Remarkable, but still True. A novel

Front matter

A NOVEL. BY WALTER FITZALLEN. LONDON: "Elrintra far Hjc author fjn WYMAN & SONS, 74-5, GREAT QUEEN STBEET, LIXCOLN'S-INN FIELDS, W.C. 1872. CHAPTER No. ONE. It has often been a matter of surprise to me that authors should continue to write pre faces to their books, because, I think most people will agree with me in concluding that they are seldom or ever read. For instance, I myself am a great reader of all sorts of books, from Baron Humboldt's " Cosmos," down to the veriest romance, at times, to relax the tension upon the mind and memory necessary for the profitable perusal of scien tific reasoning. And yet, it has rarely hap pened to me to read the preface to a book ; and when I have chanced to do so it has been sorely against my will. Now I should very much like to know B from whence originates this general, not to say universal, neglect of what authors deem it necessary to compose and print, or they would never put themselves to the trouble and expense to do it.

Perhaps, to a degree, it may be a solution of this confessed difficulty, if we suppose on the one side that authors wish either to explain something that ought to be known previous to entering upon the volume, or that they want to enlist the reader's good-will by an apparently humble but specious apology for their writing at all. I fancy it is this latter notion that the public take to be the object of the writer ; and not caring a rush about the "whys"or the "where fores " of his having committed himself to print, at once pass his preface unnoticed, simply wanting to know what he has got to say, whether profitable or unprofitable, pleasing or otherwise. In this prevailing indifference to a preface, I am really at a loss what to do. Were I to put one to this volume, it might be treated, I fear, with contempt ; and yet I find there is use in a preface, nay, that I actually want and cannot do without, one ; and therefore I have decided to put such a prefix to my book.

And not only so, not only have I determined to open what I have to say with a preface, but I am resolved that it shall be read by all who accidentally may cast their eyes over this tome. Because I wish to inform my readers of the fact that they may find in these pages, not only verses and sonnets, and anecdotes, but the contents of solid chapters that are not mine at all. I am, therefore, anxious to tell the public this at the outset ; for many people may recognize the passages I allude to as old acquaintances, and I should not like to appear a plagiarist, as one pilfering from a friend, who, when he heard I was about to write a book, kindly sent me some very valuable and original contributions. This, then, is my first and chief reason for desiring to have a preface. But I should also like to explain why I have given my book such a common, trashy title. b "Remarkable, but still true."

Chapter II

It was about the close of the American War in the year 1783, that our heroine was left an orphan, or rather, I might say, left alone in the world, for her only sister, although correct as to conduct, and unimpeachable as to integrity of purpose, was scarcely indued with sense enough to bustle through life without a close friend to advise and protect her. Her father, aware of her incompetency to act alone, left our heroine as a sort of guardian over her in his will, in which he bequeathed his property, of no great extent, about eight hundred a-year, to be divided equally amongst his four children, two sons and two daughters, concluding that his sons, being in the mercantile line, could make their way under the patronage of their cousin, at that period a merchant of position, and well known in the American trade.

But, alas, poor man ! he little discerned the character of his wily cousin ; for the young men, shortly after their father's death, disgusted with their prospects at home, and rather slighted by their cold, calculating relative, too readily listened to his suggestions to try their fortune in the new world, to which multitudes were thronging since the peace. For this purpose he was willing to advance them a few thousands upon their property, and thus the two houses of Graham and Company, the one in Dublin and the other in America, could assist each other, he said, and were sure to succeed. Accordingly, with lofty expectations, so brilliantly pictured before them, in high spirits they left their native land, indulging in the love of novelty so attractive to youth. Thus, as I have said above, was our heroine left alone in the world ; her cousin Joe being the natural guardian and protector of the two orphan girls ; and we shall see how suitable he was to fulfil that sacred trust, and how well he did it.

Since I have rather led tbe reader to infer that this cousin was not quite what he ought to be, it will be necessary that I give some description of him, both as to personal appearance and character. Little cousin Joe, then, was a man, " aye, every inch a man," we may fairly say ; for although diminutive in stature, such was his commanding demeanour that few could approach him without a feeling of discomfort, if not of awe. A young man, an attorney's apprentice, in after years, told me how, with a feeling almost of dismay, he used to stand be fore him. " Well, sir," with his arms akimbo, the little man would say, " what do you want with me ?" This he called out in a stentorian voice, and with a violence that betokened displeasure. At the same time casting a withering glance on him that seemed to read him through, he would demand, " Well, sir, what do you want with me ?"

Such is the external portrait of cousin Joe; but we must search into his antecedents a little if we want to know tbe man. In " his " schoolboy days were the times for public lotteries, and our little fellow early displayed his talent for money-making, and his determination to follow the well-known advice of the old farmer to his children, " My sons, make money, if you can, honestly, but make money." So, taking a hint from the Government trick of the day, he resolved to play a like game upon his school-fellows, and cheat them, as the Government cheated the public, by inciting the people to gamble, and, come what would, making a certain gain for itself. So little Joe used to get up lotteries at school, and he conducted them with so much craft and skill, he held out so much induce ment of getting large prizes for a shilling ticket, and appeared so perfectly fair, that no one could detect the least flaw in the programme, and, as a matter of course, all the boys went in for their chance of so great a gain.

But somehow or other it so happened that all the prizes worth having fell to the share of the little lottery-man — cousin Joe. All this may be looked upon as a beginning of some remarkable future. It showed a strong resolve to get money by hook or by crook, and at the same time it displayed such an honest exterior in the trade, and such tact, and skill, and duplicity in concealing the trick, that no one could suspect, much less detect it ; and so cousin Joe had lottery after lottery, all the boys wondering how it occurred that their little playmate always won, yet never for a moment suspecting his honesty. But, as I have said above, this was only a prelude to some remarkable future, of which we shall hear more as we proceed. Thus it was with the Government lotteries. They seemed so fair and open that the whole country, rich and poor, determined to try their luck.

The poor literally gambled to a frightful extent. The work-people pledged their tools, the basket-women pawned their cloaks, their shawls ; their very baskets were bartered to purchase even a small portion of a ticket, whilst those who ought to have been their protectors, those who ought to have guided them right, took care of No. 1. Yet, sharp-sighted and clever as the Government was, there was one at least of their employes sharper still. It was the custom of the executive in managing the lotteries to appoint agents in cities and large towns from whom the public could get tickets. Two of such offices were held in Dublin (one of them by a person named Nat Turnpenny), who upon applica tion were furnished with an abundant and often a superabundant number of tickets. It was arranged that the drawing of the lottery was to take place in London upon a given day, previous to which all the unsold tickets were to be returned to the head office in London, and then the prizes attached to those that were sold were made known to the public.

Now it so happened, whether with design or not we will not take upon us to say, that Nat Turnpenny had detained his overplus of unsold tickets longer than he ought ; and it also so happened that the Government officials, in the multitude of business, either overlooked the fact that they had not received the over plus tickets, if there were any, from their Dublin agents, or supposing, that if they had not yet got them they must be on the way (for communication in those days was awfully slow), took upon them to send a statement of the blanks and prizes to their agents. This final result of the lottery reached Nat Turnpenny just a couple of hours after he had dispatched his statement with the unsold tickets to the head office in London. Anxious to ascertain what prizes were drawn, he ran down the list, and cast his eye upon £30,000, and upon examining the number of the ticket, he found it was one of those unsold, one, in fact, of those which only a few hours before he had sent off by the mail packet to London.

" I'm lost, I'm a ruined man," exclaimed " honest " Nat, tearing the hair out of his head, and throwing himself into an arm-chair in an agony. The clerks in the office did not know what to make of their chief. Whether to think that he had suddenly become deranged, or that he bad taken a fit, or had heard some fearful news from Govern ment, for they were aware that he had received an account of the drawing of the lottery. After a few minutes, however, Nat came to himself, and said as an excuse for his excitement, that he had just had a return of a violent spasm that he was subject to. Then he went to his desk, unlocked it, and took something out and then locked it again, put on his hat and coat, and went out meditating what was best to be done ; at last he seemed to have decided, and called a hack car then going along College Green looking for a job.

"Where will I dhrive yer honor to ?" says Pat. " To Ring's End as fast as ever you can go." So off he went at the top of his speed, and soon reached his destination, distant only two miles from Dublin. At once Nat jumped off the car and threw Pat a half-crown, who overwhelmed him with praise and blessings. e* Throth I knew you were a jintle man, sure, any one 'd know it to look at ye. May the blessing of the Vargin be about you!" Away hastened Nat to the water-side just where the River Dodder joins the Liffey, a place where he knew there was always a number of good boats and able-bodied sailors. " Now, my men," said he, addressing himself to a number of fishermen who were sunning themselves on. the pier, for it was a fine sum mer's day, I want the best and quickest boat you have, and a number of good hands to take me out to sea.

I want you to overtake the mail packet which left the Pigeon-house to-day at one o'clock." " Throth, an' its yer honor that's right, for I saw her myself, with my own two eyes, come out of the Pigeon-house harbour at that very hour exactly. And nice and thrim she looked, c and nice and thrim she scudded along ; an' it's a hard and a long pull we'll have, yer honor, to overhaul her, if ever we catch her, for she's had already two hours and a-half start of us ; but then, what will yer honor give us if we thry our best and fail ? " " I'll give every man of you, if you fail, five guineas a-piece ; and if you catch her at this side of Liverpool, every man of you shall have ten guineas a-piece." " Hurrah for yer honor, be dad and it's may be we won't thry." " We'll want a six-oared boat, yer honor, and tin min to relave the others."

"Very well," said Nat, "as many as you like, only take care not to overload the boat." " Which is the fastest six-oar, boys ? " asked a pilot-like looking sort of man. "Och, the Shamrogue (Shamrock), to be sure, far an away;" to this a general assent was given. "I say, Tom Carrigan," says a stout fellow, " run to Pat Keogh, and tell Dick Rafferty, and Terence O'Flaherty, and Jim Kennedy, and Patrick Mulherne, and Billy O'Rurke, and any good hand at an oar you chance to meet, tell them all to come down here at onced, and tell them, the souls, that there's a gintleman here that wants a row, and will give us plenty of money an dhrink too." The man who gave this message now stept up to Nat, and said, "An may be it's yer honor will be givin us a thrifle to buy a dhrop of the native, for we're like to want it sore ?

" At once, and before them all, Nat gave him five guineas. " Musha, may God bless yer honor, and put power into our arms to win the prize yer honor promises." " Now," said Pat Cannon, to the man who got hould of the cash, " now run and bring down three gallons of the right stuff, an a dhrop of water, ye see, an if they've some bread an' ham or bacon ready dhressed at that cook-shop, don't be stingy of the gintleman's money whin he gives it so freely. Bring dow plinty fa us all, my boy, for it's bke we'll have a long night of it ; an whilst yer doin that, we'll get the Shamrogue ready baled c out, with a couple of spare oars, and all made right and taut." "Now, my men," said the pilot, " let us lose no time. I was thinking of getting the mast and sails into her, but I think we will be lighter and more sure, if we take twelve hands, if the gintleman has no objection."

" Oh, none in the least," said Nat Turn penny. " Now, then, my lads, get all ready quick, for I watched the packet as she passed the Lights, and she must have been running at nine knots an hour to do that when I saw her with my glass at half-past three o'clock, jist as the gintleman came up to us." Ready as almost everything was to their hands, and the boat lying before them, it occupied rather more than half an hour be fore all was prepared for a start. Down came all the stout young fellows of Ring's End to the pier, helping to carry the whiskey, and the bread, and the two great hams that they chanced to light upon ready dressed at the cook-shop. " Oh ! by jabres," says one of them, when he saw the five-gallon keg of whiskey, and the hams, " by jabres, Pat, but ye've done it well, my boy."

" Let's see now, my lads, who's to be the crew, for everything depends upon our having twelve first-rate hands, men of the raal sort, or * we'll ' lose the prize, and the ' gintleman ' will be balked of his aim ; and that, you know, won't sarve any of us." " Well, then," said Nat, to the pilot, a fine sailor-like looking fellow, " I leave the choice of the crew to you." So knowing them all thoroughly he chose out his twelve hands, men of muscle, and energy, and endurance. "Away now aboard at onced, and put three or four of your jackets in the starn for the gintleman to sit on." Five poor feUows were left behind, looking very downhearted. So, said Nat (meaning to show them he'd be generous if they worked hard), I don't like to see poor fellows dis appointed. I'll give a couple of guineas amongst those that are left behind, at the moment jerking two guineas to them.

Then maybe there wasn't an uproar of praises and blessings upon his honor's honor from the whole crew. " May the powers of heaven prosper you, any bow," shouted the five. " Now, men," says the pilot, " give way there, I say, give way, I say, and don't let us lose a minute. Let us get clear out into the ebb tide, and it'll help to sweep us along. Blast you, Pat Cannon, can't ye keep without catching crabs at such a time as this ? stop ping the boat's way ; ob ! if I'd thought you were such a chap as that, I'd have left you behind, sure enough. Feather your oars, men ; a long pull and with all your might." " Sir," said the pilot to Nat Turnpenny, "if you'll allow me, I'll tell how we'll man age the best. Let each set of men pull for half an hour at a time, and no more ; for that is enough at once when a man's at bis full stretch ; and, besides, they won't be so likely to chill as if they got too warm and rested longer.

We'll give each man a cropper (half a glass) of the dew before he begins his pull, and another cropper when he has done ; the one will give him fire to go on, the other will prevent a chill ; and that'll be the way to keep them up to the mark." " This ebb tide, Sir, as I tould yer honor, is sweeping us along merrily. We are now at the lighthouse, so we have come three miles in less than a quarter of an hour, although it's only just now we've got to our full speed." " Now, my hearties, away with her, lift her out of the water, I say, and mind ye, boys, you've only to pull half-an-hour at a time, it's only just a bit of play, ye see, and you'll get a glass of the crature when yes begin yer work, and another glass at the end of it. And, mind ye now, and remimber, the minute I hould up this hankercher, whin I hould up this hankercher, I say, yez are all at onced to weigh upon the handles of yer oars, so as to lift the blades of them clain (clean) out of the water, and then let the fresh hands slip into their places an begin to pull like fury, that tbe boat's way mayn't be stopt; whilst I'll keep her head straight to the point with the tiller."

I should here remark that the Shamrock was the pride of Ring's End, and had won many races both under sail and with oars. She was about thirty feet in length, and of such nice width of beam, that there was room for the spare hands to sit on the thwarts be side the rowers without incommoding them. This rendered it easy for them to change places, and it was not difficult for the pilot to serve out their allowance at the proper time in a horn goblet, yet carefully measured in a small glass lest the men should get drunk. " Yer honor mustn't forget to wind yer watch, don't for the world let her go down, for everything depends upon order and regu larity in relievin and keepin up the men. May bad look to yes for a stroke oar, Dick Rafferty, who the divil put ye in in such a place ? 'Twas my hard look to take ye at all.

Oh ! if I had only had the good fortun to take Bob Tiernan, tbat broth of a boy, in stead of yes ! He's the chap that'd have showed yes a pattern to go by. Pull with a will, I say, men, and don't be sbnkin now that yer half hour's bit of play is jist up. Sure it's not rowin yes'd call it at all, but jist a bit of a child's game." "An throth an is through (true) enough for yes to say so, Mr. Kelly," said rather an older hand, "it's through enough for yes to call it child's play. Ye'll remimber whin you and myself and four other chaps pulled for life an death out to say (sea), to the ship that was waitin for us with the rebel, as they called the honest gintleman, Hamilton Rorey, aboord of us, whin the revenue cutter got glimpse of us as we crossed from Crab Lake House, and sint a six-oar in chase of us ; but min-o-war's-men as they were — no offince to you, Mr. Kelly — min-of-wars as they were, I say, we showed them what the min of the Sheds of Clontarf could do at a pinch ; and sure enough we gave them tbe go by, and saved the poor honest gintleman from the gallows.

" I often thinks, yer honor," turnin to Nat, " I often thinks that them that use the gallows, are often gallows fellows them selves." "And that's through," rang from one end of the boat to the other. " Now, men," says Kelly, who had been aboard a man-of-war, " now, my lads, I'm jist goin to hould up the hankercher, and let us see how the new hands will slip into their places, and the ould ones out for a rest. Now I tell yes, see yes do it cleverly without spoiling the boat's trim or stoppin her way. Up she goes," as he held up the signal, giving a fierce, scowling glance to see how they'd do it. Quick as thought almost the move was made, and the oars in the water again for a pull. "Bravo, bravo, well done, my lads," cried the anxious Nat Turnpenny. " Be the powers, yer honor, I never saw a nater thing done aboord the double-banked frigate Are ihusa, where I served my three years.

" After all, yer honor, if Pat only wills to do, what he knows he can do, there's not the min in the wide world can bate them for sharpness, and power, and endurance. " Hurrah for the new hands ! let us see whether yes can bate them chaps tbat are gone out. Remimber I'll minute yes, for I can tell yer speed be my watch. That's it, get along, boys, and success to our voyage. Keep yer temper, Digan, I say, don't be in such a hurry, man. Who's that at the bow oar? Throth an it 'd be no loss if yes showed a little more heart in the chase, O'Brien, seein all this gintilman's offerin for this little bit of a pull. Bend yer stiff bodies to tbe oar, I say, and don't look as if yes bad a ramrod instead of a spine down yer backs." In this way the pilot actually did more than any of the crew, for they all knew he was master of his work, and they respected him, and therefore thought it no disgrace to be ruled and chided by him ; so he laughed and scolded, and praised them by turns, comparing one with another in order to put them on their mettle, and thus he kept them in good humour ; and in good hopes, too, of their promised reward.

By this time he had served out the allow ance pretty often, and as much ham and bread as was good for them. They were now passing close under the bows of tbe light-ship, distant twenty-three miles from Dublin, which distance they had accomplished in rather under two hours. " Ship a-hoy ! " shouted the pilot, "how far is the packet from us ?" " About twenty-five miles, as nearly as I can calculate." " At what rate was she running?" "Nine knots an hour." "At what hour did she pass?" "Exactly at half-past three o'clock." "Just as I thought," said the pilot, "so in this little bit of a run, my boys, you've gained half an hour or better upon ber. But that won't do, yes must do better still, and I hope yes will whin yes get warmed to the work, for if not she'll be in Liverpool before we can come up with her."

"How does she look in the glass now, Mr. Kelly ? How is the wind with her ?" " As far as I can judge, her canvas is not quite so taut as it was ; but remimber we're twenty-three miles off her yit." " May the divil knock the wind out ofher," shouted Tim Scanlan, "an that's not wishing either the boat or the crew any harm." This remark created roars of laughter. Fortunately the water was smooth, with scarce a ripple on its surface. The weather was genial, too, and it was near the close of May, when there is light nearly throughout the whole of the night. "Can any of yes give us a song?" said the pilot, " for I always think that a boat likes music; the time slips by and she through the water a dale asier, I'll be bound for it, under the soft influence of a good voice. Come, my lads, give us a -lift' some of yes."

" Now, Pat Cannon, give us ' From Ply mouth we sailed.' And faix it's yerself can give us a raal sthrain (strain) of music whin ye like, Pat, my boy." "From Plymouth we sailed," shouted the whole crew, who had often and often given Pat a thrait for his singing. Thus encouraged and emboldened, with a loud, harmonious voice he commenced that pathetic song, so well known and pleasing to sailors in general. " A word with yes, before ye begin, Pat," said the pilot. " Remimber, now, boys, I'll have my eye upon yes, so don't let me find yes bangin upon yer oars to listen to the music, but let there be, as it were, a concert between his voice and yer oars, the quick regular 'thwet' of the oars, as they lave the water, acting as an accompaniment to Pat's song; that's the way to do it ; and now for the music."

" From Plymouth we sailed, a French ship gave us battle, And we were determined to conquer or die. The cannons did roar, and the guns they did rattle, I lost in the conflict an arm and an eye. " Not thinking the loss I sustained in my duty To Nancy or me could sorrow impart, One eye being still left me to gaze on her beauty, I thought what she prized in me most was my heart." It was now just eight o'clock and close Remarkable, bid still True. 31 upon sunset when the song was finished, and a gloom hung over the horizon. " Mr. Kelly," said one of the men, " how is the packet now ? Di ye think we're closin in upon her ? " "Well, so far as I can tell, in this light," after a long look through his glass, " as far as I can tell at this distance, she is about twelve or fourteen miles ahead of us yet.

So, if I'm right, we're gainin upon her ; still not faster than we did in the beginnin, which proves that she has kept her wind, Tim Scanlan, notwithstanding yer prayers, that the divil might knock the wind out of her." . " You see, Sir," turning to Nat Turn penny, "in four hours, de ye see, in four hours' pullin, be my calculations, we've gained about fourteen miles out of the twenty-eight she was a-head of us." " She is now about fifty-six miles out of one hundred and thirty on her way to Liver pool. So, if I be right, yer honor, and I think I'm purty sure in all that belongs to the say (sea), if I be right we're sure to fetch her, at ber present rate of goin, in four hours more." " Now, boys, we've had a good song, and plinty of tbe whisky, God knows, so I'm jist going to thry another plan wid yes.

I'm goin to give yes all a good piece of ham and bread, and as long a swig as yes like at the water, jist laste it would be 'jilous,' ye know, for the divil a dhrop of it any of ye's asked for yet. " Mind that bow oar, I say, Pat Keogh. Pull amain, men, what are yes doin ? Are yes thryin to lose the prize wid yer slinkin and half pullin ? " Bend yer backs, and jist do lend yer wills to them oars, and don't be houldin them, as if yes didn't know how to use them, or were afeard of them." After this little philip, which was meant for all, though addressed to Pat Keogh, the boat seemed to fly through the water. Away she went, while all the idle hands were de vouring the bread and ham, and wishing for the whiskey though obliged to take the water. When the whole crew had been pretty well crammed, Kelly says to Pat Cannon, " Come now, for another song, Pat.