The Humorous Poetry of the English Language, from Chaucer to Saxe ... With notes ... by J. P. Thirteenth edition

Front matter

THE HUMOROUS POETRY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, FROM CHAUCER TO SAKE. NARRATIVES, SATIRES, ENIGMAS, BURLESQUES, PARODIES, TRAVESTIES, EPIGRAMS, EPITAPHS, TRANSLATIONS, INCLUDING THE MOST CELEBRATED COMIC POEMS OF THE ANTI-JACOBIN, REJECTED ADDRESSES, THE INGOLDSBY LEGENDS, BLACKWOOD'S MAGAZINE, BENTLEY'S MISCELLANY, AND PUNCH. WITH MORE THAN TWO HUNDRED EPIGRAMS, AND THE CHOICEST HUMOROUS POETRY OF WOLCOTT, COWPER, LAMB, THACKERAY, PRAED, SWIFT, SCOTT, HOLMES, AYTOUN, GAY, BURNS, SOUTHEY, SAXE, HOOD, PRIOR, COLERIDGE, BYRON, MOORE, LOWELL, ETC. WITH NOTES, EXPLANATORY AND BIOGRAPHICAL, By J. PARTON. THIRTEENTH EDITION. BOSTON : HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN AND COMPANY. Cpe BtoerBiue Press, Cambrtliffe. i88i. entered, according to Act os Congress, in the year 18S«, by MASON BROTHERS, la the Clerk's Office oi the District Court for the Southern District a New York.

Preface

The design of the projector of this volume was, that it should contain the Best of the shorter humorous poems in the literatures of England and the United States, except : Poems so local or cotemporary in subject or allusion, as not to be readily understood by the modern American reader ; Poems which, from the freedom of expression allowed in the healthy ages, can not now be read aloud in a company of men and women ; Poems that have become perfectly familiar to every body, from their incessant reproduction in school-books and newspapers ; and Poems by living American authors, who have collected their Humorous pieces from the periodicals in which most of them originally appeared, and given them to the world in their own names. Holmes, Saxe, and Lowell are, therefore, only represented in this collection.

To have done more than fairly represent them, had been to infringe rights which are doubly sacred, because they are not protected by law. To have done less would have deprived the reader of a most convenient means of observing that, in a kind of composition confessed to be among the most difficult, our native wits are not excelled by foreign. The editor expected to be embarrassed with a profusion of material for his purpose. But, on a survey of the poetical literature of the two countries, it was discovered that, of really excellent humorous poetry, of the kinds universally interesting, un-

PREFACE.

. tainted by obscenity, not marred by coarseness of language, nor obscured by remote allusion, the quantity in existence is not great. It is thought that this volume contains a very large pro portion of the best pieces that have appeared. An unexpected feature of the book is, that there is not a line in it by a female hand. The alleged foibles of the Fair have given occasion to libraries of comic verse; yet, with diligent search, no humorous poems by women have been found which are of merit sufficient to give them claim to a place in a collection like this. That lively wit and graceful gayety, that quick perception of the absurd, which ladies are continually displaying in their conversation an 1 correspondence, never, it seems, suggest the successful epigram, or inspire happy satirical verse.

The reader will not be annoyed by an impertinent superfluity of notes. At the end of the volume may be found a list of the sources from which its contents have been taken. For the conve nience of those who hve remote from biographical dictionaries, a few dates and other particulars have been added to the mention of each name. For valuable contributions to this portion of the volume, and for much well-directed work upon other parts of it, the reader is indebted to Mr. T. Butler Gunn, of this city. There is, certainly, nothing more delightful than the fun of a man of genius. Humor, as Mr. Thackeray observes, is charming, and poetry is charming, but the blending of the two in the same composition is irresistible. There is much nonsense in this book, and some folly, and a little ill-nature ; but there is more wisdom than either.

They who possess it may congratulate themselves upon having the large"t collec^on ■•ver ma4e of *he sportive effusions if o-eniur- INDEX MISCELLANEOUS. 6trBJE0T. AUTHOR. PA6B To my Empty Purse Chaucer .... 21 To Chloe Peter Pindar . . 21 To a Fly " ... 22 Man may be Happy ... 24 Address to the Toothache Burns 25 The Pig Southey .... 26 Snuff " 28 Farewell to Tobacco Lamb 29 "Written after swimming from Sestos to Abydos Byron 33 The Lisbon Packet " 34 To Fanny Moore 36 Young Jessie 37 Rings and Seals " 38 Nets and Cages " 39 Salad Sydney Smith . . 40 My Letters Barham .... 41 The Poplar " 44 Spring Hood 45 Ode on a Distant Prospect of Clapham Academy " 46 Schools and School-fellows Praed 50 The Vicar " 52 The Bachelor's Cane-bottomed Chair . . . Thackeray . . . . 54 Stanzas to Pale Ale launch 56 Children must be paid for " 57 The Musquito Bryant 58 To the Lady in the Chemisette with Black Buttons Willis 60 Come out, Love " 62 The White Chip Hat " 63 You know if it was you " 64 The Declaration " VI INDEX SUBJECT.

AUTHOR. PAGB Love in a Cottage Willis 65 To Helen in a Huff " 66 The Height of the Ridiculous O.W. Holmes . . 67 The Briefless Barrister __ 6. Sauce ... 68 Sonnet to a Clam " ... 69 Venus of the Needle AUingham . . 70 NARRATIVE. Take thy Old Cloak about thee Percy Reliques . . 75 King John and the Abbot " . . 77 The Baffled Knight, or Lady's Policy ... " . . 80 Truth and Falsehood Prior 85 Flattery Williams (Sir C.K) 87 The Pig and Magpie Peter Pindar . . 89 Advice to Young Women. " , .90 Economy " ... 91 The Country Lasses. " ... 93 The Pilgrims and Peas. " ... 95 On the Death of a Favorite Cat Gray 97 The Retired Cat. Cowper .... 99 Saying, not Meaning Wake 102 Julia. Coleridge. . . .104 A Cock and Hen Story Southey .... 105 The Search aster Happiness Scott (Sir W.) . . 115 The Donkey and his Panniers Moore 124 Misadventure at Margate Barham .... 125 The Ghost " .... 129 A Lay of St. Gengulphus " .... 136 Sir Rupert the Fearless " .... 146 Look at the Clock " .... 156 The Bagman's Dog " .... 164 Dame Fredegonde W. Ayloun . . . 181 The King of Brentford's Testament . . .

Thackeray . . .184 Titmarsh's Carmen Lillienses. " 191 Shadows • . Lantern .... 194 The Retort G. P. Morris . . 196 SATIRICAL. The Rabble, or Who Pays ? S Butler .... 199 The Chameleon . Prior 200 The Merry Andrew. " . . . . 201 Jack and Joan .......... "... INDEX VII SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB The Progress of Poetry Swift 204 Twelve Articles " 205 The Beast's Confession. " 206 A New Simile for the Ladies Sheridan (Dr. T.) . 212 On a Lap-dog Gay 215 The Razor Seller. Peter Pindar . . 216 The Sailor Boy at Prayers . ... " ... 217 Bienseance ... 218 Kings and Courtiers " ... 220 Praying for Rain " ... 222 Apology for Kings " ... 223 Ode to the DevU " ... 226 The King of Spain and the Horse .... " ... 231 The Tender Husband " ... 233 The Soldier and the Virgin Mary .... " ... 236 A King of France and the Fair Lady. . .

" ... 238 The Eggs Trkwte .... 239 The Ass and his Master " .... 241 The Love of the World Reproved, or Hypocrisy Detected Cowper .... 241 Report of an Adjudged Case " 242 Holy Willie's Prayer Burns 243 Epitaph on Holy Willie " 246 Address to the Deil. . , " 247 The Devil's Walk on Earth Southey .... 250 Church and State Moore 259 Lying " 260 The Millennium " 261 The Little Grand Lama " 263 Eternal London " 266 On Factotum Ned " 267 Letters (Fudge Correspondence), First Letter " 269 " " Second " " 273 " " Third " " 276 The Literary Lady Sheridan (R. B.) . 281 Netley Abbey Barham .... 282 Family Poetry . " .... 287 The Sunday Question Hood 289 Ode to Rae Wilson, Esquire " 294 Death's Ramble* " 307 The Bachelor's Dream " 309 On Samuel Rogers Byron 311 My Partner Praed 313 Tho Belle of the Ball " 316 1* INDEX SUBJECT.

AUTHOR. PAGB Sorrows of Werther Thackeray . . . 31 f The Yankee Volunteer ... 319 Courtship and Matrimony ... 321 Conoerniug Sisters-in-law Punch 322 The Lobsters " 324 To Song Birds on a Sunday " 324 The First Sensible Valentine. ..... " 325 A Ss. ne on the Austrian Frontier . ... " 327 Ode to the Great Sea Serpent " 328 The Feast of Vegetables and the Flow of Water " 330 Kindred Quacks " 331 The Railway Traveler's Farewell to his Family " 333 A Letter and an Answer " 334 Papa to his Heir " 336 Selling off at the Opera-house " 338 Wonders of the Victorian Age " 339 To the Portrait of a Gentleman Holmes .... 340 My Aunt " .... 342 Comic Miseries Saxe 343 Idees Napoleoniennes Aytoun .... 345 The Lay of the Lover's Friend " .... 347 PARODIES AND BURLESQUES Wine Gay 350 Ode on Science Swift 358 A Love Song " 359 Baucis and Philemon " 360 A Description of a City Shower " 365 The Progress of Curiosity Pindar .... 367 The Author and the Statesman Fielding .... 382 The Friend of Humanity and the Knife-Grinder Anti-Jacobin . . 384 Inscription " . . 386 Song Canning .... 387 The Amatory Sonnets of Abel Shufflebottom Southey 1.

Delia at Play 388 2. The Poet proves the existence of a Soul from his Love for Delia 389 3. The Poet expresses his feelings respecting a Portrait in Delia's Parlor INDEX IX BUBJEOT. AUTHOR. PAGB The Love Elegies of Abel Shufflebottom . . Southey 1. The Poet relates how he obtained Delia's Pocket-handkerchief 390 2. The Poet expatiates on the Beauty of Delia's Hair 391 3. The Poet relates how he stole a lock of Delia's Hair, and her anger 392 The Baby's Debut James Smith . . 393 Playhouse Musings " . . 396 A Tale of Drury Lane Horace Smith . . 402 Drury's Dirge " . . 408 What is Life? Blackwood . . .410 Fragments " ... 412 The Confession " ... 414 The Milling Match between Entellus and Dares Moore 41 ft Not a Sous had he Got Barham .... 417 Raising the Devil " .... 418 The London University " .... 419 Domestic Poems Hood 1.

Good-night 422 2. A Parental Ode to my Son 423 3. A Serenade 425 Ode to Perry " 426 A Theatrical Curiosity Oruikshank's Om. . 431 The Secret Sorrow Punch 432 Song for Punch-drinkers " 433 The Song of the Humbugged Husband . . " 433 Temperance Song " 434 Lines "....'. 435 Madness ' . . . " 435 The Bandit's Fate " 436 Lines written after a Battle " 437 The Phrenologist to his Mistress .... " 437 The Chemist to his Love " 438 A Ballad of Bedlam " 439 Stanzas to an Egg " 439 A Fragment " 440 Eating Soup " 440 The Sick Child " 441 The Imaginative Crisis " 441 Lines to Bessy " 442 Monody on the Death rf an Only Client . . " 443 Love on the Ocean " . . , . X INDEX SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB "Oh I wilt thou Sew my Buttons on? etc.". Punch 445 The Paid BUI " 446 Parody for a Reformed Parliament ... " 447 The Waiter " 447 The Last Appendix to Yankee Doodle . .

" 449 Lines for Music " 450 Drama for Every Day Life " 451 Proclivior " 453 Jones at the Barber's Shop " 455 The Sated One " 456 Sapphics of the Cab-stand " 457 Justice to Scotland " 458 The Poetical Cookery-book. The Steak " 45! Roasted Sucking Pig " 460 Beignet de Pomme " . .... 4.1 Cherry Pie " 462 Deviled Biscuit " 462 Red Herrings " 463 Irish Stew " 463 Barley Broth " 464 Calf's Heart » 464 The Christmas Pudding " 465 Apple Pie " 466 Lobster Salad " 467 " 468 Green Pea Soup " 469 Trifle " 470 Mutton Chops " 470 Barley Water " 471 Boiled Chicken " 472 Stewed Duck and Peas " 4.3 Curry " 474 The RaUway GUpin. " 475 Elegy " 478 The Boa and the Blanket " 480 The Dilly and the D's " 485 A Book in a Bustle " 492 Stanzas for the Sentimental. 1. On a Tear which Angelina observed trickling down my nose at Dinner-time .

" 498 2. On my refusing Angelina a kiss under tho Mistletoe " 4.g»j INDEX XI SUBJECT, AUTHOR. PAGE 3. On my finding Angelina stop suddenly Punch in a rapid after-supper-polka at Mrs. Tompkins' Ball " 497 Colloquy on a Cab-stand " 498 The Song of Hiawatha " 499 Comfort in Affliction Aytoun .... 503 The Husband's Petition " .... 504 The Biter Bit " .... 506 A Midnight Meditation " .... 507 Tlie Dirge of the Drinker " .... 510 Francesca da Rimini " .... 511 Louis Napoleon's Address to his Army . . " .... 512 The Battle of the Boulevard. . : . . . " . . . . 513 Puffs Poetical. 1. Paris and Helen " .... 514 2. Tarquin and the Augur ..... " .... 516 Reflections of a Proud Pedestrian .... Holmes . . . .517 Evening, by a TaUor " .... 518 Phæthon Saxe 519 The School-house Lovjell 522 EPIGRAMMATIC. Epigrams of Ben Johnson.

To Fine Grand 525 " Brainhardy 525 " Doctor Empiric 526 " Sir Samuel Fuller 526 On Banks, the Usurer 526 " Chevril the Lawyer 526 Epigrammatic Verses by Samuel Butler. Opinion 527 Critics 527 Hypocrisy 527 Polish 528 The Godly 528 Piety 528 Marriage 528 Poets 528 Puffing 529 Politicians ' 529 Fear INDEX SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB The Law Samuel Butler . 530 " " 530 " " 530 Confession 530 Smatterers 530 » Bad Writers 530 The Opinionative 531 Language of the Learned 531 Good Writing . . 531 Courtiers 531 Inventions _ 531 Logicians 532 Laborious Writers . 532 On a Club of Sots _ 532 Holland 532 Women 533 Epigrams of Edmund Waller. On a Painted Lady 533 " the Marriage of the Dwarfs 534 Epigrams of Matthew Prior. A Sirmle 534 The Flies ..".!! ! '. . . ZZ 635 Phillis's Age 535 To the Duke de Noailles , 536 On Bishop Atterbury _ 535 Forma Bonum FragUe 537 Earning a Dinner _ 537 Bibo and Chan... _ 537 The Pedant 5317 Epigrams of joseph Edison.

The Countess of Manchester _ 538 To an Ill-favored Lady 533 " a Capricious Friend 533 " a Ro?ue ! .ZZ Z 538 Epi-ramsof Alexander Pope. On Mrs. Tosts 539 To a Blockhead ■ ' 5^9 The Fool and the Poet '_ 539 Epigrams of Dean 'g^ ' On Burning a Dull Poem .-„ To a Lady The Cudgeled Husband Z ZZ Z ZZ '540 On seeing Verses written upon Windows at Inns .... INDEX XIII SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB On seeing the Busts of Newton, Locke, eta, Dean Swift . . . 541 On the Church's Danger 541 On one Delacourt, etc 541 On a Usurer 541 To Mrs. Biddy Floyd 542 The Reverse 542 The Place of the Damned 543 The Day of Judgment 544 Paulus the Lawyer Lindsay .... 544 Epigrams by Thomas Sheridan. On a Caricature 545 On Dean Swift's Proposed Hospital, etc., 545 To a Dublin Publisher 545 Which is "Which Byrom .... 545 On some Lines of Lopez de Vega ....

Dr. Johnson . . . 545 On a Fuli-length Portrait of Beau Nash, etc., Chesterfield . . . 546 On Scotland Cleveland. . . . 546 Epigrams of Peter Pindar. Edmund Burke's Attack on Warren Hastings 546 On an Artist 547 On tho Conclusion of his Odes 547 The Lex Talionis upon Benjamin West 548 Barry's Attack upon Sir Joshua Reynolds 549 On the Death of Mr. Hone 549 On George the Third's Patronage of Benjamin West 549 Another on the Same 550 Epitaph on Peter Staggs 550 Tray's Epitaph 550 On a Stone thrown at a very great Man, etc 551 A Consolatory Stanza 551 Epigrams by Robert Burns. The Poet's Choice '. . 651 On a celebrated Ruling Elder 551 On John Dove 552 On Andrew Turner 552 On a Scotch Coxcomb 552 On Grizzel Grim 652 On a Wag in Mauchline 553 Epitaph on W — • • 553 On a Suicide 553 Epigrams from the German of Lessing.

Niger INDEX SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB A N „e Point Leasing .... 654 True Nobility .... 554 To a Liar 554 Mendax 654 The Bad Wife 555 The Dead Miser 555 A Fall 555 The Bad Orator 555 The Wise ChUd 555 Specimen of the Laconic 655 Cupid and Mercury 556 Fritz 556 On Dorilis 556 To a Slow Walker, etc 556 On Two Beautiful One-eyed Sisters 556 The Per Contra, or Matrimonial Balance 556 Epigrams of ST. Coleridge. An Expectoration 557 Expectoration the Second 557 To a Lady 557 Avaro 557 Beelzebub and Job 558 Sentimental 558 Aa Eternal Poem 558 Bad Poets 558 To Mr. Alexandre, the Ventriloquist . . . Scott 559 The Swallows RB. Sheridan . . 559 French and Enghsh Erskine .... 559 Epigrams by . » Thomas Moore. To Sir Huds|»Lowe 560 Dialogue A 560 To Miss 661 To 661 On being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party, etc. . 1 561 What my Thought's hke ? 561 From the French 562 A Joke Versified 56" The Surprise 562 0n 562 On a Squinting Poetess 562 On a Tuft-hunter 5g3 The K^3 !563 Epitaph on Southey 5g^ INDEX XV SUBJECT.

AUTHOR. PAGB Written in a Young Lady's Common-place Book Moore ..... 564 The Rabbinical Origin of Women 565 Anacreontique 665 On Butler's Monument Wesley .... 566 On the Disappointment of the Whig Associates of the Prince Regent, etc Lamb 566 To Professor Airey Sydney Smith . .566 On Lord Dudley and Ward Rogers .... 566 Epigrams of Lord Byron. To the Author of a Sonnet, etc. 567 Windsor Poetics 567 On a Carrier, etc 568 Epigrams of R. H Barham. On the Windows of King's College, etc 668 New-made Honor 569 Eheu Fugaces 569 Anonymous Epigrams. On a Pale Lady, etc 569 Upon Pope's Translation of Homer 569 Recipe for a Modern Bonnet 570 My Wife and I 570 On Two Gentlemen, etc 570 Wellington's Nose 570 The Smoker 571 An Essay on the Understanding 571 To a Living Author 571 Epigrams by Thomas Hood.

On the Art Unions 571 The Superiority of Machinery 671 Epigrams by W. Savage La/ndor. On Observing a Vulgar Name on the Plinth of a Statue 572 Lying in State 672 Epigrams from Punth. The Cause 572 Irish Particular 572 One Good Turn deserves Another 573 Sticky 673 The Poet FoUed 673 Black and White 673 Inquest — not Extraordinary 573 Domestic Economy 674 On Seeing an Execution INDEX SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB A Voice, and Nothing Else Punch 674 The Amende Honorable ° The Czar 574 Bas-Bleu 575 To a Rich Young Widow 575 The*Railway of Life 575 _ Conjugal Conundrum 575 Numbers Altered s,?fi Grammar for the Court of Berlin 576 The Empty Bottle Aytoun .... 576 The Death of Doctor Morrison Bentley's Miscellany 576 Epigrams bv John G. Saxe. On a Recent Classic Controversy 577 Another. 577 On an ill-read Lawyer 577 On an Ugly Person Sitting for a Daguerreotype 577 Woman's Will. 577 Family Quarrels 578 A Revolutionary Hero Lowell 578 Epigrams of Halpin.

The Last Resort 578 Feminine Arithmetic 579 The Mushroom Hunt 579 Jupiter Amans London Leader . . 580 The Orator's Epitaph Lord Brougham . 580 ECCENTRIC AND NONDESCRIPT. The Jovial Priest's Confession Leigh Hunt . . . 583 Tonis ad Resto Mare Anonymous . . . 531 Die Dean Swift . . .584 MoU " ... 585 To My Mistress " ... 585 A Love Song " . 585 A Gentle Echo on Woman ..... " . 586 To my Nose .... Anonymous . 587 Roger and DoUy . . Blackwood . . . 587 The Irishman . . " ... 588 A Catalectie Monody Cruiksliank' s Om. . 589 A New Song .... Gay . 59g INDEX XVII SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGE Reminiscences of a Sentimentalist .... Hood 592 •Faithless Nelly Gray " 594 No! " 596 Jacob Omnium's Hoss Thackeray . . . 597 The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown " ... 601 The BaUad of Eliza Davi3 " ... 603 Lines on a Late Hospicious Ewent ...

" ... 606 The Lamentable BaUad of the Foundling of Shoreditch " ... 610 The Crystal Palace " ... 613 The Speculators " ... 617 A Letter from Mr. Hosea Biglow, etc. . . Lowell 619 A Letter from a Candidate for the Presidency " 623 The Candidate's Creed " 626 The Courtin' " 629 A Song for a Catarrh Punch 630 Epitaph on a Candle " 630 Poetry on an Improved Principle .... " 631 On a Rejected Nosegay " 632 A Serenade " 633 Raflroad Nursery Rhyme " 633 An Invitation to the Zoological Gardens . . " 634 To the Leading Periodical " 634 The People and their Palace " 635 A Swell's Homage to Mrs. Stowe .... " 636 The Exclusive's Broken Idol " 637 The Last Kick of Fop's AUey " 637 The Mad Cabman's Song of Sixpence . . " 638 Alarming Prospect " 640 Epitaph on a Locomotive " 643 The Ticket of Leave " 644 A Polka Lyric Barclay Phillips . 646 A Sunnit to tbe Big Ox Anonymous . . . 646 ENIGMATIC.

Riddles by Matthew Prior. Two Riddles 651 Enigma 651 Another INDEX. SUBJECT. AUTHOR. PAGB Riddles by Dean Swift and his friends. A Maypole 652 On the Moon 653 On Ink 654 On a Circle 654 On a Pen 655 A Fan 656 On _ Cannon 656 On the Five Senses 657 On Snow 657 On a Candle 658 On a Corkscrew 658 On the Same 659 An Echo 660 On the Vowels 661 On a Pair of Dice 661 On a Shadow in a Glass 661 On Time 662 Law or Soubces MISCELLANEOUS. MISCELLANEOUS. TO MY EMPTY PURSE. CHAUCER. To you, my purse, and to none other wight, Complain I, for ye be my lady dere ; I am sorry now that ye be light, For, certes, ye now make me heavy chere ; Me were as lefe be laid upon a bere, For which unto your mercy thus I crie, Be heavy againe, or els mote I die. Now vouchsafe this day or it be night, That I of you the blissful sowne may here, Or see your color like the sunne bright, That of yellowness had never pere ; Ye are my life, ye be my hertes stere, Queen of comfort and of good companie, Be heavy again, or else mote I die.

Now purse, thou art to me my hves light, And saviour, as downe in this world here, Out of this towne helpe me by your might, Sith that you will not be my treasure, For I am slave as nere as any frere, But I pray unto your curtesie, Be heavy again, or els mote I die. TO CHLOE. AN APOLOGY FOE GOING INTO THE COUNTRY. PETER PTNDAB. Chloe, we must not always be in heaven, For ever toying, ogling, kissing, billing ; The joys for which I thousands would have given, Will presently be scarcely worth a shilling. MISCELLANEOUS. 22 Thy neck is fairer than the Alpine snows, And, sweetly swelling, beats the down of doves; Thy cheek of health, a rival to the rose ; Thy pouting lips, the throne of all the loves; Vet, though thus beautiful beyond expression, That beauty fadeth by too much possession. Economy in love is peace to nature, Much like economy in worldly matter ; We should be prudent, never hve too fast ; Profusion will not, can not, always last.

Lovers are really spendthrifts — 't is a shame — Nothing their thoughtless, wild career can tame, Till penury stares them in the face ; And when they find an empty purse, Grown calmer, wiser, how the fault they curse, And, hmping, look with such a sneaking grace I Job's war-horse fierce, his neck with thunder hung, Sunk to ar, humble hack that carries dung. Smell to the queen of flowers, the fragrant rose — Smell twenty times — and then, my dear, thy nose Will tell thee (not so much for scent athirst) The twentieth drank less flavor than the first. Love, doubtless, is the sweetest of all fellows ; Yet often should the httle god retire — Absence, dear Chloe, is a pair of bellows, That keeps alive the sacred fire. TO A FLY, TAKEN OUT OF A BOWL OF PUNCH. PETER PINTMH. ab ! poor intoxicated httle knave, Now senseless, floating on the fragrant wave; Why not content the cakes alone to munch ?

Dearly thou pay'st for buzzing round the bowl ; Lost to the world, thou busy sweet-lipped soul — Thus Death, as well as Pleasure, dwells with Punch. MISCELLANEOUS. 23 Now let me take thee out, and moralize — Thus 't is with mortals, as it is with flies, Forever hankering after Pleasure's cup : Though Fate, with all his legions, be at hand, The beasts, the draught of Circe can't withstand, But in goes every nose — they must, will sup. Mad are the passions, as a colt untamed 1 When Prudence mounts their backs to ride them mild, They fling, they snort, they foam, they rise inflamed, Insisting on their own sole will so wild. Gadsbud ! my buzzing friend, thou art not dead ; The Fates, so kind, have not yet snapped thy thread; By heavens, thou mov'st a leg, and now its brother. And kicking, lo, again, thou mov'st another 1 And now thy httle drunken eyes unclose, And now thou feelest for thy httle nose, And, finding it, thou rubbest thy two hands Much as to say, " I 'm glad I 'm here again."

And well mayest thou rejoice — 'tis very plain, That near wert thou to Death's unsocial lands. And now thou rollest on thy back about, Happy to find thyself alive, no doubt — Now turnest — on the table making rings, Now crawling, forming a wet track, Now shaking the rich hquor from thy back, Now fluttering nectar from thy silken wings . Now standing on thy head, thy strength to find, And poking out thy small, long legs behind ; And now thy pinions dost thou briskly ply; Preparing now to leave me — farewell, fly I Go, join thy brothers on yon sunny board, And rapture to thy family afford — There wilt thou meet a mistress, or a wife, That saw thee drunk, drop senseless in the stream; Who gave, perhaps, the wide-resounding scream, And now sits groaning for thy precious life. MISCELLANEOUS. Yes, go and carry comfort to thy friends, And wisely tell them thy imprudence ends.

Let buns and sugar for the future charm ; These will delight, and feed, and work no harm — While Punch, the grinning, merry imp of sin, Invites th' unwary wanderer to a kiss, Smiles in his face, as though he meant him bliss, Then, hke an alligator, drags him in. MAN MAY BE HAPPY. PETEE PINDAR, " Max may be happy, if he will:" I 've said it often, and I think so still ; Doctrine to make the million stare ! Know then, each mortal is an actual Jove ; Can brew what weather he shall most approve, Or wind, or calm, or foul, or fair. But here 's the mischief — man's an ass, I say; Too fond of thunder, lightning, storm, and rain; He hides the charming, cheerful ray That spreads a smile o'er hill and plain ! Dark, he must court the skull, and spade, and shroud— The mistress of his soul must be a cloud !

Who told him that he must be cursed on earth ? The God of Nature ? — No such thing; Heaven whispered him, the moment of his birth, "Don't cry, my lad, but dance and sing; Don't be too wise, and be an ape: — In colors let thy soul be dressed, not crape. " Roses shall smooth life's journey, and adorn ; Yet mind me — ifj through want of grace, Thou mean'st to fling the blessing in my face Thou hast full leave to tread upon a thorn." Yet some there are, of men, I think the worst, Poor imps I unhappy, if they can' ,e cursed MISCELLANEOUS. Forever brooding over Misery's eggs, As though life's pleasure were a deadly sin; Mousing forever for a gin To catch thenhappiness by the legs. Even at a dinner some will be unblessed, However good the viands, and well dressed : They always come to table with a scowl, Squint with a face of verjuice o'er each dish, Fault the poor flesh, and quarrel with the fish, Curse cook and wife, and, loathing, eat and growL A cart-load, lo, their stomachs steal, Yet swear they can not make a meal.

I like not the blue-devil-hunting crew 1 I hate to drop the discontented jaw ! 0 let me Nature's simple smile pursue, And pick even pleasure from a straw. ADDRESS TO THE TOOTHACHE. ITRITTEN WHEN THE AUTHOR WAS GRIEVOUSLY TORMENTEE BY THAT DISORDER. ROBERT BURNS. My curse upon thy venom'd stang, That shoots my tortur'd gums alang ; And thro' my lugs gies mony a twang, Wi' gnawing vengeance; Tearing my nerves wi' bitter pang, Like racking engines I When fevers burn, or ague freezes, Rheumatics gnaw, or cholic squeezes ; Our neighbors' sympathy may ease us, Wi' pitying moan ; But thee — thou hell o' a' diseases, Aye mocks our groan ! Adown my beard the slavers trickle I I kick the wee stools o'er the mickle, MISCELLANEOUS. As round the fire the giglets keckle, To see me loop ; While, raving mad, I wish a heckle Were in their doup.