The Lordship, The Passen, and We

Front matter

BY FRED. T. JANE AUTHOR OF "THE INCUBATED GIRL," "TO VENUS IN I IV li SECONDS," ETC LONDON A. D. INNES & CO. BEDFORD STREET TO THE COUNTRY PARSONS OF EAST DEVON PARTICULARLY MY FATHER I DEDICATE THIS BOOK ALSO TO WALTER THOMAS A TRAMP WELL KNOWN ON THE EXETER AND TAUNTON HIGH-ROAD CONTENTS. CHAPTER PAGE I. The Setting out of the Job ... ... i II. The First Meeting of the Caucus ... 20 III. The Terror of the Caucus ... ... 26 IV. A Convert from the Enemy ... ... 41 V. My Strength first commands Respect ... 52 VI. The Lordship and the Tramp... ... 66 VII. The First Step in Self-Education ... 79 VIIL A Day by the Sea ... ... ... 90 IX. The Results of Reading ... ... ... 109 X. We go for to see the Parson ... 121 XL The Things that a New Woman must be LEARNED ... ... ... ... ... 127 XII. Wherein I save the Lordship's life, hut get no Reward ... ... ... 132 XIII.

Bridal Bells ... ... ... ... 142 XIV. The Progress of Our New Woman ... 156 XV. The Gentle Shepherd ... ... ... 164 XVI. A Bit of Detective Work ... ... CONTENTS. CHAPTER PAGF. XVII. We discuss Evolution ... ... ... 184 XVIII. How Sammy came to be a Martyr ... 194 XIX. Our New Woman becomes the Finished Article ... ... ... ... 206 XX. A Blow from Mine Enemy ... ... 21S XXI. How Robert, Maria, and old Blamey went to London ... ... ... ... 227 XXII. The Last of the Caucus ... ... 236 XXIII. Only about Women-folk ... ... 242 XXIV. Christmas Carols ... ... ... 252 XXV. The Tenor Bell ... ... ... ... 265 XXVI. To drive away the Evil Luck ... 281 XXVII. Nigh unto Death ... ... ... 288 XXVIII. In the which some Things are set to rights ... ... ... ... 29S

Chapter I. The Setting Out Of The Job

I, Bill Baston, master-carpenter, joiner, umbessy, have herein put down some story of the things that have come to pass in this village of Borro combe during the last few years ; and I have gone for to do so, in that I reckon our happenings not to be the same as those in most Devonshire villages, though I have heard tell how the Scotch get a-nigh it ; the which, owing to whisky, may be natural enough. Also, in that I hear how any faults of spelling as I might chance to make will B be corrected without charge by the young female engaged for the copying of this into printing type, I feel that I need not worry with a dictionary, but set straight out to my job, which I hereby do without further word-wasting. Our village of Borrocombe is set pleasantly on the side of a Devonshire slope where the winds up the valley spread the wet as much as the farmers may desire, while the hills over against it keep off the salt blowing in from the sea, which same sea is distant some ten miles or more, a thirsty walk up and down terrible bad roads.

Our nobility and gentry consisted, in the time occupied by my tale, of Baron Borrocombe, the lordship, harmless enough as peers go, yet being a most ramping Tory he was in some part the cause of the goings on of my fellow villagers. To look at he was spare as a horse that had been put to grass in Farmer Lamacraft's lower meadows — the same in which we do the quarterly practice with the fire-engine — no hair to his face, and rather short, as is, I believe, the custom with titled aristo crats born. And this description should, I think, be clear enough to let any one get the heft of his looks, and satisfy even the Yankee, who, so I have heard tell, love a lord much like other cannibals love missionaries, as borne witness to by a strange parson who preached some time back-a-long. He has not been here since, for as none of us could sense sending money out of the parish to be spenden elsewhere, the collection was so sickly that it did not pay the cost of sending him here to preach.

And quite right, say I ; let heathen as want missionaries pay for them themselves. In addition to the quality we had, and still have, the agent, Captain Sweetman, who, having been in some sort of position at sea under government, and there used to killing people in the way of trade, was, and is, at times apt to forget himself, and speak to us without that reticence necessary in these days of universal education. Not that he meant any great harm, and, come an election to be boding, no man than he could be more glad to see good Tories drinking to his expense ; but he sat heavy on any Radical among us. For the which I do not blame him over much, since to refuse drink freely given is mean in any man and unsociable. For certain, the captain was down on the Radicals, both from natural taste, and, mayhap, orders from the lordship ; and time was — not so very long since either — when he caught some chap that had come round in a red van telling how that the Radicals should have given us everything, and lordships and parsons should drive men to perdition.

This at that time we held to be true, but 'twas not for a stranger thus to speak ill of the parish, and no Radical among us was minded to say " nay " when the captain chucked this mump headed clatter-box into a duck-pond. 'Twas as good as the club sports to see the fellow splutter as we heaved stones at him, till the captain, bidding us quit, hauled him out, handing him a sovereign likewise for the inconvenience caused. Yet being of a cantankerous sort, what did the fellow do but go to law over the matter also, and made a tidy lump of money on it, as the captain had for to pay. Captain Sweetman, as I have hinted, is thus a bit of a kewer ; but, rummidgy as are some of the things that he does, I would not go so far as to call him mazed, as do many of our folk, unknowing that it is all in the way of his old trade.

I did not sense it myself once, not having much scholarship in those days ; and I tell of it now for the benefit of those who are not yet enlightened, for, in course, the quality know all about it already. And this mostly turns about his house and garden, which blake out into the village street cornerways, and are somewhat of a sight to behold. 'Tis not my place to say aught against the garden, seeing that in off-times when work was slack I had often made an honest penny out of it ; yet I could feel with the captain when he called it " undisciplined," for Miss Minnie had the mind to let things grow anyhow, instead of having them cut nicely into shapes of pigs and fowls and such like, whereby I have at times made money from some of our folk. Howsoever, as she has done the lady by me since, it would not become me for to complain ; and, after all, I made my work go well on the house, being a carpenter and painter by trade. 'Tis a long two-storied house is this, and the captain would have it to be comically painted in what he called "service colours," much as I have heard they went for to paint the old ships as he did his fighting in.

That is to say, 'twere all black-and-white stripes like a draught board, with a thin line of red lead along the eaves, the chimbleys (funnels he would have it that they should be named) being done a light stone colour, and the roof the same, mixed with a little Venetian, he calling this an awning. There was one place in the roof where 'twas flat, and here he and I stuck up a mighty great scaffolding pole, with ropes hitched all round to make it steady and fit for to fly flags on. The which pole was a mixed pride and worry to the folk who lived nigh — pride in that it made our village noteable, and worry in that it might one day topple over and do a sight of mischief ; also, some of our older ladies, who troubled a deal over their Bibles, and had not any too much education, used to doubt but what it were not impious thus to imitate the Tower of Babel.

These same said as how, when the captain had climbed to the top of its forty odd feet, as he sometimes did, that there was much confusion of tongue on his part when he came down again. The which was all a telling up of rummidge, for he was merely swearing at my fixing of it. But I do think this pole was a lot of good firewood wasted, if so be it were not wanted for its natural purpose. Come the lordship's birthday the captain used to hoist a flag on this pole ; while on some other days, such as when the Queen was crowned, or Miss Minnie had a birthday, or on what he called " Trafalgar day," he would make a show with every blessed bit of coloured stuff as he could lay hands to, and you could see it for miles, all a fluttering and a bobbing like a family's washing hanging up for to dry. And a dreadful way he used to go on at these times ; firing some old cannon out of his bedroom window ; smashing windows all over the place with the noise, and giving me a powerful lot of glazier work. 'Twas not my place, for certain, to remonstrate with his fancy, and I never didden, seeing as how 'twere good for trade that he should so go on ; specially as he paid for it like a gentle man.

Now I find that I have spent so much time in describing the lordship and captain that I must saw off a bit of what I meant to say about the others, or else I will never get into the tale. So I will just name Miss Minnie, who was the captain's step-daughter, as pretty as they make them and as sweet, more fit to be described by the poets who write hymns than by a man like to me. She and the captain lived alone, her mother being put away in the churchyard some years before in one of the neatest coffins as ever I made ; and these two had as tweeny-maid one Amy Stoneman, as nice a little piece as you might wish for to see, plenty of flesh and a good cook. Then there was the parson, the Reverend Kinsman, a gentleman as a rule, and particularly so to tramps. He and the captain were very thick together, as was natural, neither having any missis for to argue with.

With the parson, when he was home — which was seldom — lived his son, young Mr. Brett Kinsman, by way of trade a sailor, same as Captain Sweetman had been. He was a nice enough spoken young fellow, quite the gentleman, if he had only drunk a little more and been freer with the maidens ; but he held himself aloof more or less, being proud beyond his worth. Besides these were Robert Biles, our tailor, once a close friend of my own, and in some ways the hero of this history, though an ordinary man enough to look on, and by no means so educated as he made people to think. Also old Blarney, the clerk and sexton ; Job Rocker, who kept the Borrocombe Arms ; the schoolmaster ; Bucky Spear; Abel Snipe ; Richard Clod ; Maria Blarney, daughter of Blarney, the sexton aforesaid ; and sundry others of no very special account, though I might mention Wagstack, our policeman, who was more of an ignorant than ordinary.

Having thus laid out my dramatic persony — as the playbills say — I can begin for to put together my story in good workmanlike fashion, all these bits of board as it were, being now nicely planed, and sawn up into their proper lengths. Than which there is no other way of setting to work, but such as would demean a master-carpenter. And taking my materials thus in their order, the first thing to treat on is our Borrocombe caucus, which, in the manner presently to be related, was set a-going by Robert Biles, on whom the lot of us in those days looked as a man of mark. Now — but no matter. Thanks to Robert I obtained means of education ; he did good even if unbemeaning like, wherefore 'twould ill become me to speak the truth about him merely to satisfy the curiousness of other folk. Now I should first state that we had had our Parish Council some little while, and that 'twere no new thing when these happenings began to come about.

And the time of the year was just about midsummer ; the which I can mind well, because 'twere only a few nights before as I had gived Maria, daughter of old Blarney the clerk and sexton, a most terrible fright. I had been to Ferndown (a hamlet of ours two miles nearer the sea), and coming back late by the field-path, a female suddenly ran up from somewhere, flinging her hands about like a mad thing. And as she ran she squealed out in the Devonshire — Hemp zeed I zow, Hemp zeed I drow ; He that's my true-love, Come arter me and mow, " Thee fool ! " I cried, " what true-love doth a mommety, flat-chested, platter-footed mallywallops of a maiden like thee expect for to behold ? " And I made after her, with intent to clout out her superstition with a walking-staff that I carried ; but she ran so swiftly that I could not come a-nigh her, so she escaped to her father's house.

Calling this to mind I know that this being a Midsummer Eve custom, the caucus founding happened also thereabouts. Maria, though I failed to clout her, took my words in good part, for she said no word to any one about it, being doubtless ashamed in the morn ; and from the course of this my tale, folk may reckon of how much truth there be in the Midsummer Eve superstition. Howsoever, enough of this rummidge ; 'tis of our caucus that I am wishful for to tell. A meeting of the Parish Council was just over, and, as ever, the captain had carried things with a high hand, ordering the others round as though they were his servants, instead of his peers as by law established ; and of all this did Robert tell us as we sat in the bar to the Borrocombe Arms. And as I hap to have the whole of it set down in the minutes that I kept — I being the secretary I can tell of the thing much as it really came about ; whereas I count that neither Robert nor any other could give all the rights of it.

We had been having a pleasurable enough evening there in the bar, talking on one thing and another, with a song or two when the talk grew sickly. To give all these songs would much aweary my readers, the words being unbeknown to them, and hence of little interest ; but I will crave space to putten in the chief song of Robert Biles, which, having a fine tenor voice, he sang to us that night as he had often done afore. For this song, having a good and easy chorus, was beloved by all, and called for nightly ; and 'tis thus that it goeth, sung in the good old Devon shire, as ever it ought for to be. " Old Varmer Jan wuz a man ov parts, A Debbenshur man with the best ov hearts, But her'd gotten a trouble as zpoiled his health, To cure the which her'd have gived his wealth. With a too-ler-roo, and a too-ler-roo, And a too-ler-roo-ler-ri-do.

" Vor Varmer Jan her had tu wife A dummon as plagued un out of his life ; Since morn and noon and night she'd sing, With never a stop tu her jinglee ding, Of a too-ler-roo, etc. " And zo tu the passen, our Jan her goed And zaid, ' Tak off thic tarbul load ; ' But the passen zaid, ' I can't,' zaid he, ' Till the angels tak her away from thee.' With a too-ler-roo, etc. " Then Jan her went and goed tu the zquire, And found un ztanding back tu the vire ; And the zquire her zaid, ' Be my buttons danged, If thee killen thee's wife, I have thee hanged.' With a too-ler-roo, etc. " Zo Jan her goed hoam in a tarbul woe, His wife still zinging along did goe ; Till Jan un thought as un heerd she zing, I'll go to Lunnon and ax the king, 'Bout thic too-ler-roo, etc. " Now when thic old man tu Lunnon did come, The king were marching tu zound of drum ; But her turn tu Jan, and her zaid tu he : ' Now, which on my zubjicks, duz I zee,' Singing too-ler-roo, etc.

" ' O live vor ever, O king,' zaid Jan, ' Thee zeest a-zpeaking a Debbenshur man ; What's plagued and druv and worried vrom life, And all vrom a zinging vule of a wife, With her too-ler-roo, c. " Then the king her stood, and un zcratch her head And took ov her crown, then tu Jan her zaid, Her zaid, az her played with the jewels on top, 1 Why tell she tu zing, and then she'll stop, All her too-ler-roo, and her too-ler-roo, And her too-ler-roo-ler-ri-do.' " The which having been sung, and the chorus mightily resounded, Robert went back to his place in the chimbley corner, leaving the rest of us to speak or not as we might see proper. For he himself spoke not, but sat silent reading his news paper, whereof he was ever a diligent student. Now it so happened that the talk presently turned upon the parish council, and the unlawful way in which old Captain Sweetman went order ing of things round, and of how he did not ought for to do so.

And as we thus spoke, Robert looked up very sudden-like, and said — " What us wants to Borrocombe, to stop old Sweetman's May games, is a proper Caucus Association." He was, as I may have stated, a man of some education. There was silence for awhile after he had said this, then I spoke ; not, mayhap, so intelligently as I might now do, still 'twere plain and to the point, such as all might sense, being, in fine, how that I knew the value of having all things set out fair before any job was begun. "Wherefore," said I, "let us have it all plain what this here caucus be. Robert Biles will oblige." Well, I thought I was clever in this, but Robert was not behind the door. Up he jumped, and said as how he gave no information for nothing, and that those who did not know what a caucus might be, could let the thing bide and welcome.

And this might have left him with all the jacks, but that the schoolmaster got his saw in edgeways, and said as how there were all sorts of opinions about caucuses, so let each man give his own. Then he turned to old sexton Blarney, and asked what might be hissen. Blarney, all in a stew, scratched his head awhile. Then said he — " Well, to tell 'ee truth, I do not exactly know for sure, Yet I fancy 'tis got to do with my business, seeing as how 'tis the Latin for corpse. So if 'tis for to increase buryings I be on it, I be, sure." The schoolmaster gave a comical sort of smile, and turned to another, asking his sensing of the matter ; but this one said as how he had left school ten years back-a-long, nor were he minded to do any now. Richard Clod, an ignorant fellow, was the next man asked, and he rapped out smart — " Thee knows so well as I how 'tis a middlin' few things, and may be either a woman in a theatre, or one on them words on top of the psalms in the Prayer-book."

Before the schoolmaster could ask any more, Robert looked up from the paper that he had been studying, and said — " Look here, mister, s'pose you give your definition ? " And, would you believe it? but the schoolmaster was not able to answer, but goed off c home in a make-believe rage ; and then, Robert explained that a caucus was a political machine to make representatives say what the caucus might choose. In short, that outsiders like me would be able to shut up the captain when next he blaked out in the council, a fine idea to talk of, for certain, and one that took the fancy of us all. Well, the caucus was settled on right away, and a meeting fixed for an evening or two later ; Robert to be chairman, and I secretary. I had not then any great faith in the affair myself, but I had an idea, wherefore I joined in.

All the proceedings that night consisted in each of us paying threepence over to Robert, he saying that any who were blackballed at the next meeting would have their money back ; the which finished the matter, saving as how old Blarney the sexton, went worrying us as to whether the wearing of a black cap on his bald pate at buryings would mean that he were black bald. And this, from the way Miss Minnie laughed when she heard about it, was, I count, a silly telling. Now, all this may seem a little thing to go for to tell so much on, but any intelligent carpenter will bear me out that 'tis the right way for to go to work, thus to set all out fair at the beginning.

Chapter II. The First Meeting Of The Caucus

I MAY say, without being called a liar, that several of our folk had well-nigh disremembered the caucus by the time the next meeting came about ; but, being warned, we made a brave show in the big room specially lent for the occasion, with the chair in the post of honour, just under the picture of the dead dog, and the text : " Poor Trust is dead ; bad pay killed him." Some of us were for Robert being chairman, while others said the schoolmaster was the man. And this might have led to much dispute, but that Robert got up and said — " I bain't wishful for to prejudice any on you, but if so be that I bain't chairman, there won't be no call to go on with thic here meeting." THE FIRST MEETING OF THE CAUCUS. 21 The which settled it, and he was elected — as was right. He was best man — my education was not then come above ground ; the schoolmaster was an uncertain person ; and Robert, as clerk to School Board and Parish Council, treble man of the ringers, best tenor to the choir whenever he went to church, was withouten doubt the proper leader at the moment.

Not the best tool, but the handiest one that was sharp. There was next a middling rumpus about the rules, every man wanting his own ; but Robert's experience soon put that to rights, he telling them that none were yet elected and some might be black-balled — and, for certain, some were. Of these Abram Bishop was one. Job Rockers did it, telling him that since he bore a name having to do with Church and parson he was bound to be black-balled. And though I now count that 'twere said by Job for a lark, the most of us took it as serious meaning. And especially so did Abram Bishop, for he tooken off his coat and told Rockers to come on and do it if he could. But Robert called him to order and said it must be by vote. " ' No bishops ' is a Radical cry," said I, having learnt that much from the papers, and being then a good Radical myself.

"No bishop, no king," said the schoolmaster, who never could keep quiet. I told him how we wanted no king, and was about to say more, when old sexton Blarney blaked in — " Schoolmaster's right," said he. " I be one on thic here club an' caucus, but I bain't a-goin' agin my college the passen, more nors fair nor needful." "The passen," said I, "is a fool." And the others cried, " Well done ! " The matter was then voted, and Abram Bishop was dispensed as the doctors say. The next man voted for was Sexton Blarney, and on him the votes came even. I voted against him ; in part because I then held that he had flouted us by wearing a black cap to a burying THE FIRST MEETING OF THE CAUCUS. 23 that very afternoon, and in part because in so doing he cheated me out of my just rights. For I was overstocked with ellum, and without that cap he might have taken a chill and gone off sudden, needing a coffin of my best make, with a plate to be provided such as a man can make a commission on.

But he was a selfish man, caring for no one's business but his own. Then Robert made a speech, and told Abram Bishop how his name had done for him, and he must take it out of his godfathers and godmothers as gave him it to his baptism, and out Bishop went for all that he was chapel born and bred. The which shows how that the man who wrote " What's in a name ? " knew very little of human nature, or the ups and downs of life. As for old Blarney he was allowed in ; Robert saying that, being sexton, Blarney would be in the parson's confidence, and able to give us warn ing of any trick tried against us by him or by the lordship. Then he read a list of rules, which the schoolmaster copied out very neat some days after ; the which also I framed in good gilt — with no putty needed to the mitres— and charged but little more than usual for such work.

A copy of the rules here follows — Rule I.—" This Caucus to be called the Borro combe Agricultural Caucus, for the advancement of Agriculture, Husbandry, and the fine and applied Arts." Rule II. — " No Parsons, Captains, Lords, or Boys under 20 years of age, shall be eligible for membership ; and of such as may be desirous of joining, only they considered fit and proper persons by the Caucus." Rule III. — "Subscription (payable in advance and no trust) 3d. per mensem." Rule IV. — " This Society pledges itself to advo cate Protection on corn, and to assist all Radical measures of a like nature, on the understanding of a reciprocal agreement." Rule V. — " Meetings shall be held once a fortnight, or oftener, as the Committee shall decide." THE FIRST MEETING OF THE CAUCUS. 25 Rule VI. — " Officers of this Caucus are — (Signed) Robert Biles, Esq., P.C. (chairman).

Bill Baston, Esq. (secretary). Obediah Wilkins, Esq., P.C. William Purkis, Esq., P.C. ; (X) Richard Clod, Esq. (his mark) ; (Committee)." After that, in my post of secretary, directed by Robert, I wrote some warning letters to various Borrocombe folk ; and the meeting then broke up, every man in the best of tempers, and all sure that the day of emancipation — as described by the red-van gentleman — was nigh and close to hand.

Chapter III. The Terror Of The Caucus

It was on the day after this meeting that I, feeling a little timid for what I had done overnight, left my shop and went to relieve my mind over a little haymaking in the Park (which was terrible late that year). The captain on these occasions en gaging every one very liberally, and without too much over-seeing — he being, as I have before told, a gentleman mostly, despite his curious ways. Having done more than my share of tossing, for I worked along with one or two of the maidens as took advantage of their sex by means of smiles and promises to get me to do their work for them, I had retired to a corner where I knew some swipes were handy, having seen it laid there by Blarney the sexton. And finding the liquor well mixed, the gin and cider being well half-andhalf, altogether to my taste, I sat me down till I should be ready for another pull, thinking on the cunning of the lordship who would have no machines for hay-tossing, making believe that he wished to employ as many men as might be.

The which had all no sense in it, he being as lordship bound for to pay wages to all not otherwise employed ; and this but a mean trick to make the village folk work for the money while he saved the cost of the machine, and de frauded me, Bill Baston, out of my just rights for keeping the same well painted. Wherefore, the captain being now absent from the field, I felt no call to work till he should come back along. As I thus sat I heard voices, and looking through the quick-set, where there was a hole, I saw Miss Minnie and young Brett Kinsman courting each other in a half-and-half sort of fashion. No kissing and so on, but merely making sheep's-eyes one to the other in that silly way which the quality and gentry use. And seeing how pretty she was, and how bright her eyes as she leant over the gate looking at the hills, I had no patience with his want of pluck ; I felt main sorry that for her it was him or none.