O'Ruark: or, chronicles of the Balliquin Family

Front matter

O'RUARK ; OK, CJjronirlw nf tlje fkUitprin #mty'. DETAILING WHAT THEY DID, AND WHAT THEY DID NOT; THE WISE MAXIMS THAT THEY DIDN'T PUT IN PRACTICE, AND THE GOOD RESOLUTIONS WHICH THEY LEFT TO BE PERFORMED BY THEIR DESCENDANTS: AND LAYING THE WHOLE OF THEIR PRIVATE TRANSACTIONS FULLY BEFORE THE PUBLIC. BY HENRY J. MONAHAN, ESQ. DUBLIN : JAMES DUFFY, 7, WELLINGTON-QUAY. 1852. DUBLIN: PKINTED BY J. M. o'l'OOI.E, 13, HAWKINs'-SIT.EET. TO Cjjb 1@Mh at large, WHOSE FAVOUR HE IS MOST ANXIOUS TO OBTAIN, THIS WOEK IS RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED, ISY flu. SUtljiir.

Preface

. The necessity for prefacing their works has been a constant source of complaint with authors ; but I am inclined to suspect that so far from considering it as a grievance, they seize with avidity on their only opportunity of being egotistical, and delight in telling their readers, how, why, and when, they wrote. Yet a more useless appendage than a preface can scarcely be imagined ; for nine out of every ten do not read it, and the one that does, cares very httle about what the author's motives were. However, it would not answer sor a new author to become an innovator, so I must meekly follow the example of my betters. The tale which is now laid before the public, was commenced as an amusement for my own otherwise idle hours ; but during its progress, I imagined that it might also amuse and interest others, and determined on publishing it ; and whether I acted wisely or not, I now leave the public to decide.

As there have been so many great and able writers of Irish fiction, it may, at the first glance, seem presumptuous of a new author to take up the subject. But I am convinced that it is far from being exhausted, and that if there were a thousand gleaners in the field, there would be enough for each, without, in the slightest degree, interfering with his neighbour's portion. For the Irish character is so various, so diversified, has so many lights and shadows, and has been till latterly so misrepresented and caricatured, that many a hand which now holds the pen, shall be for ages cold in the grave before it will be perfectly understood. It is true that the day when an Irishman was VI

PREFACE.

. introduced into a play or a novel, merely for the purpose of exciting a laugh, is long passed : it is true that such an attempt at ridicule would now recoil on the author's own head ; but it is not the less true that it will be long before justice is fully done. For my own part, I have only to add, that to the best of my poor abilities I have sought to assist in this just cause ; if I have failed, it was not the will, but the power, that was wanting. I have endeavoured to portray Irish character and Irish life, not as it was even ten years ago, but as it is at the present moment. So far from over-colouring anything, I have striven to soften the tints which might otherwise seem too sad ; and whether this work succeeds or not, I will at least have the satisfaction of feeling that I have advanced nothing but the truth. Henry J. Monahan. Dublin, March 3rd, 1852. CONTENTS.

Chapter I

PACT* Containing a description of the honourable and ancient house of Balliquin, which, like many honourable and ancient houses, was somewhat dilapidated ; also an account of its high-born inhabitants, The O'Ruark, the Jackdaws, and Miss Uphemia M'Guire, - - - - 1

Chapter II

Containing The O'Ruark's opinions on the lock of the parlour-door, and the state of the country in general ; also a 3hort account of his early misfortunes and degrading alliance, aud ending with the return home of Edward O'Ruark, heir to the illustrious house of Balliquin, and the rejoicings ensuing thereupon, _._._.--.- 9

Chapter III

In which the hero of this work, being an eccentric character, is introduced to the reader in an eccentric manner, ------ 26

Chapter IV

Proving two great facts : the first being that a mother could approve of her son thinking of matrimony, and the second that Miss M'Guire's appetite was not injured by the use of cosmetics, - 31

Chapter V

Telling how Edward O'Ruark paid a visit to Belle- View, Mr. Elmore's residence, and whom he met there. The question as to whether they were worth meeting or not, being entirely left to the render's decision, In CONTENTS. VIII PAGE :,'.< 69 86 89 101 108 131 139 154 158

Chapter VI

A trying one ; giving an account of the crimes of which Mr. Elmore was found guilty, by au impartial jury ; and the sentence passed on him by a judge, who might well be called an upright one, as he sat erect while passing judgment, -

Chapter XI

Showing through Edward and Helen that the course of true love will not run smooth, unless the wheels are lubricated, with what is technically called the oil of palms ; and through Miss Mulvanny, that philosophy can be obtained by tbe free use of turnips, ------

Chapter I

Containing a description of the honourable and ancient house of Balliquin, which, like many honourable and ancient houses, was somewhat dilapidated ; also an account of its high-born inhabitants, The O'Ruark, the Jackdaws, and Miss Uphemia M'Guire. The house of Balliquin had been from time immemorial the residence of the O'Ruarks, who were a very ancient family, and traced their descent far back ; so far, indeed, that few could follow, and none controvert their assertions ; for, if there were no proofs of their claims to antiquity, neither was there any proof to the contrary : then, too, the title deeds might have been lost at the time of the flood; at least, the O'Ruarks, if hard pressed by argument, would not have hesitated about declaring that such had been the case. Pride had been, as well as the estate, hereditary in the family, and, alas, poverty had latterly stepped in, and become hereditary also.

A tedious and expensive law-suit had descended with the property to its present owner ; which, having been at length decided in his favour, left John Frederick Augustus O'Ruark (albeit he had more names than guineas) the ruined possessor of a ruin, for such, in truth, was the house of Balliquin : even the imaginative pen of George Robbins the auctioneer could not describe it as a desirable resi dence, for part was unroofed, and the doors and windows absent for so long a time, that people had ceased to speak of their return as an event Ukely to occur. Some said that this was caused by its occupier's inabihty to repair them; but others, with a greater semblance of probability, asserted that it was rather to be attributed to his hospitable disposition, which could not endure that even the birds should find any difficulty of en trance into his mansion : and certainly the jackdaws, who, from their long acquaintance with the family, ought to have been good B CHRONICLES OF THE judges in the matter, seemed to take this view of it, and were daily improving the place by additional buildings.

It would require more antiquarian lore than I possess, and greater research than I am willing to bestow on the subject, to find out the date of the erection of the dwelling ; but this might be inferred from the part which was roofed, that it had been built before the discovery ofthe slate quarries ; as, although three storeys high, it was thatched with straw. Indeed, the windows would rather favour such an assumption, as they evidently be longed to the dark ages, being formed so as to give as Uttle light as possible to the apartments. The lawn was devoid of herbage, and the few half-starved sheep which, by a great stretch of the imagination, were sup posed to feed thereon, frisked with delight whenever a charitable blade of grass made its appearance. But this want of vegetation on the part of the lawn was well suppUed by the rank green ness of the pools of water which interspersed it.

These Mr. John Frederick Augustus O'Ruark pohtely called his lakes; and he was in the habit of boasting of his rights on land and water. In former days he used also talk much of his woods, but they had disappeared, having been sold some time after his marriage, partly to pay his wife's milhner, partly to pay his own tailor; for, though the married couple were unhke Adam and Eve in every other respect, yet in this there was a resemblance, that as our first parents are said to have sought clothing in the leaves, so the O'Ruarks had dressed themselves with the trees. However, the absence of oak, ash, and elm, caused httle uneasi ness to Mr. O'Ruark, as the only tree he valued was his genealogical one ; and that was hkely to remain always with him, as, even if he was wilhng to seU, no one would be desirous of purchasing it.

This tree must have been originally very luxuriant in branches, judging by the number of cousins and otlier relations, that constantly visited The O'Ruark, to talk of his good blood and eat of his good meat. These were always hospitably received, for as the grandfather ofthe present gentle man, being in receipt of fifteen hundred per annum, had always lived up to it, the grandson could not perceive any plausible reason for lessening the expenditure, though he did not possess quite one third of this income. In excuse for this extravagance, it must be allowed that an immensity was done at the expense of the public, as the shopkeepers in the neighbouring town could attest; their accounts and account-books gave decisive evidence that his hospitahty did not cost him much. Why, then, it will be asked by some methodical, calculatinoreader did those tradesmen grant him credit ?

In the first place, gentle reader, it would have been an unheard-of thing in that part of the country to refuse it to an O'Ruark ; and in the next, their fathers had given it to an unhmited extent to his fathers, and had lost nothing by doing so. " Is not the land still there," said they ; true, but they did not take into consideration that the value of the land had decreased, while the encumbrances on it had increased in an exact ratio. We are now about to honour the reader with a personal intro duction to The O'Ruark, and to do so, must enter the parlour, where he generally sat, as it was the only apartment in the house, that fuUy admitted the light of day. Tins room was long and spa cious ; the wall had been originally brilUantly coloured, but time and damp had mellowed it to a neutral tint ; part of this, however, was concealed by pictures drawn by the deheate hand of Mr. O'Ruark's mother, who had been considered through the whole country a first-rate artist; some went even so far as to express great sorrow that her position as the wife of an O'Ruark, forbade her to delight the world with a public exhibition of her works, a sorrow which a travelling artist, who had been favoured with a view of them, was rude enough to say the world could not sympathise with.

This remark was of course caused by envy on his part. But even if the pictures afforded httle to please the eye of the painter, yet, as it was asserted that they had all been copied from nature, they would have been a rich and useful study for the antiquarian naturalist, as they clearly proved that many flowers had bloomed, and animals existed in Ireland in the days of Mrs. O'Ruark, which are now quite extinct. There was, also, over the fire-place, a portrait of her husband, by the same faithful hand; but, unquestionably, he must have either been a very grim, ugly-looking person, or, it was drawn after a domestic quarrel, for there was nothing flattering in the resemblance. With its glazed, glaring eyes, bushy hair, and monstrous features, it was like one of those heads which the hungry traveller beholds with delight, suspended over the door of a village inn.

The carpet was threadbare, and in many places required mending, but it was no exception to a general rule, as many things in the establishment required mending also. The chairs, of black oak, high, stiff, formal things, looked as if they could not, by any means, be brought to approve of the vulgar innovation of steam locomotion, of these days, being in themselves too heavy to be moved with ease. But the sofa shook in every Umb, if a person even walked across the floor : a nervous, sensitive sofa it must have been, as it was afflicted with a sudden spasm, and gave a short, dry crick, whenever any one pressed upon it. The window curtains had once been rich with fringes, and bright in hue, however, the light of the sun, which is asserted by the scientific to be the CHEONICLES OF THE giver of all colors, had, in this instance, acted in a different manner, and had robbed the merino of its crimson.

The only really comfortable thing in the whole room wasa blazing turf fire, which sent a thousand sparks up the capacious chimney ; this was always well replenished, as part, indeed the broader part, of the Balliquin broad acres consisted of bog. Near the fire was a small table covered with an old cloth, and papers, still older and mustier. Beside this was — we were near saying an easy chair — the memory of our sad experience makes us recall that word, having sat in it, feeling anything but easy, for a full hour, if the little clock over the mantel-piece kept time, and did not partake of the want of order so prevalent in the family. In this arm chair (that is the proper word) was seated a man about fifty or sixty years of age, for he might be either, aa dissipation had helped time hi bestowhig its undesirable honours on his head.

He was somewhat above the middle height, and was wrapped in a loose dressing gown, which, Uke its wearer, had evidently seen its best days. Although spare, he was muscular ; his face was sallow, the features high and prominent, but totally devoid of the expression of energy which usually accom panies that style of countenance ; indeed, its chief expressions were apathy and indifference, except about the Ups, which had the peculiar curl that betrays pride and irritability in its pos sessor : but the happy smile now lingering on those Ups, the brightness of the eyes, and the absorbing interest with which he perused the documents before him, gave a degree of intelli gence to his face which it generally lacked. It might have puzzled a casual observer to discover why his hand, in holding up the papers, trembled so much ; and such would, doubtless, have thought that it proceeded from mental agitation — this would have been a mistake : the tremulous motion was, unfortunately, habitual, and was caused by many potations; as it was customary with him to toast the glorious memory of his ancestors somewhat too frequently, in bumpers of the hot and stimulating Uquid called punch; for Father Matthew, in his teetotal tour through Tipperary, had forgotten to visit Balhquin ; and even if he had called, it is to be seared it would have been in vain, as he could never hope to call The O'Ruark his disciple.

Near this gentleman was seated, with her shppered feet com fortably resting on the sender, a lady os forty, certain — ill-natured people said she might lay claim to many more years, but she, not being of a covetous or grasping disposition, did not assert her rights ; and with a want of vanity truly becoming, constantly denied her many acquirements in that way. If she had ever been beautiful, time must have had some great grudge against her; for, with unmitigated cruelty, he had deprived her of every trace of those charms. The hair fell in luxuriant and wrinkle hiding ringlets about her face ; and such hair, so soft, so curly, so glossy ; she might well defy the most fashionable wig-maker to produce anything superior to it ; indeed some of her friends hinted that a wig-maker ought to be the best judge of its beauty, as_ it was one of these, and not nature, that had supplied her with it ; but supposing this to be the case, she having paid for it, no one could dispute the ownership, and every lawyer in the land should allow it to be hers.

Her features being thin and sharp, she said they were finely chiselled, but if so, it was her old enemy time that had handled the chisel, and used it very effectually also ; in one respect her face was statuehke, being pale, and the skin excessively hard. The hps were narrow and generally tightly compressed, though she need not have been ashamed of opening them, as it would only have displayed a set of teeth which were really beautiful, as well they might, having cost a guinea a tooth ; for, though by no means rich, she considered no money thrown away that was applied in patronizing the arts. Her nose was long and pointed, much more pointed than her wit ; although she prided herself on that, being in her own opinion a learned lady, quite a bit of a blue stocking, having acquired a Uttle classic lore at school, and having also, while there, repeated several pieces of poetry with great eclat, beginning with Watts' " Little Busy Bee," that so usefully im iniproved each shining hour, and ending with Goldsmith's " Deserted Village," where the inhabitants were not in the habit of improving anything.

Since then, she had soared with Milton in the empyreal sphere, (metaphorically of course) wept over the pages of Bulwer, and, while devouring Byron, had felt quite gloomy and grand, and at war with the whole world. But despite of his poetry and his power, the latter author had not been able to make her a misanthrope — no, she was anything but that ; for, though the title of Miss which she had retained so long, might lead the reader to infer that she was a fierce, prudish, determined spinster, despising the domestic ties of matrimony, and repulsing the approaches of man — such was not the case : if she was unmarried, no one could blame her for it — it was not her fault, but her misfortune. In early hfe she had made vigorous efforts against the peace of all the country gentle men, had tried poetry and passion, assize balls and hunts, but with no success ; had then gone to Dublin, where, in a couple of seasons at a fashionable boarding-house, she spent the little fortune her mother had left her ; but those senseless creatures, the men, although they complimented her about her seraphic singing and grand attempts against the existence of the boarding house pianoforte, yet none of them said, " Miss Uphemia M'Guire will you marry me?" she had, therefore, with an aching heart to return to the country, and try to exist on an extremely limited income.

But being highly respectable, she spent the most ot her time in visits, of half-yearly duration, at the houses of the neighbouring gentry ; going, Uke the daughter of Jeptha, from place to place, lamenting her virginity. Yet as she was a loving hopeful creature, she beUeved that her charms might still secure her a husband; she was, therefore, ever a pleased and patient Ustener to the nonsense uttered by the different young gentle men she met ; had always a playful, girlish reply ; sympathised with their feeUngs, coincided m their opinions, and fehdeep interest in their pursuits. Now aU this proves how charitable and amiable her disposition was, for she, of course, must have regarded them as inferior beings, totally devoid of discrimination and sentiment; sordid, trifling creatures, too, who preferred paying attention to some foolish young chit with a fortune, instead of improving their understandings by conversing with an intellectual, highly-gifted girl Uke her.

" Oh," she used sometimes to exclaim in bitterness of spirit, "it is sad to see rational creatures value the dross of the mine more than the beauties of the mind." She was at present on a visit at Balhquin, and was devouring, or rather drinking in, the weak milkand- watery stuff, called a fashionable novel ; the well-thumbed pages and greasy cover of which, declared its popularity in that part ofthe country. It was to this lady that The O'Ruark, after several vain attempts to excite her attention, by coughing and moving uneasily in his chair, at length addressed himself. " I hope, my dear Miss Uphemia will pardon me for interrupting her in the perusal of a work of such absorbing interest as that seems to be." " Oh !" rephed the lady, gently raising her eyes from the book, and fixing theh soft gaze upon the speaker, " how can you make any apologies for gratifying me; what novel, however good, could interest me so much as the wit and wisdom which always falls from the lips of The O'Ruark ?

Cold, indeed, must be the heart of Uphemia M'Guire, when it responds not with delight, to the accents of a friend." This was one of the fine speeches which Miss M'Guire had ever ready for the service of the master, or mistress, of the house where she might be stopping ; but, unfortunately, like guineas, from constant use, they had been lessened in value, though stiU passing as current com. Probably The O'Ruark understood this, for with a faint smile, and shght bow for the compliment he resumed, ' " I believe I informed you some time ago, that I was engaged in elucidating an event of great importance concerning my own family: no less a subject called forth my exertions, than the discovery of to whom James Oliver, tenth son of my great-grand-father, was married ; for no document that I possess has mentioned the event.

Well, after long research, and a patient investigation, I find the circumstance recorded in this old news paper, as follows : ' On Thursday last, James Oliver, tenth son of Augustus O'Ruark, Esq., of Balliquin, led to the hymenial altar the young, lovely and accomplished daughter of Hyacinth M'Taffe, Esq., of Grange Castle, in the county of Galway.' You wiU perceive that he selected one in every respect equal to the high deserts of his family ; indeed, only one of the O'Ruark's ever degraded himself in marriage." He paused and sighed deeply. Miss M'Guire did not pretend to notice the sigh, but repUed : " WeU, indeed, my dear sh, may you be satisfied with the match. The M'Taffes are deserving of even the high honor of being united to a member of the Balhquin family ; though, per haps, I should not say it, as some of the M'Taffe blood has flowed down into my veins, from my great-grand-mother, who bore that name.

However, I am sure that Hymen smiled upon the auspicious nuptials, and Venus blessed the happy pair." " I see no account," returned The O'Ruark, with a smile, " of Hymen attending at the wedding : but if he did not, the Arch bishop of Dubhn did; and a Venus, in the shape of Lady Dundunder, honored it with her presence. It is a pleasing task to trace our ancestry up to its very source, and find that no muddy water, flowing from low and nameless sewers, has mingled with the stream. I solemnly declare I would rather resign my estate than my blood." As he spoke, he gazed through the window at his barren and ill-cultivated property. A good farmer would have considered, that if the deceased ancestors were not composed of better clay than the land of Balhquin, it would not be painful to resign both.

" True," continued The O'Ruark, with a pitying sigh, " all are not blessed with high birth ; which clearly proves, that it was intended, from the beginning, some men should be inferior to others. In nature we see the queen bee superior to the rest of the swarm ; and the hon is king of the forest. I am even informed, but, of course, do not state it as a fact, that bullocks' blood is used in refining sugar. Now, if it has the power of changing brown sucar into white, it naturally follows that it nn t 1*1) must have great effect on human beings. The O'Ruark, like many other persons, without vouching for the truth of what he stated, yet did not hesitate to draw a con clusion from it. " Oh, dear me !" exclaimed Miss M'Guire, " I never heard that anecdote about the sugar before; but I recollect a gentleman, who had been in the West Indies, once told me, that the blood of the Neoroes was mingled with what I used to sweeten my tea; which I often since thought was the reason that the fourpenny sugar, which my maid sometimes buys for me, is so black.

But, as you justly remark, good blood and the study of literature, are what distinguishes the gentleman from the plebeian." " Study of Uterature," repeated The O'Ruark, contemptuously. "What has that to do with the matter? What is an author but a goose-quill, with a goose's head stuck on the top of it ? and the men who read are Uttle better. Such things ought to be left to females. I remember my father used to say, that in his day it was not thought proper for a gentleman to waste his time, as you waste a farthing candle, in trying to throw light on obscure pages. For his own part, he frequently lamented that he ever learned to write ; as ignorance of that art would have prevented lnm from signing promissory notes for the accommodation of his friends, by which he lost a large sum of money.

In scripture we are told that eating of the tree of knowledge did not improve Eve ; and I am inclined to think half the evils of the country are to be attributed to the extension of education ; particularly to the common people. I myself had once the misfortune to hire a butler, who had been reared in one of those infamous institutions established for the purpose of making servants know more than their masters, and, consequently, be able to cheat them. He prided himself on his learning, and proved it by peeping into all my letters, and retaining what he read ; so that I, who am always careless about my letters, and frequently leave them for weeks unopened, often received the first information as to their contents at the village inn. I discharged the fellow, and have never since admitted a man of letters into my establishment.

I scarcely ever read myself, and only lament the information I have." You have very Uttle to lament, thought Miss M'Guire ; but she answered — " Yet, for all that, as a Latin author beautifully remarks, the study of pohte Uterature softens men's manners." " You surely are not one of those who think a good education equal to good blood?" interrupted her companion testily. He looked at her as if he sought to pierce into her soul, and see if she was capable of holding such a daring opinion. Miss Euphenia, who was fond of showing her supposed clever ness in disputation, was about to reply, but checked herself and paused. In that short pause what a world of thou"*hts passed through her wonderful brain ! — bright visions of comfortable breakfasts and hearty dinners at Balhquin ; visions, too, of pickled herrings at home, with the shadowy aspect of a certain old servant maid, with manners as impertinent and face as cross as low diet and ill-paid wages could make them ; who, whenever Miss M'Guire did, on rare occasions, purchase a pound of beefsteak to regale herself upon, managed, by some peculiar art (of course, one ofthe secrets of cookery), to send it up in the shape of half a pound; and replied to all inquiries on the subject, by stating that she had always been in the habit of Uving in respectable families, where large joints of meat were ordered, and the ser vants asked no curious questions about them.

"I have no other invitation at present," muttered the prudent Miss M'Guire, " and does it matter what the ridiculous old genealogist thinks upon the subject ?" therefore with a sweet but unwilling smile, she rephed — "Let me in all cases yield to the superior judgment of my friend."

Chapter II

Containing The O'Ruark's Opinions on the Lock of the Parlour-door, and the State of the Country in General ; also, a Short Account of his early Misfortunes and degrading Alliance, and ending with the return Home of Edward O'Ruark, Heir to the illustrious House of Balliquin, and the Rejoicings ensuing thereupon. After the foregoing conversation, Miss M'Guire, annoyed at having to yield her opinion, remained silent ; and The O'Ruark, content with the laurels he had won, fell into a state of somniferous apathy. Let no one imagine that he was asleep ; if he closed his eyes, it was, no doubt, for the purpose of reviewing his own internal resources with the greater ease. From these pleasing meditations he was roused by a sudden turning and violent jerking at the handle of the door, caused by some person attempting to get in.