The Dream of a Life

Chapter I

Mr. Meredith was a man of many friends and many occupations. There seemed to be no one of whom he did not know something, no subject on which he was not perfectly well informed, and no circle in which he did not move, or, at all events, had not some relations. His marriage with Lady Fanny Douglas had greatly increased and raised the sphere of his intelligence, yet he always appeared quite at home in the higher circle to which his alliance with her had placed him, and VOL. II. B took, with quiet dignity, the precedence and position to AA'hich great Avealth entitles people. To no better person could Lady Fanny have named her Avish of doing something or getting something for Peyton Tremlett. All powerful money had placed in Mr. Meredith's power, for many a long year, the privilege of obliging friends innumerable, both high and low, aristocratic and democratic, diplomatic and mercantile ; consequently, whenever, by some rare chance, he found it worth his Avhile to ask a favour, he was not a man likely to be refused.

For his wife to ask him one was something quite new, and his curiosity was excited as to Avhat possible interest she could have in Peyton Tremlett. " A man I don't particularly admire," he had at first said, and then he was sorry for the Avords, because a suspicion came across him immediately after, that Lady Fanny was pleading for a member of the family from Avhich, perhaps, her brother Avas meditating taking a wife. So well had Lady Fanny kept her friend's secret ! Yet when her husband expressed his surprise at her anxiety, she Avas half sorry she Avas not alloAved to betray it even to him, since she felt her cheeks gloAV as he fixed his calm, open gaze upon her. " Why don't you like him ? " said she, anxious for the sentiments of one whose opinion she valued. " A piece of injustice on my part," returned her husband, " for which he can only have his own manner and appearance to thank, since my acquaintance with him is of the very slightest description.

But he is not a very taking person, is he ? " " Good looking, surely," evaded Lady Fanny. " Ah ! of that I am but little judge. I B never looked at him half a dozen times. But what is it he wants ?" " Nothing. He asks for nothing, but he is slaving hard at a laborious profession, in which he may pass the best years of his life Avithout realizing sufficient to to " " Does he want a place under govern ment?" " Anything, Avith a good salary." " In this country, or abroad ?" " I don't know. I think it is the income which is the object. You see he is noAv nearly eight and twenty, and he has only four hun dred a year, though they say he is now beginning to make more; still it is tedious work ; how can a man marry on four hundred a year?" Mr. Meredith's eyebroAvs were up in the air in a moment. Lady Fanny, in the warmth of her advocacy, had betrayed more than she had intended, and his short laugh recalled her to herself.

" Sly fox !" he exclaimed, " so that is the secret of all your able diplomacy ! a case of match-making, my Lady Fanny ! and am I to aid and abet without even the poor satisfaction of knowing in whose behalf I agitate?" " It is not my secret," smiled the young wife, " or you Avould have been in possession of it long ago." " I am sorry it is a secret at all," was Mr. Meredith's reply, " for, to my mind, a secret always carries its curse about with it." Mr. Meredith was a plain-spoken man. He had no fair and specious words in which to clothe the truths he uttered. Whatever he thought right, and whatever was upper most in his thoughts, came out bluntly and fearlessly, and the sentiment just expressed sank deep into Lady Fanny's heart. She thought it over and over again, and still she came back to her husband's way of looking upon it, and felt he was right.

Yet her word was pledged, and she must go on. " If it were but knoAvn to her mother," thought she, " I should not care so much. A secret from the world is nothing, but a secret from her mother is serious ; she has herself often said she felt as if no blessing hung over this engagement, and she speaks truly ; and if no blessing, what then ?" Thus opened Helen's second season, and as day after day, and Aveek after Aveek, rolled on, she led the gay and artificial life of a girl " in good society," which means that she went everyAvhere where it was worth Avhile going, and met everybody who was Avorth meeting, day after day, and night after night. And the roses faded from Helen Vavasour's cheek, and a settled sadness seemed to Aveigh tbe heavy lids doAvn over those once laughing eyes, and all the world noticed the change except her mother !

Mrs. Vavasour was determined to shut her eyes, and shut them she did. She had her suspicions, but as the object of them never intruded himself on her notice again, she kept them to herself. Her great hope Avas, that before the end of the season, Helen Avould so far compromise herself by permit ting (as she did) the constant attentions and attendance of Colonel Audley, that when he proposed, she would find herself either com pelled to accept him, or else procure for all future seasons the unenviable reputation of a jilt, a character Avhich Mrs. Vavasour knew she held in utter dread and abhorrence. The defalcation of Lord Douglas was a mystery which Mrs. Vavasour had attempted in vain to fathom, and she had just become callous as to what his intentions might in reality be, since Helen was still surrounded by numerous eligibles who, though his in feriors in rank, were equals and even superiors in fortune — the Clan-Douglas's being poor — Avhen one morning, before the usual hour for visitors, Lady Clan- Douglas was announced.

An exertion so unusual on the part of one who seldom exerted herself for anyone or anything, prepared Mrs. Vavasour for some unexpected announcement ; indeed, no sooner did her eyes rest on the countenance of her guest, generally so calm that it seemed as if Time itself could plant no Avrinkle there, than she saw she was not only nervous but agitated. Their conference Avas long and uninter rupted, for almost the first words Lady Clan- Douglas had said were, " Do not admit any visitors, my dear Mrs. Vavasour, for I want to speak to you alone." Helen was occupied Avith her drawing mistress, and safe for an hour, and even she, when emancipated, did not intrude on the tite-d-tite, having been told that Mrs. Va vasour had said, " Not at Home," until Lady Clan-Douglas was gone. Helen was a girl of many resources.

From one occupation she Avent on to another, and her mind dwelt on each in turn, without a thought of any impending evil, when sud denly the door opened and her mother entered. Helen, deep in her studies, looked up with a sort of scared expression, struck at once with the singular circumstance of Mrs. VaA*asour's seeking her in her OAvn sitting room, instead of sending for her, according to her usual habit, to the drawing room. In a moment the subject and cause of her visit was opened. "You look surprised, Helen. You will look more so soon. Who do you think has just left the house?" " Lady Clan-Douglas," said Helen, timidly, " for I was coming doAvn, and asked first if you Avere alone." " Lady Clan-Douglas ; and a pretty piece of news she brought me. Can you guess ?" Helen's cheeks burnt like fire.

The question was not asked in the half-playful tone with which, on a similar occasion some time B before, Mrs. Vavasour had addressed her daughter ; but in a voice of such stern displeasure, a look of such angry indignation, that Helen, conscience-stricken, felt as if some dreadful announcement were about to be made. She could not speak — she felt as if words Avould only make matters worse — so Avith crimson cheeks, and parted lips, she waited and listened. " You do guess, no doubt," continued her mother, " and perhaps, though I have not been alloAved to be in your counsels, you have known it all along. I can only say / am taken most completely by surprise, and I do not know Avhich most to condemn, the dupli city of your friend, or your OAvn reckless conduct." " My friend ?" echoed Helen, faintly, dread ing she knew not what ; " not Fanny Mere dith?"

" Lady Fanny ! what do you mean ? you know perfectly to Avhom I allude. Your friend, Avhose devotion and constant running after you for the last year, you have no doubt taken as a compliment to yourself, Avhilst on her part it was nothing but a most determined — and, I grieve to say, successful — plot to rob you of one Avhose attentions were sanctioned by your mother and all your best friends, and Avhom you have thus wan tonly and most undutifully allowed, and even encouraged, to slip through your hand — your friend, Eva Tremlett " — Mrs. Vavasour hated the name to that degree that she could not pronounce it without an intonation of wither ing scorn — " is engaged to be married to Lord Douglas " Helen started up and clasped her hands with an impulse of delight which she could not control, thereby increasing the anger of Mrs. Vavasour fiftyfold.

" Eva to be Lady Douglas !" cried the young girl in her ecstacy ; " oh ! mamma, surely you are not sorry at such a piece of good fortune for her ?" " That girl — whom I permitted to be on those intimate terms with you, because I thought you required a companion of your own age — that girl, to whom I have been like a mother," continued Mrs. Vavasour, rapidly, " to think that she should thus have deceived me, and imposed upon you !" " Oh ! no ! indeed — indeed not !" exclaimed Helen, "she never deceived or imposed upon me, mamma, I assure you, for I have always observed how carefully she has tried to keep in the back ground, Avhenever she and I have both been in company with Lord Douglas at the same time." " So it appears," retorted Mrs. Vava sour, " and her Avell-acted show of reserve has brought him to her feet, whilst you, Helen " " Mamma, they had been staying in a country house together — they have had opportunities of becoming acquainted quite independent of us !"

" Your opportunities have been as good, and even better, yet how have you employed them ? by allowing the best matches of the season to appear attracted by you, and then pass you by ! And I, avIio have so slaved for your advantage and advancement — who have lived but for you — who have actually shunned these people as not sufficiently eligible for my London circle, though as country neighbours I have been obliged to keep them up in a degree — to think that the daughter must insinuate herself so artfully into your affections " " Oh ! mamma !" " And then gain her point Avith flying colours, and leave you as Miss Vavasour, whilst she takes the position that might have been yours, of the future Duchess of Pe verell!" Exhausted by the intensity of her vexation and indignation, and completely overcome by the mortification of what she considered a diso-raceful defeat, Mrs. Vavasour threw her self suddenly into a chair, and actually burst into tears.

The anger of her mother had terrified Helen ; it Avas the first time in her whole life that she had ever experienced such Avratb, or heard such reproaches, but when it turned to grief, she was cut to the heart. Yet what could she say ? She could not implore pardon — she had not been the cause of this great offence, at least not the immediate, though perhaps the remote cause. Neither could she venture to defend her friend, because her mother was not at that moment in a frame of mind to listen to a Avord in her favour. So she sat in silence, with a full heart, and a countenance expres sive of many conflicting emotions, until, recovering herself by an effort, Mrs. Vavasour returned to the charge. " If," she exclaimed, " you had only given me the power to say you had refused him, it would have been better than the case as it now stands, but I have not even that poor advantage.

That girl, without an accomplish ment, and without attractions, has eclipsed you without difficulty ! just as Lady Fanny — plain and poor as she is — carried off" Mr. Meredith, with you actually in the field with her ; and so I suppose it is to go on to the end of the chapter, and you will be left on my hands to take anything that offers when all the best chances have been appropriated by your friends !" " Oh, mamma," said Helen, the tears now streaming down her face, " how little I thought you were so anxious to get rid of me!" " Heaven forbid !" rejoined her mother ; " but to do well for you in the world is not wishing to get rid of you." " But I never could have married Lord Douglas, mamma," said Helen. " Why not ?" exclaimed Mrs. Vavasour sharply. "I did not like him enough," Avas the simple reply.

Mrs. Vavasour's anger was again aroused, and she expressed her sentiments on such folly in no measured terms. Again Helen cowered beneath her wrath. " I tell you what it is," exclaimed her mother at last, " 1 see, though you do your best to blind me. You have got some romantic nonsense in your head, and the sooner you dismiss it from your thoughts the better. I am not going to alloAv you to throw aAvay the best years of your life in idle dreams — dreams which can never be realized. I hope your own sense of dignity will teach you to check any inclinations of that kind, for I shall consider it my duty as a mother most strenuously to guard you in future from all unsuitable alliances, and should I be unable to prevent unwelcome attentions, I can at all events give them my unqualified disapprobation, and so — I trust — in a measure repair the injury you have already done your prospects.

I hope, Helen, that you understand me, and remember that I am not going to allow another brilliant chance to slip, like this, completely out of your hands." Poor Helen. She did indeed understand, and down sank her heart and spirits as she sobbed over the happy fates of her two friends. " They cared for no one else !" thought she, with very natural bitterness and grief; " it was no sacrifice to them to accept these great matches, Avhilst I, alas ! cannot bring my mind even to tolerate attentions I can never recompense. Mamma talks of idle dreams — she must know or suspect the truth. But I have no idle dreams ; I have but one dream, and it will be the dream of my life — just as he himself said !" So the consequence of Lady Fanny's marriage, and Eva's engagement, was only to make Helen feel more constant than ever to her oavii choice, and more devoted, heart and soul, to the much maligned Peyton Tremlett.

Chapter II

The news of Miss Tremlett's intended mar riage to the grandson of the stately old Duchess of Peverell, made a great sensation in eA'ery circle, and it formed the leading topic of all the morning visits. The Clan-Douglas family, anxious only for the happiness of their son, welcomed the young lady with very fair cordiality, but even they could not help hinting that they could have wished his choice had been of more dis tinguished rank. "I have not a Avord to say against the young lady," said his father, " but I cannot help feeling that Douglas is a match for any lady in the land, therefore we certainly had expected his wife's birth to be equal to his own — unless indeed he had married a beauty, like that lovely Helen Vavasour." "Ah," remarked Lady Clan-Douglas, "he gave Avay to Colonel Audley there, otherwise that really might have happened."

The Duchess heard the intelligence with the same imperturbable composure with which she listened to even the most startling news of the day, and it was not until after her first interview with Eva as the future Lady Douglas, that she made any particular observations on it. Then, however, she spoke with some little pique. " I dare say the family are all very Avell — respectable and so forth, and the father member for his own county — but I confess I expected that the young lady would appear a little more elated at her singular good for tune." This remark was made to Helen, who answered, " Ah, dear Duchess, when you know Eva better, you Avill see that that placidity is con stitutional. You cannot ruffle EA*a's temper ; she is not such a racket as I am, though I am her friend." The Duchess passed her hand over Helen's sunny hair.

" And yet, my child," said she, " I had rather have gone out of the world thinking that the strawberry leaves were to have been round these fair brows of yours than hers, could I have had my will and choice." "Ah, believe me," exclaimed Helen warmly, " she is more worthy of them than I." " I hope she does not think so," said the Duchess ; " but such perfect self-possession in so young a person is not pleasing, to say the least of it — particularly when my grand son might have aspired to the hand of a foreign princess had he pleased, and met a Avelcome too." " When people are in love Avith each other," said the girl of eighteen summers, timidly ; " they do not think of the distinc tions of rank and fortune." The Duchess pinched Helen's crimson cheek. " What do you know about it, child?" said she, tartly ; " love is all stuff.

Don't have anything to do with it." And the next time Lady Fanny Meredith called, the old lady said, " I have made a discovery. Helen Vavasour has lost her heart. I suspected it when she first came to toAvn, by her altered appearance and her woe begone face, and it is to one of those Trem lett young men. I wish we had never known one of them." It was evident" enough that the Duchess was not pleased, that Lord and Lady Clan- Douglas were not delighted, and that Lady Fanny Meredith was keenly disappointed. She had always felt a little sort of jealousy even in the affair betAveen Helen and Peyton Tremlett, on her brother's account, and now that one of the family had appropriated that faultless brother, and accepted him with such matter-of-fact composure, she was, as I said, disappointed ; to use her own phrase in confidence to her husband, she was " dis gusted."

Last on the list came the Comptons ; their state of elation and ecstacy was something amusing, because people could not quite see, at the moment, what right they had to be so extremely pleased; what was it to them? but they ran about everywhere and told everybody, and Eva — " dear Eva," as she suddenly became — was extolled to the skies. Even Mrs. Vavasour's house wras not exempt from their incursions. Though they knew that their exclusive aunt had the greatest horror of people " dropping in " at all sorts of odd hours, on this felicitous occasion they succeeded, after numerous attempts, in making their way in one evening, all " en grande tenue" on their way to a party at Mrs. Tremlett's. " Surely you were asked too ?" was their first exclamation Avhen, instead of finding Helen in some provokingly beautiful toilette, she was sitting quietly reading, in a high white muslin dress, and not a sign of intended dissipation in her air of indolent serenity.

Her mother answered for her. " Helen has had a head-ache all day," said she, " and having been at a morning party until seven o'clock, I thought it better she should remain at home this evening, so have sent Mrs. Tremlett an excuse." " I wonder at that !" cried Rose Compton — whom Mrs. Vavasour always considered a most objectionable girl, and dreaded accord ingly — " because this is the first appearance of Eva and Lord Douglas in company as an engaged couple." " We have met them several times at his mother's," said Mrs. Vavasour coldly. " Ah, but this is just a select party of intimates, especially to introduce them to Mrs. Tremlett's family and friends." " We cannot quite call ourselves Mrs. Tremlett's intimates," returned her aunt, Avith a smile which rather daunted Miss Rose, " but as Ave certainly may lay claim to tbat title in the Clan-Douglas circle, I suppose it will do as well."

Mrs. Vavasour had the most difficult part to play of all the performers on this per plexing stage of worldly life. The Duchess was offended at this match ; that was natural enough. The Clan-Douglas's were vexed ; that was to be expected. Lady Fanny was disappointed ; no wonder : and the Comptons were enchanted, the reason of which Avill be shown. But Mrs. Vavasour was offended, vexed, disappointed, and enraged into the bargain ; and yet, for her OAvn credit's sake, was obliged to conceal every single one of these feelings, and even to carry out with VOL. II. C her into society the smiling face and bland congratulations which the occasion required ! Nay, worse still, she had also to carry about Avith her that beautiful young girl Avhose me lancholy expression of countenance gave rise to all sorts of misrepresentations, and whose cheek " pale and thinner, than should be for one so young," made people whisper amongst themselves Avhat a gay Lothario was Lord Douglas, and what an ungrateful and unprincipled wretch AA*as the victorious Eva Tremlett !

No wonder, then, that this marriage AA'as a very sore subject with Mrs. Vavasour, and a very difficult one to treat, for it met her at every corner, in the shape of petty vexations innumerable. La Folie, her own pet dressmaker, had the order for the trousseau: this was a great grievance. Her jeweller, who had reset all the Vavasour jewels, apologised one morning for the bare appearance of his glass cases : he had sent everything to Lord Douglas, who was going to be married. Helen saAv how irritating was all this to her mother, and it made her still more mi serable. Her only comfort was, that they very rarely encountered any of the Tremlett family excepting Eva, and that was at the Clan-Douglas's, where Mrs. Vavasour was rather glad that people should see the un embarrassed, sisterly manner in which Helen treated the intended bridegroom.

But the Comptons kneAV nothing of Avhat passed in that circle. They only saw what lay on the surface of society, and they gos sipped and chattered until Mrs. Vavasour was nearly delirious. Their forcible entrance on this particular evening of which we are Avriting, she consi dered an excessive impertinence, because it was taking her by storm Avhen she had C not been prepared with a " Not at Home ! " Blanche and Rose Compton took chairs on each side of Helen. Their mother placed herself just out of hearing, close to her sister, and began whispering; whilst to every whisper Mrs. Vavasour returned an answer, Avhich was audible all over the room — thus skilfully inti mating that she did not intend to hold any confidential conversations. At last Mrs. Compton — relations, like the notes of interrogation of old, being privileged to ask all sorts of impertinent questions — Mrs. Compton put a query which it was im possible for Mrs. Vavasour to ansAver cl haute voix.

With her elboAv quite in her sister's lap, and her face peering upAV.irds within an inch of her sister's smooth, pale cheek, she whis pered — " Helen looks very ill — quite a wreck — do you think she feels tbis marriage ? " Mrs. Vavasour flushed up in a moment. " Feels it ? " she echoed, " Avhat can you mean ? " " Frets about it, I mean ; because people say she does, and I don't like hearing that of my OAvn niece, so I made up my mind to ask you the first opportunity, did Lord Douglas ever propose to her ? and did she refuse him ? " Surely never was woman so sorely tempted to tell a fib than Mrs. Vavasour at that crisis ! She felt it Avas the turning-point of Helen's position, yet to venture to assert that he had been refused was more than even she could dare. Something else must be thought of.

Happily, there are such things as evasions and insinuations, and, with an inward gasp, she availed herself of one. " I think," said she, with forced calmness, " that once before when you asked me some thing of this kind, I told you, my dear sister, that I am not in the habit of publishing to the Avorld, or even to my own family, little contretemps such as those to which you allude ; but I may, on this particular occasion, depart a little from my rule — merely for your satis faction — and just say " " Yes ? " Mrs. Compton was all attention. " That the reason Helen is not noAv standing in Miss Tremlett's place is not the fault of Lord Douglas ! " Mrs. Compton seemed struck dumb for some seconds. She could not doubt her sister's Avord, yet it appeared too incomprehensible, too romantic, to be true.

But Avith the ready Avit, however, ofthe mother of many daughters, she soon recovered herself. " Then, my dear," she exclaimed, " I can see Avhat it all means. No girl in her senses Avould be so mad as to refuse Lord Douglas, unless she had some other attachment ; and I only hope and trust, for your sake, that it is some one whom you approve, for everybody is noticing Helen, and at her age — as you must know-^it is a sad thing for a young girl to fade and go off like this." And she gave her head a little toss in the direction Avhere Helen, constrained and ill at ease, was parrying the attacks of her vivacious cousins. Most objectionable as this inference was, Mrs. Vavasour Avould not deny it ; she thought it AA*as a better story for the ear of the world that Helen had some other attachment, than that people should say Lord Douglas had never proposed to her; and as Mrs. Compton's Version was, on the whole, as good an one as might be found, the mother closed her lips in silence, and declined saying another word.

Mrs. Compton went away with the im pression that Helen was the most foolish and wilful of her sex. " It is just as I thought," said she to her daughters. "Your aunt will never do anything with that girl. It is a case of the black wax doll over again ; and although I did not dare to mention Peyton Tremlett, still I think I said enough, and I am almost sure your aunt is aAvare of the state of things. Depend upon it that Helen never would have refused, first Colonel Audley and now Lord Douglas, unless she had made up her mind about some one else ! " But the Miss Comptons did not believe that Helen had refused Lord Douglas. Of course, it was a question they could not ask in any other quarter, so they must take it for granted it Avas so ; but in their hearts, being sharp girls, they did not believe it.

So they went on to the party at Mrs. Tremlett's, having left behind them most un comfortable impressions. Mrs. Compton's remarks had not sweetened Mrs. Vavasour's temper toAvards Helen, Avho felt it, and, con sequently, relapsed into a painful silence, occupied by thoughts which Avere still more painful. Not going to Mrs. Tremlett's that evening had been a bitter disappointment to her. She knew tbat the folloAving day Peyton was going on the circuit, and by the time he came back they would probably have left tOAvn. She had so reckoned on that evening ! So hoped for one little word to raise her drooping spirits, aud re-assure her of his unaltered feelings : one word, almost one look, Avould have been sufficient — yet it Avas denied her ! That her cousins, too, should have come in on their way, radiant with all their pleasurable anticipations, was an aggravation of disappointment keenly trying to a young girl just entering life.