Froggy; or, My Lord Mayor. A story, etc

Front matter

As there are numerous personalities herein, I think it zvell to state that they do not refer to any persons now living. The Author. A Story of the Trials of Office BY CHARLES JAMES SCOTTER LONDON: PUBLISHED BY The Leadenhall Press, Ltd : 50, Leadenhall Street, E.C. Simpkin, Marshall, Hamilton, Kent £s Co., Ltd : New York : Charles Scribner's Sons, 153-157, Fifth Avenue. THE LEADENHALL PRESS, LTD 1 LONDON, E.C. T. CONTENTS. CHAPTER PAGE I. The Proudest Day of Mr. Bobb's Life II. Take your Wife's Advice— when it's Good 9 III. IV. Mainly about Malice and Slander 18 Concerning Poor Relations 27 V. Bench and "Bunkum" VI. An Affair of Love 36 45 VII. VIII. Love laughs at Bars, Bolts, and Lord Mayors 55 Mr. Bobb goes in Bodily Fear, all owing to Milk 66 V> 86 99 IX. Anxious Moments X. An Ordeal and its Result XI.

XII. Mr. Bobb collapses Grupp comes to the Rescue io8 XIII. XIV. XV. A Mysterious Visitor "9 Surprise and Dismay 128 Pity the Sorrows of a Lord Mayor '38 XVI. Mr. Bobb receives Another but Less Interesting Visitor '47 XVII. A Novel Invention is introduced to the Notice of Mr. Bobb ... '57 VI CONTENTS. CHAPTER PACE XVIII. A Proposal and what came of it ... ••• 167 XIX. Mr. Bobb is offered Assistance of a Kind WHICH DOES NOT APPEAL TO HIM ... ... 177 XX. An Unexpected Return ... ... 188 XXI. Mr. Bobb on himself ... ... ... 198 XXII. Mr. Bobb receives a Fresh Shock ... 208 XXIII. " And they lived Happy Ever Afterwards " 219 XXIV. "Good Old Bobb !" ... ... ... FROGGY; OR, MY LORD MAYOR.

Chapter I. The Proudest Day Of Mr

BOBB'S LIFE. ' I "HERE was pride, joy, and exultation in the ■*■ breast of Mr. Benjamin Bobb one particular afternoon in the month of October, for had he not been elected Lord Mayor of the City of London ? Did he not stretch his little cocoanut head an inch or two higher in the world ? Wasn't it observed that his chest had expanded beyond its normal proportions ? and, speaking generally, was it not the subject of remark that Mr. Bobb's whole bearing was that of a man who was keenly alive to his own importance, and desired that his friends should share the same view in a pious and respectful spirit ? It is true that Mr. Bobb had his detractors. But what great man hasn't ? Some people asserted that i; ' H FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. he was not a fit and proper person to assume the office of Chief Magistrate of the City of London ; and while wanting the courage to openly state the grounds for their conviction, were not above making dark, sinister, and mysterious allusions to Mr. Bobb's past connection with a certain Patent Pill Company, which had come to an untimely end.

Others — of course, enemies — had contemptuously nicknamed him " Shortcloth " — an indirect reference to a charity with which he was identified, and in con nection with which a rumour had been industriously circulated, that he had provided all the boys with short suits of clothes, although the funds placed at his disposal had not rendered it incumbent that any economy should have been observed in this direction. Mr. Bobb met these blows in the dark as any right-minded man would have done. He treated them with contempt and scorn. He declined to fight a foe who lurked in a secret hiding-place, to lay him self open to be stabbed by an enemy whom he could neither reach nor punish. "No," said Mr. Bobb, "let the men who accuse me come out into the open, let them stand before me in the light of day, and I shall know what to do, and how to do it."

There were people, too, who objected to Mr. Bobb THE PROUDEST DAY OF MR. BOBB'S LIFE. 3 as Lord Mayor, on the ground that he was vulgar and uneducated, and, in support of this contention, the story was passed from mouth to mouth that the outgoing Mayor had called upon him one day at his warehouse, and found him eating bread and cheese and onions. " Fancy," these nice-minded people said, " a Lord Mayor who sits down to a lunch of bread and cheese and onions ! The man must be a perfect Hottentot ! Mayor, indeed ! He wasn't fit to black the shoes of one ! " And look at his "h's" too — or rather, watch how he dropped them — and when, in the endeavour to be particular, he supplied one here or there, how ludicrous was the result ! Didn't every one remember, in connection with this matter, the celebrated occasion of the opening of the picture gallery ?

How could one ever forget it ? Didn't Mr. Bobb make a speech after luncheon in which — so it was asserted — he dragged in some vulgar and uninteresting allusions to his younger days — to his liking for chalk and paints — and to his inability to make any distinction between a cat and a calf? As though any one cared to hear such twaddle, or doubted what a fool the man had been as a boy ! Well, didn't he " ope " the "/^exhibition " would be something for the labouring FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. 4 classes to look at in the evenings when they were " horf " work ! Just imagine, said the educated clique, as they held up their hands in righteous horror at this infamous mutilation of the English language, being presided over by a Mayor whose grammar would have shamed a dustman. It was atrocious ! It was appalling !

It was bringing the City, and the office of Mayor, into contempt and ridicule. Again, the envenomed tongue of slander said that Mr. Bobb drank. Not content with denying to the little man the possession of any of the higher virtues, it dragged his fair name through the mire by making broadcast accusations against the well-known docility and sobriety of his character. How and by whom the stories were invented it is impossible to say, but they were embellished by a minuteness of detail which carried conviction to the mind of the un thinking, and gave no hope to any attempts at refutation. First of all, it was said that Mr. Bobb never went to a company dinner but what he became hopelessly intoxicated, and was as much trouble to the officials as a dead elephant ; that on one occasion, at the conclusion of the dinner, he jumped upon the table and insisted upon singing patriotic songs, but being THE PROUDEST DAY OF MR. BOBB'S LIFE. 5 strenuously urged to change his conduct, he next seated himself upon the floor, and amused himself by throwing corks at the chairman's bald head.

Then, that his voice was husky, his speech unin telligible, and his bearing unsteady when he dis tributed the Christmas prizes to the boys of the ward school. The circumstantiality of the story was responsible for the statement, that the little man so mixed up the books, that, at the end of the evening, they had to be redistributed, and all the mistakes he had made rectified. Nor was this all. He horrified the audience, mostly composed of ladies and children, by leering villainously at the girls in the front row, and told the Rev. Mr. Scrape, in an audible whisper, when that gentleman rose to make a speech, to " buck up," and " pull himself together." In a rash moment — so the story went — Mr. Bobb himself ventured to make a few remarks, notwith standing the efforts of some friends behind, who caught him by the coat-tails, and endeavoured to pin him to his chair.

By the time he was in an upright position, he had so far forgotten the object he had in view, that the choice of a theme was left between the latest comic song, and his last new suit of clothes. FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. But for some reason or another he discarded both, and, after a few feeble references to sore throats and colds in the head, gravely concluded by advising the audience to go quietly home, and mind the kerb stones. The audacity of slander is exemplified by the fact, that one of the stories even went so far as to maintain that poor little Bobb was once found in the gutter at two o'clock in the morning, and, after being locked up in a cell, was in due course charged before one of his brother aldermen at Guildhall a few hours later. The latter, who was short-necked and asth matical, was so overcome by the sight of Bobb and his forlorn appearance, that he was seized with a fit of coughing, adjourned the sitting, went home, took to his bed, and died in twenty-four hours.

It would have been sufficient — indeed, more than sufficient — if enmity and malice had here dropped their hands, and allowed Mr. Bobb's shattered reputa tion some chance of recovery. Had they not bruised the little man enough, but they must search for fresh openings to wound and torture him ? Was he so dead to calumny, so impervious to viperous tongues, that Mercy had no shield to give him, and Pity turned away her face? Not content with stinging THE PROUDEST DAY OF MR. BOBB'S LIFE. 7 Mr. Bobb with their poisonous barbs, his foes struck at him anew through the tender bosom of the goddess of his home. Yes, they said she ate peas with a knife, and was so painted up in church, that she looked as though she had just popped in from the opera. They attacked her birth and parentage. Her father, they said, came out at one season of the year, just like a caterpillar, and sold muffins for the winter tea.

Her mother — a poor, hard-working woman, no doubt — ground the rent out of a mangle, and at odd moments made herself useful to ladies at such times when congratulations and sickness go hand in hand. But there, they said, these were trifles, and could be very well overlooked, if the woman only behaved herself in decent society. Only a short time before, at a meeting presided over by the vicar's wife, the conduct of an old lady who attended the Dorcas meetings in connection with the church was sub jected to severe analysis. It had been stated and proved that Mrs. Smithers (the old lady in question) was, to use a common expression, "fond of the bottle " ; and the question which agitated the breasts of the ladies present was, whether or not Mrs. Smithers was to be received any longer amongst FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. them whilst she flew for solace to so dangerous an enemy.

It was while pleading for kindness and considera tion to be shown towards the old lady that Mrs. Bobb made the remarkable avowal that she "liked her little drop." The astonishment and dismay of those present following this odious confession were so great, that several ladies shrieked with terror, others rose from their chairs and walked out, while the vicar's wife, who was a woman of strong character, and had short hair, gathered her forces together, after a few moments' silent meditation, and, in a speech of marked emphasis, insisted that Mrs. Smithers and Mrs. Bobb were fit companions for one another, and that both must be cast out imme diately from their midst.

Chapter II. Take Your Wife's Advice

— WHEN IT'S GOOD. T) UT of what avail is calumny as opposed to the public voice ? What becomes of the shafts of secret foes, when a phalanx of friends make an im pregnable barrier around you ? The one melts into thin air, and the barbs fall harmlessly to the ground. So it was with little Bobb. He was called to the high office of Lord Mayor by an overwhelming majority, and the untiring exertions of his enemies, not forgetting the ill-advised efforts of his friends, were insufficient to snatch from his grasp the badge and prize of victory. He wended his way home that night with mixed feelings of joy, gratification, and grave responsibility. He walked along Cheapside and the Poultry, no one recognizing him, strange to say, and stopped in front of the Mansion House. Bobby Hackett (the reigning Lord Mayor) was in residence just then ; but he had never been a friend of Froggy's. FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. 10 " Ah, my boy !

" soliloquized Froggy, as he folded his arms and looked up at the illuminated windows, "you'll have to come out of that before very long to make room for me. Every dog has his day, Bobby. You know you used to go out of your way to snub me, and you'll find, to your cost, that the new tenant will keep up the fashion. Yes, you were wont to shove me to the bottom of the table, and when I complained about it, you only shrugged your shoulders and laughed. I remember I once lost my temper, and told you that I recollected you as a boy dusting boxes in Took's warehouse. But you had your revenge. Yes, Bobby, you scored off me, for you reminded me that I used to sweep out a shop in Love Lane. Quite true, Bobby, and I ought to have thought of that before I chipped you. But there, don't come before me when I'm on the Bench, for I shall give you a month straightaway, without the option of a fine.

You first called me 'Froggy,' because, you said, I had long feet, thin legs, and a flabby body ; and I've never forgiven you for it. If I was to " " Move on there ! " " Eh ? " cried Froggy, turning quickly round, only to find himself confronted by a stalwart constable. TAKE YOUR WIFE'S ADVICE— WHEN IT'S GOOD. 11 " Move on ! " " What d'ye mean, sirrah ? ' " What I say. Hook it ! " " D'ye know who you're speaking to ? " demanded Froggy, drawing himself up to his full height, what ever that might have been, throwing out his chest, and placing his right hand melodramatically in the bosom of his waistcoat, like a miniature Napoleon. " No, and don't want to," was the contemptuous reply of the constable. " Scud — before I give you the push." " Well, then, I'll tell you. I am — your — future — Lord Mayor !

" " Oh yes ; we have lots of 'em here in the course of the year," was the unconcerned retort. " Last one was removed to Bedlam. Just mooch now, unless you want to follow him." " Your number, sirrah ! give me your number ! exclaimed Froggy, bursting with indignation. " Fiddlesticks ! Go home and feed the baby.' " Of all the— But the constable had gone. A violent scrimmage in the street some little distance away suddenly demanded his prompt attention, and as Froggy again turned his footsteps homeward, pained, distressed, FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. 12 and humiliated, he caught sight of the constable grovelling on the ground in fierce contest with some disturber of the public peace. Froggy did not live far away, for he had always held the opinion that it was unwise for a man of business to add to the labours of the day the gratuitous vexation of having to travel a long dis tance before reaching home at night.

Acting up to this conviction, Mr. Bobb pitched the family wig wam amidst the invigorating breezes and unpre tentious surroundings of the Clapham Road. Here, amongst his ferns and flower-pots, he enjoyed the sweet emotions of domestic felicity, and gazed upon the world from his dining-room window with mingled sensations of pride and satisfaction. He reached home that night a little earlier than usual, nodded pleasantly to the maid, Jane, who opened the outside door to its fullest extent in view of recent developments (for she half expected to see a wonderful change in her master), and then went into the dining-room, where he was received by Mrs. Bobb in a warm and affectionate embrace. As the lady was head and shoulders taller than the little man, and he was already very hot from haste and excitement, he quickly, but not easily, disengaged TAKE YOUR WIFE'S ADVICE— WHEN IT'S GOOD. 13 himself from her firm grasp, and took a seat by the window.

Mrs. Bobb promptly sat down by his side, and throwing her arms around his neck again, cooingly murmured — " And so my dear little Benny is Lord Mayor of London ! Good, clever boy ! Just fancy, chief magistrate of the greatest city in the world ! " Froggy looked unutterable things as Mrs. Bobb stroked his mutton-chop whiskers, and finished her endearing attentions by playfully pinching his chin. " Was the contest a keen one, Benny ? " Little Bobb's eyes suddenly kindled with a martial light, and he hoarsely replied, "Terrific ! " from which it was open to be inferred that there had been a great deal of bloodshed, and that, like a knight of old, he had emerged from the conflict with his sword dripping with the blood of his enemies. " Yes — terrific ! " repeated Froggy, as his mind wandered back to the field of battle.

" And you know old Pumber, don't you, my dear ? " " The stationer, Benny ? " " Well, I'll be even with that gentleman before I go out next year." " What did he do, dearest — my Benny ? " " Why, not satisfied with opposing my election FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. 14 tooth and nail, he had the audacity— the impudence ■to attack my character." " My dear Benny, I never knew you had one ! " " Martha ! " exclaimed Mr. Bobb, with suppressed emotion, and looking very straight at his wife. '* What I mean, dearie, is," explained Mrs. Bobb, "that you are always so docile, and good-natured, and quite removed from all those harsh virtues that go to make up character." "My dear," corrected Froggy, chidingly, "I'm known in the City as a very strong man. Yes, a very strong man ; with determination, fight " " Oh, don't, Benny !" supplicated Mrs. Bobb, who appeared quite distressed to think that her husband was so marvellously endowed.

"Well, then, I won't," quoth Froggy. " But to return to Pumber— that rascal Pumber — for that's all he is, my dear " " And I shouldn't wonder," added Mrs. Bobb, " if his wife isn't as bad. I remember her now, quite well. 'She went to the last fancy-dress ball as a flower-girl ; and of all the flower-girls I ever saw in my life, she was, without exception, the most ludicrous ! She has red hair, and a cast in her left eye. Such arms, too ! Just like a butcher's. And her dress ! TAKE YOUR WIFE'S ADVICE — WHEN IT'S GOOD. I 5 My dear, if I had sent Jane in my tea-gown, she would have extinguished the Pumber planet without the least effort." " I've no doubt about it," quoth Froggy, " and I know Blair, the jobbing gardener, could have put Pumber himself in the shade. Yes, my dear, the wretch had the impertinence to contend that I was not qualified in any particular to uphold the dignities of the chair.

If the attack had come from a foe worthy of one's steel, there would have been a certain amount of satisfaction in measuring blades ; but, as it was, I was compelled to smart under the lash of a man whom my dignity obliged me to ignore." " I quite approve of what you've done, Benny," smiled Mrs. Bobb ; " and I should have acted in exactly the same way myself had I been in your position." "But wait till I'm installed, that's all!" quoth Froggy, setting his teeth closely together, and looking with eyes full of meaning at Mrs. Bobb. " I'll make him sit up. It'll be a bad year for him, my dear, so far as the Mansion House is concerned. I know he likes a good dinner ; but I'll take jolly good care he doesn't satisfy his hunger at my table. Not a bit of it. No ; I'll ask him to a temperance meeting, and FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. dose him with ginger-ale.

That's the maximum hospitality he'll get out of me. And there's that fellow Bunce, too — you remember him, don't you ? " " The man who bought the chest of drawers of us ? " " The same — and hasn't paid for them yet." " Well ? " " Deals in glue, size, and all those dirty things. Would you credit it ? this chap actually told me to my face that Peffer (who comes after me in rotation) ought to be Mayor this year because — what do you think ? " " I'm sure I can't guess." " Because he is vice-president of one of the learned societies ! " " You surprise me, Benny." " Yes ; because he belongs to a set of old fogies, who meet once a week to talk about fossils, forsrettin° that they exhibit in themselves some of the finest samples extant. But I'll smash him, my dear. I'm docility itself till I'm roused — and then — well, look out for squalls !

" "There, Benny, my Benny!" quoth Mrs. Bobb, putting her arm around the little man again, and smoothing down his hair with her hand ; " don't let TAKE YOUR WIFE'S ADVICE — WHEN IT!S GOOD. 1 , them disturb you. It's all jealousy, Benny, and envy, and malice, and that kind of thing." " My dear, you're right," said Froggy. " I will not be discomposed by the venom of any man, no matter who he may be." " That's a good boy ! " smiled Mrs. Bobb, patting her husband's cheek. " Now go and get ready for dinner, dear. It won't be long." C FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR.

Chapter III. Mainly About Malice And Slander

A S little Bobb was going from the room, he unexpectedly walked into the arms of his daughter, Lena, a small, chubby-faced girl of about eighteen years of age. " Oh, pa," she cried with genuine delight, "just fancy ! Lord Mayor of London ! How nice ! I never thought you were such a great man ! " " Lena," quoth Froggy, with momentary offence, " I am sorry you know me so little." " There, pa," cried Lena, throwing her arms around his neck, " I did not mean anything — indeed I did not. But I have always imagined that the Lord Mayor was a very tall man, with a long beard, who tried thieves, and sent others to jail for picking pockets." " My child," returned Froggy, " it is true the Lord Mayor is a magistrate. But he is more — he is, in fact, the Julius Cæsar of the City, for the time being." " How nice !

" cried Lena. " But, oh, wasn't Julius Cæsar stabbed ? " " I think not, my child. I always understood he was poisoned." "No, pa, stabbed ; I'm sure he was stabbed." " I'm equally certain he was poisoned," retorted Froggy. " But there — it may not have been the same one." " Any way, pa," quoth Lena, " I don't like your being a Julius Cæsar, if they treat them in that way." Froggy trembled for a moment. He had not looked at the matter in that light. With an effort he steadied his nerves, and replied, with a faint smile of resignation — " My child, I am called to a post of honour, dignity, and duty, and I must respond to the summons, whatever penalty I may have to pay." He was on the point of adding pathetically, " Good bye," but, remembering that he was coming down again to dinner in ten minutes, it struck him that such a parting would have been scarcely appropriate ; so he simply patted his daughter on the face, and turned away with a sigh.

FROGGY; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. 20 " Ma," cried Lena, skipping into the dining-room, "the more I think of pa being Lord Mayor, the more I am delighted at it. Isn't it glorious ? I shan't speak to the Joneses." " I've always told you," quoth Mrs. Bobb, " that they were not fit companions for you, Lena. I don't care who the man is, but if he makes his money out of beer, he ought to be forced to spend it again for the good of the people he helped to ruin. Have nothing to do with the Joneses — they're barbarians." "And there's Miss Meekle," laughed Lena. "Oh my, won't she be jealous ! Ma, she'll tear her hair — positively." " Has she any to tear ? ' " Well, of course, there's no knowing, ma dear, for some of these horrid creatures do make up so dread fully. At any rate, she'll either tear her hair, or what there is in place of it.

Such a bumptious person, ma, and so rude to me at the bazaar the other day. She kept number six stall, you know, and I went and asked her for a cake of soap. ' Soap ? ' she cried, with her eyes wide open. ' Soap ? ' just as though I looked as if I never used such a thing. Such impertinence ! And always eyeing me up and down when I meet her, as though I were a dressed figure in a draper's window. And she stretches her neck — an ugly one it is too — and purses her lips " "Tut, tut, child!" broke in Mrs. Bobb, "what is the use of taking these kind of things to heart ? You must ignore such trifling annoyances. Recollect who we are now, and what we are. I have had to put up with a great deal of the same kind of thing myself ; but it is not to be expected that I, the future Lady Mayoress of the City of London, will con descend to notice the sneers or the smiles of Mrs. This, Mrs. That, or any other Mrs. Nobody.

There's Mrs. Spanker — you know her, Lena ? " " The curate's widow ? " " The very same." " Sits with closed eyes in church, like an owl." " Well, I'm sure I don't know, Lena, although I did once hear her alluded to as the Doorpost. First of all, she's as poor as a field-mouse, and depends for her bonnets and boots, and a dress now and then, upon the left-offs of the bishop's wife, and has her coals and soup from the vicarage during the winter months." " But, ma, the bishop's wife is stout, while Mrs. Spanker is almost as thin as a railing." FROGGY ; OR, MY LORD MAYOR. " Just so. That accounts for the awful figure the poor woman has to cut. Don't you remember how that cruel critic, Miss Ripps, once likened her to 'a stick in a sack,' and her feet to ' Canadian snow shoes ? ' Too bad, wasn't it, Lena ?

" " But then, ma dear, Miss Ripps always was severe." " That's true. But there — what I was about to say is this : that, although Mrs. Spanker is only an atten uated piece of shabby gentility, she never misses an opportunity of snubbing me. You know, child, that I've done a great deal for the poor of the district — mended their socks and stockings, trimmed hats and bonnets, and even gone the length of patching men's trousers. I have subscribed, and obtained subscrip tions, towards the boot and blanket clubs. In these respects I have done as much, and in some cases more than the other ladies of this district, whose eminent respectability will not suffer them to allow me inside their exclusive circle. But that is not all. Mrs. Spanker has alluded to ' pugnacious City people,' ' manufacturers of slops,' and ' soft goods and soft heads.' Although I was not bound to regard these references in the light of a personal insult, I could not help looking upon them as an attempt to degrade and belittle our position.

In addition to all these annoyances, Mrs. Spanker endeavours to wither me with her eyes, in season and out of season ; but, as you know, child, the process is attended with some little difficulty, inasmuch as the lady's left orb is perpetually looking round the corner, and consequently it is not always possible to discover in which direction she is gazing." " Why don't you " began Lena. " Wait a moment, child," interrupted her ma. " But my opportunity is coming, and when I assume the duties of my position, I'll give Mrs. Spanker, and the rest of them, as effectual a sitting-down as they ever had in their lives." " But, ma dear, why — " Indeed, I have commenced already, child, for I met Mrs. Spanker out this afternoon, and beyond looking at her nose, which was very red (in fact, red enough to arouse people's suspicions), I didn't take the slightest notice of her — not the slightest.