A Constant Heart

Part I

K VOL. I, A CONSTANT HEART.

PART I. DO

not exactly know Avhen I was born, but I believe it was the year the king died. I find in the almanack that his Majesty, our Sovereign lord at present, proceeded to the throne in the year 1727, so I believe it was then. It was in the summer time, at my own home, Avhich Avas a large house had belonged to Sir Charles Cotton, a very great family in that part of the country, but most extravagant, so it Avas forced to be sold. He had run through all his property by the time he was four and twenty, I have heard my father say, and he and his father were great gamesters, and lost a deal of money at play. The great house and park Avhich these Cottons likewise owned, in another county, was bought in by a lord which had married the sister of this extravagant man, but all the rest of the property went to this one, and that Avhich had no tie to the family at all.

And this was the manner of its coming to us : My father rented the house, and a good deal of land about it, from one that bought it for a profit, though my father owned land from his father and grandfather before him, but it never pleased him to live on it. He was a yeoman, and never Avrote himself esquire, as some do noAvadays that have no more reason for it than I have. We lived very well, and my mother need never have done anything in the house, but she Avas a very notable Avoman, so she chose it. She Avas not married young, thus she never liked giving up her will ; she did mostly as she Avould, for my father very seldom put down his foot, but Avhen he did she couldn't turn him, let her strive and work as ever she might. Indeed, she loved to order everybody, and I know she did me ; she was very clever and brisk, and she made me do all manner of Avork in the house.

I disliked this, for I liked reading, as I shall say presently. But I was glad of it afterwards. I had one brother, and no sister. I Avas by much the youngest, thus I Avas not bred up with other children. I Avas quick at my book, and learnt to read in six months when I was five, my mother said. She had more learning than most women ; but Avhen I remember, she did not read much except on Sundays — the Bible ; she had not the time, she used to say. But she Avas more of a scholar than my father always. If ever there was a letter to be writ 'twas she did it. I must tell you hoAV I came to love reading so much ; and first, about the house, Avhich was large, as I say, but Ave only lived in part of it. There Avere large rooms without furniture, for all that had gone Avhen it was sold ; the floors were polished, and I loved to slide on them.

I Avas very fond of one chamber, — it had a large AvindoAV Avith stained glass, and this made the sunshine O * very pretty coming through it in the afternoon ; it looked on a green, Avhich was a bowling-green, but my mother used it for hanging out to dry. Well, at the end of this room there was a door, and it led into a large closet with a window of its own ; there were presses which my mother kept physic and sweatmeats in, but there also were some shelves with old books. They were a great many romances and novels and plays. I used to go and read them Avhenever I could. I did not understand all of them, as you may think ; and I don't think my mother kneAv about such books, or cared. She would have said it was waste of time if I had been curious to have them explained ; but she used now and then to read " Spectator " herself.

She let me take the books out of doors if I Avas careful to bring them back. Once I left " Don Quixote" in the wash-house, and it fell into the tub full of suds ; then she locked up the book-closet for a month from me. I was very fond of our maids, which were two sisters. One was Athaliah, and the other Eliza beth ; we called her Bet, to distinguish from me, Avho was always called Lizzie. I Avas fondest of Bet. She Avas promised to be married to a black smith, but he jilted her, and married a widoAv of two husbands, because she had money from both : which Avas very bad, for Bet had saved for six years for him. I can't remember when Bet and Atty first came ; I think I was a baby then, though Ave had several dairymaids one after the other. Atty was prettiest of them ; she had blue eyes and pink cheeks, but she was set up about her beauty, and thought she would make some great match Avith it ; however, she did not, but she is liA-ing at home with her mother.

Bet had freckles and crooked teeth, but very pretty eyes ; they Avere the colour of the blue tiles you see by fire places. I remember very well the telling of her lover's bad conduct to her. I Avas very fond of running to Bet in the morning, Avhen I Avas little, after I had sewm to the pin my mother used to set me for my task. Well, it was winter, and there was a Avhite frost ; but let it be ever so cold, my mother Avould never let me set a step on the fire-rug in the parlour, and it Avas a very wide rug, so that though I set my stool at the very edge I couldn't get a heat. So I liked all the more to run to the kitchen Avhen I had done, for I kneAv Bet Avould let me stand by the fire there. I Avorked as quick as ever I could, and my mother would sometimes take my seam and say, " Do you call this work, Elizabeth?" — she called me so when she was angry — " for if you do, I don't. One might set broad beans between your stitches.

Pick it all out, for shame, and do better next time ; and don't make them as long as from this to Michael mas. I never saw such dog's teeth in my life." Now, this morning I took pains, as I did not always, so I had quickly finished, and off I ran to Bet. I did not find her in the kitchen, so I ran into the back kitchen, and there I found her, poor soul, sitting on the table where she had been slicing onions, with her apron to her eyes, sobbing as if her heart would break. " Oh, Bet ! " said I, " what has happened ? Have you got the toothache ? " for she sometimes had. " No, no, no ! " says she, as well as she could in her crying. " It's much worse nor any toothache ever I had. It's a cruel shame, and I'd liever have lost every tooth in my head." I was so sorry. I got up on the table by her to put my arms round her neck.

" Don't, my dear," says she; "don't, Miss Lizzie; you'll get them onions all over your frock, — but I'm very much beholding to you for your kindness all the same." And then she went off to sobs again, and I began to cry too, for I thought it must be something quite dreadful. " Do tell me, dear Bet," said I. And then she said, "It's Ezekiel, Miss. He's forsook me for three hundred pounds Mrs. Rose has. He's marrying her this very morning, though she's fifty, if she's a day ! and all the country kneAv Ave were to be married. Oh, dear, dear ! " And then she cried as if she'd never stop. I told her I thought it very Avicked, and that I'd tell my mother. " That Avon't do no good, my dear," says she, catching hold of my frock to stop me. " And I dare say he'll be sorry by-and-by, poor felloAA7. She w7ill lead him a life of it ; and three hundred pounds is a great deal.

But oh ! it Avas a shame and a cruelty to treat me so, that had put by for him these years and years, and everybody asked me when we were to be married. And how am I to show my face at church now, like a fool that's been jilted, and every soul will spy at me for my bad luck." "Don't cry, dear Bet," said I, "and I will fetch you my lucky penny; you put it in your pocket, and that will bring you a good fortune." " No, my dear Miss," says she, " thanking you kindly, I will not take your luck — the Lord forbid ! And 'tis no good crying, only that it seems so cruel ; and me that had a good character from a child ! " Then she wiped her eyes, and went on slicing the onions. We were all very sorry for her ; and my mother gave her a neAv gown, and let her go to Salisbury for a week to her married sister; and she got over her jilting by degrees, and went on very well for some years, and then — Avould you believe it ! — the other Avife, Mrs. Rose that Avas, died, and she actually consented to marry him Avhich had done so ill by her.

I think she was very simple to do it, and so it turned out, for he Avas a perfect Turk to her, and as mean and stingy as possible. She Avas Avorn to skin and bone when she came to see us now and then, so that it was a pleasure to hear he was dead ; yet she had but little of all the money he had been scrap ing, for he left a great deal out of spite, I do believe, to Mrs. Rose's two sons, no kin to him at all, and plumbers and glaziers, that made a deal of money of their OAvn at Thurston. I do not believe anything Avorth telling hap pened to me till I was eighteen turned. I was never ill really. My parents got me inoculated for the small-pox — which means that you have it put in you, and take your chance of a mild sort — and I Avas very lucky and not a mark left. I grew a tall straight girl, with yelloAv hair and dark eyes.

My mother used to tell me 'twas idle to look in the glass, except only to dress one's hair, and put on one's cap; but I used to like to have a peep noAv and then. In the afternoon I used to dress myself in my better gown, and then sit with my mother, and either sew or spin till it Avas time for tea, at four. One day, tOAvards the end of April, 1746, as I should be nineteen in the August following, she called me to make haste and come down, for she had a piece of news for me. She looked very smiling and pleased, and I put on my gown and cap and neckkerchies, and ran down in a great hurry to know what it Avas. " Well, Lizzie, my dear," said my mother, " I dare say you guess the sort of news it is." "No mother," said I, very red, for my head was in a whirl. I thought it might be something very grand and romantic, as they say, such as happens in books.

Perhaps a lord had seen me out of a coach AvindoAv, and Avished to marry me ; or perhaps some one had left us a deal of money, so that we could live quite grandly in the house, as the Cottons had use to, or — I don't know what. I had all manner of fancies whilst I Avas dressing, and coming down, so was very much disappointed when my mother only asked me if I remembered my aunt Walker. I felt quite cross, so I said " Yes," as if I Avere quite stupid. You must knoAV that my aunt Walker Avas my mother's aunt. She Avas very stiff and prim, but she had a good deal of money, so that she could do as she liked. She had a son, but he was in London, very far off, so that I did not see him when she came to us. I used to dislike her coming, for she always called me, every morning, to read LaAv's " Serious Call," or some such good book, to her for months sometimes.

But she was liberal of her money, and ahvays made us a hand some present Avhen she AA7ent away, so that I used to feel ungrateful to be glad for her going. But for three years, I think it must have been before this day, she was palsied, and kept her bed. " Well," says my mother, " she is dead, poor soul, and it's a mercy she is ; — she Avas a burden to herself, and all about her. But she has left her son very well. He is come home to Gloucester, and he is to come and see us. His mother wished him to marry, and proposed you to him. He says he is very agreeable, and so he is coming. Well, child, Avhat do you say ? Shall you like to get married ? Your cousin -will make you a good husband. He is not over six and thirty, I think." I told my mother I could have no objections to marrying my cousin, as I had never seen him, nor ever heard any ill of him, and I hoped he would say the same of me.

I thought it would be very good to be married, for my mother always had her own way, and so I thought I should get mine; for I had had enough of being ordered about all day long, and I am sure I had not half, no, nor a quarter the liberty most girls have nowadays. It must have been going for a fortnight after this that my mother told me my cousin Avas coming next day. She made me make the pastry and gooseberry-fool, that he should see I Avas a good housekeeper. 1 had been dressing the dishes, and putting out the wine, when Athaliah said, " That'll be Mr. Walker, Miss, trotting up the road. Good Lord ! how ever did he clamber up that horse ? — 'tis as high as Noah's Ark" — shading her eyes with her hand to look at him out of Avindow because 'twas very sunny. But I Avas too shy to look out, and beside, my hair was rough, so I went to my own chamber and smoothed it.

I put on my red ribbons and shoes, and then I Avent down to the parlour. My cheeks Avere as red as ever the shoes Avere, I do believe. My cousin was standing in front of the fire. He was very tall and sober-looking. His nose turned up somewhat, but altogether he was very well. I laughed in my sleeve because he was in two minds whether to kiss me or no. HoAvever, at last he took heart and did. I got my seAving, and he and my father and mother talked — first of his journey, and where he lay on the road, and hoAV long he had been in Gloucester, which Avas his mother's town, and then of the weather. He did not seem to take much heed of me ; but he called me Elizabeth, and said I Avas very in dustrious. I thought the evening duller than ordinary, for I had use to play cribbage Avith my father ; but this time he talked to my cousin, and I sewed till I thought my fingers would grow to the needle.

O me ! hoAV glad I was when supper time came. Now I thought next morning, for certain, he would ask me when we were to be married. But not a bit of it. After breakfast he walked off Avith my father, and never a scrap of him did I see all day. I watched him Avalking off across the field. He walked as ill as ever I saAV a man. He shuffled, and seemed ready to fall on his nose any minute. In the evening he came back, and went to sleep by the fire. I thought I should have a dull affair of a husband. However, I did not much care then, provided I had my own way, and plenty os money to spend as I chose. The next morning he went away. He said good-bye to me, and that Avas all. He said nought of coming back, and I know I should not have vexed if he had not at all. After he was gone away, my father told me that we were to be married in a year, and that he would carry me to live in Salisbury, which I liked very well, as I should see company and shoAv my clothes.

My brother was only my half-brother — for my father had been married before, — which I Avas sorry for, for I was very fond of him. He Avas married, and had several children. He was very kind to me, but his wife was never pleasant to me, and Avhen he and I were talking, and saying I should come and live there, she would screw up her lips as who should say, " After all, 'tis only half -blood" as sour as a crab. For once, to show you the way she Avent on : she put to me to lie in a little poke of a chamber close to the hay-loft, where they kept apples for some time, and it still smelt horribly of them, and all because her cousin was coming, who was younger, and not married one bit more than I was. But when she heard I Avas to be married she got more civil. So I persuaded my mother, for 'twas she that managed, to let me go to my brother's to stay some of the summer time.

I was fond of being there. It Avas a pretty place, with a large garden and orchard, and close to a mail-coach road, with a dairy and cheese-room. I have said I loved reading, mostly novels, though I have read " Robinson Crusoe," which is a book of travels, and the " Pilgrim's Progress," Avhich is a Sunday book and a parable. I used to take my book into the orchard and read, sitting on the grass. This was very agreeable to me, though my sister-in-law teased me, for she was running after something or other all day long ; — no matter what it was, she must see to it herself. There never was such a fidget in this world, I do think. She must have spent a fortune in shoe leather, for she always reminded me of the descrip tion of Satan in the Scripture, in — Job I think. What he took her for I can't guess, for her nose was set crooked in her face, and never a penny to her fortune till her father died, when she would VOL. I. C have a share ; but there Avere three other sisters and a brother to divide, so that would be little, God knows.

And now, as ill luck would have it, just as I was come there to take my pleasure, she fell ill, and all because she was so obstinate not to wean her baby, though 'twas more than a twelvemonth, and standing on his own feet as strong as Samson, making a noise to split one's head, holding to a chair. But when she got such an illness I was quite concerned for her, poor soul, so I took this child, which was as heavy as lead, till I thought I should melt away, and I looked to the house and the maids, though she was like a dragon for being particular as to every hole and corner ; she would have no nay, but ask me every evening every blessed thing Avhich had happened since morning. One evening, after my catecliism, as I called it, she said to me that I must have ready the beds against her sister's coming to look to the house, and her brother too.

" The Lord be praised ! " said I to myself, for I thought I should have my time to myself when her sister managed. So I told her I Avas very glad. " I dare say you are," says she ; " and you have done better than I expected." And this was all the thanks I ever got for my pains. Her sister Avas older, by twelve years or so, than she. I got very fond of this sister, and she was a good woman. She was a Avidow of a miller, near Salisbury, which committed suicide because he could not meet his debts ; but her sons did well, and were good to her, so that she was not ill to do, then. The brother Avas the youngest of them : he was single, and six and twenty. He was a great scholar, and had been a sizar, at Cambridge, I think they call it. The parson of their parish was very fond of him. He wished to be a parson, too, as I heard his sisters say ; but I think they had rather he tried to be a physician, or a lawyer, as he had no interest, of course, to get him forward in the Church, and being so clever, also, when quite stupid gentlemen seem to do very Avell for parsons.

This I knoAV, that he would not take to farming, let his father say what he would. He talked a great deal about one's talent, and hiding it in a napkin, till I began to think he ought to be a parson, as he knew the Scripture so well. But I should tell you that he and his sister, the widow, came on the Wednesday, as my sister in-law took to her bed on the Monday was a week before. I remember I had had great work with the baby that very same evening. I was as Avhite as any sheet with his worrying me ; so when I heard the cart drive up, I ran to the glass and smoothed my hair and rubbed my cheeks and bit my lips, not to look a perfect fright, and then I went down and saw William — the brother, I mean — standing in the doorway, talking to my brother. He was not like his sisters, Avhich Avere little dumps both ; but tall, and with quite a straight nose ; six feet in stockings, Avith curly hair.

He was like nothing so much as the picture of the archangel talking to Tobit, in the Apocrypha Bible at home. I took to the AvidoAv directly. Though she Avas nothing to look at, she had a kind heart. We went to supper in the parlour. There was beef and pudding and spruce beer. My brother was telling the widow how her sister fell ill, so we two talked together ; and Avhen he Avanted more beer I was going to give it him, but he would not, and poured it out for himself. I thought him very handsome, and I think he thought me so too. I got a colour, and had no need to rub my cheeks any more. I Avas very vexed Avhen the AvidoAv said she must go to bed. I should have liked to stay much longer, but I had to take her to her sister. Hoav ever, she took the baby to sleep with her, so I got a night's rest at last.

I dreamt a great deal — once that the real angel was come, and said he would take me to heaven ; but I did not know what it would be like, and would rather stay. I thought I sat down in the orchard, and the angel turned to William, and then I woke. I jumped up from my bed then, for I meant to go to the orchard like as in my dream. I put on my clothes, for it was light, and half-past five. I heard the cows coming to be milked, and I ran doAvnstairs, and out into the orchard. I sat on the grass and looked about. It was beautiful Aveather ; there Avas sun and a little wind. So, when I had sat there aAvhile I saw him coming, like as in my dream, only he had a book. I got up and said, " Good morning, Sir," so did he ; and then I could think of nothing to say, though I had wished for him to come.

He looked at the back of his book, and so did I, but I could not read it in a foreign language, so I asked him what language it was writ in. He said it Avas in Latin. Then I asked him if he understood it — which was stupid of me, for, of course, hoAV could he read it if he could not ? He said " Yes," and smiled a little. I thought, " He thinks me a little fool, but I will tell him I love reading, and ask him what it is about." I said so to him, and he said it was about old age ; and I wondered that any one should care to read about that, for all old folks that ever I saw are as bad as children when they are not asleep, and then they generally snore : I mean quite old, for my father was turned sixty, and had's wits about him as well as any man. I told him I should like to know Latin, and he smiled again.

He looked at me very often, but he did not speak much. He had very bright eyes, but they Avere steady too, and not twinkling like his sister's. I asked him, " Who wrote that book ? " He said, " He had several names, but one was Cicero," and he showed me the name in the book. I wondered if it had anything to do with Sisera in the Scripture, only it was differently spelt, and I Avas shy to ask him. After a little he asked me to show him about and over the place, so I did. We went to the bottom of the orchard, and into the paddock and round the near fields. I said, " I wonder you were never here yet." He said, " After I went from Cambridge, I Avent to France and Germany." I remembered those places in the geography, but I cannot think why any one should choose them Avhen he could stay in England.

I said, " Did you like those places, Sir ? " He said, " Yes ; I went there to study. I did study in Paris, and " I forget the other names he said. I said, " Why do you study so hard ? " He said, " That I may get more knowledge." " And what good will that do ? " said I. He shook his head, as not knowing what to say. He asked me if I ever read. " Indeed, I do," says I, a little nettled by his taking me for a blockhead ; and then I told him the names of some of the books I read. At this he smiled again, and I stamped, for I saw he thought me a fool ; and I could not think of any thing clever to say to show him I was not. I think he found out I Avas displeased, though he could not have seen my stamp — it was only to myself ; I should not have had such ill-manners as to do it to him ; but I coloured and looked at the grass.

So he said very gently, " If I tell you a book to read, will you read it ? " I said, " Oh yes, Sir, and thank you." " I will so, then," said he, " and show it you presently." We got to the house door, and it was going for eight, and Mrs. Linsell, which was the widow, was ready and waiting for breakfast, and the baby was crawling on the floor with a spoon ; though 'twas such a trouble and very heavy, I was very fond of him — I can't help it with children, though they are plague enough often, God knows. So I took him up, and then his uncle was pleased, I could see plain enough, and we got friends more than ever. Well, it would take too long to tell how Ave Avent on. He called me Lizzie, and I called him Will. He gave me the book, as he had said. It was the lives of five good men, which were by Walton, and very well Avrit, though I did not read it all then, for I must tell you that William and I Avere often together, and I was talking with him so much I had not the time for reading as I was used to do, but I liked his talk better than any book that ever I saw.