Chrysal ... By an Adept (Charles Johnston) . A new edition, to which is now prefixed a sketch of the author's life, etc

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Aaira&TlJJKES OIF A GTOWBA. CHRYSAL; OR THE ADVENTURES OF A GUINEA: BY AN ADEPT. 3 fit IB -ZOition, TO WHICH IS NOW PREFIXED A SKETCH OF THE AUTHOR'S LIFE EMBELLISHED WITH PLATES. Hold the Mirror up to Nature, To shew Vice its own Image, Virtue its own Likeness, And the very age and body of the Times His Form and Pressure. Shakespeare fin ®._)vte Uolumcu. VOL. II. LONDON: PRINTED FOR HECTOR M'LEAN, 113, STRAND, BY HOWIETT AND BRIMMER, FRITH STREET, SOHO SQUARE 1821. CHRYSAL; OR, THE ADVENTURES OF A GUINEA

Chapter I

Chrysal changes his service for that of an usual attendant upon the great. The history of the unfortunate glyster-pipe maker, who was like to be hanged for dirtying his fingers. An humble imitation of high life. Another change brings Chrysal into the possession of a person of an extraordinary character. Conversation between him and a very noted person. Let those laugh that win. I WAS, by this time, so sick of high life, that I was very glad of being one of the number her grace gave to the messenger, as I saw no prospect of pleasure in such a service. He had no sooner received her grace's commands, than he immediately went to the office for his dispatches, where he was sent on another errand, while they were getting ready. This was to apprehend a poor wretch who sold glyster-pipes about the streets, but being unable to get bread in his profession, had fallen upon a scheme that he imagined might raise him to the notice of the VOL. II.

B world in the light of a state criminal ; and get his hunger well satisfied, while he should be an happy prisoner for offences which he imagined could not be attended with any bad consequences. Big with this project he had entered into a correspondence with some person abroad, of equal consequence with himself, and to him communicated the secret intelligence which he daily picked up at coffee houses, or found in the public newspapers, which his great friend was to forward to some great person in the service of the enemy. He had long continued this trade unnoticed, as he thought, though all his letters had been opened at the post-office, but the stuff contained in them was thought below regard ; so that he began to fear that this scheme would turn to no account. But now some miscarriages in public affairs, alarming the resentment of the people, making it evident that the secrets of the nation were betrayed, this insignificant creature was thought of, and ordered to be taken into custody.

Though this was the thing which he had always proposed by his undertaking ; to keep up the farce he counterfeited the strongest terrors, and put on every appearance of conscious guilt, so far, that he had like to have over-acted his part, and fallen a sacrifice to the law, which he only meant to elude ; a just judgment on the base depravity of the soul that could descend to so iniquitous a scheme, as to trifle with his sacred duty to his country, to support an anxious, burthensome being. For his counter feited fears not only gave weight to the appearances, which were before so very strong against him, but also made it probable that he was guilty of more than he was at first suspected of; this justified the prosecuting him with the utmost severity, and sacri ficing him to the indignant rage of the people, who called aloud for some victim, to atone for their reproachful losses.

The criminal soon perceived his error, and would have recanted all he had said ; but this was not ad mitted him ; his own confessions had confirmed the charge against him, and he was given up to the laws ; to which, on the evidence of such strong appearances, though no intelligence could be proved against iim, but what he showed the public authority men tioned before for, his life was declared a forfeit. But the contemptibility of his station and behaviour proved his safety, and mercy was extended to a wretch beneath vengeance, after he had served the turn, and amused the people for his day. I did not then stay in England, to see the event of this affair, but having learned it since my return, I thought it better to conclude the story in this place together, than to interrupt my narrative with it, a t another time.

It would be doing injustice to my master, to ima gine that he had profited so little by his frequent intercourse with persons in genteel life, and particu larly by her grace's late example, as to think it necessary to apply the money she had given him to any other use than his own : accordingly, when he was setting out, he gave me to his wife, for the support of his family in his absence. But this spirited lady had a politer way of thinking, than to obey his directions, or deny herself any of the genteel pleasures of life, for the sake of such a mean, domestic duty, as the care of a family. As soon therefore as his back was turned, she put on her hat and cardinal, and posted away to one of her most intimate acquaintances, a lady who kept a chandler's shop in the neighbourhood, to advise with her, about settling a party at her house, for the next evening.

An affair of this importance required deliberation ; accordingly, after tea, they retired into the bed cham ber, the parlour they sat in being open to the shop, so that they were liable to be overheard by every one who should come in, and there, over a comfortable glass of right Hollands, fixed upon the company, and settled the ceremonial, and fare of the entertainment. This great business being dispatched, my mistress returned home, and getting a gentleman who lodged in her house, at the expense of the state, to write cards for her, sent them by her husband's assistant to the company, to invite them to play a game at cards, and spend the next evening with her, and then proceeded to put every thing in order for their reception. Her great anxiety, and the preparation she made, raised my curiosity not a little, to see the vanity and vice of the higher ranks of life mimicked by such a set ; but I was disappointed at that time, being paid away to a tavern-keeper, next morning for wine and brandy for the occasion.

My new master was a striking instance of the inconsistency of life, and the hypocrisy of the human heart : he had for many years kept one of the most notorious brothel-taverns in the town ; but not con tent with this public insult to the laws, in defiance of every sense of shame, he at the same time professed himself a reformer of religion ; and while the grossest scenes of riot and debauchery were carrying on openly in his house, was chanting hymns in a con venticle, and groaning in spirit, for the wickedness of the times, with a face as meagre and mortified as the picture of famine. I see you wonder at such a 4 palpable contradiction ; but that proceeds from ignorance of life, every view of which shows in stances as gross as this ; the gaming devotee, the pensioned patriot, and the drunken priest, being equally offensive to common sense and reason.

As for my new master, he had as powerful motives for his conduct as the greatest of them all. Poverty made him, in his early youth, turn pander to such an house as he now kept, when the demure sanctity of his looks screened him so effectually from suspicion, that he was able to make acquaintances in families, and accomplish seductions, which no other of his trade dared to attempt. By these means, he soon acquired a sum of money sufficient to set up this house for himself; when his character immediately brought him into business that in a little time made his fortune : but, for this success he was chiefly in debted to a master-stroke of superior genius ; for having observed in the mystery of his profession, that there is no private sinner like a public saint, as soon as he thus arose above the drudgery of business, and, from porter, became master of a tavern, he asso ciated himself with a set of reformers, who went preaching up and down the town, at whose meetings he had an opportunity of finding out new faces for his best customers, and making acquaintances with the leaders, who, observing his discretion, soon ad mitted him into their mystery, and made his house the scene of their secret meetings, to settle their business, laugh at the follies they lived by, and practise the vices which they preached against.

Such success might be thought to have satisfied his avarice, but the habit has taken such hold of him that he cannot desist, and he now does from inclination, what was at first the effect of necessity. I should not have dwelt so long upon this charac ter, but that it serves to explain the ways of the world, and prove the folly of an opinion, generally received among men, that they can change their course of life whenever they please ; and as soon as their end is answered, and they have heaped up a fortune, by the iniquity of a profession, quit it at once, and live virtuously upon the earnings of vice. The evening after I came into his possession, the high priest of the conventicle called upon him, to spend an hour in spiritual conversation.

After examining into his progress in grace, and the increase of his faith, and assurance of election (for such is the power of custom, and the pleasure of cheating the world, that they practise the art even upon each other) he told him that he had a most particular occasion for his most private room that evening. ' Por,' said he, shaking him by the hand, ' my friend as I 4 have found by experience, that the only way to foil 4 the devil, is at his own weapons, 1 have appointed 4 Momus the ballad-singer, whose attack upon me 4 has made such a noise, to meet me here this even 4 ing, and make up the affair over a glass of wine.' 4 In truth,' answered my master, a good deal sur prised, ' your reverence's meekness and patience 4 must needs be very great ; or you could not bear 4 ever to mention him, in any degree of christian cha 4 rity and benevolence, after so outrageous and gross 4 an attack as he has made upon you, without the 4 least personal provocation ; for what was that to him, what you said or did to the rest of the world, 4 his morals or religion were in no danger !

But you 4 were born to be an example to the age, and a 4 shining light to guide the steps of the faithful.' 4 A truce with this canting now, my friend,' replied the doctor, ' and let us talk a few words like 4 men of the world. Your proved fidelity and pru 4 dence making me not scruple to reveal the whole 4 mystery of the ministry to you, I will let you into 4 the secret of this affair. You must know, then, 4 that I have, for some time, perceived the humour of 4 the people begin to waver greatly, and the fervency 4 of their devotion to cool, in spite of all I could do 4 to keep it up, by preaching, fasting, prayer, and 4 lamentation, by crying up my own piety, and the 4 wonderful effect of my spiritual labours ; it was 4 necessary, therefore, to have recourse to some ex * pedient, to prevent their falling off entirely, and *4 accordingly I pitched upon this, which has ex 4 ceeded my expectations : for, instead of making 4 my people ashamed of coming to me, it has piqued 4 their pride, and now they resolve to show, that they 4 scorn as much to be laughed, as preached, out of 4 their own way.

This, my friend, is the way of the 4 world, which since we cannot in reality mend, we 4 must only strive to make the best of. If I could 4 carry on my business without his assistance, I most 4 certainly would never have entered into such a con 4 federacy, any more than you would keep a brothel 4 and entertain whores and rogues, if you could make 4 equal profit by any other company. 4 I am much obliged to your reverence,' returned my master, ' for putting me in any degree of com 4 parison with yourself; but it is too great an ho 4 nour ! I act in a low sphere ; but I still have the ' pleasure to think, that, even in my poor way, I con ' tribute something towards your great work; as ' there could not be so many converts to resort to ' you for spiritual comfort, if there were no places of ' this kind to encourage vice and debauchery.

You ' see, Sir, that I enter into the spirit of your design, ' and deserve your confidence, by this return of mine. ' There are secrets in all professions ; and as you ' have entered into a league with your professed ' enemy, that you may be able to play into each ' other's hands, so I, notwithstanding the probity of ' my profession, have a private understanding with ' all the ladies of pleasure who resort to this house, ' who, in return for their being brought into good ' company, never fail to enhance expense, and countenance every imposition of false measures, false ' charges, and a thousand others, by which a prudent ' man turns the folly of the world to his own advan ' tage. As to this confederacy between you and ' the ballad-singer, I own I never suspected the ' least of it ; and, indeed, I still am at a loss to think ' how you could bear the personal reflections, espe ' tially, which he has thrown upon you.

What was ' the misfortune of your form to him, that he should ' call you Dr. Hunch- Back?' ' Why that is true ' enough,' answered the doctor : * in that he ex ' ceeded my directions ; and to call him to account ' for it, is part of the business of this appointment. * Every thing was settled between us. We have ' hitherto met at our friend Mrs. Brimstone's, who ' first negociated the affair between us, and consented ' to take her share of the ridicule, to advance the ' common cause. She will be here to-night, too, so ' that we shall have an agreeable set. I believe I ' hear him just come in. I directed him to enquire ' for number one ; do you shew him into the private I room, and when the coast is clear I'll join you.' CHAPTER H. Chrysal's master starts at his own apparition. Interview between the doctor and a noted ballad-singer.

The history of a famous ballad. All trades alike. THE person my master was sent to meet had some thing so uncommon in his appearance, as instantly struck my attention. Every passion of the human heart was printed in his face so strongly, that he could at pleasure display it in all its force, while his very look and gesture turned some vice or folly into ridicule. ' You inquire for number one, Sir !' said my master, bowing with the profoundest respect. 4 I do, Sir,' answered the other, returning his bow, assuming his look, and imitating his voice, in a man ner that would have extorted laughter from despair, 4 inquire for number one.' Though my master was no stranger to his talents, which he had often seen him display at the expense of others, this personal application of them to him self threw him into such confusion, that, in spite of his long-practised assurance, a blush broke feebly through his unimpassioned, lifeless face, and he had scarce power to shew him into the room.

The ballad-singer seeing that he had him at command, would not pursue his advantage any farther, at that time, for fear of frightening him away ; but putting on the exact countenance, and mimicking the voice and manner of the doctor, ' I am come, my friend 4 and brother in the Lord,' said he, ' to inquire into 4 thy spiritual estate, to give thee ghostly advice, 4 and commune with thee, for a short space, for our 4 mutual edification.' The surprise and manner of this address had such an effect upon my master, that he could not refrain bursting into laughter ; and immediately recovered from the confusion into which the ridicule of himself had thrown him. They were scarce seated, when the doctor entered, and addressing himself to the stranger, ' I am glad 4 to see you, Sir,' said he, taking him by the hand, 4 and heartily congratulate you on your success. 4 You see, I was not mistaken in my judgment.

I 4 knew what would take with the taste of the public. 4 There is nothing pleases them so much as a little 4 profaneness, and ridicule of religion : a fling at the 4 clergy never fails to raise a laugh.' ' I acknow 4 ledge your judgment, Sir,' answered the other, raising up his shoulders, rolling his eyes, and echo ing every cadence of the doctor's voice, ' and thank 4 you for your congratulation ; but I must beg leave 4 to differ in opinion with you, as to the cause of my 4 success, for I have never had the least fling at the 4 clergy, nor been guilty of profaneness, or ridiculing 4 religion, in my ballad; the abuse of religion by 4 hypocrisy, and making the profession of virtue a 4 sanction for the practice of vice, were the objects 4 of my satire ; and the reception it has met with 4 from the public, shews that the people have a proper 4 sense of such vices.' The doctor was so struck at the reflection of him self, when the other began to speak, that he started, in the utmost astonishment, and was unable to in terrupt him till he had finished his discourse, which else he certainly would have done, while my master stood almost convulsed with laughter.

But his triumph was not long ; for the ballad-singer turning short upon him, and instantaneously assuming his cadaverous appearance, and bowing in the same manner, ' And you, Sir,' continued he, addressing himself to him, ' must have had ample experience, 4 in the course of your business, that the taste of the 4 town inclines quite another way, the most profligate 4 in practice being the most pious in profession.' This sudden transition from the doctor restored him to his spirits, who in his turn could not avoid pointing with his finger, and laughing most immo derately at the silly look of my master, though he was not quite so much abashed as he had been before. As soon as the doctor could speak, ' However 4 I may doubt your opinion,' said he to the ballad singer, ' I acknowledge the irresistible force of your 4 powers of ridicule, and beg a cessation of them for 4 a moment, till we talk of our business.

I will not 4 dispute about the cause of your success, but I think 4 you need not have fallen upon my person. My 4 professions and practice surely were enough, with 4 your own exaggerations ! Why, then, need you 4 give me the opprobrious nick-name of Hunch ' Back, which has spread so, that I shall never get 4 rid of it ? The very children haunt me with it, as I 4 go along the streets.' 4 Good heavens !' answered the other, ' how sub 4 ject are the wisest men to the weakness of vanity ! 4 I should have thought that you were long since 4 proof to any thing the world could say of you, or 4 you would have given up your trade before now. As to my calling you this name, you must know 4 that the whole success of our scheme depended 4 upon it ; for if I had not turned the ridicule against 4 your person, the taste of the public is so gross, 4 that I might have laughed alone at your opinions. 4 But what success have you had ?

Do you find 4 your flock gather upon this attack on their shep 4 herd ?' ' Why, pretty well,' replied the doctor, 4 pretty well. They seem to shew a proper sense of 4 it. As for me, I appear affected at it in a very 4 extraordinaiy manner, that is solely upon your 4 account ; and to convince them and all the world 4 of the strength of my charity, 1 design to-morrow ' to offer up prayers for your conversion, as being 4 in a dangerous state of salvation, and then, on the 4 merit of that, to propose a subscription for the relief 4 of two or three families, whom your example has 4 led into ruin.' 4 Bravo, doctor,' interrupted the other, ' tell me of profaneness again ! But I hope 4 I am to have a share in the subscription, as it is to 4 be proposed on my account ; at least, you will let 4 me assist in the distribution of it.' ' Take care, 4 my friend ?' returned the doctor : ' another word 4 of that kind, and I declare off the connection.

I 4 will have nobody pry into my conduct, or interfere 4 with my business. I did not ask any part of your 4 gains, though you got so much in every company 4 where you sung your ballad ; nor did I speak a 4 word iu behalf of the other poor ballad-singers you 4 picked up about the streets, and set to sing for you, 4 though the wretches complained that you starved 4 them.' The ballad-singer, perceiving that he had touched upon a tender point, thought proper to waive it, as he did not choose to break off so advantageous a connection. 4 As to that,' said he, ' I did but jest. I never interfere with any man's matters. But 4 that's true : I have bad news to tell you ! The 4 clerk of the parish sent me word yesterday, that 4 understanding I sung my ballad to a psalm-tune, 4 he let me know, that I must change my note 4 directly, or he would order the beadles to whip me 4 out of the parish, if ever I presumed to sing there 4 again ; and to mend the matter, at the same time 4 ordered me to make use of an old, blackguard tune, 4 which he sent me, the vulgar stupidity of which 4 blunts the edge of the ridicule, which has never 4 turned against the tune itself, but solely against ' the prostitution of it; which can never be so effec 4 tually attacked, as by repeating .the manner ex 4 actly in which it is sung.

But, where is our friend, 4 Brimstone ? I expected to have met her here.' Just as he said this, my master was called out, where he found a venerable matron, supported by two chairmen, who inquiring in a feeble voice for number one, he directly shewed her in to the com pany.

Chapter III

A venerable' matron completes the company. The curtain lifted up, and several unexpected discoveries made. Momus plays successively upon Dr. Hunch-Back, and mother Brimstone. After various disasters, the evening is concluded in character. THE matron, whom my master was handing in to his friends, displayed one of those figures, which lose by the most forcible description. Her face, though broken by debauchery and disease, preserved the remains of a most pleasing sweetness and beauty ; but her body was bloated by intemperance almost out of every resemblance of the human form. She wore on her head a richly laced cap, over which, half a dozen fine handkerchiefs almost concealed a piece of greasy flannel. Her gown, of the richest silk, flowed loosely round her, under a velvet cloak, lined with ermine : while her legs and feet, swoln out of all shape, and too tender to bear any ligature, were wrapped up in flannels.

My master received this amiable creature from the chairmen ; and stooping under as much as he was able to bear of the burthen of her body, assisted her to limp into the room. The contrast between her and the shabby skeleton of her supporter was so strikingly ridiculous, that the moment they appeared, Momus burst into an immoderate fit of laughter; and turning to the doctor (who was not much less affected, though practice had given him such a mastery over the muscles of his face, that they never betrayed the passions of his heart) ' Behold,' said he, ' the blessed 4 fruit of thy ministry, and rejoice ! See how the 4 spirit assisteth the flesh to struggle with the infir 4 mities of nature.' And then, waddling up to her, in her own gait, ' Dear mother,' addressing himself to her, ' Give me your other arm; rest a little part of 4 your weight, an hundred or two, upon me !

Come ! 4 Let me help you into that great chair!' 4 Oh ! oh ! 4 oh 1 my poor bones !' exclaimed she. ' How you 4 pull me along ! you will tear me to pieces ! Oh ! 4 oh !' ' Never fear, mother ! Never fear that !' an swered he. ' Crazy as your carcase is, it will stick 4 a little longer together. Your friends are not ready 4 for you yet.' ' Go ! go ! you're a wicked creature, 4 a profane wretch. Dear doctor ! I thought I 4 should never see you more ! I had a sad night of 4 it; a most sad one, indeed. But the spirit com 4 sorted me. Oh ! if it were not for the comforts of 4 the spirit, there would be no bearing the pains of 4 this life ! I was purely when you left me ! Your 4 pious conversation had comforted my heart ; and 4 the other bottle we cracked together raised my 4 spirits so, that I forgot all my pains.

But I was 4 not to be so happy long ! Satan envied me, and 4 threw temptation in my way ! This wicked imp, 4 and half a dozen of his roaring companions, came 4 in upon me, just as you went out at the back-door ! 4 Well ! to be sure they have a great deal to answer 4 for ! I was just beginning to read my pious exhor 4 tation you left me, when in they came, snatched 4 the book out of my hand, and, calling for the la 4 dies, insisted on my sitting with them ; so, as you know I always loved innocent mirth, I could not refuse. But, alas ! I paid dearly for it this morn 4 ing ! My poor bones ! And then my head ! My 4 poor head is quite gone, quite gone ! I can bear 4 nothing ! Oh, what a difference there is between 4 spending an evening in edifying conversation over 4 a sober bottle, with a pious friend or two, and these •' ranting riotous scenes ! though they behaved so 4 like gentlemen, and were so good company, that 4 there was no leaving them !

But, it is all folly ! all 4 vanity ! I am resolved I will leave it off! I will 4 not follow it much longer, I am resolved ! I'll 4 wean myself from this world, and think of nothing 4 but a new life ! I hope the baronet won't use poor 4 Betsey ill ! I did not like his refusing to taste the 4 ratafia ! I should be ruined if any thing ailed her ! 4 She is more enquired for than all the ladies in the ' house. And my lord — He is sweet company. But 4 it is a pity he is so wicked ! He was going to burn 4 my book of devout exercises ; and then, that pro 4 fane song of your's ! what need he sing that ! I 4 wonder what pleasure people can find in profane 4 ness ! Where there is any enjoyment, it is another 4 thing ; but this is being wicked for wickedness 4 sake. It is a great pity, for he is a very generous 4 fine gentleman !

He gave Poll ten guineas this 4 morning ! He is very fond of Poll; he always has ' her when Betsey is engaged. Oh! oh! oh! shall 4 I ever get rid of these pains ! When shall I be 4 happy in heaven V — While she was running on thus, the doctor was busied in writing a letter to himself, as from a family in distress, for whom he intended to solicit a sub scription the next day from his congregation ; and my master was laying glasses on the table, and drawing the corks out of several bottles ; so that Momus alone attended to her, by the significant archness of whose look it was easy to perceive, that he was laying up a fund for future entertainment, and would not have interrupted her, had she continued her discourse ever so long; but the doctor's turning to the bottle put a stop to her, and introduced a general conversation. 4 1 am sorry, my friend,' said he, addressing him self to her, ' to hear you complain so : I left you in 4 a blessed temperature of mind and body last night, 4 but I much fear that the intemperance you men 4 tioned must have equally disturbed both.