The Career of Puffer Hopkins ... Illustrated by H. K. Browne, Esq. (Phiz.)

Preface

. It was the hope of the author when he began the following work, that he might be able to produce a book, in some slight degree, characteristic and national in its features. Now, that it is completed, he fears it may be found far short of that hope, and unequal even to his own feeble purposes. He had a design which seemed, in some of its circumstances, to partake a little of utility and truth ; but which, he is afraid, is not made quite so clear to the reader. Where he has attempted to shade and soften, he may have blurred ; and where he would have cut sharp fines and effected contrasts, it may prove that he has merely mangled character and story. Imperfect as is his own judgment in such a case, he thinks he can discover one or two places at least, where more should have been said and less done ; or more done and less said.

He wishes only that he had sufficient influence with the reader to persuade him to guard against a single false alarm frequently raised against works of this class. The constancy, with which the charge of caricaturing Nature is brought against

PREFACE.

. writers who attempt the humorous, should lead us to sus pect — particularly as Cervantes, Smollett, Fielding and Scott, to say nothing of more recent eminent examples, have all, at one time or another, been included in the accusation — that there is less justice and more assump tion in the charge, than seems at first possible. These authors all wrote from a sure instinct, a profound knowledge of their art. They knew very well, or must have early learned, that the spirit of the accusation Avould drive all literature upon a servile transcript of every-day objects, and most effectually stifle every work claiming to be a Avork of art. It was their province, they knew, to discover in nature the germ of character, and to expand it by processes of which genius is master, into a livelier, truer development than nature, in her ordinary moods, presents.

To group, to separate, to soften and elevate nature, is allowed to the author as Avell as the painter ; and the charge of caricaturing should be brought only where Nature is lost sight of and fails to furnish the original staple, out of Avhich the product is wrought. It happened to the author, during the progress of the early parts of this Tale through the pages of a Maga zine (Arcturus,) to be engaged in the advocacy of a Law of International Copy-right : a cause which he will not fail to urge at all proper opportunities. As it was not found altogether convenient to answer what he advanced, an attack was made, by a new sort of evasive logic, upon the present work. What kind of generalship it would be to set out with the valiant purpose of the conquest of Mexico and proceed to its execution by marching a couple of

PREFACE.

. V thousand miles in directly the opposite course, and opening a brisk cannonade upon the Heights of Abraham, for ex ample, — the reader may determine. The author only ex presses a Avish that the following work may be judged by itself, apart from collateral issues and distracting person alities. In that spirit he believes it will be judged by all fair-minded and capable critics. Whatever the issue may be, he cannot altogether regret that he has written it since it has afforded him an opportunity to serve, in a very humble way, objects, of which he ought not to be ashamed. It will be perceived that a portion of the text is illus trated by H. K. Browne, Esq., (Phiz,) of London. In justice to the artist, it should be added, that the great distance, at which he labored, from the author, has caused him to depart, in some particulars, from the conception it was the author's purpose to embody.

As they are the first and only designs procured from that gentleman for America, the author ventures to add, that he regards them, with this reservation, as eminently ingenious and spirited. New-York, Oct. VSitk, 1843. CONTENTS.

Chapter I

The Platform, 9 CHAP. II. First Acquaintance with Hobbleshank, . . 14 CHAP. III. The Bottom Club, 22 CHAP. IV. Mr. Fyler Close and his Customers, ... 29 CHAP. V. The Auction-Room 37 CHAP. VI. The Vision of the Coffin-Maker's 'Prentice, . 44 CHAP. VII. Puffer Hopkins Receives an Appointment, . 52 CHAP. VIII. Adventures of Puffer as a Scourer, . . 61 CHAP. IX. An Entertainment at Mr. Fishblatt's, ... 72 CHAP. X. Hobbleshank at his Lodgings, .... 81 CHAP. XL Mr. Leycraft Rambles Pleasantly About, . . 86 CHAP. XII. A Further Acquaintance with Fob the Tailor, . 92 CHAP. XIII. The Economy of Mr. Fyler Close and Ishmael Small ; 99 CHAP. XIV. Puffer Hopkins Encounters Hobbleshank Again, 106 CHAP. XV. Puffer Hopkins Inquires after Hobbleshank, . 116 CHAP. XVI. The Nominating Convention Hatch a Candidate, 122 CHAP. XVII.

Certain Distinguished Persons Negotiate with the News-Boys, 138 CHAP. XVIII. Strange Matter : Perhaps not Without Method, 142 CHAP. XIX. The Pale Traveler Enters the City, . . . 149 CHAP. XX. Fob and his Visiter from the Country, . . 152 CHAP. XXI. Ishmael Small Makes a Discovery, . . 158 CHAP. XXII. Mr. Fyler Close Invokes the Aid of Mr. Meagrim and the Law, ..... CONTENTS. P»g« XXIII. Puffer Hopkins Inquires again after Hobbleshank, 172 CHAP. CHAP. XXIV. The Charter Election, .... 180 CHAP. XXV. The End of Leycraft 189 CHAP. XXVI. Hobbleshank's Return, .... 196 CHAP. XXVII. A Notable Scheme of Mr. Fyler Close's, . 201 CHAP. XXVIII. The Burning of Close's Row, ... 207 XXIX. The Round-Rimmers' Complimentary Ball, 214 CHAP. CHAP. XXX. Mr. Fishblatt's News-Room, ... 226 CHAP. XXXI. Puffer Hopkins Improves an Acquaintance, 235 CHAP. XXXII.

The Death of Fob 243 CHAP. XXXIII. Puffer is Nominated to the American Congress, ....... 251 CHAP. XXXIV. He Dines with the Magistrates, . . 257 CHAP. XXXV. The Trial of Mr. Fyler Close, 265 CHAP. XXXVI. The Jury-Room, 283 CHAP. XXXVII. Mr. Close's Last Speculation, , . 291 CHAP. XXXVIII. The Night-Procession, .... 299 CHAP. XXXIX. Hobbleshank and Puffer Hopkins Visit the Farm-House, ..... 309 ••T tHE CAREER OF PUFFER HOPKINS.

CHAPTER I. THE PLATFORM.

To say that the townspeople of this mighty metropo lis were in a state of greater excitement and activity on a certain night in a certain month of November — which it is not necessary more particularly to define — than they are on certain other nights of periodical recurrence, would be to do the said townspeople arrant injustice, and to es tablish for the chronicler of the following authentic his tory, at the very outset, a questionable character lor truth and plain-speaking. On this immediate occasion, how ever, there was, it must be confessed, a commendable de gree of agitation and enthusiasm visible, in almost every quarter of the city. Crowds were emerging from lane, alley and thoroughfare, and pouring into the central streets in the direction of the Hall ; sometimes in knots of three, four or more, all engaged in earnest conversation, in a loud key, with vehement gesture, and faces considerably discolored by excitement.

The persons composing these various peripatetic and deliberative groups, could not be said to be of any single class or profession, but mingled together indiscriminately, much after the fashion of a country store-keeper's stock, where a bale of fourth-price flannel neighbors a piece of first-quality linen, and knots of dainty and gallant wine-glasses are brought into a state of sociable confusion, with a gathering of hard-headed plebian stone-bottles. Although all tended the same way and on the same errand, let no man be so rash and intem perate as to imagine that no distinctions were observed ; that certain lines and demarcations were not maintained ; and that broadcloth was not careful here, as usual, not to have its fine nap destroyed by the jostling of homespun. The knot of tough-fisted mechanics kept its course, roaring out its rough sarcasms and great gusts of invective, while the company of well-dressed gentlemen bound for Pujffer Hopkins. the same harbor, glided more quietly along, their talk scarcely disturbed by the extravagance of a rippling phrase or an oath.

Here a substantial citizen advanced in great state and dignity, aloue, toward the place of gathering, unless his horn-topped walking-stick might be held as suitable com pany for so grave and dignified a personage ; and again a thoughtful young gentleman might be discovered, striding alonowith his hands thrust deep in his pockets, conning a few common-places for a speech. This various crowd has at length reached its destination, and scampering up the stairs of a large mis-shapen build ing, with no little heat and racket, finds itself landed in a spacious saloon, facing a raised platform, protected in front by a rough railing, with some score of vacant chairs occupying the floor of the same, and as many stout candles ranged against the rail. Beneath the platform is a small square table, holding a capacious inkstand, ornamented with two or three huge grey goose-quills.

Abreast of the table are stretched a number of rude benches, to afford accommodation for such infirm, ease loving and sedentary individuals, as may see fit to take possession of them ; and taken possession of they are at a very early stage of the proceedings, first by a squad of precocious ship wrights' 'prentices, secondly by a broad-bottomed dairy man who was left at the Hall in the afternoon by one of his own wagons from Bloomingdale, and thirdly by a rout of scrambling fellows, from no place in particular, who push and jostle and clamour their best for the occu pancy. The meeting is on the eve of being organized, when in marches a well-fed uppish man — the very citizen that was alone with his cane in the street — who, con templating the crowd with an air of austere regard, urges himself towards one end of the platform, where he meets a scraggy man, smartly dressed, and displaying from the pillory of a sharp-edged clean shirt-collar, a very know ing countenance extended to the audience, and engages in a whispered conversation, the concluding clause where of embodies this sterling sentiment, (enforced by the thrusting of a roll at the same time into the open hand of the scraggy gentleman.)

" There's a current ten — make me a vice, will ye f The scraggy man thereupon cocks his eye significantly, and the stout citizen, slipping away, gets into the outskirts of the crowd, where he stares at the platform and the candles — the political Heaven of ambitious stout gentlemen — as if they were the most remarkable objects in creation, and as if he was perfectly unconscious of the objects for which the meeting was then and there convened. In due time the meeting was called to order, and the in nocent stout gentleman established himself, with five others, upon the platform, as an assistant presiding officer — a vice — of the same. Silence was proclaimed, and a dwarf ish little man, with one of the oddest countenances in the world was lifted upon a high stool by the mob, and commenced reading a manuscript, which he dignified with the name of the "Report of the Ami- Aqueduct Com mittee, appointed by the citizens of New-York, at a large and respectable meeting held at Fogfire Hall, &c, &c.," in which was furnished a certain amount of statistics (taken from the 'Cyclopedia) : a decoction of mouldy jokes from the newspapers) : and a modicum of energetic slang — a direct emanation from the inventive genius of the reader of the Report.

This was a great, a tremendous question — -suggested the Anti-Aqueduct manuscript — a question, to come to the point at once, involving the rights of mankind, the inte rests of universal humanity. If this principle was allowed to pass unopposed — this pernicious principle of setting up pure water, democratic Adam's ale, the true corporation gin, for purchase — where would we land? The Commit tee that drafted the Report could tell 'em ! — in tyranny, despotism, bloodshed and debauchery. Individuals would get drunk at the pump, as soon as the price was made an object : there was a consideration for them ! The people had their rights — here the reader wagged his head vehemently, and grinned like a demon just going out of his senses — he could tell them, and the people could take care of 'em. A general dissemination of genuine gin cock-tails among the hearers, could have scarcely produced greater excite ment than did this most apposite and thrilling sentiment : caps flew up, and hats flew off, as if the air were alive with great black insects, and canes came down with a general crash, like a cane-brake itself in a state of torna do.

It seemed as if they never would be done applaud ing this happy allusion ; and the Committee-man stood on the stool, swaying on one leg, and smiling, as if he considered it the most agreeable spectacle he had ever enjoyed. The Committee did not suppose that it was the purpose of Providence to destroy mankind by a second flood, but they were satisfied, morally satisfied, if such an intention ever did come within the purview of the divine displeasure, the object would undoubtedly be ac complished by the bursting of the Reservoir which it was proposed to erect at the junction of the Third Ave nue and Bowery:— at least, the Committee thought it proper to add, as far as the citizens of New-York were concerned. And so the Report rambled on, like an echo among the Dutch Hills, until it finally died away in a thundering Resolution, and the little reader was inadver tently knocked off the stool by a charcoal-vender, who was employed, besides grinning through the sable stains of his trade in a ghastly manner, in swinging his hat in approval of one of the concluding sentiments of his Re port.

The charcoal-man was hustled, the little Committee-man set upon his legs, and a vote of thanks unanimously passed for the able Report just read. A very long, dull-looking man, next offered a resolution, and delivered a speech, as long and dull as himself; which resolution and speech were seconded, by a round, heavy man, in an harangue, quite as rigmarole and pon derose ; — when a pause occurred, during which the mob seemed to be reflecting what they should do next. After a proper degree of cogitation, they commenced shouting for a favorite speaker, who always interested their feelings by proposing a general division of property : which was very liberal in him, as he had nothing to divide .but the payment of two-score old debts, and the expenses of a small family ; but he failed to make his appearance, Upon which certain sagacious persons began peering about in the crowd, as if they expected to find him sand wiched away snugly among the carmen, omnibus-drivers and stevedores, there present.

Certain other active persons were despatched into the halls and purlieus of the building ; a self-formed committee of five rushed post-haste for the bar-room ; and one over-zealous individual was so far car ried away by his enthusiasm, as to run a mile to the ora tor's dwelling, and there to demand his person with such breathless incoherence, as to lead his small family to sus pect that their dear protector and pay-master harbored the intention of making way with himself. A second popular favorite was called by the audience ; the same scrutiny instituted, and with the same result. Affairs now looked exceedingly blank, the audience be gan to despair, and to entertain the horrible expectation of having to go to bed speechless, when an unknown in dividual pushed convulsively througii the crowd, struggled up the steps, and placed himself at the foot of the platform ; and stretching out his right arm to its full extent, began.

He was young — the bloom of roseate health upon his cheek would satisfy them of that. He was timid and doubtful : witness his tremblings and shiverings on pre senting himself for the first time before that highly respectable body of august citizens. He was rash and fool hardy, he was aware, in coming before so intelligent an audience, at that critical moment. But he was actuated and impelled by a sense of duty, which would not allow him to be silent while that great question called for an ad vocate. They had heard the thunder of the cannon, in the Report : the braying (a slight titter at this word) of trumpets, in the speeches of the two learned gentlemen that had preceded him: and now that the grand overture of battle had been performed, he ventured to come upon the field, and with his simple shepherd's pipe to sound the humbler music of peace.

He trusted that no Violent, no vindictive feeling, would be indulged toward their oppo nents. Let their measure pass — let the Aqueduct be reared, and let its waters begin to flow : — from these very waters, pernicious as they seemed, should be drawn the rainbow of promise for his friends ; for the friends of cheap government and good order ! Taxation was not democracy : debt was not democracy : public ruin and bankruptcy were not democracy (gently warbled the shepherd's pipe) : and if this insane, wolfish and reckless party, wished to destroy itself with its own fangs — why, in God's name, bid them God-speed, and give them a clear field. He would not suggest that the farmers in Westchester county should oppose the passage of the Aqueduct through their own lands; they were freemen, and knew what was what.

He would not stir up the Harlaem Bridge Company (Hea ven forbid) to withstand this encroachment upon their rights ; they were a corporation, and could discriminate carrot from horse-radish. He hoped, he fervently and sincerely hoped and trusted, that the entire race of water rats and ground-moles might be annihilated, before the undertaking was commenced ; so that it might not be im peded or undermined by their operations. At these va rious hopes and suggestions, as they were delivered, there was an uproarious ha ! ha ! uttered by the assemblage, who seemed to relish them hugely : and, with a hint or two to the audience, not to allow themselves to be tampered with ; not to look on and see their heads taken from their shoul ders, and the bread from their children's mouths (all of which was heartily seconded by the hearers) ; the young orator— the gentle friend of peace — stepped from the plat form.

At the conclusion of the speech, some one in the crowd jumped up a foot or two, and shouted, " Three cheers for the last speech !" and three cheers were given, with great animation ; and then, at the same suggestion, three more ; and three at the end of them. Different members of the audience turned to each other and shook hands, and ex claimed, " Royal," ;' That was fine," and other like phrases of approbation : aud then inquiries were set on foot as to the name of the new speaker, to which no one could furnish a satisfactory answer ; and whether he was from this ward or that ward, which was in a state of equal doubt and uncertainty ; and finally it was conjectured and suggested, that he didn't belong to any ward at all, but had come from the country : which they were for proving by his rural simile of the rainbow, (rainbows not being indi genous in incorporated towns), and his intimate acquaint ance with the feelings of the Westchester County farmers, and ground-moles.

Whatever might be his name and origin, his foot had no sooner touched the floor than he felt his sleeve twitched, and turning, he discovered a singular-looking little gentle man, beckoning him to follow.

Chapter II. First Acquaintance With Hobbleshank

Disengaging himself from the crowd at Fogfire-Hall, the young Politician followed his unknown conductor into the open air. From the rapidity with which he moved, in ad vance, although his gait was shuffling and uncertain, he was not fairly overtaken until he had reached the mouth of a neighboring Refectory, at which, pausing only for an in stant glance at the young man's countenance— which seem ed to create a pleasurable feeling, and caused him to smile strenuously — he plunged down the steps. The young Poli tician followed, and found himself in a close narrow room, the air of which was musty with confiement, and, having no opportunity from the pent place where it was imprisoned, to ramble about among meadows and fresh streams to enliven itself, depended on fumes of brandy and clouds of cigar smoke, for whatever life it exhibited.

A tall man stood before the fire, who would have inevitably perished of its noxious qualities if he had not taken occasion, through the day, to stand up the steps with his head and shoulders above ground, contemplating the clay-covered wagons that came in fresh from the country. Judging from the starved, narrow-breasted skeletons of turkies and fowls, the cold, sepulchral hams, the cadaverous, shrunken legs of mutton, and the dwarfed tarts and bread rolls, that lay in miserable heaps on the table, they might have easily concluded that the pie-house into which they had descended was the dreary family vault, to which melancholy butchers, bakers and poulterers were in the habit of consigning such of their professional progeny, as had ceased to have life and merchantable qualities on earth. The room was, of all possible dirty rooms, the dirtiest : with walls smoked and tallow-stained ; an unsanded floor ; tables spot ted all over, like the double-six of dominoes ; and a fire, with just enough animation to blush at the other appointments of the place.

The pie-house had its pretensions, too : for it possessed not only a common-room for outside customers, but a private parlor, snug and select, cut off from its vulgar neighbor by elegant blue curtains, made to resemble patches of dirty blue sky — moving on a wire with jingling brass rings, and entered by a half-raised step. Upon this, which was little more than a large stall after all, they entered. The mysterious little gentleman, drawing the curtains behind them, rushed up to the fire and rubbed his hands together over the blaze, opened the curtains, thrust out his head, called for oysters and beer, and took his station at one side of the table in the middle of the floor. " It's all right," said the stranger. " Don't be alarm ed. My name is Hobbleshank — what's yours ?" " Puffer Hopkins," replied the young Politician, surveying more closely his whimsical companion.

He was an irregular-built little gentleman, about fifty five years of age, with a pale face, twitched out of shape somewhat by a paralytic affection : with one sound eye, and one in a condition of semi-transparency, which gave to his features something of a ghostly or goblin character ; and hedging in and heightening the effect of the whole, a pair of bushy black whiskers, of a fine, vigorous growth. The lit tle gentleman wore a faded blue frock, short pantaloons, low shoes, an eye-glass, and a hat considerably dilapidated and impaired by age. The singularity and whim of the little old gentleman's demeanorjwas shown, in his shambling up side-ways toward Puffer whenever he addressed him, and looking up timidly, first with the doubtful eye, as if sounding his way, and then with the sound one ; fortifying himself, from time to time, from an immense snuff-box, which he carried awkwardly in his left hand.

"That was an excellent speech, young man !" said the strange little gentleman, dropping into a seat and simulta neously swallowing an oyster black with pepper. " 1 trust the sentiments were correct," modestly suggested his companion. " Never better, sir : sound as a Newtown pippin, to the core," continued the strange little gentleman. "But you are young yet, sir — quite young — and have a thing or two to learn. Be good enough not to advance upon the stage again, if you please, without your coat buttoned snug to the chin, which shows that you mean to give them a resolute speech — a devilish resolute speech," exclaimed the little gentleman, glaring on the youth with his spectre eye, "full of storm and thunder, sir: — or else with your breasts thrown wide back, indicating that you are about to regale them with an airy, well-ventilated and very candid effu sion."

Appreciating the interest that the little old gentleman expressed in his future success, his companion promised to comply, as far as in him lay, with these new requisitions in the art of addressing public bodies. " There was an awful omission," continued the strange gen 'deman, " a very awful and unpardonable omission, in your harangue to-night." The little old gentleman's voice sounded sepulchral, and his companion cast his eyes anxiously about the select parlor. "For Heaven's sake, what was that, sir ?" asked the young gentleman, regarding his censor with intense interest. "Why, sir," said the little old gentleman, relaxing into a grim smile, "where were your banners? You had'nt one in your whole speech ! An address to a political assembly in New-York, and not a tatter of bunting in the whole of it — you must excuse me, but it's the weakest thing I've ever known.

An army might as well go into battle as an orator into our popular meetings, without his flags and standards. Where were your stars, too? There was'nt even the twinkle of a comet's tail in the whole harangue : they expect it. Stars are the pepper and salt of a political discourse — mind that if you please !" At this passage, the little old gentleman became thought ful, and fell upon his oysters and beer with horrible avidity ; which process caused him to grow more thoughtful than ever. "Many a good speech have I heard," he at length said, con templating Puffer Hopkins with melancholy regard, " whose deliverer now lies under the tombstone. Others lie there, too! — I'd give my life, sir," he exclaimed earnestly, pressing his hands closely together, "my life with its resulting interest, if I dared, for a minute's gaze at features that are lying in the silence and darkness of dust.

That's hard, sir — too hard to bear : a young wife borne away in her bloom by a cold, cruel hearse — black, all over black ! And then what followed — do you recollect what followed ? I'm a fool — you know no thing of it ; why should you ? Life is a green field to you, without as much as a grave or a furrow in it all." " I am not too sure of that," answered Puffer Hopkins, "for I have a dim remembrance of a death that touched me nearly, long ago ; whose death I cannot say, but a vision, away off in past times — of a darkened house — a solemn train issuing forth, with one figure staggering into the funeral coach, drunk with excess of grief — the heavy roll of wheels — and many tears and lamentations in the small household." While he delivered this, Hobbleshank looked earnestly in his face, as if he discovered in what he said a meaning deeper than the words.

At this there was a long silence, which Puffer Hopkins at length attempted to break, by stating to his com panion the character in which he had appeared that night, for the first time, at Fogfire Hall. " 1 know."said Hobbleshank, pushing his open palm toward Puffer Hopkins, " Do'nt say a word : — I know all about it. You're a young professional trader in politics and patriotism ; a beginner — just opened to-night with your first speech, and a fresh assortment of apostrophes and gesticulations. I know you are new in the business, for when you spoke of Heaven, and Eternal Justice, you looked at the audience ! Very green, my boy : an old spouter, in such a case, always rolls his eye-balls back under their lids, and smells of the chandelier, which is much better, although the odor is'nt pleasant."

" A mere 'prentice at the business I confess myself," an swered Puffer. " I wish you would bear in mind, too," continued his whimsical adviser, " when you address a mixed audience, and have occasion to speak of the majesty of the people, that the es tablished rule is, not to stare at any individual dirty face in the middle of the crowd, but to look away off, beyond the crowd entirely ; as if you discovered what you're speaking about in some remote suburb with which they have nothing to do. Do you understand me ?" "I think I do," replied Puffer: "But is'nt there generally some placid gentleman or other, who comes to the meeting early, and plants himself in front of the platform at a proper distance, with the praiseworthy purpose of having the speaker lay out all his strength in gazing at him, and moving his bowels and understanding ? 1 used to think so — and have tried it more than once : it feels very pleasant, I can assure you."

" What of that ? It's your business to humble these gentry — they're aristocracy in disguise, and borrow their cartmen's hats to come to public meetings in. No, no :" cried Hobble shank with emphasis, " Do'nt you be caught in that trap. Do you pick out the dirtiest waistcoat in the audience, with the most cadaverous face in the room peering over it — pitch your eye upon the second button from the top, just where the proof of a lack of under-garments becomes overwhelming — and fire away. Your target 's a poor scamp — the beg garliest in the house with an understanding like a granite rock, (needing the whole force of an incorporated company of metaphysicians to quarry and dress it) — and a select circle of acquaintance, among wharfingers, small boatmen and bean-eaters, near the market. That's your man.