Memoirs of Dr. Blenkinsop. Written by himself. Including his campaigns, travels, and adventures ... Edited [or rather, written] by the author of 'Paddiana'

Preface

. The Editor's share in this Work may be gathered from the following letter : Dear — Some years ago, on looking over the dis jointed records of my life, you urged theh being put into shape and published ; kindly offering your assistance in bringing out the Work. I am now disposed to avad myself of this offer, should you stiU be in the vein ; and as you were an actor in many of the scenes described, who so fit to correct any little inac curacies I may have faUen into, to strike out

PREFACE.

. VI what may be deemed superfluous, or even to add an anecdote which may have escaped me? In a word, wdl you be the Editor, on your own terms, and oblige an old and sincere friend ? A. B. CONTENTS OF THE FIRST VOLUME.

Chapter I. My Birth, Parentage, And Education

I was was bom in the last century, in a viUage near the ancient and holy city of Gloucester. My father was a man of independent property ; that is to say, it amounted to a sufficiency for a hberal subsist ence, without entaihng upon him any great amount of care, either to coUect his rents or to spend them when coUected. In common par- VOL. I. B lance, he was an idle man, or one who had little or nothing to do; but he did it like a gentleman — no mean praise, considering the kind of operative who, according to the proverb, is "at work in an idle brain." With this short notice I shaU quit, most probably for ever — some slight incidental notices excepted — the subject of my more immediate relations, partly from a feeling of filial piety with which their memories are invested, and partly lest a too minute description should lead to the identifi cation of myself.

My godfather and godmother, as coming next to my parents, may perhaps demand some slight notice. They were exceUent people, who lived respected, and died rich. I am informed — nay, they admitted as much themselves — that at my baptism they promised and vowed three things in my name — that I should re nounce the devil and aU his works, the pomp and vanities of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh, &c. With respect to the first of these rash vows, they were, no doubt, constantly engaged in earnest secret prayer on that point ; but I cannot call to mind that they ever took any more active part to ensure his renunciation on my part : as regards the pomp, vanities, &c, they acted in steady concert up to the last moment of their lives ; namely, by conscientiously withholding any pecuniary means by which they were likely to be encouraged.

A maternal aunt in the country, an uncle in London, another in Scot land, and a third in Norfolk, comprised the whole of my kith and kin. I dweU with little pleasure upon my infancy or boyhood. The former was decidedly tetchy and wayward ; the latter disgraced by the mean nesses, the cruelties, the lies, and the inherent baseness, which, with a few generous sentiments, form the general character of that period of life. I was, hke most children, a selfish, greedy exacter of what I wanted, a dabbler in nastiness, and a sulk. I was also a roarer and a kicker at any exhibition of correction ; hated of elderly gentlemen and grim maiden ladies, B and a difficulty to maids. Borne with as long as parentd patience could bear such an inflic tion, and then expelled by force to howl in soUtude, which was anything but peace.

Even to this day I can caU to mind the clutching and tearing of caps and curls, in the screaming scramble of ignominious ejectment. Every bad passion found its place in me as a boy. I retired into the solitude of fields and gardens to wreak a vicarious vengeance upon objects which my imagination invested with a likeness of my friends, or my pastors, or my masters — of aU, indeed, who thwarted or corrected me. Have I not stabbed cabbages, and wished they were aunts' hearts, dishonoured cauliflowers in theh semblance of uncles' heads ? Have I not sent the preparatory governess sprawling towards the sky in the likeness of a frog, and fired arrows into the ivy bush as the hazy prototype of the old nurse? With singular cowardice my mischievous enmities were peculiarly directed towards elderly unprotected females.

How many times was the mop, dipped in hot pitch, raised slanting against the door of that poor, hdf-cracked old woman, whose impatience and unreflecting temper rendered her forgetful of former experience or heedless of present, danger — her window broken — the door torn wddly open in pursuit of the delinquent, and the pitchy mop received fuU upon her aged and venerable features. I made but litde progress in my early studies. The exact sciences — as summing — I peculiarly abhorred, and writing ; ungarnished with flourishes, or a margin of demoniacal heads, was my abomination. My object, dmost up to manhood, was to shirk aU imposed tasks, though I would read through the Uvelong night, or even sacrifice a whole holiday for the book I loved. At an early age I was sent to an excellent school, thought to be more exceUent than it reaUy was from the expensive terms and the good families which the pupds came of.

It was at some twenty mdes from home, and I was in the habit of riding there on horseback with a servant, a distinction which — thanks to the inevitable laws of flunkeyism — procured me from aU concerned a gracious reception. The gentleman who presided over the estabhsh ment, was a middle-aged clergyman, rector of the parish, and the parsonage had been en larged from time to time as the scholars in creased ; when the number of these reached twenty, the " private famdy" was thought to be made up. As a locality for a school it was perfect. Standing within a large elbow of the smooth flowing Avon, the surface of the parish was an dternation of large pasture-fields and rough bushes and woods, the latter enclosing in their recesses spots of delicious retirement, uncrossed by paths and undisturbed by dl inhabitants, save kites and squirrels.

Bounding the parish on one side was the Breedon HiU, with its conspicuous summit-tower — a mountain stdl in my recoUection, though since those early days I have crossed many a frozen, many a fiery dp. Such elms there were, too, about that vUlage ! Even with my subsequent experience of tropical vegetation, they stdl retain in my remembrance a pre-eminence of enormity. The old grey church presided with a sort of ma ternal dignity over the other houses of the viUage, though most of them seemed to rival it almost in age. The originaUy rosy com plexions of the brick houses had turned purple and grey with age, like the cheeks of their hale inhabitants; and the churchyard porch was surmounted by two trees so old, that we fancied we could trace in theh trunks the rusty stumps of nails which had been driven in while the Plantagenets flourished — on occa sion, perhaps, of displaying notices of a levy for the Agincourt campaign.

The Rector, however, sternly maintained that they were the identical Baucis and Phdemon, who had neither died nor been " stubbed and burnt " as the poet pretended. Our rector-schoolmaster possessed, under a somewhat rough exterior, the most kindly feelings and the most perfect sentiments of a gentleman. He was a Welshman, or had at least the bearing and appearance of one, being of a high spirit and a choleric temper — was of a sanguine complexion, stout, and of a middle height, and wore grey cord-breeches and top boots with his clerical black coat and waistcoat, the latter weU dusted with Scotch snuff. He was a scholar, and a ripe and good one ; steeped in classical learning to the very lips ; of a wholesome, untiring energy to grapple with difficulties and to conquer them, and little sympathy had he with the sluggard, or the indifferent, or the finical — least of all with the sneak.

He never flogged, for he thought it un gentlemanlike — besides that, he hated to be identified with the mere pedagogue — but though he used neither birch nor cane, yet he kicked and cuffed most energetically, and with the might of a strong man. His system was to trust to our honour. " Gentlemen," he would say, " I have no ' bounds,' you have free permission to go where you please. When I ask you where you have been you wdl teU me, I am sure, without reserve. Where there is no restraint, there can be no cause for evasion. I had rather you would not go too often into the town, but up the hdl, or to the river, or into the woods, I have no wish to limit you. Having to deal with gentlemen, I can trust you — you never have abused my confidence, and I feel that you never wiU. If you think that there are any among you, hkely to bring discredit upon us, you must repress the disposition to do so yourselves."

The effect of this confidence was to keep us very much at home. Where fatigue only was to ensue without the zest of resisting authority or infringing a law, there was little disposition to wander very far. From this gentleman I acquired the first principles of graphiology. He had made a coUection at considerable expense of the autographs of celebrated persons extending back to the early part of the seventeenth century, B and with some of an earlier date. To these he had added the writing of almost every person of his acquaintance, with all the remarkable characters of the day, appending to each specimen the true character of the individual, with remarks confirmatory or otherwise, of the rules laid down. As many of these were drawn with much humour, and set off with illustrative anecdotes, the book was not only a most inge nious exposition of the system, but exceedingly instructive and entertaining.

Our worthy master, though extremely sharp sighted when he pleased, had the art dso of not seeing and not knowing when it pleased him, to be either bhnd or ignorant. He did not know that we got down the pear-tree from the staircase window at four in the morning to take up the eel-lines, but when we brought him a monster eel or pike, the miraculous capture seemed nowise to surprise him. He was himself a devoted brother of the angle ; neither did he in the least object to the more wholesale and comprehensive devices of trammels and casting nets. In the use of the latter he was an adept, and could throw the net in any desired form to fit the water it was cast in. Almost rivaUing his Reverence in these ac complishments, were the old shoemaker and the baker ; time out of mind the only represen tatives of those trades in the village, the only difference amongst them being that the shoe maker had turned his attention to pike, the baker to bream, whde the parson was equdly successful with both — and they neither had the least chance with him in the use of the net.

In such a spot and with such examples, one became a fisherman as a matter of course. There was some little rivalry in the schools of fishing, as each placed himself under the guidance of one or other of the three professors, but fadure produced no heart-burning, whde success was cordiaUy hailed by all. When we lured his Reverence to the river, which could never be effected without every concurrent advantage of weather and water, it was a day indeed ! and with what triumph did we call in our way home upon the old shoe maker and baker to show the basket-fuU we had secured. Sometimes the triumph was the other way. These crafty old functionaries had heard of the expedition, and each silently stole away to some favourite hole kept well baited ; and if, after quietly regarding our bag, they could produce a larger fish than we showed them, there was no end to their crowing and chuckling.

Our greatest triumph was when we fished the brook with trammels, setting them across the deep holes, and poling under the banks to dis lodge the large lurking chub, who were driven to strike into the net. Nor was the general fry of the contents of our basket for supper, the least interesting part of the day's sport ; his Reverence presiding and criticising the pro ceedings. Nor did these occasional relaxations tend in the least to weaken the authority of the worthy chief. He was of that manly character that can afford to descend to trivialities without a loss of dignity, and resume authority in a moment. Sometimes he was taken in with his own ex citement. WThen a clumsy reading of a favourite author — as Horace or Terence — was given, he would seize the book and pour forth page after page of terse and nervous translation, and dismiss the class in the utmost good humour, though perhaps none of them had construed a hne.

When, however, he detected wdfnl inattention, he cuffed the ears of the culprit with great viva city ; and there was something peculiarly hard and bony in his cuff, from at least one finger being bent in holding a pinch of snuff. Though our society was upon the whole ex tremely unanimous, yet accidents wiU happen even in " the best regulated famdies," and quar rels take place in the best conducted schools. One only, of which I was the hero, or rather the victim, I may be permitted to describe. We had a Quaker boy at the school, who, in addition to other peculiarities, had that of being the only day scholar. His father, a rich retired merchant, lived in a prim but comfortable house, enclosed with its exceUent garden by the thickest, the trimmest, and most compact, impassable hedge I have ever seen.

The old gentleman had good store of the finest apples, of which he was justly proud, and which by means of the quickset hedge and a sharp look-out, there was every chance of his keeping to himself. To defeat this cherished object, and partake of the forbidden fruit, was a prime object with some of us. After a careful reconnoitring of the premises, the most accessible point seemed to be a corner, most distant from the house, and where the hedge was rather thinner than elsewhere. It was decided, after many con sultations, to make an attempt when the Quaker was at tea, about half-past five in the afternoon; young Broadbrim returning home invariably to assist at that med. Everything seemed favourable. The worthy man was no where to be seen ; the impervious hedge being peeped through in dl available places.

The plan of operations was this : a sack was to be thrown on the top of the hedge, upon which two boys were to be hoisted, one to remain crouched on the sack as a look-out, whde the other dropped into the garden, and tossed over the hedge as many apples as he could possibly secure whde the Quaker was taking his tea ; then to escape over the hedge with the assistance of the look-out. We drew lots for every part of the adventure — who was to lead the forlorn hope into the garden — who to remain on the hedge, &c. These matters being perfectly settled : " Now, then, over you go !" The sack was thrown on the hedge, and the hoisting just about to be undertaken, when there arose on the other side a most unexpected apparition — the grave, square face of the Quaker, sur mounted by his ample hat. " Thee'd best try it !" said the Quaker, very quietly.

For a moment or two we were fairly para lyzed by the unexpectedness of the thing ; then snatching off the sack made the best of our way home. The storm of indignation excited by this humdiating failure was not likely to pass without somehow affecting young Broadbrim. Accordingly, when he presented himself next morning he was cut by every one ; and during the morning school hours every little art was put in practice to insult and annoy him, taking for granted that he was the tell-tale who had blown up the whole scheme. Emboldened by the unconcern with which he took it aU, we became more pointed in the allusions when we went into the play-field ; and in the excitement of the moment I proposed that he should then and there receive a good threshing. " Thee'd best try it !" said the young Quaker, quoting his father's words.

This was not to be borne, it was adding insult to injury, and I gave him a box on the ear. " Wait a bit, if thee please," said the Quaker with extreme cdmness, and beginning with great deliberation to take off his coat. Al though I had the advantage of my adversary in height, he was decidedly older than me by two or three years. No one, however, had been able to ascertain his age, for, reserved as he was on every point, he was most guarded on this. To any direct question he usually answered, " May be ten, may be twelve ; what dost thee think ?" He was, however, fourteen or fifteen. The Quaker having taken off his coat, pro ceeded to fold it and lay it gently on tljie grass ; but some doubts arising in his mind as to the propriety of leaving it there — fear, perhaps, of damp or injury from the general hostility mani fested towards him — he took it up again, and poised it carefuUy on the top of some palings hard by, gently trying the balance to see if it was likely to faU ; and taking off his beaver, laid it with equal care on the top of his coat.

Then he roUed up his shirt sleeves, turning the roll outwards, like a blacksmith, tdl he got them weU above the elbow ; and it was evident from the care he had bestowed on this part of the preparations, that he might fight for a week without a chance of their coming down. Hav ing concluded his arrangements, and displaying MEMOIRS CF extremely muscular arms, he came forward with the civil notice : " If thee be'est ready, I am." We set to, and in a very few moments I found out that I had not the slightest chance with the athletic Quaker. His face was as hard as one of his father's apple-trees, and almost as insensible, while he hit straight and hard, and to the purpose : he also had the great advantage of keeping his temper, whde I entirely lost mine. Every vindictive passion I had, was roused on that occasion ; above all, the sense of shame and humbled pride gave me uncommon strength and energy.

A few most hearty hits I planted on his bony face, and the blood from his nose ran copiously over his shirt and drab breeches, to have spoded and damaged which afforded me vast satisfaction. But all would not do ; the Quaker, as cool as ever, planted his blows with more and more certainty as my eyes swelled ; and when they were finally closed, and I could see no longer, I was forced by the other boys to give in. Having decided the matter triumphantly, I was told that my adversary, after duly wiping his face and hands, unroUed his sleeves with the same deliberation he had used in putting them up, and put on his coat, and lastly his hat, after wiping the nap with his sleeve. He then said to me : " When thee wants any more, thee canst have it," and so went home. Happy days ! " And dear the school-boy spot, We ne'er forget, though there we are forgot," says, somewhat haltingly, the noble poet.

Whether Breedon Hill is the mountain it stdl seems in my fancy — whether the trees are as large, the air as fresh, and the meadows that bound the deep, dimpling river, as flowery and beautifld as is the image of them that dwells in my mind, I intend on some future occasion to ascertain. One night, about an hour after bed-time, a sort of indistinct alarm spread through the house. There was slamming of doors, hurrying about the passages, calling up the servants, MEMOIRS OF and some one having left thc house,' the gallop ing of a horse was heard leaving thc stable yard, in thc direction of the town. Presently all was still, except the suspicion, rather than thc certainty, of distant sounds of wailing and crying, almost stifled by the closed doors. In something less than an hour, the galloping of two horses was heard, and a footstep quietly ascended thc stairs.

Suspense became at last intolerable, and many heads were thrust through the half-opened door. After some time, tho master's bed-room door was opened, and I here came out thc old apothecary who attended the family. To our questions, he raised bis hand, and enjoined silence. " My poor boys," said he, in a hoarse whisper, " you have lost a friend — a most kind friend — that you will find it hard to replace. Go to bed; and lit I his awful lesson teach you to be prepared at all times !" It was a most dismal night, we could not beUeve that the master was dead— —it was im possible! So entirely wid, so full of r,idr, lusty health and spirit; no symptom of pn paratory dlness. He was struck down by apoplexy, and died in a moment. The next morning we were aU sent home in chaises — the most dreary journey boys ever had from school.

But if I had lost one friend, I soon dis covered that I had found another. My father was married — but a few days — to an elderly, sharp-visaged widow, whose presence I soon found had a wonderful effect upon home and its influences, and after a short trid of the new regime, I heartdy accepted an invitation from a maternd aunt to visit her at a quiet little viUage about midway between Gloucester and Bristol. My aunt Joan Featherstone, was rather an extraordinary person, and generaUy considered eccentric. Of a blunt address, generaUy very taciturn, extremely ungainly in her person and dress, she was looked upon with wonder by strangers ; but a better creature never Uved. She was a maiden, lived comfortably in a neat, but unadorned house with her femde servant MEMOIRS OF and a boy. In person she was taU and thin, of irregular, but not repulsive features, had enor mous hands and feet ; wore in the garden, and sometimes even in the viUage, a white hat, and was pretty generally known as " Jack Feather stone."

Perhaps at no period of our history was the taste in dress at a lower ebb than during the early part of the present century. At the French Revolution there had been a general downfaU of furbelows : the taper waists and the ample skirts — whether kept out by hoops, or merely flowing round the person in the large folds of some stiff and costly fabric, had disappeared. A Roman taste prevaded. Because Brutus stabbed a tyrant, people wore their hair " a la Brutus," that is, cropped ; and rendered the more hideous by short, hard twisted curls, arranged formally round the face. The back hair of ladies, however luxu riant, was sacrificed without scruple. The ladies set up a style, something approaching in their imaginations, to that of the Roman matron. True, the Roman matron had no waist, so to speak, but this we could not wholly abandon, so made it as short as possible, whde the body of the dress was so low as rather to resemble a deep hem on the top of the skirt — to caU it a " body," was ridiculous ; and the more to carry out the classical idea, the skirts were barely full enough tightly to encircle the lower person.

Any one who examines the portraits of that period, must be struck with their unbecoming indehcacy. A cropped head and little round curls, a body scarcely reaching the top of the shoulders — a waist close up under the arms, and a straight, close sack of a skirt, the outline of which fell on aU sides with the unbroken regularity of a plumb-line, to some where short of the ancles, when it was cut straight round, disclosing a wide interregnum of cotton stocking between the dress and the shoe. The dress of the men was somewhat better. It consisted of a coat and waistcoat, but little differing from those of the present day — the dress coat, not the surtout — tight pantaloons, and either boots or short gaiters, or else breeches and boots, or long gaiters. TiU the Cossacks came to Paris in 1814, no trowsers were worn either in France or England by any one above the age of thirteen.

A boy of any pretensions to dandyism was in Hessians, or tops at twelve. Men's neckcloths w^ere mon strous till reformed by BrummeU, and the example of foreigners. The custom was to put on four, five, six or more white neckcloths, one over the other, till an amazing pudding was formed round the neck, which came up close under the ear. There was a regular promotion — or rather degradation — of neckcloths ; each got a step towards the neck every day as the innermost was discharged. The outer neckcloth of to-day was the second to-morrow, as a clean one was put on — the next day third, then fourth, and so on tiU it had passed quite through the pudding. Amongst elderly persons of a conser vative tendency, pig-tads and powder partiaUy lingered. t My aunt utterly disregarded dress, beyond what sufficed for comfort and propriety.

She wrapped an old brown silk handkerchief round her head, and being an economist, she even curtailed the scanty proportions of the fashion, and had her dresses narrower and shorter than other people : in fact, she looked as if she had contrived to get into the single leg of a large pair of trowsers. Though somewhat impeded by this straightened costume, she strode vigorously about the country, and had a way of slewing herself over the stone stiles which was, perhaps, more dextrous than graceful. She was the best maker of ducks and drakes I ever saw, never passing a pond, stdl less a river, without exercising her skdl ; turning her head sideways to watch the flat stone dapping dong the surface, and snubbing her nose with her forefinger knuckle while she snorted a sense of triumph. She often whistled as she went along, and generaUy did so when she worked.

Altogether she was a singular person. The nearest approach I ever heard her make to a VOL. I. c laugh, was when I once inadvertently asked her, seeing the inconvenience arising from her dress, why she did not dress like a man. Now, as leathers were the only wear in that parish, I suppose some ludicrous image of herself in such a costume came across her fancy, and made her snub and sniff more violently than ever. In the village where my aunt lived, there was only one person above the position of a farmer ; and those were nearly aU in the possession of small holdings. The exception was, singularly enough, a physician. He had retired from extensive practice in one of the large midland towns, and settled down in the country, where he hoped to find complete retirement. Never was man more deceived.

His fame foUowed him. First he was asked to prescribe out of charity, then as a friend, then to meet other medicd men. He was a good-natured man, and yielded by degrees — some said that he got heartily tired of his viUage life — certain it is, that in self-defence he was obhged to give up gratuitous attendance ; that he got rapidly into practice again, and at the period of my visit, regularly tired three horses a day. Between my Aunt Jack and Dr. Mellish a sincere friendship existed. The Doctor hu moured her little fancies, and could appreciate the good points which were hidden under the rough and unpromising exterior. " What do you think of the Doctor ?" said my aunt to me one day, rather abruptly. " A very nice man — very clever ; and how nicely his leathers are cleaned, aunt !" " Poof ! how should you hke to be a doctor ?"

" Why, I'd rather be a gentleman ; but still I shouldn't mind it with plenty of good horses to ride over the country." " My dear boy, we can't be all gentlemen and ladies, as you caU them ; or idle people, as I call them. Some of us must work. Re member that your prospects are now different from what they were. Your father has a new wife — may have another famdy. What he c could have been thinking of I can't think! most of what you would have had wiU go else where. Better be a doctor. Come, let us go and talk about it." Seizing her hat and shawl off the peg in the haU, where they usually hung, if not thrown down on a chair or the floor, she strode with me to the Doctor's house. " This boy would like to be with you ; what do you think ?" said Jack, accosting the medical man, rather abruptly.