A Troubled Stream. A story

Front matter

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Chapter I. Early Days

I have often thought that I would write a story. Nay, I have even tried, but only to find that it is not so easy as the inexperienced are apt to imagine. First, there is the plot to be considered, and it is no light task to carry one's characters on through chapter after chapter, towards a grand denouement; secondly, the language, and he or she is clever who can, without difficulty, steer clear of repetitions, and awkward turns, or tags (as VOL. I. B a friend of mine is wont to call them), to the end of sentences ; thirdly, — but why divide my discourse on authorship into as many heads as preachers do their sermons, instead of passing on at once to the prime obstacle to success ? — the impossibility of pleasing everyone. Let me give an illustration of my meaning. I was once acquainted with a young lady, whose duty it was to make tea, morning and evening, for a numerous family ; and, oh ! what thankless work she found it, for in spite of all her endeavours she never could suit the taste of all.

She toiled; she diligently studied the arts, of tea-making and pleasing, — yet, in vain ! for father, brothers, sisters, still found fault ; and, strange to say, each complained of something different. One, that his tea was never hot enough ; another, that it was always too hot ; whilst a third exclaimed against the weakness of the beverage, just when a fourth was bursting into a denunciation of strong tea as the source of shattered nerves, and so forth ; but it is needless to enumerate the various faults found by this unreasonable family, or I might go on to ' not sufficiently sweet,' ' too sweet,' etc. But enough has been said to throw a light upon the case in point : the almost in surmountable difficulties which lie in the way of these who would please the public taste. What task more arduous, or more disappoint ing!

For, whilst one set of readers — carefully brought up young lady readers, generally — are satisfied with milk and water, others crave curiously-compounded dishes, or at least, such as are highly spiced ; and some even have appetites so perverted from all that is natural and wholesome, that they can touch nothing but raw spirits. But for these latter, I should scorn to write ! However, let the various classes (and their name is legion ) suit themselves, for the advertising columns of our papers daily promise all who choose an endless feast, — books of all sorts and sizes, serious, gay, pathetic, harrowing, ponderous, or light; B history, travels, novels, poetry, etc. ; in short, an absolute embarras de richesses, — an ever flowing fountain of instruction and amuse ment, which all who care to lave in its falling waters, may approach.

Now, notwithstanding my exordium, I have a slight desire to contribute one other drop to the already flooded stream, or, in plain English, to try my luck ; but instead of venturing upon the well-gleaned ground of Fiction , why should I not confine myself to the comparatively un cultivated soil of Fact ? Why should some portions of my own history fail to instruct and amuse? I may not be an important personage, yet I have lived and gained ex perience; and surely, my life need not have been all wasted, nor my experience hid beneath a bushel ! At any rate, I can but make the essay. I have no intention of inflicting the his tory of my childish days upon my friends ; let it suffice that I was born and brought up in the country, and that my father, — Mr. Brandreth, — who was, to my thinking, one of the kindest-hearted people in the world, was a man of refined, luxurious, and extra vagant tastes.

He had been in the army, and after leaving it, his aristocratic turn of mind and indolent habits, led him to prefer the most scrambling and uncertain mode of living, to the drudgery and. degradation of following any profession. Fortunately, my mother was a woman of energy and spirit, and continued in some measure to keep matters straight; cheerfully enduring privations herself, whilst she so managed that her husband never missed those comforts to which he had always been accustomed, but which it was now so difficult to provide. She came of an active and in telligent, if plebeian, family ; and at length actually died in harness — worn out by long anxiety and over-work — like a brave and true follower of a noble cause. May peace be with her ! The peace she did not find on earth ; and with him, too, whose last hours she soothed before she died !

During my childhood, I enjoyed a good deal of liberty, — perhaps too much ; and my mother, wishing to spare me as much as pos sible, concealed these truths from me as long as might be, so that it was only towards the last that they began dimly to dawn upon my mind. But then, with sickness and trouble always in the house, how could they longer be concealed? Yet even then, she would let me do but little, seeming jealous if anyone besides herself attended to my father, weak as he had become, and almost entirely de pendent upon those whose sole care it was to supply his bodily and mental requirements. I had but made the acquaintance of dark dreary death a few weeks before I was again called upon to mourn ; and I remember feel ing as if my desolate thoughts could never again yield place to brighter ones, and that that life which seemed a constant holiday to many girls could have no happiness in store for me.

My mother's only brother, and my guardian, a rich merchant, took me home, and it was generally believed that I was in due time to succeed to all his wealth ; but what cared I, young, inexperienced, and heartbroken, as I then thought myself, for money, or" the favour of the world ; I was then fifteen, and my uncle, Mr. Kennedy, who had latterly helped my father in more ways than one, was gravely kind from the hour he made me welcome to his house ; and yet, ungrateful as it may seem, I always regarded him with far more awe than confidence and love. I could not help it ; he was so unlike my dear, dear father, the latter being all openness and warm affection ; whilst the former was so calm, so cold, so regular in all his habits, and even when in the best of humours, apt to treat me as a child.

He was not a mere plodding man of business, but a clever, well-informed, and, when he chose, agreeable person, but I never felt as if I could understand his character. He had never been married, and I think looked down on women and girls, regarding them alternately as toys or mere encum brances ; to be made as ornamental as possible, and as useful as their nature would allow. He accordingly afforded me every necessary comfort and assistance, and as many indul gences as he thought fit. A governess, and masters, a maid to wait upon me, and an occasional visit to the sea ; and there were large gardens in which to spend my idle hours, and books of every kind upon the tables, so that it would have been my own fault if my mind had been left uncultivated. Then I had a horse to ride when I accompanied him, and a carriage at my disposal when I went out with my governess; and what more could any reasonable person ask ?

I fear I was un reasonable, for in my heart I asked for con genial companions ; for though many visitors might come to Carlton, there was not one I cared to see. No ladies, no young people of my own age—only men of business, men of letters, men of family, and of the world ; and of these, few noticed me, as I daily occupied my post as tea maker, for my uncle assigned but a secondary place to poor Miss Prince. So there I sat, morning after morning, some times listening to the conversation of our guests ; yet oftener wearying of it, and won dering how soon they Avould have finished breakfast, that I might escape. And then in the evenings to be called upon to play for their amusement, when they scarcely ever listened, — truly this was thankless work, and no wonder that I sometimes gave way to bit terness and discontent !

Yet I was envied by my neighbours, envied, and respected as an heiress ; for, from various circumstances, there seemed hardly a shadow of doubt that I was to succeed to Mr. Kennedy's possessions. Sorely in need of a confidante 1 must have been, to make Miss Prince my bosom friend ; yet, in those young days, I believed in her sufficiently to pour my grievances into her sympathising ear. In youth we are so easily b deceived or dissatisfied ; which is it ? We ask much, and give but little in return, ex pecting devoted attachment from others, whilst we seldom cast a thought upon their welfare. Consequently, it needs but a super ficial show of kindness, a few words of praise, or even flattery, to win our credulous hearts ; and lo ! our tongues are loosened, and our griefs disclosed to any one who may think it worth while to listen with apparent interest.

It was worth Miss Prince's while, and there fore she sat listening, consoling, and advis ing, with every appearance of good will, while at the same time she took care to keep in favour with my uncle. What wonder ? She had an easy time of it ; driving, strolling in the gardens, enjoying the best of everything, doing fancy work, and buying new dresses and bonnets, to her heart's content, and the only equivalent required, a little good nature, and servility ! Of course she had to instruct me too, but I was quick at learning, and we neither of us fatigued ourselves with over work ; which is probably the reason of my being well informed in various subjects, for 1 had time to read and think, and full liberty to exert my own taste and judgment, with regard to the studies to be rejected or pursued.

A word or two to describe Miss Prince, and I plunge at once into my story. She was "about thirty, dear," as she told me, soon after her arrival ; though even in those days, when thirty sounded terribly old to me, I should have guessed her to be ten years older at the least ; so tall and gaunt she looked, so dark, so plain ! Black, prominent eyes, thin hair adorned with lace and velvet, a rather wide mouth, and a nose which would have been described in her passport as ' ordinaire; such, dear reader, (and do not think me spiteful, for I am only sketching from nature) is a true description of my worthy governess's personal charms, to which add gay silk dresses, over-fashionable cloaks, and bonnets full of flowers, and you have before you a full length portrait of Miss Prince.