty scarcely seen in the fading light, its stern strength alone visible. There was scarcely a human being in sight ; now and then a work man returning from his day's toil slouched wearily across the green, or a homeless dog ran towards the cloisters and was lost to view.

But that was all. Hugh involuntarily shivered at the dreary prospect outside, and when he turned back into the room, now fast darkening, the shadows seemed almost to fill it, and to fall heavily over the form of Nell, where she still lay motionless upon the sofa. This was his home-coming, this was his return with his bride. That night, long after Ellinor had gone to bed, Dering sat late in the room which was to be his study and consulting room. Twelve and one o'clock struck, but, tired as he was, he felt no inclination to leave the chair in which he was passing his time in a meditation full of sadness and even of dread. He had now been married three months, and though in our everyday career three months may be a short time, yet if a great change has come into our lives it often seems very long.

Already doubts of the wisdom of the step he had taken were troubling his mind, as they had indeed done before four weeks had closed. Nell's health was certainly improved ; there were moments when, in the glorious sunshine and lovely scenery of Italy, a flash of her past joyousness had returned, and a keen interest animated her as she travelled through the old towns of the north, lingered in Padua and Verona, or floated day after day amidst the decaying splendours of Venice. Youth must assert itself. Nell was verj* young, and fresh ideas were being perpetually borne in upon a mind which was still at that plastic age when the impressions can leave their permanent mark. Any one who had seen her six months before would have said that there was now a mental and bodily vigour which had been wanting then, but Hugh felt as if she was further away from him than in those days.

Then he was her comforter and support, his presence was always eagerly looked for, and when her burden became intolerable she laid a portion of it upon him ; now he saw with a bitter pang that in her moments of deepest despondency solitude was what she craved and sought for, and he also realized that this was inevitable. She was his wife. How was it possible that she could speak to him of her love and regret for another man ? It was her plain, obvious duty to hide every such feeling from him, and to feign a cheerfulness she did not feel ; each instinct of delicacy in a woman's nature would teach her that confidences such as those which existed between them in the past could never exist again, that she would not even wish them to do so ; but the fact created a barrier between them, impalpable truly, but not the less real.

She had had no love to give him when she became his wife. Hugh felt with anguish that across this barrier which marriage had erected the chances were that no love would ever pass. He must be less to her than he had been, and if so, how galling would the tie become that bound her to him. He remembered a day in Florence — they had not gone further south, Nell shrank from even an allusion to Rome ; but in this fairest of the northern cities they had lingered some two or three weeks, and in spite of the past aud its memories they were weeks of decided enjoyment to Ellinor. Their stay was almost over, and on the last afternoon they walked together up the Lung Arno, looking into the marble and mosaic shops and deciding upon their final purchases, when along the street towards them, driven at a rapid rate, came an English-built phaeton, in which a lady and gentleman sat side by side.

As it approached, the Derings looked up ; it needed no second glance to recognize the one and to guess at the identity of the second occupant of the carriage. As she saw the well-knit figure and calm features, and marked the caressing air too dearly remembered with which Cecil bent towards his companion, an expression of agony passed over Nell's face, and Hugh, as she leant heavily against him, thought she would have fainted. He led her home, and in her room, as he watched the trembling hands with which she removed her hat from her head, he tried to say some little word of sympathy, but under the changed circumstances it was very difficult for him to do so, and she absolutely shuddered as she heard. " Don't, Hugh ! " she exclaimed passionately ; "I cannot bear it; it is too humiliating. I was taken by surprise; but when people are startled, what they show is not always a true reflection of what they feel.

It will never happen again, and we will never speak of it." He was silent, but from that day the veil between them seemed to thicken. There was an anxious desire on her part, or he thought there was, to please him and to meet his wishes, as though she was trying to make amends for not feeling towards him as his wife should have done; and this species of submission tortured him. He longed for the little evidences of self-will and self-assertion which she had shown long ago, which she would have shown still if she had loved him, or even if he had continued to be the trusted friend of a year ago. Yet if there was anv wrong* in the matter he knew the fault was his, in that he had taken advantage of her pain with a false promise of peace. The sick person changes his position in the hope of finding relief, but while the disease continues no alteration of attitude can bring him ease.

The evil is within, not in the outward circumstances. There could be no cure effected by the measure which Nell had been induced to take. Hugh dimly felt, though he thrust back the feeling, that by it recovery was rendered still more difficult. In his intense love and eagerness to win her, he had not realized what the everyday life together must be, and even now he would not fully admit it. But as he sat there until the chill dawn crept into the room and filled it with a grey twilio-lit, he matured a plan of action, partly dictated by the unselfishness which, in spite of his one error, was a ruling characteristic of his nature, and partly by the stirrings of a vague remorse which had been scarcely absent from him since his wedding-day. He would leave her as free as possible, and intrude upon her as little as he could.

In all things he would be simply her friend, and through friendship, as time went on, and she grew more dependent upon him, he might perhaps gain a little love. But he would weary and trouble her with no caresses or expressions of devotion ; he would live in the hope — and his was a sanguine nature — that some day, of her own accord, she would draw nearer to him. He meant it for the best, but how often our best is God's worst ! On the top of one mistake he was laying another, and cementing the foun dation of the barrier that rose between them.

Chapter II

All things looked decidedly brighter when Nell came down to breakfast at nine o'clock the following morning, than they had done the previous evening. The storm had quite passed away, and the sun was shining through the dining-room window and lighting up the green enclosure, the old elms, and the great pile be yond them. Ellinor was unstinted in her praise of everything ; the poor child, feverishly anxious to do her duty, had taken herself to task for her indifference last night, and somewhat over did her satisfaction with her home and its sur roundings this morning. Hugh smiled a little sadly as he listened. He wished so much that she would be quite herself ; he did not care for the manifest effort which prevented his knowing how much she really felt. " Don't say you like everything, Nell, out of consideration for me," he said, trying to speak lightly.

" There are probably several altera tions you would wish to make ; for instance, I feel sure you think the dark red of that table cover swears at the green of the rest of the furniture." She coloured a little. *' Perhaps so," she answered ; " but where so much is nice, I don't want to begin by finding fault." He did not answer, and the instant breakfast was over he rose. " I must look over the books with Johnson," he said, " and go a regular round of visits this morning ; I don't think I can be back for luncheon. What shall you do with yourself all day ? " " Oh ! don't think about me," she replied. -- 1 shall have quantities of work, arranging and settling everything ; and Jim is sure to come in at one o'clock from the office. Dear old boy ! It seems ages since I have seen him." Hugh felt with a pang that she did not want him.

They had not been separated for a whole day yet since their marriage, and she seemed to experience a sensation of relief at the prospect. In truth, no such idea had entered her mind ; she knew that he must go, that his business necessitated that he should do so, and, aware of his constant consideration for her, she did not wish him to think that she should be dull with out him. Dering's thought was a morbid one, and yet he had a naturally healthy nature ; but circumstances such as his frequently engender morbidity. When the position in which we are placed is false, all things around us become gradually false also, and never is the game of cross-purposes more easily played than by per sons situated as this husband and wife were. As the door closed after him, Nell turned into the drawing-room.

She felt very listless and indifferent, but still she was faintly pleased with the pretty things around her, and touched by the kindness which had provided them. She was full of good resolutions and intentions, determined, whatever her own feelings might be, that Hugh's home should be happy, and giving him remarkably little credit for discern ment in reading what was passing in her mind. But after she had wandered once or twice round the room, the resolutions and intentions appeared a very heavy burden ; and as no one was by, she thought she might lay them down, and give up all effort, mental and bodily, for the moment. She was better than she had been, but far from really strong yet, and the moral acrobatic feats which she considered it her dutv to make, occasionally resulted in a fall of con siderable violence.

Yet, as she drew a low chair into the window and looked out over the quiet green towards the cloisters, her thoughts were not wandering to Rome and to Cecil, she was looking forward to meeting Jim, she was wondering when she sbould see her father, and how matters had gone on at home during her absence, and she was speculating on the different acquaintances she should have to make in Minstercombe — acquaintances whose portraits Hugh had somewhat unwisely drawn more truthfully than flatteringly, and whom she inwardly determined, with a want of knowledge of what would be required of a doctor's wife, to know as little of as she possibly could. Just as she had arrived at this wise conclu sion the door-bell rang, and almost before she had time to wonder who could be arriving at such an untimely hour, the little maid ushered Miss Walton into the room.

During her en gagement, Nell had seen the spinster several times, and had received a warm welcome into the old-world drawing-room of Abbots Close. She had been allowed to penetrate beneath the rough rind that Miss Walton usually presented to her acquaintances, and had seen how true a heart lay beneath it ; and since her arrival last night, she had felt gratefully pleased at the real trouble the old lady must have taken, to have had all things so thoroughly prepared for her reception. " Here I am," said Miss Walton, briskly, kiss ing Nell as she spoke, and then drawing a chair beside her without waiting for any invitation to be seated, " hours before you expected any body ; but all Minstercombe will probably be here this afternoon, and I couldn't come in at the tail of that mob ; it is quite enough to see them in my house or their own, without having to encounter them in other people's. I'm glad Hugh Dering's back.

I think the assistant's drugs are more dangerous than his ; at least people seem to have got ill quicker, and got well slower since he left ; but it may have been the result of the weather, which has been vile. Well, how did you like your tour ? " While making her rapid remarks the old lady surveyed Nell critically. There was a little more colour in her cheeks, a little less fragility in her figure, but beneath the smile with which she listened, there was the same expression which Miss Walton had noted sadly before the marriage, — that indescribable look of searching for something which has passed out of life. " I liked our tour very much," answered Ellinor, warmly, " and I also like very much indeed the house you have arranged for us. I am so much obliged to you, Miss Walton, for the immense trouble you have taken."

" Go on," said the spinster, resignedly, closing her eyes, " and let me know when you have finished. It was no trouble ; it amused me ; I liked it. But of course you have a bag of little, civil, grateful sayings, and it will weigh upon you until you have emptied it out ; so do it as quick as you can, like a good girl, and have done with it." " I won't say another word," said Nell, laugh ing, " and you don't know what you lose by my silence." •'That's right," answered Miss Walton, sitting up at once. " If everybody had acted on vol. m. c your plan, I believe I should have turned into a regular philanthropist long ago ; but thanks are such a bore to the giver and receiver, I could not undertake any line that would necessitate them. Why don't you alter the arrangement of the room ? I could only settle it after my own ideas ; but I am at least five and forty years older than you, and the views of that generation were very different from those of this.

Now the right thing is to put tables as far out of the way as you can, never make any use of them, and if one by accident is brought a little more forward, to crowd it so much with what they call knick-knacks (useless lumber), that there is no room for a book or a piece of work. Then, though the chairs are so low that an elderly person has very great diffi culty in getting out of them, there must be a footstool in front of each for the unwary to fall over. I pandered to that taste so far as getting the footstools went, but I put them all under the sofa ; you can pull them out and put them where you like." " I think you have settled the room beautifully," said Nell, gently ; " I don't want to alter anything. It seems very strange to come back to everyday life after wandering about for three months."

"More strange than pleasant," thought the old lady, looking sharply at her. " You see," continued Ellinor, " when I was moving about perpetually in that glorious scenery and those grand old towns, it all seemed like a dream, and now it is so odd being at home, and yet at home without father and the boys." She was unconscious of the revelation the words contained, not that there was any to Miss Walton, who had thoroughly gauged the whole state of the case in the hour when Dering had announced his engagement. " You will soon get used to that," she answered cheerily ; "it is more or less the feeling every girl has who comes from a large family ; and as to company, the only fear is you will have too much of it." " No, I shan't," said Nell, deliberately ; " from what Hugh told me, I don't think I should care for the Minstercombe parties, so I shan't go to them."

" Bless the child," ejaculated Miss Walton, " not go to them ? Why, if you don't, at the end of a year your husband won't have one of what they are pleased to call the best families on his books, and then, though you may still have bread, what will you do for your butter ? Imagine the Martins, and the Crews, and the Browns, and the Pratts, and all the rest of them, employ ing a doctor whose wife gave herself airs." " I don't give myself airs," said Ellinor, colouring hotly ; " it would be perfectly ridicu lous ; and such an idea never entered my mind." " Then don't act as if it did," replied Miss Walton, grimly. " If you turn your head away when you see me coming, I am justified in thinking don't want to acknowledge me ; they'll think the same if you refuse their invitations." " Then they will think very unjustly," said Nell, indignantly, " and so do you, Miss Walton.

Because I don't want to make a crowd of new acquaintances at once, that is no reason why I should doubt that they are better and wiser and nicer than I am. Besides, I must say you don't seem to care much about them yourself," she added, carrying the war into the spinster's country. " Come, come," answered the old lady, " don't let the good folk of Minstercombe divide us already. I do not care much about most of them, as you remark, though I have a kindly feeling for a few ; but you and I are in very different relations towards them. They would much rather not have me : the young people don't want a dry stick in the middle of green plants ; and if they did, I am quite indepen dent of them and can please myself without consulting them. But you are the wife of a professional man in their midst, a large part of whose income comes out of their pockets, and you will not only vex, but injure him if you refuse their hospitality.

I mentioned a year ; but long before that they will say, ' if we are not good enough for Mrs. Dering socially, we are surely not good enough for Mr. Dering to attend us in sickness.' The town swarms with general practitioners, every one of whom will be delighted to perform the exploit of jumping into your husband's place." Nell leant back and sighed. "My father never went to parties," she said. " I don't think he has dined out ten times, in my remembrance." " The positions are not the same," said Miss Walton. "Your father's is a purely country practice ; your husband is a doctor in a pro vincial town. Besides, my child, Mr. Dering will be much engaged, and as time goes on, you will want a little companionship. I don't care for Kathleen Martin " — she could never pronounce the name without a snort — " or Sophy Crewe ; but there are some nice sensible girls in Minstercombe, I assure you."

" I am certain there are— don't think I doubt it, dear Miss Walton, — but everything is so new, and somehow I shrink from strangers ; and I should have companionship enough if you would let me sometimes come over to you." " You will be ever welcome," said the old lady, a little pathetically; "but in the long run, like turns to like. To have the shadow of age always resting on young lives is as a heavy mist in summer — something unnatural and undesired. We expect it in November, not in June. You must keep your youth, my child." " I do not feel young," said Nell, quietly ; and though she smiled as she spoke, there was a ring of truth in her words. " I think I should have more sympathy with you than with the Minstercombe girls." " Well, you look juvenile enough, at any rate," answered the spinster, determined that at this moment no touch of sadness should enter into the conversation ; " and I have brought something to set off the prettiness which I suppose you will allow you possess."

As she spoke she drew from her pocket a leather case of the make and fashion of many years ago, and slowly opened it. On the satin, once white, but now yellow with age, lay a string of single pearls, moderate in size, but very pure in colour, and to them was attached a diamond heart, which flashed and glittered in the sunlight. " They are yours," she said, as she put the case into Ellinor's hands. " They belonged to my mother, and they have some few bright memories of my own round them. There is no one to whom I wish to leave them, and I like to think that they will be the ornaments you will wear in your married life." She is no true woman who, under thirty — I think, uncontradicted, a much later age might be mentioned, — does not appreciate a diamond or a pearl, and Miss Walton saw with pleasure how Nell's eyes sparked as she looked at her beautiful gift.

" How lovely ! " she exclaimed, with an enthusiasm which belied her renunciation of youth made five minutes before. " How per fect! Are they really for me? You are much, much too kind. How can I ever thank " By wearing them at a few of the parties you have no chance of escaping," said the spinster, " and looking prettier than any one else there ; but that you will do in any event. Good-bye. I can't dawdle any longer here. You know the way to Abbots Close. The oftener you come there the better ; and you can help me with my flowers, as you have none of your own." Miss Walton parted cheerfully with her young hostess, and walked briskly across the green ; but when she had reached the cloisters through which her road home lay her pace slackened involuntarily. Just as she passed out of them she met Hugh hurrying quickly along, a look of thoughtful care clouding his face.

He paused as he saw his friend ; but though he shook hands warmly with her, it was clear that he had no desire to linger. " Welcome home, Mr. Dering," she said, with a smile. " Even though you have rushed into work so quickly, you can't spare five minutes for a chat with an old woman ! She still is very glad to see you back." He coloured slightly. " I am coming to pay you a long visit soon," he said, cordially. " But when one has put one's neck into the collar, one can't too soon begin pulling the load along. I find there is lots to do, and it will take more than this week or next to weave all the ravelled ends into my life again." " While you are about it," she answered significantly, " you must not forget that there is other material woven into it now. You must not let these lines cross it and spoil the pattern.