The Story of a Struggle. A romance of the Grampians

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I I ■ ■ I ■ I I THE SrOT^r OF zÆ STRUGGLE Ths Sro \T OF Jt Sr^UGGLS A ROMANCE OF THE GRAMPIANS By ELIZABETH GILKISON LONDON AND EDINBURGH ADAM AND CHARLES BLACK DEDICATION It was the late Dr. H. G. Sctto.v, the well-known and muchloved physician of the London Hospital, who inspired the Writer of this book with the desire to compose a story which should have for its triple keynote, Freedom — Love — Trust. Month after month he watched the development of the different characters, and by his wonderful insight into the nature of humanity guided the Author to give expression to the sore need felt by numbers of men and women for encouragement to Irust not only their Maker, but also themselves and their fellow-creatures. Alas / he did not live to see the book published, but those who best knew the great teacher may be interested to learn that from beginning to end it met with his approval ; and in loving gratitude " The Story of a Struggle " is dedicated to the memory of Dr. H. G. Sutton. LoNDoy, February 1802. CONTENTS

The Minister and his Wife after the Struggle

Part I Chapter

1 One fine autumn evening, many years ago, James and Jessie Stewart, two young Scottish Highlanders, might have been seen leisurely wending their way towards the small farmhouse of Belnaan, in Glen Feshie, each carrying two pails of water from the river. The setting sun shed a warm glow on the masses of heather bloom, whose rich purple colour was beginning to change into a beautiful reddish brown, which was scarcely distinguishable from the stalks. A forest of dark pine wood extended far up the mountain, and the eye of the onlookers rested with pleasure on the deep, glossy green of the foliage, relieved, as it was, by the light brown trunks of some very old trees. The slanting sunbeams were glint ing on a luxurious growth of cranberry bushes, golden brackens, and richly tinted mosses ; here and there, by the river-side, stood groups of graceful birches with silvery, glistening stems, whose fading yellow and brown leaves, shaken by the almost imperceptible breeze, shimmered in the sunlight for a moment, and then from time to time dropped on the ground.

It was an exquisitely lovely scene, in the midst of which we first meet James Stewart, a man whose mental and moral struggles are a type of what, in some measure, all who refuse to follow the leading of the natural in their lives have to go through. The brother and sister, for that was the relation of these two to each other, lingered on the way chat ting merrily. Neither of them had ever been farther from home than Grantown or Kingussie, for in these days Badenoch was a district unknown to the tourist, and its inhabitants were not enticed by " cheap trips " to leave their native place. The railway was not built, and coach travelling was too expensive, but, notwithstanding the absence of temptation to go South, there had arisen at times in their young minds a craving for a fuller life than could be found in their own beautiful glen, and James might well congratulate himself on the prospect before him of soon going to a University town.

Setting down their pails, the two stood still, and the girl, looking proudly at her brother, said : " Only to think, Jamie, of your being a minister ! You'll maybe get a big church in Edinbro'." " Yes, yes," was all the young man's reply ; and Jessie continued a little gravely : " But I'm wondering what we'll be doing without you in the long winter nights. Aye, we'll miss you with your books ; the house will be real lonely. Father will be wearying for you as well as mother and me, I'm thinking." " Oh, you'll all get on well enough," James replied, " it's me that will be worst off, for it will be terribly lonely in Aberdeen ; but," he added, in a more cheer ful strain, " I'll be always looking forward to the vacations." Jessie gazed at him affectionately, and James continued : " Well, you see, Jess, I'm bent on being a good scholar, and getting on in the Church, so I have made up my mind to put every other thing out of my thoughts, for, oh, lass, I must get on whatever it cost me."

Jessie shook her head, but said nothing. Stoop ing to take up their burdens again, their attention was arrested by the appearance on the highway of a handsome carriage and pair driving rapidly, but not so rapidly as to prevent them seeing its occupants, a well-dressed lady and gentleman, who were lolling back on the cushioned seats. After the equipage had disappeared, Jessie said, with a merry laugh, "You'll be like that some day, I well believe. It would be suiting you fine to be sitting beside yon grand lady ; how proud mother will be if you come back with a bonny lady in a carriage ! " A satisfied smile passed over James's face, and he ejaculated : " Well, who can say ? " but immediately checking himself, he said seriously : " No, no, Jess, it will never do for me to be thinking of worldly vanities like these ; I must remember that I am to be a minister of God, and I ought rather to look forward to the good I can do to other people."

With a sly look and a toss of her head, the girl answered : " You need not be imagining that you are any better than other people, although you are going to be a minister ; and you need not be so vain of your self, Master Jamie." With such talk and chaffing did the brother and sister beguile the way home, happy in the thought of James's prospects, and little dreaming of the sad event near at hand which was to alter all their plans. At this time, James Stewart, the youngest son of his father's large family, was about twenty years of age. He and his sister Jessie were the only chil dren at home, all the others having been sent out early in life to make their own way in the world. James had been a studious boy, and his parents, well pleased, had determined to "make a minister of the lad," and they were now rejoicing in being able to send him to Aberdeen.

By his talents, and through the influence of the heritors of the parish, James had received a bursary, which would enable him to pay for his college education, and also defray much of the expense of living during its eight years' course. If the holder of such a bursary passed his examina tions successfully at the end of the eight years' study, he was licensed to preach, and after a year's work as a probationer might become a candidate for a parish charge, and this was James Stewart's ambition. Everything was prepared for the student's departure on the morrow. The large trunk with its ample supply of home-spun clothes and knitted socks, along with the treasured store of books and sundry remembrances of home, was already corded. The crock of butter, the bags of meal and potatoes, the large cheese, the basket of eggs, all stood in readi ness for the carrier's cart next morning ; but during the night, the father, who had been ailing for some days, was stricken with paralysis, and his soul passed away just as the sun rose in magnificence and beauty.

Of course, all thought of James's journey was for the time abandoned. His mother suffered so greatly from the shock that she was stunned, and her reason trembled in the balance ; but the necessity for action roused her, and before her husband's funeral day she had regained her wonted composure and determination of purpose. James, realising how ill his mother really was, in spite of her present display of strength, began to fear that it might be wrong to leave her alone with Jessie, and he felt that perhaps he ought to give up going to Aberdeen, however unwilling he might be to do so. The afternoon of Alexander Stewart's funeral day had come, and the two chief mourners, James and his eldest brother, might be seen walk ing up the glen to the farmhouse where the mother and sister were expecting them.

There was a strange look of relief on the faces of the two women, easily to be accounted for by the superstition common at that time in Badenoch, which had led to the custom of " watching," a custom which Mrs. Stewart had strictly followed. From the hour of death, the corpse had been assiduously watched day and night by female relatives or neighbours, who had sat by turns in the room, and never relaxed attention until the body was carried out of the house. It was considered a compliment to be asked to be a " watcher," and the invitation was always complied with. It was thought dishonouring to the dead if this watch were not kept, the idea being that the spirit having fled, the body could not protect itself from the Evil One, who was supposed to be on the look-out for an opportunity to snatch it awa}', which could only be balked by the presence of human beings, notably of the female sex.

Everything was always done to keep these watchers awake, quantities of whisky, and also of tea, were consumed, and much conversation in hushed tones was carried on. From time to time, a chapter of the Bible, generally out of the Old Testament, was read ; and if any "godly person " was present, prayer was offered up for the protection of the living as well as the dead, for evil spirits were about, and if injury was done to the body, who could tell what might be the fate of the " watchers " ? The body of Alexander Stewart, dressed in a pure white starched shirt and necktie, the grey hair beautifully arranged on the pillow, and the limbs covered with a coarse but spotlessly clean sheet, had lain on the bed in the little room off the kitchen for three days, still and peaceful, so peace ful that it was difficult to imagine that human passion had ever stirred it.

Now it was gone from the house, and the family could resume their every-day work. The funeral was conducted with the greatest decorum, and with studied attention to all the customs of the country. A large concourse of people had assembled on the turf in front of the house in the forenoon, to show their respect for the deceased, who had been much loved, and to express sympathy for the family, especially for the widow and the two youngest who were living at home with her. The women of the house, and those who had taken part in the ceremony of " watching," occupied the " best room," where the minister, along with the schoolmaster and one or two others, talked and prayed with them. The bulk of the company waited outside in groups, while whisky and bread and cheese were handed to each, until the signal was given for the departure of the cortege.

Then the men silently arranged themselves in fours, so that there might be no unseemly hesitation or discussion about places, in changing the bearers who in rotation were to carry the body on their shoulders to the graveyard some miles off. This done, the nearest relatives lifted the plain black coffin, and started on the melancholy journey. A cart followed the long procession, with bread and cheese and whisky for refreshment on the way to the bearers, who had a heavy burden to carry, and a long way to walk ere they could lay it down. At the present day (as it did then) the road winds through the glen by the side of the little river Feshie, which rushes along, tumbling noisily over the rocks in its bed, gaining strength and volume from many brawling mountain streams, till it becomes quite a fair-sized river at its junction with the Spey ; by-and-by the road turns off, and the river is lost sight of, the mansion of Invereshie is passed, Loch Insh comes in sight with the old church, perched on a little eminence upon its bank and surrounded by its graveyard.

The church, a very old building of grey stone, roofed with dark blue slates, looks dismal even on the brightest day in summer ; the walls surrounding the enclosure are dilapidated, and in many places stones have been thrown down, and the gaps give easy entrance to stray sheep, which often browse in the church yard. A few isolated pine-trees, whose scraggy boughs creak with the slightest breath of wind, add an element of weird picturesqueness to the scene. There has never been an "Old Mortality" to inte rest himself in the few monuments and inscriptions in Insh churchyard, and it is a desolate, forsaken looking place. Here, then, they laid Alexander Stewart beside his forefathers, the old gravedigger filled up the grave, and the company separated for their respective homes. Sandy, the eldest son, was the only member of the family who had found it possible to assist James at his father's funeral, and he and James walked home together.

They were both very grave, solemnised by the sad day's work, and not a word passed between them for some time. At length Sandy, seeing James much depressed, determined to break the silence. He knew that bitter dis appointment was mixed with grief in his young brother's mind, and thinking it would be kinder to begin at once on the subject that must be upper most, he said : "Well, James, our sad task is over, and we must now look things in the face, and consider what is to be done for the best. I cannot stay over the night, so we had better make use of our time. I know father meant to give you provisions, and some money too, when you were going to Aberdeen ; but I'm afraid the money will be all gone for the funeral expenses. What do you your self think is to be done ? " " I don't know," replied James, looking very serious.

" Well," said Sandy, " who is to work the farm ? What will mother do? And, how are you to be kept in Aberdeen ? " The two men stood still, the elder intently watching his brother, who said at last, bitterly : " Oh, Sandy, can you that's so much older than me not find out some way for me to go to the college ? Could you not come here yourself ? I could manage to do without the money and most of the provisions, for I might get teaching to do when I had time. I cannot bear the thought of not being able to bring poor sinners to repentance. Remember how God called me to the work, and what father said about the dream I had." James's parents had clearly seen in the dream to which he alluded a call to give up their boy to God. The strong young man sobbed and shook with keen emotion. Leaning on his staff, he continued in pleading tones : " Oh, Sandy, won't you help me?

Could you not come here instead of me ? " " How can I do that, James ? " Sandy answered ; "I am only a servant, as you well know, a ground officer, far away from here, and I couldn't leave my place. Just think of my wife and bairns." " True, true," said James, sadly ; " but oh, Sandy, it's hard to bear — to have to give up what has been my heart's desire is dreadful for me only to think of." After a few moments' thought, he added earnestly, " Sandy, let us pray." Then taking off their bonnets, these simple minded men knelt down on the heathery knoll, and each by himself besought the Lord with earnest sup plications to be the guide in this difficult case. James wrestled hard for a while with his head bent on his hands, close to the ground, but pre sently he rose up calm and determined, though sorrowful, and said : " It's the will of the Lord ; I can't help it, but it is hard.

I will stay at home and do the farm-work. The Lord be praised. He has enabled me to overcome the Evil One, and I hesitate no more. Oh, Sandy, man, don't tell mother how near I was to being an undutiful son. Satan tried to beat me, but he couldn't, and I have won." Thus, with the decision and self-control which will be seen to mark his character throughout life, James Stewart took up his burden, and bore it manfully for years. The small farmhouse of Belnaan, not much larger than a cottage, to which the brothers were now drawing near, was the same to which Alex ander Stewart had brought his bride more than thirty years ago ; but the bareness which was then its characteristic had long since given place to the picturesqueness of age. It stood by itself on the moor of Feshie, no other dwelling in sight.

Built of large rough stones, it was overlaid for the sake of warmth with sods of turf, some of which were quite green. The roof was of thatch, and the yellow crowfoot, white garlic, and reddish-brown mosses on the weather-stained straw, were en chantingly beautiful in the evening sunlight. There was an air of homeliness and a promise of comfort in the tidy doorway and brightly shining window panes, not belied by a look into the kitchen, the living room of the family, where the mistress of the house was busy preparing the porridge. Jessie, the family pet, was standing at the door in an attitude of expectancy, one hand held up over her eyes to shade them from the dazzling rays of the sun, which otherwise would have prevented her being able to distinguish who was coming up the road towards the house, while with the other she caught up the corner of her apron to wipe away the tears which threatened to fall and dim her sight.

" Yes, mother," she called out presently, "they're coming. Oh yes, and there's only Sandy and Jamie." In a few minutes the brothers entered the house : on one side of the passage was the " best room," already restored to its normal condition of slightly desolate propriety ; the women of the family prided themselves on the neatness and perfect cleanness of this room, which was only used on very special occasions, such as the reception of the minister and other important people. The kitchen on the opposite side was very different : there, a glowing fire of peats and wood with lovely crimson, yellow, and blue shades of flame prettily reflected in the bright tin covers hanging above the dresser, gave promise of comfort. The atmosphere of the room was not very clear, but there is nothing more soothing to the nerves of a Highlandman than the pungent aromatic smoke of a peat-fire, although there is nothing more blinding to a Southerner, and the family at Belnaan was a truly Highland one.

The porridge in the pot hanging on the " swee " (a strong iron bar fastened in one side of the open chimney wall, and used as an arm for pot or kettle) bubbled and sputtered as if asking to be poured out, and the kettle on the hearthstone was singing and rattling its lid, quite ready to do its part in making the tea which Jessie had persuaded her mother to indulge in on this trying occasion. Jessie and her brothers came in together, and, without saying a word, the men and their mother sat down at the uncovered but scrupulously clean deal table, on which were set a jug of warm milk, four plates, bowls and horn spoons. After Jessie had poured the porridge into the plates, Sandy stood up, he and James having first taken off their bonnets, and asked a long blessing, which was really an extempore prayer, in which thanks were given for the saint who had been laid to rest, and earnest petitions were offered up for direction as to the future.

With sighs and deep groans from the widow, " Amen " was said, the men again covered their heads, and the meal was begun. There was but little conversation during its course, and when it was ended James went out to look after the cows : then Sandy said : " Well, mother, I'm glad to tell you, that Jamie sees that he must give up going to Aberdeen." "Oh," said Mrs. Stewart, in an aggrieved tone, " but, Sandy, I can't allow that ; Jessie and me can manage to get on by ourselves with the help of the neighbours at ploughing and harvest times. No, no, that must not be. James must go to Aberdeen." " But, mother," Sandy replied, " the rule of the estate is, that no woman, however good a farmer she may be, can rent a place in her own name ; so that you would either have to leave this altogether — and none of us would like that — or James must be the nominal tenant in father's place."

Mrs. Stewart saw the difficulty, and with tears in her eyes she sat down by the fireside, silent and sad. Presently, James came in, and, aware of what Sandy had intended to tell her, thought, seeing her so still and weary-looking, that she doubted his capacity ; so he went up to her, and laying his hand affectionately on her shoulder said : " I'll do my very best, mother ; and though I can never expect to be so good a farmer as father, still I can learn, and maybe I'll not be so bad at it as you fear. God will help me." The widow looked at her son simply, and said : " I know that, Jamie, your father was a man bye ordinar ; I'm not thinking about the farm itself, but " and she groaned heavily. " Oh sair's the day, I am terrible sorry. Ochone, ochone, what would your father be saying to your giving up the ministry ?

Could we not manage some way to let you go ? " He shook his head, and with a grave serious face answered : " No, mother ; Sandy and I have talked it all over, and there's no other way ; so don't say any more about it." Mrs. Stewart made no reply, and James left the room immediately, feeling grateful to his mother for refraining from words of sympathy. The widow was well acquainted with her son's nature, and we may be sure that, silent though she was, she felt deeply for him, and he knew it. If it had been possible for any one to have visited him in his little room under the roof that night, James would have been heard pouring out his soul to the Almighty, in heavy groans — groans too deep for utterance in words.

Chapter II

The morning after his father's funeral, James Stewart rose betimes, fully prepared to resume the manual labour to which he now felt he must devote himself in earnest. Young and energetic, he soon made the farm pay better than his father had done, and ere long he accumulated a considerable sum of money towards future college expenses. The keen desire to be a minister was at first his guiding star, but as time went on he could not help noting the domestic happiness of those of his companions who married and settled in their own station, and occasionally he was led to question the advisability of prosecuting his own more ambitious project. He, however, sternly checked this idea by the self satisfying thought that, unlike them, he had been " specially called " of God, and was therefore bound to persevere in the course he had adopted.

Soon after James entered into possession of the farm, one of his crofters died, and his place was filled by John Macdonald, a man from Sutherlandshire, whose young daughter Elsie was destined to play an important part in James's life. In the Highlands of Scotland at that time there were many marked, although minute distinctions of rank, as well as some customs which, although they are fast dying out with the advance of so called civilisation, still continue greatly to influence the natives of Badenoch. Until quite recent times, the chief difference between a small farmer and a crofter was, that the farmer paid his rent direct to the Chief, while the crofter had only to do with the farmer to whom his hut or cottage belonged, and who allowed him a portion of land for his own use, in return for a fixed number of days' work without wages, leaving him at liberty to employ the rest of his time as he chose.

The crofter had a right to money wages from the farmer for any other service, so that he was not the farmer's servant, although dependent on his goodwill for the dwelling-house he occupied. Such were the relative positions of the Stewarts and the Macdonalds their crofters, and it is perhaps not to be wondered at that Mrs. Stewart looked with disapproval (although it was unexpressed) upon the friendship which quickly sprang up between her daughter Jessie and Elsie Macdonald. She could indeed find no fault with the girl who by her gentleness won all hearts, but she feared for her son, who she saw was attracted by Elsie's beauty. Mrs. Stewart was a proud woman, and very tenacious of the supposed dignity of her family. She had once been overheard saying to herself, " What an awful thing it would be if James was to fall in love with that lassie, Elsie !

Him, that's going to be a minister ; he must be kept from making such a mistake, for at all hazards his wife must be a lady born. John Macdonald, truly ! he's not like me or mine ; no, certainly ! Him ! he's but our crofter, and his bairns are not to be evened with mine." Consequently, she always spoke disparagingly about the Macdonalds, and put all manner of diffi culties in the way of the young people's meeting, although she lacked courage openly to prohibit the growing intimacy. Notwithstanding all Mrs. Stewart's efforts, James's love for Elsie grew apace, until it took entire possession of him ; the girl returned his love, and at length he gained her promise to be his bride. Elsie Macdonald was a young, beautiful girl, such as may occasionally still be seen among the Celtic population of Scotland, though less frequently to-day than in past times.

Tall and well made, she walked with innate grace and freedom of motion ; her refined features, soft dark hair, lovely deep blue, almost violet eyes, and small well-shaped hands and feet, were more what might be looked for in a descendant of generations of chieftains than in a humble crofter's daughter. Her gracious manners and winning smile were the outward indi cations of a nature born to love and to be loved ; and it was no wonder that the young farmer, with his quick eye for beauty and keen sense of the fit ness of things, was fascinated by her, and drifted all unawares into " love's young dream." It was not her beauty alone that charmed him : much more, though unknown to himself, it was the inward grace and truth which shone in all that she did. Her disposition was amiable, gentle, docile, and affectionate, unsuspicious of evil, and ever ready to help the needy.

In the early days of their acquaintance, James discovered that Elsie was capable of a personal love deep and true, and that she could bring out the best part of his own nature, often inducing him to put forth an aiding hand, when otherwise he would have been but little inclined to do so. James Stewart's intention to become a minister was well known to Elsie when she promised to marry him, but she could never enter into, nor even understand, his intense desire to go out into the world in search of God's service. She said to him one day, when he was throwing discredit on any other way of working for God than preaching to a large city congregation : " Jamie, isn't God in the glen too ? Has He not sheep here, as well as in the towns ? And would they not listen to what you have to tell them, and you might maybe do without being a Reverend at all ?

" "Oh, lassie," he answered quickly, "you don't know how the Spirit keeps aye calling me not to turn back ; and my mother, who is a godly woman, quotes ' Quench not the Spirit,' so that I feel bound to go forward, and, when the time comes, try for as big a church as I can get. Do you not see that, Elsie ? " She shook her head unconvinced, though unequal to reasoning with him, and only said gently, " Weel, weel, laddie, you ken best ; but mind and keep me by you wherever you are." The young man's only reply was to draw her close to his breast and kiss her fondly, to which she responded by resting a gaze on him full of confi dence and love. This happy state of matters went on for many months, and but few clouds darkened the lovers' horizon. Now, however, the day drew near to which James had been looking forward, and he knew that he would soon have to make up his mind decidedly about his future course.